Are relationships always this complicated?

Post Reply New Topic

A bit of both.Well I didn't want to offend people even more than I already had.OK, now I know yellowtamarin has advised me several times not to date anymore larger women and I would love to follow her advice but this picture explains why I don't. If thinner women get hundreds of messages per day and larger get 1 message per week, who do you think is more likely to respond to me? Who do you think I'm more likely to end up on a date with? Maybe I'm not a bad guy but even a not bad guy is invisible next to 235 other guys.Oh no! That's terrifying! There's absolutely no way in the world I would ever date an Apple fangirl.
My BPD ex did almost the exact same sob story on me. The more I learned about Borderlines the more I realized it was not about love or money but about CONTROL. Do not get lost in the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) she is going to lay down on you.[/quote]And do they lie? If her 95 year old grandfather isn't moving to Hong Kong than maybe she can inherit his big house and then I can move in

Maybe her father isn't really planning to shoot me with his crossbow, that could be another one of her fear inducing lies.Ah, so I'd have a convenient excuse to dump her.

On another note, exactly what did BPD ex do for her major blowup(s) and what did she do in the meantime to make you feel like a prisoner in your own home?That's a good plan. I learn best from experience.Yeah, that's pretty bad of her, even if it was, as she says, to make up for our argument.

I expect her paying for my meals on dates, paying for groceries and offering to pay for half the damage for the car I crashed into was also a ploy for control on her part (anyway, I wouldn't have backed into that guy if I didn't follow her advice to "backup").

Man, "Starbucks Drinking" doesn't fit in this little list at all.


In my area, beauticians, designers and architects are very commonly found on dating sites.

Starbucks? I hate Starbucks nearly as much as I hate Apple. They don't have real coffee. A true Scotsman would never drink at Starbucks.

Fortunately, running into Starbucks fangirls is not an issue for me. The last Starbucks in Australia closed about ten years ago due to Australia's universal contempt for Starbucks and it's fake coffee.

Thanks for saving me the time it would take to type all that. My god.

She used some other control tactics as well such as this texting exchange;
Her: How much do you love me?
Me: Even more than I love burgers!
Her: Show me.
Me: How?
Her: Prove it.

Last edited by RetroGamer87 on 20 Feb 2015, 5:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If it's any consolation to you, I'm sure the fat women reading this thread would never date you either. You should really put it out there how you hate fat chicks before putting yourself out there. The damage you are capable of doing to women is phenomenal. I wish I could follow you around with a warning sign until you sort out your @#%.

I responded to the other thread about helping your g/f escape an abusive situation at home prior to reading all this. I would be happy to help if she contacted me, but I want bugger all to do with you. I think it's important that I save you from my fat advice and assistance at this point. It might rub off and then who would date you.

Actually I advised you once not to date another large woman and then I advised you not to date anyone, until you change your attitude towards the whole thing. And your explanation above describes very well one of the things that needs to change. You are looking for a girlfriend so you can have a girlfriend, rather than looking for a compatible partner so you can adore each other.

And no I don't think it is at all constructive nor ethical to "practise" on someone you already know is not compatible. You won't learn much at all about how to be in a good relationship, you'll mostly only learn how to be in a bad one, and will probably drag the negative perceptions and behaviours developed there into the next relationship. And most importantly, it is cruel and manipulative to the other person who may be developing genuine feelings for you (and being cruel and manipulative is something you need to practise NOT doing).

Actually I expect out of the women reading this thread, none of them at all would ever want to date me.But they keep shunning me for being single They're all judging me!I agree that would be the ideal scenario but I can never hope to achieve that without putting myself out there.

I'd really like it if you would consider that women are shunning you because you act like an entitled jerk who doesn't really give a flying crap about women other than as some kind of prize you can say you 'have'. I would bet that nobody shuns you for being single, in fact when single people want relationships they actually tend to seek out other single people.

No it's not women who shun me, it's other men. They all act like I'm a loser for being single.For that to work there would actually have to be some single people in the first place. Every time I meet someone off of a dating site, she's partnered.

Your attitude is ridiculous. Maybe other dudes shun you because you behave like an entitled jerk.

You have to get more confidence in yourself.

You're starting to do better than you've done before. I think, maybe, you could be a boon to this present girl. Do treat her well. She deserves to be treated well. She needs your help. But don't take her in to live with you.

People could sense when you lack confidence.

People shun people who lack confidence. That's a fact. It's because we're human, and we don't to hang out with people whom we can't rely on.

I should know:

I lacked confidence, and people shunned me.

On the contrary, stepping away from the scene for a while and working on improving yourself is much more likely to eventually lead to finding a healthy relationship, rather than "practising" and reinforcing bad behaviours in unhealthy ones.

"Entitled". There's that word again. If I don't seek out a relationship people say I'm a loser but if I do seek out a relationship people call me "entitled". I suppose if I find attractive girls to be more attractive that makes me even more entitled and possibly even a sex fiend. I find it to be a strange paradox that conforming to the norms of sexual attraction is what makes me a sexual deviant.

I suppose the only to break the catch-22 of "it's taboo to be single" and "it's taboo to actively seek a relationship" is to just accidentally fall into a relationship like most of my friends did.

I truly hope you both benefit from your shared experience.

Do people actually, literally call you a "loser" for not seeking a relationship? Do they say something like "What, you're not looking for a relationship right now? You're a loser!"? I find it hard to believe, but if it's true, those people's opinions are not worth valuing.

In any case, on the other point, it is not taboo in general to seek out a relationship. It is ill-advised (by myself at least) for someone with your attitudes and behaviours towards the women you currently date, to be currently seeking a relationship.