Does this count as a date?

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Tell us how your date went.

How can he not know that I might be interested? Just because I didn't literally spell it out to him?

Cafeaulait, people on here kept saying you should tell him because you hadn't yet explained the full detail of how he's not into you.

As for him wanting to catch his 22:00 train, what guy wouldn't want a girl to stay overnight?

Hard to say if he is uninterested or just messes things up. There is this thing that my brain tend to filter-out all information related to girls I have a crush on. Then it gets through hours or days after, when it is already too late. Like once I saw a girl I really liked and wanted to make contact with, but my brain just filtered it all out so I just continued walking instead of stopping or approaching. Then the day after I understood my blunder, but by then I couldn't do anything about it. This happened several times, and the girl planned meeting me in different ways all the time, and I just messed it all up (or rather my brain refused to let me process it as it happened). Would be really interesting to know why this happens. It doesn't seem to be that adaptive, but I'm sure there is some reason for it.

That's a good point rdos. What you explained is very similar to what I experience. That's the reason I've never been in a relationship even though several girls have expressed interest in me. For me it's usually the case that I realize hours or years later.

Most likely the girls don't realize how ignorant I am, instead they see it as an intentional sign of disinsterest on my part. Some girls, on seeing that will give up quickly, some girls not so quickly. e.g. there was this girl in high school who kept hitting on me for years but I just didn't see it, not until years had passed. Shame about that because she was very smart and very pretty and only lived two streets away from me

I think I disappointed her. Back in my teenage years I was one dumb melonfarmer

Anyway, whether or not Cafeaulait's crush is like that is difficult to determine. The reason why most of the girls gave up on me so quickly is because much of the time I could pass for normal is platonic social situations. This meant they had no reason to suspect my poor social skills so they saw my disinterest in them as being fully intentional on part. Could this guy be the same?

While I cannot be sure about this, it would probably have worked much better if she hadn't used different methods to make contact every time. Because as I had analysed the missed opportunities, I also had a clear picture of what I should have done, and if a similar thing would happen again, I probably would have behaved differently, but it never did. She just had to come up with different ways every time.

So I think if some girls here are in that situation, I would suggest to repeat the same way and place to make contact, as then you might get a different result. If the guy is like me, he might have walked out of something because his brain didn't allow him to understand you were hitting on him, but if you repeat he can react the way he think he should have reacted as he analysed what went wrong.

He could definitively be the same. The thing is that he is an ESTJ and so quite sociable. He easily talkes to other people and has great interpersonal skills. Therefore it is hard for me te believe that he has trouble with girls or is (own words) 'bad with the girl thing'.

Is that legal, paying below minimum wage? That sort of defeats the whole idea of it?

Well, after your newer posts it's clearer to me now, I didn't know he had so little response when you were together. The only thing I can think of is that he is super shy to ask a girl out, but he hooked up with someone else so that's probably not true either. It sucks, only thing to do is hope is that you meet another guy.

Well if he only likes ugly girls than maybe you were too attractive for him. His loss.

On the other hand, maybe he went with that other girl because thought you were out of his league.

I know this sounds bad but for some guys you have to.

I don't act like I have chronic social anxiety or chronic rudeness. I don't act like Adam from that movie. Girls might think I'm more experienced than I am.

That sounds a bit like me to. There are some days when I'm extroverted and won't shut up. There are some days when I do reasonably well at dealing with people platonically.

Did he actually say he's "bad with the girl thing"? When I say that to a girl I mean "need confirmation you're really into me. Send stronger signals".

Yes, instincts are good. There were times in the past when I really should have gone with my instincts but instead tried to wait until I was 100% certain. Big mistake. The best laid plans should always be subject to change. Sometimes I sort of got confused and fell out of sync with girls I was dating when they didn't react in accordance with my plans that I hadn't told them about (not so smart I realize, I shouldn't expect them to be mind readers).

Well... He did not ask her out. He said that he wasn't particularly interested in this girl (partially due to age: she is 18 and he is 25) until she started talking to him and chatting him up via whatsapp. We met last year 15 november and I heard they had kissed for the first time at the end of november. So appearantly this all happened pretty soon after he met me.
It doesn't really matter though. At the end of the day I am not going to get the guy and there is nothing I can do about it. And that's OK.



Well... Beauty is subjective so while I think she looks like a wallflower plain jane with the body of an 11 year old, she might be totally his type. I might say that I am objectively better looking but that is BS and how important is that anyway? I doubt he thought I was out of his league but perhaps I am underestimating my own presense.

And yes he told a friend of mine that he wasn't good with the girl thing. I told her I was amazed by that because he is so sociable and has plenty of female friends. She said that she didn't really know either but perhaps he gets friendzoned a lot...
I doubt it but who knows.

The girl he hooked up with now resides in Ireland for the next 3 years to study there so I have no clue as to whether they are still seeing eachother. I remember a friend of him telling him to break it off with her while me and another coursemate told him that he should keep it going (I didn't want to sound like the typical discouraging b***h). This happened at a lunch.

I'm all for asking this person out if that's what you want to do, but I'd like to provide a word of caution here: I have no idea where you work (that's your business, no pun intended), but every company/corporation have sexual harassment policies, some of which could land you in hot water if you go so far as ask a female (or male) employee on a date. Just keep that in the back of your mind.

From personal experience, I have talked with female co-workers in my working life, but there was a mental speed governor that prevented me from taking that extra step. That governor was my awareness of the aforementioned sexual harassment policy.

Maybe it's either catch the 2200 train, or be stranded in his town until the next day. No guy takes it for granted that a girl will let him crash at her apartment--unless he's a creep or something. It doesn't seem like they know each other that well.

Well I don't think she feels sexually harassed. Today I asked her for her number and she didn't hesitate, except to wait a moment while another guy cleared out out of the kitchen. I can't blame her for not wanting an audience. Anyway I think if she doesn't mind me having her number it's probably a good sign.

My real concern over the last couple of days has been me thinking "Am I being overbearing or underbearing?" I wanted to give her breathing space. We had a few conversations but the rest of the time I wonder if she thought I was ignoring her.

I really believe in this advice: be as you've been. It's worked so far.

That sounds like good advice