techstepgenr8tion
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22 Jun 2005, 11:55 pm
MagicMike wrote:
techstepgenr8tion wrote:
AntiEverything wrote:
Sorry for assuming. 
Think mind over matter. Motivate yourself into an impulsive, confident mood even if it feels stupid and silly. Tell yourself how wonderful you are. Be positive. Then approach without thinking, and let the conversation naturally flow. Try to tell yourself that it's not a big deal, imagine you're in a comedy TV show and that if it goes wrong it might at least be funny to the spectators or something - that's what I do sometimes. Or alternatively get a friend to introduce you to them.
Think mind over matter. Motivate yourself into an impulsive, confident mood even if it feels stupid and silly. Tell yourself how wonderful you are. Be positive. Then approach without thinking, and let the conversation naturally flow. Try to tell yourself that it's not a big deal, imagine you're in a comedy TV show and that if it goes wrong it might at least be funny to the spectators or something - that's what I do sometimes. Or alternatively get a friend to introduce you to them.Anti, that's great advice under one circumstance - that your personal wiring allows that to work. Trust me, I went years thinking that my diagnosis with AS had been a crock and that I'd just been a weak person making weak excuses. I took that whole gung-ho "mind over matter" approach, gave my whole heart and soul into it but then, bit by bit things started to happen that made me panic - all that progress I thought I was making could be lost by the next day when I woke up, I was constantly reverting back to immature or "weak" behaviors that I thought I'd already conquered, and the second I conquered one ground and went on to conquer another, the ground I'd just left would spring up behind me. No, nothing to do with negative thinking, with all the Alonso from Training Day grill-lectures I was giving myself it definitely wasn't lack of toughness, and the more I panicked the more I ratched that effort up to 200%, 300%, treated like it was some kind of 1600's japanese bushido thing (ie. motivating myself by telling myself that if I'm making these mistakes, I really should kill myself because its suicide of honor) and I had to keep amping up the anger-to-motivation fuel just to even barely keep the same ground and not backtrack.
That tought me one thing though, this definitely isn't weakness or just negative thinking. When people here that they'll try and come up with everything and everything they can to pin it back on me - that I was being too hard on myself (lol, they don't realize that approach was my last resort after doing it in every way as NOT to be hard on myself), maybe they'll just say I was weak willed, but regardless it sounds too alien for them to believe.
You've gotta just understand though that AS is a really ****ed up disorder like that and that we all have different manifestations of it.
Yet while it is a genuine cause of tragedy, it should not be used as a justification of sort. Let's say I stalk someone, and then I tell that person "Oh, go easy on me. (Pulls out brochures) I HAVE ASPERGERS!" It's actually like Family Guy.
Peter: (Walks into ladies restroom, opens stall) (Woman Screams) Sorry, I'm ret*d.
Woman: That's OK.
Peter: (Opens another stall, more screams) Sorry, I'm ret*d.
Woman: Aww, how cute.
Peter: (Opens another stall, screams) Lady, didn't you hear me before.
Woman: That's OK. (Asks as if addressing a child) What to see how my body works?
I wasn't saying at all though and if I remember right neither were you. I think this was originally about just having the 'confidence' to talk to people and make things happen NT-style (maybe I misinterpreted that?). As for what you said, I don't think anyone considers it a valid excuse for much of anything. Just at the same time though, we have to know our limits and once in a while let opportunities slide by because we know that, based on knowledge of self it's out of our means - that's not lack of confidence, it's making sense and keeping your dignity intact.
techstepgenr8tion
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24 Jun 2005, 4:13 pm
21 Jul 2005, 8:17 pm
22 Jul 2005, 12:04 pm
Sanityisoverrated wrote:
I don't stalk, nor do I have anyone I'd want to stalk, but I have been accused of it once when I googled someone's name to find their MSN alias. But I usually do that- I like to know as much as I can about someone before I speak with them, its only common sense really. Know the situation, be prepared. Or something like that...
So you can all be assured that if you have ever posted a link to a personal site on this forum, I've probably checked it out from top to bottom.
So you can all be assured that if you have ever posted a link to a personal site on this forum, I've probably checked it out from top to bottom.
Yeah, I google people I know all the time. And myself, actually. It's something to do when bored, and it does make logical sense, it's obtaining information that isn't classified. It's still creepy but it's not actually stalking IMO.
22 Jul 2005, 12:42 pm
22 Jul 2005, 1:11 pm
AntiEverything wrote:
Do you think you might be a tad pessimistic? You're not doomed!
Off the top of my head you have the following possible options to take:
1. You can meet people from an online dating website to make dating more predictable and enjoyable.
2. You can arrange appointments with a clinical psychologist to practically work on building social skills.
3. You can tell a doctor about your problems and get some medication to alleviate the anxiety of initiating contact with people you want to get to know.
Off the top of my head you have the following possible options to take:
1. You can meet people from an online dating website to make dating more predictable and enjoyable.
2. You can arrange appointments with a clinical psychologist to practically work on building social skills.
3. You can tell a doctor about your problems and get some medication to alleviate the anxiety of initiating contact with people you want to get to know.
HAHAHA! Sorry, man, I know you mean well, but:
1. Been there, done that, *over my dead body* would I try that again. Bottom line is that I'm just not interested in 99.9% of the male population, period. There's nothing I can "do" about that. And how is meeting people from such websites really "predictable"? From my experience, most guys using those services lie through their teeth about themselves, which puts me at a disadvantage, because I always tell the truth!
2. Been there, done that, spent 10+ years (and a lot of $$$) going to a variety of therapists who ultimately couldn't help me - nor could they tell me anything about myself that I didn't already know.
3. Been there, done that, was prescribed just about every SSRI on the planet, as well as 2 separate anti-anxiety medications. NONE of them worked. The only anti-anxiety "medication" that even remotely works for me is....alcohol, generally in large quantities. Not exactly healthy or practical.
Got any more suggestions?
22 Jul 2005, 1:48 pm
22 Jul 2005, 1:53 pm
AntiEverything wrote:
'Fraid I've ran out of ideas save for one. Quoting Hunter S Thompson is my last stand:
'I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.'
Whatever it takes...
'I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.'
Whatever it takes...
Hehehe...hmmmm.
22 Jul 2005, 5:03 pm
22 Jul 2005, 8:03 pm
22 Jul 2005, 9:57 pm
SINsister wrote:
Got any more suggestions?
Yes. Stop worrying about it! You're a perfectly viable person in your own right, and you don't need a partner to make you complete.
Stop reading Mills & Boon, and start enjoying your own life.
techstepgenr8tion
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Age: 46
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22 Jul 2005, 10:01 pm
22 Jul 2005, 11:21 pm
Sanityisoverrated wrote:
You're a perfectly viable person in your own right, and you don't need a partner to make you complete.
Stop reading Mills & Boon, and start enjoying your own life.
Stop reading Mills & Boon, and start enjoying your own life.
Erm, Sanity? It's not a feeling of "completion" I'm looking for from a potential partner; perhaps you should go check out my responses in the "Advantages of being single?" thread...
And what's Mills & Boon? I have no life.
22 Jul 2005, 11:32 pm
22 Jul 2005, 11:34 pm
Sean wrote:
SINsister wrote:
3. Been there, done that, was prescribed just about every SSRI on the planet, as well as 2 separate anti-anxiety medications. NONE of them worked.
What about a non-SSRI antidepressant like Welbutrin or Zyban?
Yep, Wellbutrin too, Sean (Wellbutrin and Zyban are the same product, just marketed differently, haha). See? I wasn't kidding.
23 Jul 2005, 1:50 am
