RetroGamer's Worst Date Ever!

Post Reply New Topic

Does that mean western women won't make an issue out of me not having been to university?It's not really about their culture. I just like the way they look.
Yeah. The girl I was dating earlier this year was aussie but the girl I was dating early last year was Australian born Chinese. I could communicate with her much better.

She still had some traits of Chinese culture. Anyway she was of Cantonese descent and the girl I dated yesterday was Manderin. I'm not sure how much difference there is between those two cultures.It must be so stressful for them to be under constant scrutiny.

i suppose they usually won't, as long as you have a good job (and as long as you can have a good time together, naturally), but i can't be sure. in practice you're in a better position to know about that than i am. what i do know is that a conservative chinese girl will care about it. but my point is essentially: avoid girls who you can predict will demand things from you that you can't offer them / don't want to offer. i think that when you're fundamentally outside of the norm, it has to be your starting point

like, if a girl wants or needs me to drive, then there's nothing to even think about. i'm not going to drive, and i'm not going to date that girl (or if i happen to be dating her already, then i won't be anymore). so i'll be interested to know about her transportation-related lifestyle choices right away, or i'll make it clear that i don't drive and don't want to drive. because i know it's something many people care about

once i like a girl, there's not much she needs to prove to me about herself. but there's a lot she needs to be okay with, and that's something that i'll be tuned into and that i'll be carefully observing. i'll deliberately give the girl chances to show that she's not okay with things i would need her to be okay with, without letting her know about it, and sometimes check how she reacts when i do let her know about it

Well, there are girls in between those extremes.



You can learn to interpret body language, although I don't think that is a good idea in the relationship area. It's too much work to do this all the time.

Sure she had a checklist--but if you knew Chinese culture they all have the same checklist!

Things are changing--slowly--there are now a few older, financially set Chinese women who would marry for love.

In Chinatown in NYC, there seems to be more Cantonese/Southern Chinese than Mandarin/Northern. The Cantonese are usually happy-go-lucky types who have no concept of personal space.

Similar, at least somewhat, to the northerner/southerner dichotomy in other places.

China is working on reducing the expectation that the kids will support their parents when they get old, but I doubt that will have any effect on the mid 20s women that you are attracted to.

University is not for everyone. Personally I find it ridiculous that it is required for most jobs now. If you are working successfully in IT then you obviously did something right.


And then some.


So are you still in contact with her? If not, let it go. Sometimes things become clearer when you stop thinking about them and let your subconscious work it out. Often things that have confused me will suddenly become clear a long time after the event. It's just the way my mind works.

Go on to someone else.

I wouldn't like it if a girl just was neutral all the time, like she was. I would find that irritating.

Even the other Chinese girl, with all her problems, I would have found more palatable.

As for the Cantonese. They are happy-go-lucky people--but they are (especially if they are from China, and came as adults) hard workers who frequently work in rough conditions.

Yes it's ridiculous that it's required for most jobs now. I would feel financially insecure if I had to support myself for four years without working.

I find it ridiculous that employers not only expect you to work for them but also expect you to work at university for four years before you get a paycheck.

Granted for some jobs university is absolutely necessary but nowadays it's often expected for jobs that don't have a practical requirement for it.

At work they're doing STEM recruiting now. It doesn't have to be an IT degree. Some of them are mechanical engineering graduates. The work we do has nothing to do with mechanical engineering and I've proven you can do it without a degree at all.

HR says people with a degree are just better, even if the degree is in an unrelated field. So someone is better because they work at studying for four years and live with no income for four years? I've heard about how poor university students are.

And that's only for a chance of employment. There are unemployed graduates. It's like gambling. Put your time and money on the table for a chance of a bigger reward. If you don't win, get another degree, double or nothing, double your debt.

It's ridiculous employers expect you to study yourself into a massive debt.

Get a degree so you can go to work.
Go to work so you can pay for your degree.

But the ridiculous reality I experienced on Saturday wasn't that most jobs expect me to have a degree, it was that most people expect me to have a degree. Even outside of the workplace there's a societal expectation that I have a degree.

Did she think it would make me a better provider? I think if I had a fifty thousand dollar debt it would make me a worse provider. Better to start working immediately, it means you can start saving immediately.

She wanted to be a teacher but her grades were to low to get into a bachelor of education. She could only get into humanities. English literature. Her plan is to use this to get into school admin. She says she can work for a private school and sell parents on the excellence of the school's English lessons. Her English is so poor no school would hire her for that purpose. She'd make the parents think that school is terrible at English.

At the moment she's a shift worker in a factory with irregular hours. Her contract expires in October and will not be renewed. So which one of us is more financially stable?I find it ironic that a culture that prides itself on politeness would do this. I find their version of "politeness" to be very superficial and as Kraftie said, it's more about "saving face". Genuine politeness is about making people feel comfortable. She was raised to think that complaining is rude so to avoid complaining she does something much ruder

When "love" or even admiration is that extremely conditional, then it's not love/admiration. It's something else.

I meant to say worst date ever

^ oh okay, now it's explained

it was rather confusing

So are you being overlooked for promotion because you don't have a degree?

Also, don't define yourself by how the Chinese girl behaved. Just move on; don't give her the power.

In a manner of speaking. I would like to move from the test team to the dev team. I really enjoy working with code and in the test team I could move up into a higher pay bracket. The test team is a bit of a dead end.

But without a bachelor of software engineering joining the dev team is quite unrealistic.Unfortunately I give that power to everyone, not just her. Even people I've never met get compared to me in my thoughts. I usually lose in the comparison.

Honestly, I suggest being happy with what you have. Taking out three to four years for a bachelor's at this stage of your life would be counterproductive, I think. You can be like the Wolowitz of your team.



Yeah, I do it too. All my life I've been coaxed to be something other than what I am, so it is second nature to me to value myself in the way people perceive me. (As an aside, I think this is one of the big flaws of ABA.)

The one who rejects always has this power.