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NT - this is my first post and need help

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Anngables
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05 Jun 2018, 7:44 pm

My experience is only with a deep friendship with an AS man, and unfortunately we are no longer friends so my advice may not be relevant. However what I have learnt is . . Change your expectations, in an NT/AS relationship you have to understand the way it works is different. He may not feel it is necessary to be constantly complimenting you or telling you how much he cares. Not because he doesn’t but because when he is close to you he believes you just know this. His ways of showing he cares are different, unique and quirky, you have to learn to look and understand what they are. It mat be if you need something that he will go the extra mile researching and explaining to you the best solution to your problem. It may be putting his special interest down for 5 mins to talk to you, it may be making a note to himself to ask you about something he knows is important to you. These things don’t come naturally and show he is trying to talk your language. . , appreciate these moments.
Nt/As relationships are like 2 people speaking different languages. Read everything you can to understand his language, and make sure you have a full and varied life of your own independently because he will need his own space and time, plenty of it, but it is not a reflection of how much he cares



beady
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06 Jun 2018, 8:47 pm

estout wrote:
So maybe in his mind bc we have established this: we both have strong feelings for each other, we have had sex, we have know each other for 2 years (still a new relationship though)...that our connection is established and no need for daily communication? Let me ask you guys this...do these forums get on your nerves and become too much? Bc in reading all of your replies it DOES seem like you guys communicate well, understand what I'm saying and like to respond. Doesn't that go against aspie traits? I know not everyone is the same, but still...


This forum does not get on my nerves because I have complete control.
Being autistic does not mean low intelligence. For me, it's more about difficulty with spontaneous communication in a real world setting.
We often look soooo normal and of course many have superb talent, intelligence, or maybe not. And then you see the written word and you think - they sound perfectly normal (maybe mostly?) but this online community does not resemble the real world at all. It doesn't smell, I can't hear it, it's quiet, and I come here to share when I choose. I didn't just come when you called me. I type/retype/think/come back another day or maybe decide I should just shut up and do something else. If the only world that existed was online communication I think life might be easier in that respect.