Even medicine isn't helping me

Post Reply New Topic

Wellbutrin may not work for you. I know it did nothing at all for me. I had to switch to Lexapro to see any results.

I don't know if I've taken it before or not. There was one I used to take that I can't remember the name of but had to stop because the withdrawal effects were horrible.

I take celexa at night before bed. If I took it in the day, it would make my muscles that are already weak even weaker and it would also cause me to have anorgasmia.

As I said before, I fear that not thinking about wanting a girlfriend will mean I wasted nearly 12 years of trying. People have told me it will happen when I "least expect it" or when I "stop looking" but I don't understand how those things supposedly work.

Because constantly actively looking for a girlfriend likely makes you appear desperate and possibly creepy, depending on your communication and approach in the outside world, of course.. but even just the mental state of constantly seeking a girlfriend will likely put that sort of desperate creepy vibe out into the world.

But when you stop looking for a girlfriend and start focusing on improving yourself in order to make yourself more attractive, then eventually girls will begin to notice you. They'll smile, want to start a conversation with you, ask you your name and what your interests are etc - the sort of random idle chit chat conversations that seem completely useless.. but they have a purpose, those girls are then expressing interested in & attraction to you, and then you just naturally meet someone. All because you focused on making yourself more attractive instead of spending your time seeking someone else.

Right. Basically it means you find something else to do with your time. It doesn't mean you're not "looking" it just means you're not entirely focused on ONLY this one thing, and you have other things going on.

This actually happened to me---and I stated this multiple times on WP.

When I was in my early 20's, I was desperate to get a girlfriend. Girls used to tell me to go away frequently, and swat me like a gnat.

When I decided not to THINK CONSTANTLY about finding a girlfriend, girls stopped telling me to go away. Instead, the started conversing with me. I had more on my mind than merely finding a girlfriend, and they knew it.

Most girls like it when you talk to them like they're people, rather than like they're girls.

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is very useful for this. I have been doing it recently

My brother with severe OCD has also used it to great benefit

I take Lexapro at night and Wellbutrin in morning I was recommended this combination online n begged my dr to try it it seems to have helped.

Also maybe this is worth bringing up to your therapist:

‘Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is on the continuum of dissociation. ‘

That's not the same at all to the 'stop looking' mindset.

And yet it's very similar to what the two posters said before kraftie. The same ideas are in there - make other things higher priority than finding a partner. Focus elsewhere.

What is the 'stop looking' mindset then?

I think what Boo means is to close yourself to even the possibility of finding someone.

You never REALLY stop looking, which I think is what most people mean when they say that. I think it just means stop ACTIVELY looking for a gf. That doesn’t mean you wouldn’t consider it if the right person came along.

I would also look at it that way if I were meeting women. Even if a girl says “let’s just be friends,” I’d be like, “ok, but we’re still meeting for lunch on Thursday, right? It’s just a date, or gtg. It’s not a relationship or a marriage proposal. If it turns into something more, great! But that’s not the only purpose of doing things together. The less you are actively working to push things in a direction the other person may not want, the less desperate you look and the more likely the other person has a chance to warm up to you.

I’d rather be out with a friend one night on the weekend than completely alone because it’s “gf or bust.”

The problem isn't that he should stop looking.

The problem is that he's looking in the wrong place.

He doesn't need medication - he needs revelation.

His focus has him depressed where he feels like he needs meds - but if his viewpoint was changed, medication wouldn't be necessary.

He isn't screwed like he thinks he is.

He's been looking at the wrong women (which are the majority)

If he looks in the right spot, his problem is solved.

Define "wrong place" and the "right spot". Those are extremely vague notions and our outlooks on both matters are likely going to differ.

What patterns have you noticed in all the women who brushed you off?

They just don't seem interested in keeping a conversation going no matter what I do.

And no, it's not because I am strong and athletic which you keep wrongfully assuming about me that makes women not interested in me. I have underdeveloped muscles, I am out of shape, and according to your logic, I should have women lined up outside my bedroom door to have sex with me but that is not the case.

I have to take medicine because I was born into a sick culture and people like you insist it's because I am not telling myself I am a worthless sinner that I struggle.

Last edited by Marknis on 18 May 2018, 2:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

What do you think might happen if you regularly spent some time developing your muscles and getting yourself in shape?

I don't think I can really tell you how not to feel something that seems to be common, but I can suggest how you move past it: getting ourselves to the places we need to be is a process, and that process is, slow and necessary. It contains much that will seem "wasted," but never actually was - every step moves you down the road, whether it seems to, or not. Everything you think and go through is necessary to get to the next step in the process. There is no Z without all the letters of the alphabet in the middle. Even wasted steps are like alphabet letters you had to process through in order to get to Z.