Feeling Misogynistic and Would Like Some Advice

Post Reply New Topic

Never thought I would get advice from Dr. Manhattan himself about women, lol.

But in all seriousness, thank you. I think I've isolated the "real" problems with it too:
1) I wish I hadn't met her. I feel ashamed about the relationship (especially for it being founded mostly on sex early on), and like I would have been better not even knowing her.
2) I was actually considering breaking up with her last summer, but chose to see what could be worked on instead (big mistake in my hindsight). I felt like I was just as miserable and just as stressed in the relationship (if not more so), yet I wanted to still salvage it, and when she broke up with me, a part of me was relieved...
...however
3) That being said, when she got together with my best friend from college (whom I feel I was wishing could be with her because of the way they treated each other compared to us) I felt a lot of mixed, dark feelings about it (jealousy, confusion*, regretting my wish, etc.). I actually started hoping that they would have mentally ret*d babies together who are bullied all their lives and who die young, well before they do, and I felt awful for it.
4) I'm currently looking for someone else right after the breakup because although mentally I was probably pretty prepared for it, physically/emotionally I was not - I was so used to having a partner that it feels too wrong being single right now. It was abrupt and all-of-a-sudden and I wasn't prepared for it.

*I was confused by her choice mainly because of two things: he has a temper - like me - and he's 12 freaking years older than her. I feel like in some respect she traded one guy who could hurt her (because of his temper and emotional insecurity) for another almost just like him, which seems extremely irrational, and I wish she could have chosen almost anyone else. My therapist did point out to me that women like her are very emotionally insecure and hate being alone, and me introducing her to sexual intimacy only compounded that, and so when I left her for a while to take care of some financial business with school (which she knew would be very long-term), she just went to the next guy who would satisfy her needs and keep her from being alone in my stead. She abandoned all logic and reason and just went with my friend who's probably not much of a better choice than I was, simply because she was feeling bad about me leaving and was pretty miserable in the relationship anyways. And then she decided to bull**** me with the excuse that it was because of our "incident" in 2013 when I physically hurt her and got arrested, and she tried to lie to me that it was because of my temper in general.

I don't think any of the feelings you have about your ex (aside from the "ret*d babies" thing) are unusual at all. Most people have a lot of confused and conflicting feelings when a relationship ends.

I've thought about it a lot lately, and the only conclusion I've come to in order to set things right for myself is to wait - to wait, and all the while to work on myself (which comes full circle back to what my dad told me shortly after the breakup). I don't care if it takes 10 years; 15; 25; hell, even most of my life - I'll wait for someone else and not forcefully, willfully search for them. No more dating sites. No more agonizing nightmares (if my sub-conscious can help it). No more misogyny. Just waiting and working on me. I can honestly say that I cannot think of anything harder or better for me than this. Eventually I might mature enough someday to find somebody with whom I can share a more solidly-built relationship than the last. I want to do this right, and this is the only way I can think of to do that. I'll probably feel suicidal at some points along the way, but I'll do my very best to push through it. I don't want to be like my friend to whom my ex went (for he went through a bad breakup too about ten years ago and was probably feeling the same way), but at this point I don't think I have a god**** choice. I'll be patient. I'll wait silently and stolidly. I'll..."invent" myself, as a wise old fart once said.

If you stop focusing on finding a relationship and just enjoy your life, you're likely to meet a suitable partner along the way, anyway. Someone who shares your interests and is a true friend, which is the basis for the best and most lasting relationships.

I think resentment and hangup will eat away at you, they drain your emotional energy.

Not a bad plan, by wait I hope you mean doing other thing in the mean time.

You say true, I say thank ya.

Well, yeah. I don't wish to slip into a state of inaction, to allude to the same wise old fart a second time.

Also, I did say I would work on myself in the meantime.

I am not therapist so I am just giving advice based on what I think. But I think you are looking at this the wrong way. A father can be abusive, and a boyfriend could be as well. Not just a mother and a girlfriend.

You are looking at it as women being abusive, but it's actually PEOPLE who are abusive. So you should view it like that, and maybe you will not see it as women being the ones to be mad at but abusive people in general. You should not be against women but against abusive people. Against abuse period, regardless of gender. If you can view your feelings on those terms, then perhaps that can help you, in a good way.