To Date or not to Date...........

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^^ No dear , I am correct and you know this ....unless if deep inside you know exactly what you want but you hate to admit it but I doubt that, since you said that you don't know whom you want then you don't know what you want .

You must *know* yourself in order to *know* what you want .

No one can help you in this except yourself.

I agree with LePetitPrince.

Tim

just because someone turns out not to be as i intially thought... does not mean i dont know what i want...

how are you guys jumping to that conclusion? it's like if im in a boat heading one direction... get knocked off course a lil by a wave... you two are telling me just to change course (as if the wave had anything to do with my knwoledge of where i want to go)... lol

it's part of why i didnt want to go out on the said date with the other guy... (and has nothing to do with the first guy)

it IS about what i want.

Sedaka, I can at least identify with the part of not wanting to go on dates with people I don't have attraction to. Part of it is my history with AS and how I kinda feel like the effects of that have lent me to having large parts of my self-esteem linked to doing what I feel is the right thing and not causing people hurt or harm.

Its kinda tough for me to give too much advice on this, I've been single for over 7 years now and most of it is the fact that the more unique you are the more of a headache it will be to meet someone with which something can work right at all. I used to really obsess a lot over people, broke the habit, still have had people recently that I thought would be great fits but of course anyone I'm really attracted to - things go sideways for reasons so subtle and weird that its stuff beyond my own governance (I'd imagine you probably run into that too quite a bit). I sometimes think that lack of obsession does cause a problem in the sense that it keeps me more reticent about outright showing attraction at early stages but at the same time its gotten a lot easier not to personally own, be as crushed, or have my time get wasted by emotions that feel like they're misplaced.

The advice I'd want to give is let it go, if its been that long its probably pretty clear that even if he's mildly attracted to you its not up to the threshold of getting things into action. My guess on that, I really doubt its looks, if anything that's probably some of what keeps him there but on the other end maybe you guys do have some fundamental differences of personality where he doesn't feel like the level the two of you communicate on is really gratifying enough to take it to the next level.

Just stay on the lookout, keep your ear the ground, and be open minded. If you don't want to go on dates with particular people, don't - you don't want the emotional drama or to hurt them and I don't blame you on that. However when you look around and observe most guys really try to figure out what you need, what you don't, and even try to be a bit adaptive with it all; hopefully putting in that effort will open a few more doors for you.

its funny in a sad way that among a group of aspies(!), people state with pretentious sureness that they know more about a person from afar than said person knows about herself firsthand. thats ironic, ridicolous, and tactless to top it all off.

As was mentioned before, you can't just sit around and hope this other guy (your true objective) gets the hint. Even if he does, he may not want to participate for reasons he will not disclose.

Think of this as a war, and you are the general. Thinking in a romantic way is a waste of time. You have a hill to take, you know your resources, and you know the nature of the adversary. It is time to use whatever is at your disposal, but within the rules of war, to claim your prize.

Of course, the definition of victory might need to be adjusted.

Your victory may be finding a different target with similar qualities as to the individual you are pursuing, but the only way to locate said target is to date.

However, if you wish to continue pining and dying over this one guy, I must strongly suggest learning to walk with a limp, and arguing with Mr. Starbuck how your vengeance will pay a great premium here.

(Mental note: I get ten points for referencing a classic novel in dating advice, and not diverging to the definition of a Leviathan)