Why do LTR's have to be so *serious*?

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Not sure if I'm misunderstanding your use of the word 'serious', but I think you'll find that the most serious relationships are probably the ones that you're describing as 'single-friendly'. These are going to be the people that have been together for a long time, they're very comfortable with one another, they're committed to one another and have high levels of trust. It seems like less of a 'big deal' to them, because they are so invested in it and have grown into it, making it a very serious relationship.

Your friends sound less 'serious'. It's still new and exciting to them. They're optimistic about the future but they still need validation and reassurance, because the relationship isn't as strong. By continually talking about the future, they're forcing upon themselves and those around them the idea that this is a long-term relationship. They're trying to prove to themselves that it's serious, but the reason for that is because, ultimately, it isn't. Not yet.

One day, if the relationship continues, they should evolve past that stage. Then, they'll become the comfortable types that you're describing as 'single-friendly'. The question is, who's benefiting from you clinging on in the meantime? It doesn't sound like anybody is.

Those people remind of those facebook women who keep posting their wedding photos all over their pages even after having their second/third child.....

I think you hit the nail on the head. I get it: I realize that their LTR's are real, and they're here to stay. But the "new" part is debatable. They've been together for about a year. It's not really "new" anymore. And interestingly, both couples met at about the same time, and followed the progression closely. Namely, became serious, got engaged, and moved in together, all within a month of each other, which I think adds to the toxicity of the group dynamic. And while they go a great job of keeping each other motivated with the mutual ego-stroking, they completely and permanently turned me off the idea of an LTR altogether.

Seems like that would involve a lot of secrecy, hiding and putting on acts(like acting more plutonic around anyone else so they don't know you're a couple. The girl might get the wrong idea and think you're ashamed of being with her if you're intent on not having anyone else know.

You misunderstand me. It's not the they can't have friendships, it's that they don't need them. So if you're making a nuisance of yourself around them, of course they're not going to invite you places. Your 10-year friendships mean dick now. As I said earlier, you either need to find a partner and join in, or just accept your old friends have moved on from you.

How exactly does one go about "acting more platonic"?

Not to have a blowjob in front of the friends, of course.

You misunderstand me too. I never insinuated forcing myself onto my friends. I even found great replacements for them: my social interest groups. There are couples there too, and they all treat me with nothing but sincere respect. Heck, sometimes one partner comes alone; what a concept, right? And honestly, if I were to find a significant other, there's no way in freaking hell I'd want to introduce her to those couples. Because I'd feel responsible for what I expose her to, and I don't want a nice, sweet girl like her to be around a god-awful circus they were putting on. And will probably keep doing so. I wish I could have her meet one person at a time, since they're cool as individuals. But they're so freaking codependent, it'll be easier to split a molecule instead.

Too funny that you mentioned a blow job! The Russian language has an expression that translates as: "To perform fellatio on each other [implied: in a group circle]." Despite the mention of male anatomy, it's can be used to describe both men and women, although the cunnilingus equivalent is sometimes used for women. It has the same figurative meaning as the English term "circle jerk". And it seems like the couples in my scenario were doing exactly that, albeit with words.

I guess they get caught up in each other.

To be honest I don't really get it. When we are out as a group I want to socialise with that group not just my SO because at the end of the day we can spend time together alone. Plus I don't feel like it's fair when a friends boyfriend is busy or non existent.

One of my friends is lime you describe and everytime she brings her boyfriend they are so intimate you feel awkward. I am happy to report that my other friend told me she is happy to be a third wheel with me and my SO because we are 'that kind of couple you can hang out with and not feel weird'.

Maybe its worth mentioning to them how it makes you feel akward and suggest having a lads night out. Surely they wants to get away from their SOs for a bit

You have no idea how funny this is. Just not funny ha-ha. I kept trying to tell them that many times, They (the men) just gave me the old spiel about how "being together all the time is what a relationship is about", and doing things separately is wrong. Heck, they refuse to even go to the gym with me! Eventually, I gave up trying. Needless to say, it made me swear off all LTR's. Unless there's an ironclad contract, signed by both parties, that codependency is strictly prohibited. (I'm being facetious.)

You and your SO seem like a sound-minded couple. I had met couples like that, and they were a pleasure to be around. Both young and old. In each instance, my presence felt not only well-tolerated, but welcomed. I remember talking to a young couple on a cruise that I took solo. I was eating lunch, and the hostess seated me next to this couple; they looked no older than 23. We exchanged introductions and started making small talk. Turned out, it was their first getaway together, and they seemed really happy, despite having done nothing beyond briefly grabbing hands at the table. It was one of the best conversations I had on that cruise. And interestingly, my most recent friend (female) is 22.

Of course, my long-time, relationship'ed friends are in their 30's. Perhaps that pertains to their inability act like fun couples, or at least not be alienating to single people. If 20-something and 50-something couples can do it, why can't they?

That really sucks I hate being around couples like that. if it helps when my SO and I meet up wit a couple like this we feel really awkward and uncomfortable to. I would hate if a relationship was about beige together all the time. Maybe they will become less obsessed with their partners in the future?

Not showing affection in public or around friends and family, and not telling anyone you're in a relationship.

Doesn't sound like a good approah to me but to each their own.

I don't do PDA.

In fact I seem to have a problem where I take too long to.get affectionate with girls and so they lose imterest.

Even if at family events I don't see any affection among the couples or very rarely. Sounds like PDA would be inappropriate and awkward around friends or family

I do see flirting, banter, but rarely kiss/hug unless it's for hello/goodbyes.

Even if it just means you and your friend group sitting in the backyard sipping beer, what's the point of my girlfriend sitting on my lap or whatever when she can sit on her own but in the group of course. I see no reason to kiss her and all that either but trust me in private Id be all over her.

Its not hiding it out of shame but out of keeping the relationship personal instead of being harassed by friends with teasing and questions and gossip about it. Keep that damn spotlight away from me I just want to be with her in peace.

After seeing other relationships who flaunt it lots of kissing, showing off, the entire friend group joining in for one big tease/playfulness/joking about and with the couple, treating it like a "celebrity" relationship of the group, "aww you guys are so cute together" and all that nasty ego stroking, nonstop gossip about the cute couple when they're gone, I'd be disgusted with myself if my relationship ever became that way.

Also do keep in mind I am.bisexual and would be the same secretive if I was with a guy for obvious reasons (homophobia, etc). It should be just me, him and our parents, no one else needs to know.

What's wrong with not showing affection in public? Seems rather undignified to just be constantly rolling over each other out in public.

^^^This!! !

I don't mind if one couple does it in public. It's gratuitous and kind of nasty, but nobody is exposed to it longer than the time necessary to walk past. But when two couples flaunt their togetherness to each other for over an hour, like "new money" people complimenting each other's big house, that's when my patience runs out! Which is exactly what my own friends were doing, causing my respect for them to go down a notch. Not to mention make both of their relationships look fake, the very opposite of what they intended to do.

Now, allow me to present a positive example of multiple couples interacting. I was on a train, headed downtown to a singles' event. It was the same rail line as the one I take to visit escorts, so I was in a peppy mood, due to a Pavlovian association. There were 3 couples riding together, all in their 40's or maybe 50's, headed to a rock concert. They were all visibly drunk. One couple was leaning against each other a little, but the other two were sitting normally. At one point, they all started conversations with strangers around them, directing some of the statements at me. I happily joined in, mostly making small talk. It was such a fun conversation! When our train got to the last stop, they wished me to get some phone numbers at the event, and I wished them to have fun at the concert.

If only my friends could be like that! I blame some of the perceived problems on their age. It seems like 30-something couples are the least fun ones. Too old to keep their youthful playfulness, too young to gain a mature mellowness.

Maybe for an early relationship or a casual one, like a FWB situation, in which you don't want to deal with awkward questions. In a LTR though, it would more awkward not to act like a couple in public IMHO.