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rdos
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17 May 2016, 3:54 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
rdos wrote:
Never claimed it did. ND and NT are spectrums, and as such there is no way that works for everybody.


Yes and there isn't a specific neurotypical or neurodiverse way of going about it.


That doesn't follow. Just because people tend to have mixed traits doesn't mean there isn't specific ways linked to ND and NT neurotype.

Sweetleaf wrote:
It doesn't mean dating can't be better though, not sure why you seem so against the idea of people meeting up and spending time together or going on 'dates' to get to know each other and decide if they want to be a couple that way. Or why you think its specifically a neurotypical thing.


I've written a lot about this here, but I can't sum it up in a simple way (because it is a complex issue). For one thing, wanting to get to know a potential partner through observation rather than conversation has a huge correlation to the ND neurotype, and it is in direct conflict with dating. Another thing is how the bonding process works in NDs, which makes dating a high-risk behavior since dating seldom leads to a relationship but easily to an infatuation for NDs.

Sweetleaf wrote:
That doesn't really prove anything, without ND people there would still be tons of diversity in the world, different neurologies are just one more thing that adds to human diversity. Also what credentials does your paper have, surely you had to cite the source.


The paper is the source. Besides, it makes no sense that humans would have more diversity in personality traits than other animal species, and it makes absolutely no sense that humans have a huge variation in courtship and relationship preferences. However, once traits are grouped by neurotype, instead of thought to be part of human universals, humans in fact, have no other variation in courtship and relationship preferences and similar variation in personality traits as other species.



rdos
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17 May 2016, 4:05 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
It would not be that hard for an abusive male to notice a female looking at him adoringly, do the same back till she gradually becomes more comfortable right up until he's able to make his move...same with an abusive woman playing along with a guy that way.


It's just that abusive people will not put down a lot of time on somebody that makes no guarantee that they will get anywhere with them. These people target dating and quick ways to get into relationships so their intentions can be concealed until their victim has bonded with them. Also, the bonding process for NDs involved in dating is much faster than in the observation process which goes on for a much longer time.

Sure, it can still happen, but the risk is much lower.



BenderRodriguez
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17 May 2016, 4:29 pm

TheSpectrum wrote:
I have this crazy idea - how about we date who we're attracted to? :P

Crazy, absolutely crazy! :lol:



A lot of stereotyping and projection (not to mention pre-conceived ideas about both NTs and NDs) going here methinks. Also, who people date, no matter for what reason - be it crazy or shallow - is strictly their business and so it should remain.


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17 May 2016, 4:50 pm

BenderRodriguez wrote:
TheSpectrum wrote:
I have this crazy idea - how about we date who we're attracted to? :P

Crazy, absolutely crazy! :lol:



A lot of stereotyping and projection (not to mention pre-conceived ideas about both NTs and NDs) going here methinks. Also, who people date, no matter for what reason - be it crazy or shallow - is strictly their business and so it should remain.


I agree woth both of these replys



Sweetleaf
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17 May 2016, 5:13 pm

rdos wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
rdos wrote:
Never claimed it did. ND and NT are spectrums, and as such there is no way that works for everybody.


Yes and there isn't a specific neurotypical or neurodiverse way of going about it.


rdos wrote:
That doesn't follow. Just because people tend to have mixed traits doesn't mean there isn't specific ways linked to ND and NT neurotype.


There could be different averages as to how NDs and NTs approach it, like ND individuals are more likely to approach finding a relationship in ways outside of traditional dating...but its not an absolute. It doesn't mean dating is 'wrong' for ND people.

Sweetleaf wrote:
It doesn't mean dating can't be better though, not sure why you seem so against the idea of people meeting up and spending time together or going on 'dates' to get to know each other and decide if they want to be a couple that way. Or why you think its specifically a neurotypical thing.


rdos wrote:
I've written a lot about this here, but I can't sum it up in a simple way (because it is a complex issue). For one thing, wanting to get to know a potential partner through observation rather than conversation has a huge correlation to the ND neurotype, and it is in direct conflict with dating. Another thing is how the bonding process works in NDs, which makes dating a high-risk behavior since dating seldom leads to a relationship but easily to an infatuation for NDs.


All I can say to that is not all NDs are the same in this aspect. I can't get to know a potential partner through observation for one I've never been out in public at the same place often enough to observe someone, and even then I am only observing them in that situation which doesn't tell me much about them outside that context.

Also I don't tend to stay infatuated with guys who things didn't work out with, so your generalizations about ND people obviously aren't true for all ND people.

Sweetleaf wrote:
That doesn't really prove anything, without ND people there would still be tons of diversity in the world, different neurologies are just one more thing that adds to human diversity. Also what credentials does your paper have, surely you had to cite the source.


rdos wrote:
The paper is the source. Besides, it makes no sense that humans would have more diversity in personality traits than other animal species, and it makes absolutely no sense that humans have a huge variation in courtship and relationship preferences. However, once traits are grouped by neurotype, instead of thought to be part of human universals, humans in fact, have no other variation in courtship and relationship preferences and similar variation in personality traits as other species.


Ok so when did you conduct this study of human diversity and gather those statistics? Putting something in a paper doesn't make it true


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sly279
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17 May 2016, 5:58 pm

Guess I'm not ND then according to your standards



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17 May 2016, 7:19 pm

I seem to have a natural filter for NDs. My social group is already so small and I have such low social needs it's really hard for anyone to stick. People only stick if I get on with them with minimal, usually undetectable effort on my part. NTs usually require more effort because you have to adjust to them. When I meet anyone, if I detect that they will 1. require effort or 2. cause me stress, I fade out and never contact them again. And actually everyone in my close circle are on the autism spectrum or strongly suspect themselves to be. So it's not really a dilemma I have because for some reason I subconsciously took that choice away from myself after my last relationship with an NT (I dated two NTs in total, out of four). He's not just an NT. He's highly empathetic and sensitive. God what a nightmare that relationship was. Both of us were good partners. For someone else. He frequently criticized me for being "cold" and "rude" and I couldn't stand that he needed so much validation and was so sensitive. Now I'm with someone for whom this is never a problem.

I don't have a hard and fast rule for whether or not I date NTs. It just so happens that my filter brings me whatever it brings and I choose from there and my filter can change for all sorts of subconscious reasons. It works for me and I'm not going to change it even if it means I might just never happen to date another NT.



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17 May 2016, 9:24 pm

My 2nd girlfriend was an NT & the relationship fell apart because of my anxiety & OCD that's treated by a couple meds now. My 2nd girlfriend was on the spectrum but the relationship was very one-sided & she broke up with me thinking she'd be better off without a relationship with anyone or at least that's the line she told me. My current girlfriend is also on the spectrum & our relationship is pretty good thou we both have issues. We both try our best & that's what counts. I'm very liberal & generally support people having the rite to make their own personal choices with things. Also in my experience I think it depends on individual personalities instead of weather someone is on the spectrum or not so I think ND girls should be able to chose weather they want to date NDs or NTs & think ND guys should be able to chose if they want to date NDs or NTs.


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rdos
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18 May 2016, 3:13 am

Rubicon wrote:
I don't have a hard and fast rule for whether or not I date NTs. It just so happens that my filter brings me whatever it brings and I choose from there and my filter can change for all sorts of subconscious reasons. It works for me and I'm not going to change it even if it means I might just never happen to date another NT.


That's how it works for me too, basically. I don't have hard rules against NTs, but I never end up being interested in them because they won't trigger my preferences, and I prefer not to put down a lot of effort in somebody unless they trigger me.



rdos
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18 May 2016, 3:29 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
Ok so when did you conduct this study of human diversity and gather those statistics? Putting something in a paper doesn't make it true


I started with that in 2004, and have a database of 1.5 million answers right now. I've tested over 1,500 different questions.

.