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kraftiekortie
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06 Oct 2019, 4:52 pm

Answer it. What did she text you?



Outsider85
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06 Oct 2019, 5:01 pm

Yes. Hello.

Me: This is (my name)
What are you up to today?

No reply.



kraftiekortie
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06 Oct 2019, 5:06 pm

You probably shouldn’t respond. Wait for her response.



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06 Oct 2019, 5:14 pm

That was the last time I responded. We also messaged on the dating app today.



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06 Oct 2019, 5:45 pm

Should I call her?



kraftiekortie
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06 Oct 2019, 9:01 pm

Probably not.



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06 Oct 2019, 9:08 pm

Shot I did. I didn’t get an answer. Didn’t leave a message.



CubsBullsBears
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06 Oct 2019, 9:33 pm

Like I said in my thread a little bit ago, a girl and I talked briefly as well, but she hasn't messaged me since wednesday. That appears to be a common thing on dating sites.:(

I would just keep trying and hope that someday you find a match. Trying out another dating site wouldn't hurt either.



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06 Oct 2019, 9:47 pm

I’ve tried them all.



GiantHockeyFan
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08 Oct 2019, 8:01 am

CubsBullsBears wrote:
Like I said in my thread a little bit ago, a girl and I talked briefly as well, but she hasn't messaged me since wednesday. That appears to be a common thing on dating sites.:(

I would just keep trying and hope that someday you find a match. Trying out another dating site wouldn't hurt either.

I was surprised the first 20 times that happened too. I still can't make sense of it: if you are no longer interested, SAY SO!! How is it that this incredibly rude and disrespectful behavior is considered normal?

It makes no logical sense how I could have been having a deep conversation back and forth and the other person would just act like they dropped dead of a heart attack. I spent way too many time micro-analyzing what I said to scare the other person off when in reality that just found a more exciting person to talk to. I guess the plus side is you quickly learn how little integrity they have: these are the kind of people who will move out in the middle of the day while you are at work and take the kids with them rather than have an adult conversation.



kraftiekortie
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08 Oct 2019, 8:08 am

Women are afraid guys might start stalking them if they are rejected. Because guys do that sometimes.

I don’t like this sort of thing—but it’s sort of understandable.



GiantHockeyFan
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08 Oct 2019, 8:10 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Women are afraid guys might start stalking them if they are rejected. Because guys do that sometimes.

I don’t like this sort of thing—but it’s sort of understandable.


Yet these same people won't if they are treated badly and not given closure? Did any of the women ever think that one day they might be facing me in a job interview or looking for me to hire them? I see no downside to being polite but firm.



kraftiekortie
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08 Oct 2019, 8:16 am

It would be nice....but people just are too scared the way the world is today.

We might respond well to “polite but firm”—but others really don’t.

If I’m ghosted, I’d just take my medicine and move on, lamenting that it would have been nice if “closure” were provided.



RightGalaxy
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08 Oct 2019, 8:44 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Probably not.


If she is interested, she will contact you. You've made it safe for her emotionally by already contacting her, so it's now up to her to contact you. If she doesn't, move on. Don't be hurt by it. You did your part. We aspies have this problem: When people aren't interested in us, we always think that we can somehow make them like us or we want to know why and what we need to change. That's what gets us trips to police stations for stalking and harrassment. Accept yourself and accept people's disinterest. Unfortunately, as aspies, we take things literally especially the term "Rejection". This word if taken literally, becomes an avenue for our own insecurities. If you get used to the idea that a person isn't interested, then it's on them and not us. When you say you are being rejected, you end up acting like a factory part and you go about life trying to fix this factory part. Like pieces of puzzles, if a puzzle piece isn't the right fit, do you through it out or try to jam it in where it doesn't fit??? NO! Of course not!! What you do is be patient until you find where it fits. When the whole is completed, you have a picture made up of many parts. Like life. We all have our purpose. So smile, like yourself and move on until you find your fit and/or your fit finds you. :)



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08 Oct 2019, 9:17 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
CubsBullsBears wrote:
Like I said in my thread a little bit ago, a girl and I talked briefly as well, but she hasn't messaged me since wednesday. That appears to be a common thing on dating sites.:(

I would just keep trying and hope that someday you find a match. Trying out another dating site wouldn't hurt either.

I was surprised the first 20 times that happened too. I still can't make sense of it: if you are no longer interested, SAY SO!! How is it that this incredibly rude and disrespectful behavior is considered normal?

It makes no logical sense how I could have been having a deep conversation back and forth and the other person would just act like they dropped dead of a heart attack. I spent way too many time micro-analyzing what I said to scare the other person off when in reality that just found a more exciting person to talk to. I guess the plus side is you quickly learn how little integrity they have: these are the kind of people who will move out in the middle of the day while you are at work and take the kids with them rather than have an adult conversation.






I agree with you. People are so uncivilized tees days. Since they were in diapers, they had everything given to them, but discipline. Because discipline is becoming an outdated concept.



GiantHockeyFan
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08 Oct 2019, 9:28 am

Wise advice again from RightGalaxy. I have an issue where I tend to personalize everything and assume it is automatically my fault or something I did. In the context of this discussion, I viewed the women I dated as the golden ticket but in reality many women who rejected me had serious issues and were addicted to drama and conflict. I was always devastated every time I faced rejection until a girl literally got out of my bed, and walked out like I didn't even exist without even acknowledging my requests to talk it out. That obviously said a lot more about her (that she can't have any form of mature, adult conversation) than about me accidently offending her and from that point on women in general fell from their pedestals. Imagine what a miserable experience it would be to be married to someone like that, male or female!

What I am trying to say is that you can be absolutely perfect on a date, have a great time and still get rejected for something as silly as you look physically like an ex or they had a bad experience with a cashier an hour before. It took me a long time to understand that all those "amazing" women in most cases were just a façade and if you date them long enough, you usually learn they are single for a reason.