Importance of driving/transport in a relationship?

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Depends where you live and what sort of future you want with the other person. A mom or dad not wanting to drive would be performing to a tough crowd, for example.

The environmentalist excuse will do just fine, and will narrow things down.

I'm something of an environmentalist and prefer public transportation but also walk as much as possible when practical.

With biking, I can't ride a bike well and find it would be just as fast-paced and stressful as driving so I choose not to.

So buses and trains and such it is for me.

I'll instantly narrow it down and separate the four-wheel drive women who litter and wear leather clothing and makeups tested on animals and the environmentalist, pro-animal rights vegan gluten-free organic eating chicks.

There's plenty of reasons you could come up with - like the Danish man said, many European nations are leading the world in eco-friendly infrarstructure and transportation, and if your family is European in origin, you can claim it's how your parent's raised you.

You can admit your Asperger's makes driving physically difficult for you.

Fact is, you'll have to find a woman accepting of your Asperger's in the first place, and one that is accepting of your autism may be more inclined to accept you have difficulties in motor co-ordination and such.

If you keep trying to learn how to drive, even if you struggle, at least she will appreciate the fact that you're making an effort.

So I say don't be too bothered about it.

People who judge you negatively for it and reject you over it weren't worth it in the first place.

To sum up, if you don't drive, it'd better be for some very convincing reason other than that you can't afford it.

OP: I'm not trying to criticize you or anything, because I can't talk--I didn't get my license until age 37.

But why is it that you feel you have trouble driving?

Well, there is simply many factors I experienced during my practical lessons - some of which unrelated to my Aspergers. One is that I'm a sufferer of eczema, and tend to get really itchy when stressed and when I did my lessons I was stressed, a lot. I flared up each lesson. I often experienced trouble with insomnia and still do now.
The biggest challenges have already been pointed out - the multitasking and situational awareness, as well as my OCD. I felt like I was not fully focused in the moment no matter how hard I tried and my thoughts always drifted elsewhere. It was the multitasking of correctly operating the vehicle controls, reading crucial road signs, predicting other driver's behaviour, the uncertainty of the road each time, trying to talk to and receive instructions from my instructor, all whilst concerning the safety of others. So I stopped, and think I've done myself and others a favour, so I don't injure anyone or worse.
I honestly felt something bad would happen if I was behind the wheel. Even if I did pass I could see myself choosing not to drive as once you've passed your on your own and have a huge responsibility - no dual controls. I probably wouldn't feel happy having any passengers (regardless of women) as I don't see how I can engage in a conversation and trying not to cause an accident at the same time.

I've started dating when I didn't have any car.

Interestingly, you would think that if one of you is mobile then it's no problem: there are plenty of guys who drive their gfs/dates around then why reversing the gender would not be a problem? Right? Wrong, but in reality, it is - for them.

It was actually the girls who weren't mobile who didn't complain about it nor even pointed it out negatively - mobile girls on the other hand, *tended* (before you tell me "I am not like that") to have a problem with it and they were pretty vocal about it, they seemed to hate the idea to pick up a guy on a date a lot (which is something us guys do it regularly without you hear us complaining ). Some even have actually asked to be the driver on the way back (of their cars)- weird.
Ps: my gut feeling told me they were afraid to be seen by some friend in this unorthodox dating situation.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 28 Mar 2016, 9:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

It's true: driving in the UK is probably more difficulty than driving in the US. Lots of curves, narrow roads, etc. The street signs are usually better in the UK, though.

It's possible you just need driving experience---preferably with a licensed driver with you. I wish one of your friends could help you. Drive only in residential areas at first. Don't go on the main roads until you feel ready. In the UK, if you're not at the top of your game, the main roads are more dangerous than they are in the US.

With the eczema, I would just put cream on my skin more often.

Thanks everyone for your opinions and advice. I guess I have several options to consider and I hope to rid of my OCD in order to create more mindfulness on the roads, I think I was a bit negative in my last post. I hope to start dating when I have more of a income for paying for lessons and car costs. I hope I can get experience learning with friends as the lessons were expensive but I guess the safety's worth the price.

Absolutely. Safety is worth the price.

If you can afford it, get lessons.

I found it quite liberating, in many ways, when I learned to drive.

And be patient. It took me MANY YEARS to learn to drive.

There's no reason to stop trying to date whilst learning to drive. OP is currently an undergrad and thus in an environment where probably half the girls he meets (also undergrads) don't have their own cars, i.e. lack of driving/car is less of a dealbreaker. Same with living at home - as an undergrad.

I'd actually recommend he learn to drive even if it'll be years before he can afford a car. Leaning to drive's an important skill, he can keep it up by occasionally doing the zipcar (or local equivalent) thing. Driving can be really scary and I'm grateful I learned to do so on 12-16 lane highways when I was sixteen (and thought I was immortal).

It probably is easier to drive in some U.S. cities such as New York or L.A., as I've heard traffic in these places is so congested, you'd probably rarely reach more than 24miles an hour anyway.

In Grand Theft Auto V I even remember they satirized it in a joke - on one of the game's fake websites a quiz answer is "Who cares?! ! You'll never get over 15mph in Los Santos anyway!!"


"Interestingly, you would think that if one of you is mobile then it's no problem: there are plenty of guys who drive their gfs/dates around then why reversing the gender would not be a problem? Right? Wrong, but in reality, it is - for them."

Yep. Double standards that are a product of modern Feminism - "I want to be able to drive, but he should be independent enough to as well".

Problem is, even some males who can find their way around without a car, and don't rely on their woman to drive them, still may be discriminated against even if the fact he does not drive does not effect her in any possible way.

It is possible to tell a woman you don't drive, but don't need her for transportation, but the question is do they really consider it much better?

"There's no reason to stop trying to date whilst learning to drive. OP is currently an undergrad and thus in an environment where probably half the girls he meets (also undergrads) don't have their own cars, i.e. lack of driving/car is less of a dealbreaker. Same with living at home - as an undergrad."

Not really.

At least in Australia, about 90% of teens rush in the rat race to get their learner's as soon as possible, in the age 16-18 range. After that, you're a bit behind.

It's not about owning a car - most young people don't, and borrow their parents or drive with their friends. It's about the actual skill.

Same with moving out into your first place -18-20 range.

And, I can't remember, but did OP state his age? He could be 25, which is considered a very unacceptable age for both.

"It's true: driving in the UK is probably more difficulty than driving in the US. Lots of curves, narrow roads, etc. The street signs are usually better in the UK, though.

It's possible you just need driving experience---preferably with a licensed driver with you. I wish one of your friends could help you. Drive only in residential areas at first. Don't go on the main roads until you feel ready. In the UK, if you're not at the top of your game, the main roads are more dangerous than they are in the US."

Australia is difficult, though it may just be my town - very bad drivers (actually considered to have worst drivers in the country according to the statistics), and the major highways criss-cross and run straight through most of town - lots of speeding sports cars, rushing emergency vehicles, and cattle trucks.

Even residential areas aren't what i'd call safe - too many bad drivers who think they can get away with anything.

I use to ride my bike around the block at an older house, all the time encountered speeders and people on the wrong side of the road. To risk being involved in that? Not worth it...

The metro/major urban cities are too hectic for me...

Unless it's rush hour, you can usually drive fast on the highway in New York City. I commute to my first job at 7 in the morning. I can drive at 60 mph most days (I'm going the "other way" from where most cars are going at that time).

On the streets, most people drive 35-40 mph. You have the occasional idiot who drives faster than that.

It's usually easier to drive in America because the roads are wider and straighter than they are in England (with the exception of the motorways in England, which are similar to the expressways/parkways/freeways of America).

I have eczema too OP that also flares up when I"m stressed. Being on an antianxiety med keeps it from flaring up as much. I take Busapr which is specially for anxiety & not a benzo but I think BetaBlockers are better for eczema cuz they help with the physical symptoms of anxiety & stress & can be taken as needed or regularly. Other anxiety meds like antidepressants or benzos might help too thou or can be taken in addition to BetaBlockers or Buspar or each other.

In a city where I live, public transport is good enough, but despite the bus lanes and the lack of parking spaces car is still more convenient. I can't say that it was a problem for me when dating and I know men who successfully dated without car or driving license.

I have...15 cousins in Australia (Sydney/Melbourne, all were born there) around the age 14-25 and I confirm what you are saying, driving there seems to be an important rite de passage.

Exactly.

It's quite significant here - surprisingly even more than the U.S., possibly, thought I might need some U.S. members to confirm that.

The pressure here is high and I've always observed family members and friend's getting pressured from everyone else because they're delaying things even slightly.

I've even been pressured constantly by my mother when I've only been the legal driving age for 1 year and four months.

What's worse of all, is it's quite hard to get your license here.

You have to meet a certain number of 'hours' - day driving hours and night driving hours, all with a fully licensed driver in the passenger seat to guide you.

It's pretty damn hard for a 17 year old to even find enough reasons to get 100 hours of driving (10 of them being night).

Especially since at that age, teens get embarrassed being out with parents (who wants to drive their friends around with their parent's in the passenger seat??! !).

I don't want to do it yet because I know I just might have fights/arguments with my mother.

This is not the ideal location to do it in my city. Congested inner-city highways (aka about 75% of the streets here) is the last place a learner driver should go.