Do we have a chance at dating the really attractive ones?

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It's impossible not to compare yourself to others, it doesn't matter if it's irrational if you still feel it.

As for what I have to better myself; I moved out of the family home, I've been with Voc Rehab for several years, I've gone back to school, I see a therapist and take medication, I hope to get driving eventually but I don't have a lot of confidence in my abilities in that regard with how crazy people drive out here(like a bat out of hell). Things move at a glacial pace for me and I've always hated it, I sit and do nothing and feel totally helpless. I think I was starting further behind than most people, there are a lot of things I can do now that I wasn't a few years ago but there is still a tremendous deficit between myself and what a normal functioning person socially does and in other areas as well. I feel like I have put in a lot of effort and still struggle with things most people do not, I feel like it has taken a toll on me mentally and doing this all alone(I don't just mean romantically) just makes it so much harder. Don't get that twisted, I am not saying that because I did X that I am entitled to Z either. I don't think the desire to be accepted by others and to be loved is entitled is it? I thought those were pretty basic human emotions but I guess I am not human.

I resent that it feels like oftentimes I am just spinning my wheels, that what I put myself through won't change what is fated to me which I think would make anybody bitter. What good does it do? It doesn't do any good but I am not a robot who chooses what feelings I have, I am an imperfect person. It's very hard to move forward in life without a purpose or meaning, what is the point? It's not worth the effort if it cannot be shared, what comes naturally to me avoidance and being a recluse which is not what I want to be and I have to fight it every day. It feels like a curse hangs over me, eventually I run out of stamina and become burned out and then things unravel. I'm always teetering on the edge.

I don't think so. I don't mean this to sound like I'm talking down to you but you're only 24. You're pretty young and likely have a lot of life left ahead of you. Any progress is still progress, even if it's slow. And it sounds like you're trying to do everything you can.

I'm curious - and this is because I am an NT - but what is holding you back from driving? I've heard this from a few Aspies and I don't quite understand this issue. Is it the anxiety? Or is it sensory issues?

I can't offer a lot of understanding or advice about anything with regards to autism issues at all, because I am NT. My partner is an Aspie, and I see his struggles, but I can't personally understand them. I know he has issues with procrastination, which I don't understand either. I understand it's a problem, but I can't understand why.

Either way, you're not completely alone in this. There are others who have very similar struggles as you. You just don't hear much about them, and that's too bad, because it probably makes you feel completely alone.

That's what everyone says it seems, that I'm young and stuff will turn around but that has been said to me as long as I can remember. I wish I could believe that and I think maybe I've procrastinated a bit in life thinking that things would come together or somebody would save me but that obviously hasn't been the case and I don't believe it ever will.

I guess I am sick and was starting with less than most but progress for progress's sake doesn't matter much to me, it has to be leading to something or else it is pointless and if I can't ever make it to the point of where I am a functioning adult then I would feel like a failure and would want to withdraw. It's a vicious cycle, almost everything I do reinforces what I believe about myself. I feel I only really find motivation to get things done in other people, my will is weak and I am prone to self destructive behavior at the slightest stress but deep down I am a people pleaser who without the very few people I have in my life would not be doing the things that I am doing. I put tremendous stress on myself to succeed and to not disappoint those that have helped me. Your life is ultimately judged by the relationships you have with other people, the special interests and whatever other distractions really are meaningless in the grand scheme of things. I don't want to be alone but I feel it has been predestined, it's not fair and I know life isn't fair but it doesn't hurt any less knowing that.

Thinking about people worse off than me does not make me feel better, it makes me feel worse and ashamed for what little assistance I do receive and desperately need. There isn't much that makes me feel better or good, period.

As for driving, at this point I think it's a combination of things. Sensory wise I really do not feel confident in myself on the roads here, people drive too fast and there way too much traffic. There is a lot to process all at once and that's not even considering what might be going on in the car or your head. I am anxious because I do not have confidence in my ability and fearful of being in or causing an accident, it is anxious just being a passenger at times out here. I am actually originally from Wisconsin and I felt more comfortable there as far as the roads go despite the shape they are in, maybe that's just familiarity but I didn't wear a seat belt a lot back then which I wouldn't dare do out here. I am fearful of getting hit just crossing the street, people are very selfish and inconsiderate out here unfortunately altho that character trait seems to be everywhere. One of the reasons I never really tried to get a license is simply I had no where to go and probably ultimately the social anxiety of dealing with people I don't know which has always been an issue for me. I've never seriously tried however and perhaps I am just building how difficult it will be in my head, I worry about my ability to drive even if I do pass all the necessary tests too tho since if its like my school experience they will push you ahead ready or not. Maybe I overthink things.

Exactly man.

We see it all the time here.

Lonely guy: Most but not all of the women I meet care about job, what kind of car I drive I hate it. I work minimum wage but I can't get a better job and I like this job. Why are they so cruel sometimes, always making fun of me because I still live at home, even if I'm trying to move out.

Woman: Not ALL women are like that. Don't generalize ALL women. The truth is it's your attitude. IM not like that (because I'm the 10% and different to most women but won't admit it). NO WOMAN would want someone with a negative attitude like yours.

> "Do [Aspies] Have A Chance At Dating The Really Attractive Ones?"

Well, aspie women have a chance at dating me, so the answer is yes.

Yes, in a thread that began with a guy who admits he is not all that and a biscuit but WANTS all that and a biscuit. Hilarious.

But hey, if what you're doing is working for you, by all means, keep on doing it.

As if guys don't do that aswell you say one thing that annoys you about a guy maybe being crude and suddenly there is a massive 'it's not all guys'. Maybe not specifically on this site but it definitely happens all the time. Maybe people don't like being lumped in woth a group they don't relate to.

Would you want to go out with someone who whined or thought terribly of men? (You wouldn't date feminists so I guess not)
And actually by the laws of chance there probably is someone out there who likes it (hell guys go out with whiny girls all the time).

This whole there's no such thing as individualism is wholey unfounded because as a species without differentiation and indovidulism we wouldn't exist. Not to say there aren't majority rules.

Like personally I don't give a s**t about money because I will make my own. But I at least expect a partner to not to rely on me earning money. Maybe it is not the majority but it is definitely more than likr 10%

At the end of the day, whether rightly or wrongly, to an extent money and education are seen to suggest effort and hard work which are admirable traits in either gender. Although it's certainly no secret alot of men prefer a partnet who earns less (although that is changing recently)

**At the end of the day... to an extent money and education are seen to suggest effort and hard work which are admirable traits in either gender.**

YES. It shows that you are capable of taking care of yourself, making a plan and following through with said plan, prioritization, and setting and achieving a goal, even if it's a small one.

For the most part, women don't want to have to take care of our partner. We need our partners to be at least close to equal, or at the very least self-sufficient.

People are pretty shallow in their wants and desires, be it physical or material. You'd think other people would desire companionship but you apparently need more especially if you are a man. You get told its not a competition but it clearly is since what you are doing is selling yourself essentially so perhaps what you need to do is learn sales if you want to succeed. The whole process is dehumanizing I think so is it any surprise that some men end up not respecting women? It's a toxic culture and not one I really see a place for myself in.

If it wasn't a job or money it would be something else I feel like to, that's why the bettering yourself stuff only will accomplish so much in the end. Thinking you can just check everything off the list and find a partner is call being entitled which everyone hates, just be yourself and maybe eventually you'll fall ass backwards into a relationship seems like the most common advice. How often is advice even useful by the way? It almost all the just amounts to empty platitudes, hopefully it at least makes the person saying it feel better.

I still fail to see reason for this thread. Seems like its just beating a dead horse or something.



Your physical morphology is unconnected from your mental wiring. Obesity is often a life style "choice", I loosely call it a choice because it's usually not something the individual wishes to happen though it's usually a result of their lifestyle. Liking someone and beyond does not mean they have to reciprocate, thinking so is not a healthy thing. /Thread

I think the biggest problem with self improvement is, for those with mental disorders or physical disabilities trying to integrate themselves as best they cb into normal society, a lot of 'personal bests' and improvement still fair poorly compared to the average, normal functioning person.

For example, I suffer from Agoraphobia.

I am trying to overcome it, i go for solo walks and bike rides every other day, and go a little further every few weeks or so.

I feel proud of myself when I overcome a personal best, it still means nothing to the general population

This is something 99% of the population can do with relative ease, including many if not the vast majority of Aspies here don't even have Agoraphobia either.

The fact I can walk an extra block one day without having an anxiety attack may satisfy me but it will mean very little to others, and anyone who does compliment me on it will likely do so out of condescension, similar to how a severe autistic may be praised like a child for showing competence in something that any N.T. child could do.

With regards to driving, you gotta learn to walk before you can run, and run before you can bike/drive, right?

I'd much rather learn to be capable of walking or riding bike or catching bus or train/plane alone to get around first instead of being dependent on having a working car otherwise I can't go anywhere if it were to break down.

Yes, they do.

Personally, I've almost never actually done it before, but technically you could say I'm doing it right now, I just don't overreact.

So many men and women go, HEY!! Not ALL of us are like that. Blah blah overblow the issue, a brigade of men and women criticize OP and spend 5 pages wasting internet bandwith.

People take personal offense to it too easily, in my opinion.

Even feminists, I just ignore the tiny minority that make extremely sexist generalizations against men.

The only time I really do it is when people generalize and say ALL (most is fine, I never complain if people say most are x rather than all, unlike some others) men and women who are NEETs who still live at home as young adults are 'manchilds' or losers or that theyre all beta/desperate/mentally I'll.

Otherwise, generalize about almoat anything else away. I can almost assure you it's unlikely I'd have issue with it.

He is decent though. He has good Job, lives alone, is only slightly overweight, average looking, a few controversial views, decent social skills, and hobbies.


He ends up with obese, severely depressed, shy/no social skills, few hobbies women.

I'd date a girl all those things except overweight but he is entitled to his standards.

His standards are very unrealistic but I do agree with him a few minor mental disorders should not mean we are destined to be with negative, toxic, ND otherwise extremely mentally unhealthy and physically unhealthy (overweight/obese) women that only drag us down.

I relate to him. In high.school I ate healthy and exercised, tried my best to be confident and outgoing, have hobbies, volunteered, only have mild depression/anxiety and aspergers, am a musician.

My ex was aggressive, controlling, self harmer, suicidal, severely depressed, had a traumatic childhood, had learning difficulties, depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder. Not really many hobbies, massively hated/unpopular (but I liked her and ignored the bullies and even stood up for her). Otherwise she was so negatpve and toxic our friends agred I was a fine boyfriend and treated her right the whole.time.from what they saw and some even sympathised with just how bad she treated me sometimes

I'd apologize straight away if I made a mistake, I always spent time with her and made her feel valued, loved and special.

bedtime, or this will look like the toddler resisting sleep untill falling, anyway

as said before, wanting the last word everytime is very unattractive, and possibly an autistic thing you could adress someday soon

a trophy wife has a price, and that's not going to be otherwise because you want it

I guess I have some momentary feelings of pride of accomplishment for the small baby steps but it's fleeting and it's not something I can hang my hat on nor am I really proud of accomplishing something that everybody else does with relative ease usually a decade before me. I don't know how I can force myself to think differently and to value these things in a way where I don't feel horrible about myself, there is always going to be rumination and comparison when you're on the outside looking in. With these small steps, too often it feels like its one step forward and two steps back and even that doesn't happen I still think it will. Like I said, it's a sickness I am now aware of and I feel it has damaged me.

As for walking/riding a bike/catching a bus, I do that when I need to but I live in one of the hottest most sprawled out places in the world. You will still be very dependent living without a car, it is not like more densely populated cities where it might be possible. Plus on top of that, people drive like maniacs here and make it not safe to cross the street or ride a bike. Very frustrating, it's just evidence in my face 24/7 of the deficit I have with 'normal' people. I honestly don't want to drive at least not here since it's not something I feel comfortable or safe doing but I feel like I have no choice, I have to try but what are the consequences of trying and failing at this?

I use this lack of mobility as an excuse to not leave the house all too often, my brain naturally seeks out the path of least resistance and avoidance is always the easiest most pain free one at least in the short term. It's always either too hot, too cold, too far, too crowded, too noisy, too dirty, or I 'don't feel good' or am 'tired'. Always something, it's a constant fight with myself to do anything even go see my family at times. I don't feel very in control of my emotions of which there are a lot of not a flatness like some think, I don't feel very in control of anything. Depression gets the best of me sometimes, I shouldn't read or think too much about certain things because that can set me into a terrible mood which part of me desires and seeks out despite the unpleasantness since forcing the issue and obsessing over something is the only way I know how to solve anything. What I do otherwise is distract myself mostly, I have a lot of topics that interest me but they're mostly pointless and are things you can't really share with people. I just keep plugging I guess with the hope that one day everything will come together and I can be happy.

I can completely relate to the agoraphobia ive suffered with it for a long time. For what it's worth you're not alone