Emotional Support

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I happen to like "confidence" in women, too.

What's wrong with being confident within yourself? That goes for all genders. Nobody can be perfect.

I am far from being the most accomplished person in the world; I'm probably "below average" for my age. That doesn't prevent me from being confident that I can still improve upon myself. Or not improve myself, and just enjoy the scenery.

It irritates me when a woman complains about the same things all the time, without at least trying to seek some sort of solution. Same with men. It can get pretty old. I wouldn't get angry if she/he doesn't come up with a solution right away. I would just get irritated if she's (or he) is not at least trying. We all have to strive to be better--especially if we're not feeling that good.

Same with me---sometimes I complain too much, and get told off for it. But I understand why I'm being told off.

What’s wrong with not being confident? Nobody’s perfect.

There’s not a problem of confident people being singled out or rejected. World needs to be more respecting of unconfident men there’s billions of us.

No ones been rejected for being confident. No man has been deemed unattractive or unloveable for being confident. It happens all the time to unconfident men.

You don't get my point.

You always say you're "unloveable, worthless, etc." That's ridiculous. You're none of those things.

I'm not that great, either. I just work as a clerk for 37 years, never getting a promotion. But I know that I'm loveable, and that I'm worth something.

You are worth something. You have lots of historical knowledge. You have a good heart.

Enough of this "unloveable, worthless stuff." Because it isn't true.

Don't listen to what the idiots tell you----about you not being a "man" because you work part-time and take the bus. Screw them. You're a man.

But hey....you probably won't "listen" to me, anyway. But I do know what I'm talking about.

Depends entirely on the subject. Also, I don't cry in front of my parents, even as a kid that was too embarrassing.

I’m not confident and I won’t every be confident unless I get a bunch of relationships and dating experience. Which won’t happen cause I’m not confident cause I didn’t have any of that in high school like just about everyone else did and so they are confident.

Worth equals good job, car home status I have non of those so to women I’m worthless trash. If I’m worthless to women non of them will love me hence I’m unloveable.

Clerk is way better then min wage retail work. Gosh I wish I could get job at the library and manage it. They get paid great and get full benifits. Non of them take the bus.

Everyone has lots of heart though. Literally any guy can have all the positives I have which isn’t much but they real men they have good jobs they can provide for a woman. I don’t and can’t:(

I’m sub human. I’m not a man and I’m not female so I can’t be human. I dont know what I am

I don’t cry in front of anyone. Men don’t cry. I lock myself in my room and ignore everyone and cry.

Now you're mentioning it, I don't recall the last time I cried - maybe been decades.

I cried ThanxGiving night cuz our rabbit died the night before. I don't cry much in general thou except when I was suffering from a bad depression in my early 20s. I never really cried in front of anyone except when I was little but I do cry in front of my girlfriend the few times I cry nowadays. She's usually crying too thou cuz we had a really bad argument/fight & both feel really bad about it or it's the loss of a pet which has happened 3x in the last 6 years. My girlfriend cries more often than that but I don't. She doesn't have a problem with me crying in front of her thou & she tries her best to be supportive & I try my best to be supportive when she's crying.

We have a duty to our partners to provide emotional support. But no one can provide an endless supply of emotional support without getting a bit of support in return.

Over time I could no longer support my partner the way he wanted because I got ground down because he didn't support me emotionally (or physically) when I was pregnant and/or ill. He claimed he couldn't support me because of his anxiety or whatever reason... My emotional needs didn't matter and I was either ignored or told I was being ridiculous if I was worried or upset about something - (e.g. childbirth, major health or serious employment issues, not trivial stuff). My emotional 'bank account' became overdrawn.

I know I also wasn't always able to support my former partner with his anxiety partly because I suffer from anxiety myself and when he felt anxious it sometimes triggered anxiety in me! I had to be careful about maintaining my own emotional equilibrium, because if we were both 'broken down' it would be awful.

There could be a variety of reasons why your gf isn't able to provide the level of emotional support you'd like right now. I know it doesn't help when you're in the middle of depression, but perhaps a focus outside of yourself could help shift your perspective a bit? I don't know.

As to women wanting a confident partner, in general, I'd say that's a trait that most healthy humans look for - confidence in a mate - man or woman. It's true that all of us have been exposed to considerable gender stereotyping and even the most forward thinking person has trouble escaping those ideas. However, in my family, no one was encouraged to talk about their true feelings or when they were struggling. I once had a therapist who asked if anyone was allowed to show any emotions in my family...and I replied - of course we were - we were allowed to show quiet contentment. But one thing women, definitely universally don't like, is being told that all women think alike. The reason we don't like it is that it's dehumanising.

Sly - why do people want a confident partner? Because it's a LOT of emotional work supporting someone who isn't confident. It's emotionally exhausting. It's daily, hourly bolstering up and contradicting statements like "I'm worthless", "I'm ugly" or "I'm unloveable" which are basically throwing whatever statements and feelings of appreciation and validation they've recently given you back in their face. It wears you down after a while.

Well said. I remember with my first GF, it felt good being able to give a 'pep' talk. After all I wasn't the most confident person either. In time, it was literally every day (sometimes twice or more a day even) where I had to deal with these issues. It was absolutely, completely exhausting having to hear about how she couldn't find a job for example yet would not take my advice and actually apply for more than one!

Unless you are dumping your negative feeling onto her beyond what she is able to cope with for her own mentle health, then of course you should be able to talk about your feelings to her, and expect some sympathy. Everyone needs someone to listen to them now and then.

Having traditional values shouldn't be used as an outright excuse for sexism, having the right to get emotional and have a good cry but denying the same to your partner because he's male sounds like when men let themselves go but insist on their wives still looking like they did on the day they got married. It's a double standard. Sometimes people don't notice they are guilty of unreasonable expectations until it is pointed out to them. That's the sort of tradition that contributes to men having higher suicide rates.

I cry too, it seems to come in waves. I might cry quite often over a couple of days and then not at all for a month or so. I very rarely cry in front of other people though. It's a release and I would be afraid to be so out of control in front of other people.

Sly279, that's Blue Pill talk! You should know better. If Red Pill taught me anything, it's that women care about one thing and one thing only: attraction. And have you seen what kind of men attract the most women? Violent thugs. Gangsters. Unemployed bums. Do they have "good jobs to provide for a woman"? Hell no! Instead, they're dominant alpha males who women are naturally attracted to, and they treat women very poorly to boot. Fortunately for beta males, alpha traits aren't too difficult to emulate, as long as you study the right materials and memorize what to do and when. So if anything, I recommend that over becoming a good provider.

Men put up with it in women. How many men do you see saying women need confidence to date them.

Do you think maybe if I got a gf I’d become confident that’s all confidence is it’s past good experience simple as that nothing more. So yeah men who had past gfs are confident and men who didn’t aren’t.
I don’t tell women any of that I certainly wouldn’t tell a gf nor would I ask her to offer any emotional support women don’t do that it seems. Least not as a gf or wife. I’ll use my sister and female friends for emotional support and if s gf gets upset at that it’s her fault.

I’ve never had a gf so I’ve neve had a woman romantically give me appreciation.

So why does a woman who knows nothing about me have to do with any of that? By confidence they mean a guy who pushes them to go out with him and makes every single dating decision. Ie where they go, when they go, what she eats etc. a guy who’s not afraid to walk up to a strange woman on the street and ask them out.
I’m too anxious to do that, I’ve been rejected and called not a real man or called ugly. I’ve been told here on wp over and over women don’t want to be asked out in public. So why would I put myself through hell and bother a woman at the same time?

I’m confident about stuff I have experience with. Guns, history, video games, camping somewhat, coins somewhat. I have experience with those subjects. I’m pretty confident I can do my job mostly well. I’m not confindent with women and can’t be until I get relationship and dating experience with one or more. See that’s he thing most women expect that most guys dated in middle-high school and so have experience and have confidence. I didn’t and don’t. So what do I do?

Do you think if you took a day one medical student and put them in surgery they’d be confident? No that’s what years of school and internships are for to build their confidence.

Women expect a cOnfident guy without putting in any of the work to build his confidence via loving and appreciating him.

Much like how everyone wants a senior doctor or plumber but if you don’t use new inexperienced ones they won’t get experience and become senior ones. Everyone has to start somewhere you can’t go from 0-100 you start at 1

I just wish some woman would give me a bloody chance. The few who did all said I seem d super confident on the date. Why can’t they be like he doesn’t have much confidence but let’s give him a chance? I’d probably get more confident and think better of my self if I had a gf who loved me and complimented me.

If I had a gf who legitimately loved and was loyal to me I wouldn’t feel worthless and in lovable. I wouldn’t be as depressed. I’d srill have bad days at work but who doesn’t.

The entire source of my depression and feelings is from not a single woman finding me attractive or loveable not a single woman out of billions is willing to date me. How the **** am I suppose to feel confident ? When I’ve had nothing but rejection and horrible past experiences for 30 years?

You have no idea or clue what it’s like to always be rejected constantly told your ugly or not a real man. To have almost every woman you meet feel you’re inferior to them. It makes one fee horrible and sub human.

Last edited by sly279 on 05 Dec 2017, 6:35 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I bet the moment you become those things you'd still have a zero chance of getting a girlfriend.

Last edited by ZachGoodwin on 05 Dec 2017, 6:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Why is it teenage girls don’t expext teenage guys to have confidence? Because they haven’t had any experience yet . Neither have I relationship wise I’m same as a 15 old boy. Probably same naive wise too.