Blah...fell for someone
30 Jun 2015, 5:09 pm
Lukecash12 wrote:
Sheerboredom wrote:
Yeah, I was showing her something on my phone and she found texts messages between a friend and myself about her.
She laughed about it, said that's sweet and you're still friend zoned.
Proceeded to spend the next 8 hours walking around the county, spent the next day in the middle of nowhere, and I'm enlisting Monday.
She laughed about it, said that's sweet and you're still friend zoned.
Proceeded to spend the next 8 hours walking around the county, spent the next day in the middle of nowhere, and I'm enlisting Monday.
That's bizarre, because a long time ago I was in a very similar circumstance and responded to her that she shouldn't just laugh at my feelings, I'm a man who doesn't need to be patronized with the word "sweet". After developing a habit of asserting myself in the same confident manner, a half year later we suddenly weren't in the "friend zone". Hahahaha, now we've been in the "divorced zone" for years. Strangely enough, we still have mostly the same group of friends and have a few beers together on the weekends.
But I digress. Your text story, and I mean no offense, has me under the impression that she is patronizing you. Part of not being in the friend zone is seeming like a man, not a boy (I know this is a lot to expect), and making it clear that you have too much self respect to be patronized. You have to be emotionally and intellectually ready to comport and assert yourself like a man.
This is hard when you have ASD and develop emotionally at a different rate. Your hormones and the people around you might be pressuring you towards something you can't even handle yet. Being self aware enough to understand where you are at emotionally shouldn't make you feel inferior. You are just as deserving of the same dignity and respect as others while you become more of a man. There are unique things you can offer and you have your whole life to offer them, so for the time being all you need to focus on is maturing at your own pace.
So where are you at emotionally? Do you feel more NT? I can see from your quiz score that you display less ASD traits.
I say the word "sweet" and it's meant to be endearing. What would a better synonym be that isn't condescending?
_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.
30 Jun 2015, 5:13 pm
nurseangela wrote:
Lukecash12 wrote:
Sheerboredom wrote:
Yeah, I was showing her something on my phone and she found texts messages between a friend and myself about her.
She laughed about it, said that's sweet and you're still friend zoned.
Proceeded to spend the next 8 hours walking around the county, spent the next day in the middle of nowhere, and I'm enlisting Monday.
She laughed about it, said that's sweet and you're still friend zoned.
Proceeded to spend the next 8 hours walking around the county, spent the next day in the middle of nowhere, and I'm enlisting Monday.
That's bizarre, because a long time ago I was in a very similar circumstance and responded to her that she shouldn't just laugh at my feelings, I'm a man who doesn't need to be patronized with the word "sweet". After developing a habit of asserting myself in the same confident manner, a half year later we suddenly weren't in the "friend zone". Hahahaha, now we've been in the "divorced zone" for years. Strangely enough, we still have mostly the same group of friends and have a few beers together on the weekends.
But I digress. Your text story, and I mean no offense, has me under the impression that she is patronizing you. Part of not being in the friend zone is seeming like a man, not a boy (I know this is a lot to expect), and making it clear that you have too much self respect to be patronized. You have to be emotionally and intellectually ready to comport and assert yourself like a man.
This is hard when you have ASD and develop emotionally at a different rate. Your hormones and the people around you might be pressuring you towards something you can't even handle yet. Being self aware enough to understand where you are at emotionally shouldn't make you feel inferior. You are just as deserving of the same dignity and respect as others while you become more of a man. There are unique things you can offer and you have your whole life to offer them, so for the time being all you need to focus on is maturing at your own pace.
So where are you at emotionally? Do you feel more NT? I can see from your quiz score that you display less ASD traits.
I say the word "sweet" and it's meant to be endearing. What would a better synonym be that isn't condescending?
You could say that you are flattered and appreciative. Just do your best to express that someone's affection for you is no small thing, and that their temerity in expressing such is a demonstration of manly qualities. This is how they, at the least, want to feel if their affectations are not going to be reciprocated.
There is only so much deprecation of manhood that most men can take before it compromises them. While not everyone is going to be an object of your love, it is important for the health of their psyche that they feel like a viable love object. It is good to reinforce that they are worthy of being one, good for your satisfaction as well as theirs when you understand that you are helping to supply something that many people sorely need. It can be painful to feel that there are other love objects out there, and that you aren't one of them.
_________________
There is no wealth like knowledge, no poverty like ignorance.
Nahj ul-Balāgha by Ali bin Abu-Talib
Last edited by Lukecash12 on 30 Jun 2015, 5:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
30 Jun 2015, 5:18 pm
Lukecash12 wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Lukecash12 wrote:
Sheerboredom wrote:
Yeah, I was showing her something on my phone and she found texts messages between a friend and myself about her.
She laughed about it, said that's sweet and you're still friend zoned.
Proceeded to spend the next 8 hours walking around the county, spent the next day in the middle of nowhere, and I'm enlisting Monday.
She laughed about it, said that's sweet and you're still friend zoned.
Proceeded to spend the next 8 hours walking around the county, spent the next day in the middle of nowhere, and I'm enlisting Monday.
That's bizarre, because a long time ago I was in a very similar circumstance and responded to her that she shouldn't just laugh at my feelings, I'm a man who doesn't need to be patronized with the word "sweet". After developing a habit of asserting myself in the same confident manner, a half year later we suddenly weren't in the "friend zone". Hahahaha, now we've been in the "divorced zone" for years. Strangely enough, we still have mostly the same group of friends and have a few beers together on the weekends.
But I digress. Your text story, and I mean no offense, has me under the impression that she is patronizing you. Part of not being in the friend zone is seeming like a man, not a boy (I know this is a lot to expect), and making it clear that you have too much self respect to be patronized. You have to be emotionally and intellectually ready to comport and assert yourself like a man.
This is hard when you have ASD and develop emotionally at a different rate. Your hormones and the people around you might be pressuring you towards something you can't even handle yet. Being self aware enough to understand where you are at emotionally shouldn't make you feel inferior. You are just as deserving of the same dignity and respect as others while you become more of a man. There are unique things you can offer and you have your whole life to offer them, so for the time being all you need to focus on is maturing at your own pace.
So where are you at emotionally? Do you feel more NT? I can see from your quiz score that you display less ASD traits.
I say the word "sweet" and it's meant to be endearing. What would a better synonym be that isn't condescending?
You could say that you are flattered and appreciative. Just do your best to express that someone's affection for you is no small thing, and that their temerity in expressing such is a demonstration of manly qualities. This is how they, at the least, want to feel if their affectations are not going to be reciprocated. There is only so much deprecation of manhood that most men can take before it compromises them.
Thank you, again, Mr. Lukecash. I'll keep that in mind.
Being "old and crusty" like you had said previously, do you remember the old saying, "S/he is sweet on you"? That saying is meant to be endearing and not patronizing. I love old sayings like that. What about you?
_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.
30 Jun 2015, 5:22 pm
nurseangela wrote:
Lukecash12 wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Lukecash12 wrote:
Sheerboredom wrote:
Yeah, I was showing her something on my phone and she found texts messages between a friend and myself about her.
She laughed about it, said that's sweet and you're still friend zoned.
Proceeded to spend the next 8 hours walking around the county, spent the next day in the middle of nowhere, and I'm enlisting Monday.
She laughed about it, said that's sweet and you're still friend zoned.
Proceeded to spend the next 8 hours walking around the county, spent the next day in the middle of nowhere, and I'm enlisting Monday.
That's bizarre, because a long time ago I was in a very similar circumstance and responded to her that she shouldn't just laugh at my feelings, I'm a man who doesn't need to be patronized with the word "sweet". After developing a habit of asserting myself in the same confident manner, a half year later we suddenly weren't in the "friend zone". Hahahaha, now we've been in the "divorced zone" for years. Strangely enough, we still have mostly the same group of friends and have a few beers together on the weekends.
But I digress. Your text story, and I mean no offense, has me under the impression that she is patronizing you. Part of not being in the friend zone is seeming like a man, not a boy (I know this is a lot to expect), and making it clear that you have too much self respect to be patronized. You have to be emotionally and intellectually ready to comport and assert yourself like a man.
This is hard when you have ASD and develop emotionally at a different rate. Your hormones and the people around you might be pressuring you towards something you can't even handle yet. Being self aware enough to understand where you are at emotionally shouldn't make you feel inferior. You are just as deserving of the same dignity and respect as others while you become more of a man. There are unique things you can offer and you have your whole life to offer them, so for the time being all you need to focus on is maturing at your own pace.
So where are you at emotionally? Do you feel more NT? I can see from your quiz score that you display less ASD traits.
I say the word "sweet" and it's meant to be endearing. What would a better synonym be that isn't condescending?
You could say that you are flattered and appreciative. Just do your best to express that someone's affection for you is no small thing, and that their temerity in expressing such is a demonstration of manly qualities. This is how they, at the least, want to feel if their affectations are not going to be reciprocated. There is only so much deprecation of manhood that most men can take before it compromises them.
Thank you, again, Mr. Lukecash. I'll keep that in mind.
Being "old and crusty" like you had said previously, do you remember the old saying, "S/he is sweet on you"? That saying is meant to be endearing and not patronizing. I love old sayings like that. What about you?
Absolutely. I sometimes pine for older and more familiar expressions of love. There is something wholesome about my youth that I have a harder time finding.
Btw, how do you feel about the rest of my last post?
_________________
There is no wealth like knowledge, no poverty like ignorance.
Nahj ul-Balāgha by Ali bin Abu-Talib
30 Jun 2015, 5:52 pm
Lukecash12 wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Lukecash12 wrote:
Sheerboredom wrote:
Yeah, I was showing her something on my phone and she found texts messages between a friend and myself about her.
She laughed about it, said that's sweet and you're still friend zoned.
Proceeded to spend the next 8 hours walking around the county, spent the next day in the middle of nowhere, and I'm enlisting Monday.
She laughed about it, said that's sweet and you're still friend zoned.
Proceeded to spend the next 8 hours walking around the county, spent the next day in the middle of nowhere, and I'm enlisting Monday.
That's bizarre, because a long time ago I was in a very similar circumstance and responded to her that she shouldn't just laugh at my feelings, I'm a man who doesn't need to be patronized with the word "sweet". After developing a habit of asserting myself in the same confident manner, a half year later we suddenly weren't in the "friend zone". Hahahaha, now we've been in the "divorced zone" for years. Strangely enough, we still have mostly the same group of friends and have a few beers together on the weekends.
But I digress. Your text story, and I mean no offense, has me under the impression that she is patronizing you. Part of not being in the friend zone is seeming like a man, not a boy (I know this is a lot to expect), and making it clear that you have too much self respect to be patronized. You have to be emotionally and intellectually ready to comport and assert yourself like a man.
This is hard when you have ASD and develop emotionally at a different rate. Your hormones and the people around you might be pressuring you towards something you can't even handle yet. Being self aware enough to understand where you are at emotionally shouldn't make you feel inferior. You are just as deserving of the same dignity and respect as others while you become more of a man. There are unique things you can offer and you have your whole life to offer them, so for the time being all you need to focus on is maturing at your own pace.
So where are you at emotionally? Do you feel more NT? I can see from your quiz score that you display less ASD traits.
I say the word "sweet" and it's meant to be endearing. What would a better synonym be that isn't condescending?
You could say that you are flattered and appreciative. Just do your best to express that someone's affection for you is no small thing, and that their temerity in expressing such is a demonstration of manly qualities. This is how they, at the least, want to feel if their affectations are not going to be reciprocated.
There is only so much deprecation of manhood that most men can take before it compromises them. While not everyone is going to be an object of your love, it is important for the health of their psyche that they feel like a viable love object. It is good to reinforce that they are worthy of being one, good for your satisfaction as well as theirs when you understand that you are helping to supply something that many people sorely need. It can be painful to feel that there are other love objects out there, and that you aren't one of them.
To be honest, I'm laughing because I remember my Aspie friend saying something when I said that it was "sweet when he watched the blood moon with me", he said something about the word I used and I had to explain how much I did appreciate him getting up in the middle of the night and us watching it together when he could have seen it and went back to bed instead of staying up for an hour talking to me. It's going to be difficult for me to stop saying that word because to me the word is special and just for my close friends. You mentioned maybe using the word "appreciate", but I use that word with people I barely know. I think I understand about what you are meaning with men not wanting to be emasculated. On the other hand, I also don't want to give the wrong idea to a guy that I just consider a friend either. I also don't have a lot of experience with how men prefer to be talked to so this was an eye opener for me. Anything else you could enlighten me about on how Aspie men and men in general think would be much appreciated indeed.
_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.
auntblabby
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