Girls agree to go out then change their mind.

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Ecomatt91
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12 Sep 2015, 10:52 pm

Why the bloody everyone postponing, cancelling, turning me down and everything on me every single time making a meet up or hang out! I am looking forward to it because I need social life, need social skills and need skills before I kill myself.

Bloody fecking stupid life I have



Inle
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13 Sep 2015, 1:46 am

Lukeda420 wrote:
Oh, and I'm not mad at her and I don't hold a grudge against her. It's not like what she did was unforgivable. Sure it hurt me a lot but that's because of my own history causing me to be sensitive to that kind of wound. It was a simple white lie that I know I'm just going to have to get used to.


This probably won't mean much coming from a randomer on an internet forum, but based on some of your other posts on other threads, you seem really lovely!



Lukeda420
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13 Sep 2015, 1:51 am

Inle wrote:
Lukeda420 wrote:
Oh, and I'm not mad at her and I don't hold a grudge against her. It's not like what she did was unforgivable. Sure it hurt me a lot but that's because of my own history causing me to be sensitive to that kind of wound. It was a simple white lie that I know I'm just going to have to get used to.


This probably won't mean much coming from a randomer on an internet forum, but based on some of your other posts on other threads, you seem really lovely!


It means more than you think. Thank you. :D



Kinme
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13 Sep 2015, 5:59 am

Ecomatt91 wrote:
Why the bloody everyone postponing, cancelling, turning me down and everything on me every single time making a meet up or hang out! I am looking forward to it because I need social life, need social skills and need skills before I kill myself.

Bloody fecking stupid life I have


Meet-up groups, Skype groups, and autism groups. No regrets--those are the routes I took.



InsomniaGrl
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13 Sep 2015, 6:12 am

Don't try to hard, even though its important to you, keep it casual, don't appear too interested. Still be nice and friendly and silly, but be light. Mating rituals are kinda lame.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Sep 2015, 8:41 am

The first (and last) girl who flaked on me (for 4th time in row) - begged me for another chance but I rejected her offer for good.

How? My reaction when she told me about the cancellation was like "what a relief! thanks goodness it came from you, I wanted to cancel it too and I was feeling so embarrassed all day to tell you."
That made her burn :lol:



mpe
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13 Sep 2015, 9:09 am

Kinme wrote:
I think what happens is women don't know how to say no directly, and will constantly find ways to avoid rather than resolve.

Possibly also whilst trying to 'drop hints'. Something which NTs are more likely to pick up on.



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13 Sep 2015, 9:12 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
The first (and last) girl who flaked on me (for 4th time in row) - begged me for another chance but I rejected her offer for good.

How? My reaction when she told me about the cancellation was like "what a relief! thanks goodness it came from you, I wanted to cancel it too and I was feeling so embarrassed all day to tell you."
That made her burn :lol:


lol, I bet she was thinking something like "WTF? I'm the only one here that's allowed to play mind-games!! !" :lmao:



KumquatQueen
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13 Sep 2015, 10:35 am

Ecomatt91 wrote:
Why the bloody everyone postponing, cancelling, turning me down and everything on me every single time making a meet up or hang out! I am looking forward to it because I need social life, need social skills and need skills before I kill myself.

Bloody fecking stupid life I have


Please please please seek help if you're thinking of hurting yourself. PLEASE.

If you're getting turned down, postponed, cancelled on for everything by everyone (guys and girls, friends and dates) in all spheres of your life (meetup groups, uni clubs, dates via internet and in person, not simply 4 consecutive girls) well, then, um, the issue probably is you. Because you're the common denominator in this endless stream of rejections.

Is it possible that you think your social skills are fine but are not actually fine? what do your parents think of your social skills? What does an older tell is or trusted family friend think of your social skills? Have you considered consulting the campus counseling clinic, as it's likely to have social skills classes or a staffer who can direct you to appropriate resources? You sound like a smart guy and the social skills that come naturally to many NTs can absolutely be taught?



Fnord
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13 Sep 2015, 10:56 am

Venger wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
The first (and last) girl who flaked on me (for 4th time in row) - begged me for another chance but I rejected her offer for good. How? My reaction when she told me about the cancellation was like "what a relief! thanks goodness it came from you, I wanted to cancel it too and I was feeling so embarrassed all day to tell you." That made her burn.
I bet she was thinking something like "WTF? I'm the only one here that's allowed to play mind-games!"
It's part of the "Female Privilege", and the ones who deny it most strongly seem to also be the ones who play it most often.



KumquatQueen
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13 Sep 2015, 11:11 am

Fnord wrote:
Venger wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
The first (and last) girl who flaked on me (for 4th time in row) - begged me for another chance but I rejected her offer for good. How? My reaction when she told me about the cancellation was like "what a relief! thanks goodness it came from you, I wanted to cancel it too and I was feeling so embarrassed all day to tell you." That made her burn.
I bet she was thinking something like "WTF? I'm the only one here that's allowed to play mind-games!"
It's part of the "Female Privilege", and the ones who deny it most strongly seem to also be the ones who play it most often.


Nobody can treat you badly without your consent. Forgiving some girl who flaked 3-4x is ENCOURAGING the girl to treat you terribly.

Say goodbye after the first or, at most, second flakeing!!



Phemto
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13 Sep 2015, 12:46 pm

Lukeda420 wrote:
I really just needed to vent a little because it was a little painful.

....

And yes my friends girlfriend has been kind if coaching me a little. She's been struggling to help me though because all there really is to do where I live is play sports or drink at the bar and I'm not into either of those.

....



I think you're doing a lot of things right. A word of warning though. You're going to get frustrated. Don't expect universal compassion from those you complain to, especially NT's and ESPECIALLY NT women. You're probably going to run into some overanalysis of "what you did wrong," and attempts to hold you responsible for THEIR inconsiderate actions. There will always be room for improvement in how you approach things, but that doesn't excuse bad behavior on their part.

I also found that a lot of women didn't really see anything wrong they're actions. In other words if 85% are flaky, don't expect one of the 85% percent to be sympathetic about the actions of fellow 85 percenters.

Dating is hard and stressful for men (and doubly so for aspie men) in a way that a lot of women have no experience with. There's a strong negative correlation to how many years a guy is on the dating scene and how long he lives. It's that stressful. That correlation doesn't hold for women. The only women I've really been able to have a meaningful conversation with are those who discovered they were lesbian or bi relatively late in life. To a woman, they suddenly starting saying things like "I had no idea dating women was so hard" or "Why do I have to do all the hard work?"

All I can say is hang in there. By all means get coaching, but take what she says with a grain of salt. Everyone (men and women) say they want one thing, but actually respond to another. I found in my attempts to get coaching from hetero women that what they told me was often worse then useless. It often sunk my chances.



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13 Sep 2015, 1:26 pm

KumquatQueen wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Venger wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
The first (and last) girl who flaked on me (for 4th time in row) - begged me for another chance but I rejected her offer for good. How? My reaction when she told me about the cancellation was like "what a relief! thanks goodness it came from you, I wanted to cancel it too and I was feeling so embarrassed all day to tell you." That made her burn.
I bet she was thinking something like "WTF? I'm the only one here that's allowed to play mind-games!"
It's part of the "Female Privilege", and the ones who deny it most strongly seem to also be the ones who play it most often.


Nobody can treat you badly without your consent. Forgiving some girl who flaked 3-4x is ENCOURAGING the girl to treat you terribly.

Say goodbye after the first or, at most, second flakeing!!


But mocking her after 3-4 is WAY more funny than only after 1-2. :lol:



The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Sep 2015, 3:08 pm

KumquatQueen wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Venger wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
The first (and last) girl who flaked on me (for 4th time in row) - begged me for another chance but I rejected her offer for good. How? My reaction when she told me about the cancellation was like "what a relief! thanks goodness it came from you, I wanted to cancel it too and I was feeling so embarrassed all day to tell you." That made her burn.
I bet she was thinking something like "WTF? I'm the only one here that's allowed to play mind-games!"
It's part of the "Female Privilege", and the ones who deny it most strongly seem to also be the ones who play it most often.


Nobody can treat you badly without your consent. Forgiving some girl who flaked 3-4x is ENCOURAGING the girl to treat you terribly.

Say goodbye after the first or, at most, second flakeing!!


Well, I did like her that much to tolerate it 3 times.

It would be called a mind game if I accepted her last invitation, which I didn't - my reaction there was just mocking, nothing more.

Oh btw, Katy, I have some few nicknames to suggest for your next incarnations:

- TheMistandristVampiress
- The_Matriarch
- V-dentata



Cerberus_01
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13 Sep 2015, 4:34 pm

The same thing happens to me quite a lot, I'm afraid I've never really figured out why. I'm currently out of the army and in university and trying to work out a solution. Very demoralizing so far, but my current feeling is that there is something I am missing fundamental to the process that is so antithetical to my thoughts that I can't see it.



KumquatQueen
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13 Sep 2015, 4:40 pm

Cerberus_01 wrote:
The same thing happens to me quite a lot, I'm afraid I've never really figured out why. I'm currently out of the army and in university and trying to work out a solution. Very demoralizing so far, but my current feeling is that there is something I am missing fundamental to the process that is so antithetical to my thoughts that I can't see it.


your uni likely has a counseling office that can evaluate and treat or evaluate and refer you to help. You can't figure it out, so maybe a professional can. Colleges usually provide services for free (well, both mine did - mostly grad students supervised by psychiatrists/psychologists)