Attire – decoded

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Lol. It comes down to implied effort, if you want to get down and dirty with the meanings and such.

Sure, you can be you and not give a damn what other people think. You could also end up with a woman who doesn't give a damn about what you think of her. Doubtful she'll do your dishes or cook you food or do the grocery shopping or give you a massage when your neck is sore either, or mollycoddle you a little when you're sick, etc...because she doesn't give a damn about what other people think and doesn't intend to make any effort

It's not about being obsessed with hygeine. It's saying, this is what most people will do and this is what the culture around cleanliness etc entails, take from it what you wish.

And if someone has a go at you, the reasonings behind why may exist in this thread.

Don't knock it before you try it

Reading this actually made me feel better about myself. I guess I naturally have decent fashion sense because I do most of these things. I despise sweatpants, I just find them uncomfortable, jeans are my normal fare. I shower everyday and wear deodorant and am generally fastidious about hygiene. My main weakness is in the shoe department, I'd need a professional to help me with that though.

One of my issues is with the hair gel. I don't think that applies in Texas the same way in does in NZ. I have heard many disparaging comments made about, pardon my French their words not mine, "spiky-haired fags." (I've even heard gay guys make that comment with those exact words strangely enough)

LOL. That'd be a bit of culture coming in there That'd be why this article is to be taken with a grain of salt or two...doesn't apply everywhere. While people prefer to style their hair here with gel etc as with many places worldwide (mullets and long hair seem to automatically be labelled 'Bogan' here XD), elsewhere it ain't so hot. So if you know for a fact that a certain style is going to get you hit with a whacky stick...don't do it. Better to take note of what the sheep are doing (without necessarily following them religiously) rather than ignore them completely, after all.

Sounds like you've got a natural knack for the whole thing man, I'm really impressed (and not because of conformity or anything, so there better not be any finger-pointers in the audience...because you do what's considered taking care of yourself )

I always wear different jeans, t-shirts, and industrial work boots. If I don't have to go outside (I live in a dorm) I wear socks and sandals.

hey shale,

not sure about the whole tone (or tome perhaps) of this thread. i have a lot of trouble getting dressed and groomed for various reasons mainly to do with sensory integration and sometimes to forward planning:

1). i cannot stand to be in shops for very long especially if busy. i have to plan my route vigorously and if i push my luck by staying more than a couple of hours at this, i can feel sick for days rather than the customary few hours afterwards.

2). i am usually too cold and most womens clothes do not wrap and give comfort without restricting and swaddling my body (both lead back to getting too cold) and leads to grouchiness.

3). the smell of most perfumes (except a few mild natural ones) give me a very specific headache.

i'd rather be a bit grubby, a bit tatty and comfortable. i appreciate it when people dress in a unique manner.

Well if you're a gal then you've actually got a lot of options available in regards to originality for starters. We have the option of hand-made or home-made clothing to a much greater degree than the boys, and we've got a lot more we can actually put on stylistically (and the option of creating our own styles and not have people pull faces...for some guys, going OTT with style can get them labelled Metrosexual, and that's not a good thing if they don't WANT to be metro XD)...

I do sympathise with the comfort thing though. I may be your average NT in many ways but I absolutely DESPISE things being around my neck. Even just a little bit. Feels like I'm being strangled! I also hate things going over my hands - which is tough, I live in a cold country and I'm exceptionally short...so everything with long sleeves has VERY long sleeves on me. All that being said, I'm actually wearing a scarf right now and teaching myself to resist the urge to stuff my hands down my neck every 5 seconds. Doing terribly, I might add. Every half-sentence I'm typing here...I'm interrupting myself to fiddle with the damn thing. Wretched cold weather.

It does look very nice though. LOL. I'm going to put up with it as long as I can, and if I can't adjust, then screw it.

Despite appearances here, I actually hate clothes shopping. I used to get dragged around for 12 hours by my mum and sisters while they squee'd from one shop to the next. Me, as a slight tomboy...it was hell. Still lasts to this day and age...one hour of shopping is more than enough for me. Again...I sympathise with you Sepia, as well as many others that've posted in this thread. Normally I know where I will shop (Farmers for tops and underwear, Pagani for pants, and if time, hold my nose and hope for the best by diving into the throngs of teenage girls in Glassons and see if there's anything worthwhile in there), know how many items I'd like to get, what sort of items I'm looking for, and what sort of budget I'm looking at. Never quite goes exactly to plan, but it DOES mean that I suffer the noise and chaos for less IMO the best sort of clothes shopping, especially if you hate shops, is to think of getting one item at a time. Last trip I only scored a pair of boots...all I wanted. Before that it was a couple of shirts and a scarf...yep, THAT scarf. *proceeds to unstrangle self again*

As far as smells go, it's definitely better to be simply clean-ish and fresh-ish than smelling good and be ready to pass out, hurl or stab people in the face Then again, a lot of us gals can get away with, again, more than the boys can in terms of smell. Our BO tends to be not nearly as strong as that of the guys around. I usually just wear deodorant...perfume if I have someone to impress





*has hands down neck once again*

You know...this is an interesting experiment for having a very brief peek into what I'd imagine an Aspie's sensory world to be like I freakin' hate this scarf, I CANNOT ignore it...if I shift it from the front of my neck by my throat (which is what gets the the most, makes me feel like I'm being choked with the slightest pressure) then I can feel the constant weight and pressure of it against my chest as I've tied it in a loop (fold in half, stuff both ends through the bend in the middle, pull to top of neck...very warm). After a while it starts to feel like a lead weight and very irritating, I get to the point where I have to scratch at my chest to kill the sensation. Thing is...I need to keep it on since I had a crook neck the day before from the cold, and would rather be able to turn my head without excruciating pain

So tell me. Is this just me being a dork, or is this along the lines of the sensory issues that Aspies have to deal with?

My style has always been so far from any norm that labels just couldn't suffice. I did have to avoid some stuff when Goth styles were prevalent though - not the all black, but the romantic variety. Feels safe once more.

Actually, I've found that women tend to have a more bitter smell than men do. Not that I dislike it, but just an observation.

I used to worry about "fitting in" with clothes and stuff. I've reached a happy & neutral medium where what I wear isn't odd or outrageous, but doesn't necessarily run with the current trends. What a waste of my time and energy it was worrying about what after all is a piece of material.

Personally I think people are manipulated by big business into buying clothes that are "trendy". Why are they trendy? Because the Fashion Industry says so, and they say so because they are ripping people off to make more money.

If your partner or prospective partner is so shallow that they can't see beyond you fitting into the current trends then are they really worth dating anyway?

I prefer suit and tie, or slacks and sportcoat. Prefer standard collars, I hate futzing around with the buttons on button-downs. (Also makes it insanely difficult to loosen/take off a tie.) I've never felt comfortable in t-shirts and shorts... but maybe that's because I've never felt comfortable with my arms and legs. Occasionally I'll throw in braces, and perhaps go all the way and wear a tux. Often (almost always, these days) wear a fedora. Partly because they're cool (my fedora gets more action than I do... sometimes I just send it out to the clubs and I stay home), and partly to hide my thinning hairline.

I guess I figure, if I'm gonna dress oddly, I might as well do it well...

I also like long coats. When I was younger, I used to wear a coat 24/7 (an aspie thing, I think...). Coats with lots of pockets... but then I lose things in the pockets and end up doing a Tom Baker impression going through them trying to find stuff. Sometimes will wear the coat just on my shoulders over whatever else I'm wearing... which has caused some less-observant people to accuse me of wearing capes. (I may have an affected clothing style, but not that affected... )

oh... and LMAO @ "diving into the thongs of teenage girls"

Pah, the latest trends suck. Fashion down here at least makes young girls look old or pregnant. There's dressing within the realms of 'typical' (aka nothing really way out of the ordinary in a negative way) and being a fashion sheep - that is, wearing whatever they hand you down from the runway, or whatever big business says you should.

I'd rather be average than trendy, but that's just me.

There's little guidelines here and there of what fits within the bounds of 'average' or 'typical' styles of clothes...but you know what they say. Being truly fashionable persay involves actually breaking those rules every now and again. Doing something unusual to add to the average

In regards to what Calandale just said there...yeah, I'd like my lovers to be proud of how I look (omg look what I have guys! Drool all you want, she's MINE!), and I'd like my lovers to be something I'm proud of. Mine at the moment dresses like a 12-year-old...and I'm 20 It's actually embarrassing at times. He doesn't realise, I don't think, how amazingly AMAZING he looks in proper clothes. Hell, he even looks better in his uniform than he does in his usual clothes...he's had female customers hit on him before. He's a gorgeous guy...if only he knew this, and took more pride in his appearance...well. I'd be fighting girls off left right and centre!

It's realising your potential, I suppose, and taking advantage of it.

as a recently-registered lurker, let me first say thank you, shale. thats quite an amount of energy put into understanding -and helping- the likes of us. i really appreciate it and think that this is an attitude that sets you apart from a lot of nt people.

nice post about fashion basics.
for the totally uninitiated, its some good basic pointers and "where-to-start".
beyond those simple steps into the world of fashion, just about everything imaginable is allowed - if you do it well. people can look bad in something as easy to wear as jeans and a t-shirt - if it is a chore to them and not something they like to wear and feel comfortable in (not in a "i can just pull them sweatpants down when i need to pee"-way). what makes your attire YOUR attire is that it is almost an extension of yourself. its not dressing up for the masses to become acceptable (it is for a lot of people, unfortunately).
a full suit with jacket, vest and tie can look incredibly out of place if one doesnt feel like wearing it, but can also be worn with ease and absolutely enhance the wearers appearance - if one likes the look and feel of suits, chose one that fits well, put some thought into the color and shape combinations etcetera... there is a german saying that separates between "wearing ones clothes" and "being worn by ones clothes" that sums the whole story up quite well, i think.

however, what is mistaken all the time, it seems, is the following:
this is no wildcard for just sticking with the old sweatpants and the almost-falling-apart t-shirts because "they just are my kind of clothes". there is a fundamental difference between being lazy or uncaring about clothes and spending energy in getting MY kind of fashion done - even if my kind of fashion ends up in something very similar to sweatpants and t-shirts.
worn-down clothes can be worn by a beggar under the bridge or by a fashion-conscious person of maybe a punk or oldschool rock background. the difference can be seen very clearly (even by someone as oblivious to social thingamabobs as me) and speaks a lot.
if you, for example, like the slightly sporty and legere appearance of sweatpants (besides them being comfortable. i run around at home in training garment, too), how about exchanging them for those satin kickboxing pants? exchange the tattered old sports shoes for boxing boots (hey, almost the same, just a bit higher up the ankles) and get a t-shirt that has some fit to it - maybe something with a sports-related print or what-do-i-know. whetever floats your boat. these clothes will absolutely qualify as super-geekish, but if they are something you feel stylistically great in, it will show - as will the care you put into your outfit (=yourself). something as unusual as such a kick/boxing inspired attire might be outrageous enough to be awkward and inacceptable for most, but then, you just enjoy the +5 confidence boost it grants you. (and people will notice that, too)
its not about wearing a set uniform of items and becoming socially acceptable that way. if you are remotely like me, you probably arent interested in being accepted by every mr. and mrs. less-iq-than-the-plant-on-my-shelf anyway. its about putting some care to a facet of oneself. i think of styling myself as one way of controlling that part of the world i can control in a way that i like, that makes it more "me".

if you are interested in my case: often, i was dressed casually, nothing beyond the ordinary, nothing fashionable, etcetera... at some point, i started copying what the most liked people in my class wore, but it didnt change much: i usually was bullied and picked on by dumb people.
i wont say that clothes alone changed all that - a big part of it was just maturing, coming to terms with myself (thereby radiating more confidence) etcetera... but clothes played their part in that, too.
nowadays, i do wear outfits that just follow my personal taste (that was a very gradual development over several years of growing confidence): paratrooper boots, black army pants tucked into them, skinny black t-shirts (sleeveless ones when i feel outrageous), ponytail, clean-shaven face and body, dark sunglasses most of the time.
for one, i feel damn comfortable in these clothes, they are just my damn thing.
and you dont think anyone dares bullying me these days. its a great feeling to notice the control one has over the people surrounding oneself. especially in germany, people are very easily upset by anything glorifying military - but i seem to radiate enough presence (and a thing of "i am that way and its right") that almost nobody dares to openly confront me about it.
on an evening with a more formal wardrobe requirement, i put on a white shirt (tight-fitting, of course) and a slim black tie instead of the t-shirt and exchanged my para boots for knee-high long boots. put on a black beret or a garrison cap to top it off. and it was working despite being off-style to just everyone else. (i also love suits but i dont own one that fits me - i need to get one made and dont have money)
now, im quite addicted and a full-time fashion victim - and there is absolutely no need to end up with some outrageous or extreme outfit for you.
the basic message is: take advantage of the opportunity that is fashion. do it your way. feel great in what you wear. not for others but for yourself.

oh damn... that became a post to rival shales in length i suppose.

Lol. Yeah, that reply could rival my novelesque bricks of text any day I'm certainly impressed...

Good points about making ANYTHING work for you, though...wearing the clothes, rather than the clothes wearing you. You put that beautifully. That's part of the 'breaking the rules' thing methinks; making things that normally wouldn't be 'accepted' persay by the average knob and making them look really good on the individual.

It does come down to effort indeed...clothes aren't merely to keep you warm (some guys seem to be hairy enough to provide their own in-built warm fuzzy blanket...ew), but to show who you are and your personality as well...it pays to put some time and effort into it.

I have to say though, the idea of wearing what is 'fashionable' at the time and what 'everyone else is wearing' does speak a thousand words. Every single one of those words... 'Sheep' Yet another minion of society, impressionable and gullible, afraid of being anything other than what they're told to be...

...yeah, the average person bores me too