People letting themselves go once in a relationship.

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Really? I was under the impression that Americans were like Europeans, in which case they'd spend four hours everyday in front of the TV or watching Netflix series--and spending a significant part of their work time on Facebook and outside the entrance smoking cigarettes.



For some reason, a lot of mothers who complain about lack of time to exercise still have time to watch a lot of television, read magazines, and do stuff that's "fun".



Where I live, the temperature can drop below -20 degrees celcius in the winter, below -40 degrees in the inland, and below -50 degrees in the north. Plenty of mothers here still look great because they don't stuff their face with unhealthy food. Most gyms actually have babysitters for no aditional costs. At my class reunion a few weeks ago, the girls who've had kids looked no different from those who did not.



American parents can afford to pay for their kids to go to college? In Europe, kids have to take student loans to do that.



I still spend 70 hrs a week on work and studies, kids or no kids.



I don't talk about my preferences to the girls I date.



I didn't say that the people who read Twilight were unintelligent, I said that the books themselves were--and so is any other cheesy, easy-reading book with a Mary Sue lead character.

If you would rater spend time on Netflix, Facebook, Candy Crush saga, visiting cafes, and so on than exercise, you consider the aforementioned more important than exercise--which also means that this (not lack of time) is to blame for whatever health problems you might have.

If you live outside of the Nordic/Baltic countries, swap salmon for chicken.



You can get a dozen eggs for a little more than a dollar at Walmart. I wish Europe had Walmarts everywhere.



Plenty of stuff is far more addictive than junk food. Carrots and broccoli are among them. Sugar cravings can be satisfied by eating fruits.

OP, why don't you just find a girl that has a special interest in nutrition and physical fitness? Why can't you find one of these girls at the gym? Or someone who is studying in one of these areas? Then you will know she isn't doing this just to attract a mate, but that it is part of her core being?

I know that I would have an *easier* time of getting fit in if my husband was highly motivated to do such the same. But, he is less motivated than I am. Lucky for him, he has a faster metabolism than I do, so his inactivity doesn't show up so much on his body. *I* am the one that is getting up and doing my exercises. It is difficult for me to stay motivated of my own accord. I do not have friends who are motivated to be physically fit or obsessed about nutrition beyond whatever the daily fad is.

I don't eat badly but I don't eat perfectly, either. For me, one wrong move sends me way off track. And I don't mean that I botch my diet for a month when I eat something I shouldn't. What I mean is that my body is *very* sensitive to eating the wrong things, in the same way it is sensitive to medicines.

I can't afford a membership to a gym right now. And you know what? You're right - other things have priority. Like my own schooling, like my kids' braces and music lessons. I still get my workout in at home.

But for me, it is very, very hard to get the weight off/stay in shape. I need a *lot* of physical activity to be in proper shape, like certain types of dogs. I don't get enough. My lifestyle doesn't allow it. That's just one area that's not going to be perfect. It doesn't bother my husband because he doesn't put the same importance on physical appearance that you do.

I am one of the "regular" women who has a tendency to put on weight. It's not because I don't care, but because my lifestyle preferences are not such that being physically fit is my top priority. This is why you should find a woman driven by that.

This may be the wrong venue for asking this, but are you aware that friendships, for most people, have important functions not just recreationally but in career and childrearing? Yeah, people spend a lot of time on facebook. We'd do our jobs less well, be less employable when laid off, and have less help with our kids if we didn't. Socializing also improves mental health, which, when you're busy doing things for other people most of your day, is an important thing.

For me, facebook is instrumental in not only keeping up with old friends, but for putting together multimillion-dollar grant proposals and maintaining connections in the grants and sci-comm worlds. Much business is also social.

Most working adults in the US no longer smoke and it's heavily frowned-upon in office settings. I think the percentage of adult smokers total is something like 23%.



Ask them how long it takes to get through an entire magazine. You'll find they read it in short bursts between doing things for children, cleaning, working, spending time with family, etc. I know you have absolutely no idea how this works, but it'd be nice if you simply recognized that you have no knowledge of what parenthood entails, and asked questions, instead of doing this theorizing.

I do not know any mothers who have time to watch a lot of television. I know a lot of mothers who've been meaning to have a good soak in the bath, but haven't had time, and if they do manage to have an early night they simply go to bed because they're exhausted.



I didn't realize where you were. You live in a social democracy with a plethora of services and supports for parents, including excellent childcare. Gyms here do not have childcare for no extra cost, and parents generally pay $1500/mo for daycare. There is no child stipend, and no maternity leave. The only place in the US that I have seen where healthy food is treated as the obvious thing to sell, at reasonable prices, is Berkeley, which has one of the highest costs of living in the country. Houses cost millions there. The food is amazingly good and fresh and wonderful and relatively cheap for what it is.



Ah, you Nordic innocent. Here's how financial aid works in America:
1. Child takes out maximum loans, around $6K/yr.
2. Parent is expected to either come up with or borrow the rest, meaning tens of thousands of dollars a year. No, parents cannot afford to do this. That is why parents who do not work themselves to death to mitigate the tuition rape take out second mortgages in their 50s, spend their retirement money, and look under every sofa cushion to come up with something, anything. The smarter ones see it coming and work like the devil to save.

The children still walk out with an average of nearly $30K in debt.



Oh honey. This is a vacation for an American parent.




Why not, if it's so important to you?



I didn't say that the people who read Twilight were unintelligent, I said that the books themselves were--and so is any other cheesy, easy-reading book with a Mary Sue lead character.

If you would rater spend time on Netflix, Facebook, Candy Crush saga, visiting cafes, and so on than exercise, you consider the aforementioned more important than exercise--which also means that this (not lack of time) is to blame for whatever health problems you might have.[/quote]

See nerdygirl's response below. There's a great deal of life you don't know about, but you're content to pass judgment anyway.

I was about to say I should be less hard on you, Kurgan, but that's not true. What I will do is acknowledge that you're very young and haven't had a family yet. Life will break you in, and someday you'll look back at this and have a laugh, maybe be a bit embarrassed at how you talked when you were a young man. The bit about judging women and being scornful of people isn't so funny, but the idea of what people can do...well, you are young. And you live in a nice place, too.

Bang on with this comment, I reckon. Ideally we all would be having some time off to tweak our physical and mental strength in enjoyable ways but due to a lot of societal crud our working hours in general are far too long, and to compound it the majority of us don't value intelligence and fitness very highly. I sadly observe far fewer women exercising as an interest but you'll be onto someone good if she takes care of herself by default. Or maybe you could find and charm a lass into exercising alongside you? I'll give a tip that the carrot will work better than the stick there.

I can't say I've noticed others get fat while entering relationships, they either remain slim or pudgy. I'd say a slim man/woman who doesn't exercise shouldn't moan about their partner ever getting fat as it's proper to give leeway to any metabolism provided you, as partners, live similar lifestyles. I mean, ideally a close couple will be eating each others' meals at home and sharing the same activities anyway. That's what I'd hope for, because I'd be delighted to have someone who doesn't mind breaking sweat and can cook like I can. (That's not a brag, just in the sense that I attempt to cook from scratch.)

The biggest thing you can do if it upsets you (and the obesity pandemic is grim) is, with future partners, exercise together where possible, and share the same meals where possible. Be active and inactive together. And tolerate her if she somehow gets fat that way. And if you have kids, look after them as much as you can too if it means she can buy time to look after her appearance. Co-operate as much as you can before waking up next to a pallid, sweaty chubster. It certainly seems marginally harder in England for women to get into exercise in terms of social acceptability, so accommodate for her, and all women.

He might also find that even with the commitment to healthy diet and exercise, she puts on weight over the years. Most people do, even those who work out religiously and eat reasonably. And men lose muscle and also thicken, even those who stay fit. I've been working for and/or working out in gyms for 30 years now, and yes, the 22-year-old sprites and wrestler boys look different from the conscientious ould farts who've been at it longer than the kids have been alive. I know a lady in her 70s who still runs an annual 10K, and she looks like any other grandma.

The other problem is that it turns out -- not anecdotally, either, but in valid studies -- to be far harder to lose weight and keep it off than not to be fat in the first place. People who've gained significant weight and then tried to take it off often wind up fighting those pounds for the rest of their lives. Someone my size who gained 50 lbs and exercised/dieted it away has to work out much harder and each less than I do to maintain this weight. It doesn't get better with time. And at a certain point it simply isn't worth it, devoting that much of your life, and depriving yourself of pleasure so rigorously, ordering your entire life around keeping off the weight.

It really is very difficult to live healthfully in this country. Like I said, I'm lucky - I've also been able to choose to live in a place where I can walk, bike, or run to work (there's a shower in my building), and I can even decide to get my workout in and show up late at work, finish up at home. I can walk to the grocery and cafe. My daughter can ride her bike to school. These things are fairly unusual, though. The average American's commute is over an hour, and we have kids who spend hours each day on school buses. The average American also has little or no power over where the developers build houses and the cities build roads. Gym memberships aren't cheap, and neither is good home exercise equipment. (I've got a motorized treadmill precisely because I had a baby and very cold winters, and you can't push a baby in a jogging stroller (also not cheap) when it's that cold out, and frankly nobody else in the country is all that interested in accommodating mothers' fitness. But that treadmill cost me nearly $2000. Most people don't have that to spend on a home gym.)

Another vital and missing bit of equipment is good sports bras for large-breasted women, and most overweight women have large breasts. It's incredibly uncomfortable to get anything but low-impact exercise if you're a woman and you don't have a decent sports bra. I've not seen that they exist for large women, and those for smaller women tend to be eyepoppingly expensive. My favorite's still one I got 11 years ago, and it cost $60 then.

There's one other thing, too, that men who take attitudes like Kurgan's routinely dismiss, and that's the genuine humiliation and misery of going to a gym only to be treated like meat and intimidated away from the weights areas. I worked in gyms for a long time without problems, and went to them for many more without problems, but when it finally happened to me I really wanted nothing more to do with the place. There's nothing at all nice or relaxing or healthy-feeling about working out and knowing that the guy over there is just staring at your ass and getting a sexual show out of it, and that that's why he's standing there. It's pretty horrible. I understand why women refuse to go. Unfortunately the owners of women-only gyms tend to prey on that sense of humiliation, and charge whopping fees for substandard gyms.

it is too really.





ok so 40 hours a week paid. 30 mins to 1 hour lunch. 1 hour travel time. 1 hour before work to get ready or before sleep.
oh and don't forget 56 hours spent sleeping
168-40=128-14(hour lunch and travel time, keep in mind some people travel up to 3 hours) =114-56=58 -7= 51 left. doesnt include cleaning, yard work, grocery shopping, bill payments, helping family, etc. I don't even have kids. I get up at 6 home by 4-6 , then bed by 10 leaves me like 4 hours.

i don't enjoy working out. so yeah I try to fit fun things in like netflix or gaming. as I want to have enjoyment of life rather then it just being slaving away. oh and if I could afford the gym now ad 1 hour travel time for that plus 1-2 workout time. when I work. I hardly do much of anything realy . come home, read these forums(1-3 hours) watch something while I eat then pass out. repeat til weekend, sleep in to recover(usually only get 6 hours sleep on work days) end up doing yard work and other s**t on sat and sunday.



what kind of pizza?

tarantella already hit on this, rare time I think we've agreed on stuff.

i can get 5 frozen dinners for the price of 3 pounds of chicken. the frozen dinner is chicken, corn, potatoes, and brownie, its not healthy no, but its a meal for $2 vs pound of chicken $3-4, potatoes, $3, corn $1. so now its $2 vs $8 other meals can cost $10-15. so I can either eat all week on cheap non healthy food, or eat one night of healthy food.

I don't drink soda/pop much hadn't for a year or so, starting to again but that has to do with I stopped carring about anything and it tastes sweet. drink 95% water 5%(energy drinks, gatorade, soda, and milk) well ok milk might take up more but hard to tell . I drink lots and lots of water. anyways soda is like $3 for 12 cans, or $1 for the big 2 liter bottle. milk is like $3-5 a gallon. way more then soda/pop.
fast food is expensive no doubt there. I eat it rarely for that reason and cause its so unhealthy and high in calories. my friend did protien powder for awhile. cost like 15-20 a can and he ate rarely to pay for it, seems like it was a silly choice. and didn't really show effect.

again I do eat snacks occasionally as I enjoy them , so i do put a small budget for them. they are high in calories though so I limit my intake of them to 1 thing a day depending on calories. when on my past diet, 200 cals of snacks meant 200 less of other food a day. one cook from the local store has 300 calories. they must cram it with fat and sugar. doesn't even taste too great. too sweet.

seafood is expesnive here and we are close to the coast where they catch it.

these anti fat people threads seem to be poping up lately. just makes me feel worse for something I have not much control over.

true. I lost weight and was on my way to getting in the best shape i'd ever been in. but then I couldn't join the military, lost my motivation and sunk into depression. I stopped counting calories, and walkind 10 miles a day in rain became too much to maintain. so I went from 290 down to 250 in 2 months then over the last year slowly back up to 280. I still tried to fight the wieght gain as much as I could. i stayed at 260 for months then 265 then 270 last 4 months I was 275. I have axnixety issues that prevent me from walking alone. MY adhd also effects it. walking 10 miles in a loop means going around my neibihood 3 times. and 3 hours, bathroom breaks is hard, but mainly I get supper bored, lonely, anxious, and embarrassed. plus I can only imagine the people are like who is this guy in the hoody who has passed our house 3 times every day.

I really wish I could afford a gym membership or treadmill. the cheap 200-400(not really cheap to me) aren't good. they are flemisy and weak. and reviews on them are aweful. I also like ones that can do elevation changes. I liked doing hill climbs at the school gym while I was there. plus having a tv in front of me or tablet or even muisc to a point helps keep me on task and makes the time spent fun.

also there are no gyms near me. closest one is 5 miles a way. someone could make money if they opened a reasonable priced gym out here. there was that weird women only gym for a while, but looking in side they mostly just had some wieghts and balls. so not a real gym. and only women limited the customers. a anytime fitness could do well I bet. the area i live is half poor houses and half rich houses.

I'm not sure how to respond to this. I'm sorry you're unable to meet people who are who they claim to be?

You can't put a price on your health though, you can get cheap sources of healthy foods like lentils, brown rice, pea protein and vegetables so you don't really have that as an excuse.

I agree with much of what Persevero wrote.

Intimacy and sex are important elements in a relationship. While everyone gets older and less firm and attractive than they were in their youth, I don't think it's fair to your partner (male or female) to just "mail it in"-- gain 30+ lbs and basically say "deal with it." It is your body, yes, but it is shared with your partner.

Understandably, women will gain weight during pregnancy, and that weight will take some time to lose; having a new baby is very time-consuming and stressful, and a top priority during this phase may not be losing baby weight. And that's okay. People gain weight during holidays, after surgeries, and metabolisms slow down with age. Don't be a stickler about your partner's looks, but don't feel bad for being bothered by long-term weight gain either.

Also, when most women gain significant weight, they tend to feel less sexy. When a woman doesn't feel sexy, she often loses interest in sex. Men-- not so much! But really, withdrawing from regular intimacy with your husband isn't a good thing. They call it "making love" for a reason. It increases emotional closeness.

Looks aren't everything for sure, but not caring what your partner wants and just becoming bloated and overly food indulgent doesn't show kind regard for your partners feelings and desires.

Plenty of home workout videos like P90X or Insanity and you don't even need a gym for them and if you're not into HIT cardio, you can always buy a kettle bell, power tower and some push up bars and do a ton of swings, push ups and pull ups to get in shape.

By the way: Persevero, that first response you posted, when you wrote, "I didn't"? It looks like your avatar actually just spoke those words! "I didn't" would actually make a good quote under your avatar

<Friendly laugh>

The funny thing is, this topic was originally about women AND men doing this. Like I said I observe more women doing it more since I'm a guy. It wasn't until tarantella64 excused me of trying to control partners I'm with. If you noticed, I even said I was guilty of letting myself go, but vowed for that not to happen again. I find it quite odd, that most of the people here are only talking about women letting themselves get fat. Men take care of kids too. Also, I never mentioned any of these women I've observed getting pregnant, or having kids. By the way a 20 lb(9kg) of rice cost $9 at Walmart. Also, I am good friends with women who have kids and somehow they find the time to stay in shape, imagine that.

Last edited by CommanderKeen on 16 Aug 2014, 6:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

I got a 500grams bag of Whole grain rice for just over a pound in the UK so it's really cheap to buy healthy food. You don't have to be obsessed with it, it only takes 2 hours out of my 24 hour a day to do two hundred pull ups, five hundred push ups and two hundred repetitions lifting weights. I'm not obsessed with it and I have plenty of free time on top of fitness plus I feel more energetic because I'm eating the right foods and taking the right supplements.

And in any case, I over train, most people can get by with 45 minutes 3 or 4 times a week in the gym.