It's really not as easy as you think

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To be fair, I think it would be reasonable to assume that a lot of us have tried that in the past and have had discouraging experiences. A few years ago when I was at university, I tried to join into some of the social groups, and though I had a bit of success making people's acquaintance, I never had any success on the romance front. I didn't make any lasting friends, and to be completely honest, watching others pair up first-hand while I was having no real success on that front just worsened my depression, to the point where I did some things I regret, and on one occasion made an a$$ out of myself. I even had a few people trying to help me with my love life, and I did end up going on one date that didn't lead to another (which was actually initiated online rather than in person). As a matter of fact, I've had zero romantic success from in-person interaction, and any small modicum of what might be considered success that I've had has only ever been online.

Since then, I've gained 77 pounds, am less energetic and strong, and have become recluse. I used to go out clubbing with friends sometimes, or even go over to other people's houses, but now, it's abnormal for me to leave my house during the entire weekend for any reason. The extra weight I've gained has drained what little confidence I had before. It's not even that I'm afraid of or against leaving my house on the weekends, I just don't feel that there is anything out there for me, or anything out there that would make me feel like what I did was worth it. If I had no success with dating when I was 77 pounds lighter and still overweight, there's just no reason to even hope that I would have any success now in my current state.

You should look up again what Autism means.

I'm not going up on anyone.

What I'm saying is. It's difficult for women too.
That's all. I'm not moaning about one guy.

My point is women can't just choose from a list of who they want. That list doesn't exist.

I was actually feeling ok about things until face of boo started being a dick and putting me down.

Boo is misrepresenting what happened and why I felt hurt. I should never have confided in him.

Boo you are a dark negative person! Try and find some warmth and compassion in your soul.

I'm done here.

Hugs sorry if I upset you . I don’t agree entirely with you but I don’t want to hurt you

Huh? What? What wrong did I say? Are you sure you're not talking about someone else?

Are you upset because of the age gap post? I didn't say anything further than that and I just said that it may be the case, just a theory, you are making it sound as if I am putting you down elsewhere and that's not true and unfair.

What you said led Maxe to this conclusion.



Which is not true

Of course I'd fail if I only chased young guys like some nutcase.

Point is how flakey the men I meet are... at all ages.

And, Maxe, just showing a bit of sexy, flirty interest gets you no where if they're not into you as per Antrax examples above.

Women can't just get anyone. Even weird unattractive guys have standards.

Ok sorry boo. Your comment was innocuous. I guess I'm more hurt about this guy than I'm letting on.

I remember I used to be too young for guys, now I'm too old. I forgot that I had mentioned the age difference publicly.

He knew how old I was, what the hell was he doing messing me about if he really wasn't interested? It's really irritating.

Don't express verbal interest in someone if your not really interested peeps.

nevermind.

I mean I've been trying to do more of that, being in my D&D club at school, autism group and hanging out with autistic people outside of the autism group, not much more than that is reasonable for me right now, and I've still never been asked out or as far as I can tell had a person romantically interested in me at all.

It sounds to me like you hang out in a lot of spaces where that's not really the thing to do. If you spend time in a D&D group, romance can detract from that, so it's kind of a negative feedback loop, and the autistic aren't known to be the suavest Don Juans out there. I mean, just saying.

Also, do you kind of put out "The Vibe"--advertise your availability, etc.? It's not enough to just be present--you've got to indicate it wouldn't be a mistake to ask you out. Asking people out and being shot down can feel bad and make people look bad.

Y'know, not that you have to, again, I'm just saying.

There's a vibe?

I learned years ago not to express interest verbally or otherwise in person, that’s why I use dating sites where you know they’re looking to date and are single

Given that the world consists of approximately 50% men and 50% women, and a typical couple is formed between one man and one woman, it's pretty much a given that men and women have equal success and failure rates in forming meaningful relationships. There certainly are differences in how genders engage in casual sex, and the issues that lead to breakups are partly different, but the success & failure rates are similar.

Romantic interest shouldn't be verbal. It should be nonverbal (looks & eye contact) or putting down some effort in being close to the one you are interested in. That's also what I would look for. I couldn't care less if somebody expressed verbal interest or complimented me, but if somebody put down a lot of time trying to meet me that would be completely different.

Yes, spending time with someone is more important than just words.

I just can't find anyone that wants to spend that time with me.

I felt apologetic about saying this because it seems unfair that men probably (knowing there are exceptions) prefer women younger than themselves. Because I don't think it's exactly fair and I hate seeming to criticize a woman for chasing younger guys, especially if they are not returning her interest.

My point was just to be clear about the physical attraction. Some men have had dinner invitations accepted by women who then asked to be taken home after, and once home (and the guy had left) then called their real boyfriend to let him know it was safe to come over for the night. Of course I would think that most unattached guys would seriously consider anything that appears as an opportunity for physical affection of any sort from a member of the opposite sex. I guess the one concern that might hold them back would be lack of certainty that they would want a long-term relationship with her. Since most women seem to want that, I suppose that dating success for some women might require them to loosen their standards a bit, in other words willingness to engage in some casual sex while hoping for something more solid in the near future. Sort of like a the old advertising slogan from our State lottery "you have to play to win." Of course the playing part might actually be fun, you never know!