Why are women on dating sites such hippocrites

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sinsboldly
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06 Jan 2008, 9:08 pm

juliekitty wrote:

Leo21k wrote:

You find these women on these sites saying they want serious relationships yet they are in talks with all these different guys through the dating site at the same time... How serious is that?

Okay, now please explain this one to me, because it causes me a lot of problems.

I am definitely looking for something serious, but why does that mean I should only date one guy at a time? How am I supposed to know whether or not I want to get serious with a guy after only one date? Why shouldn't I date others until I know I want to be serious with one?

I really have an issue with men who get huffy or whiny because I'm busy Saturday night, when they haven't even asked me to be exclusive. They just ASSUME I'm not going to date anybody else. Why the heck shouldn't I, if we are not officially boyfriend/girlfriend?

(NB: In my world, "date" =/= "have sex with".)

See? this is what I don't understand, either!

when I was going to school. . high school (yes, they did have high school when I was that age!) we 'played the field' by dating several guys at one time. THIS WAS THE EXPECTED BEHAVIOUR This is how we got to know several people at one time. We only 'went steady' with one boy at a time because it meant you were steadily dating one boy.

There were 'promise' rings that meant we were contemplating getting 'engaged'. We got engaged when we had played the field, gone steady and hung out with someone for years, usually. By the time we got married, we were practically family with their folks, anyway since we had known the guys' friends and relations for years.

But the point is, we were not expected to date one guy EXCLUSIVELY when we were younger, (and the parenting magazines of the day was always asking the magazine selling question 'are our kids going steady too early these days?)
we were encouraged to 'play the field' and believe me, we were not expected or was it condoned that sex was to take place in any of those dates, at any stage.

so. . pardon us older folks that wonder what happened to 'playing the field'. And when did it change into being suspect behaviour? If we were sleeping with everyone we dated I could see the problem (exclusive body fluid exchange)but that is not the issue.

Merle

gwenevyn
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06 Jan 2008, 10:32 pm

Tequila wrote:

I looked at PlentyOfFish a few months back. Websites like that are for gutter women and desperate men. Not any place you can find someone respectable. If you want some risky fun though knock yourself out by all means.

I decided to go see whether you were exaggerating.

I kid you not, I clicked on the first profile randomly displayed on the front page and this was the first sentence in that profile:

plentyoffish woman wrote:

I'm going through a crappy time in my life. I WAS involved with someone but they're in Prison."

Maybe try another site? They're not all like this.

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Topher
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07 Jan 2008, 9:59 am

sinsboldly wrote:

juliekitty wrote:

Leo21k wrote:

You find these women on these sites saying they want serious relationships yet they are in talks with all these different guys through the dating site at the same time... How serious is that?

Odd. In my school people just paired up.

Pandora
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07 Jan 2008, 10:25 am

Yeah, in mine too. Playing the field wasn't considered that much of a good thing.

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juliekitty
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07 Jan 2008, 11:47 am

It doesn't seem to me to be very wise to make instantaneous decisions about who you're going to be "serious" about.

Or very serious, for that matter.

0_equals_true
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07 Jan 2008, 1:27 pm

juliekitty wrote:

It doesn't seem to me to be very wise to make instantaneous decisions about who you're going to be "serious" about.

Or very serious, for that matter.

I think the way you do it makes some sense although personally I think I want to date one person at a time and see what they are like. Therefore I wouldn't have to worry about playing catchup, or treating each the same. The main thing is it is hard enough knowing how I feel about one person so having more than one clouds things for me and also I can go as far with the relationship as deemed necessary. It take time for me to know that I really like a person.

0_equals_true
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07 Jan 2008, 1:29 pm

Topher wrote:

Odd. In my school people just paired up.

They probably had some chemistry you would have thought.

sarahstilettos
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07 Jan 2008, 4:35 pm

0_equals_true wrote:

juliekitty wrote:

It doesn't seem to me to be very wise to make instantaneous decisions about who you're going to be "serious" about.

Or very serious, for that matter.

Whatever sense it might make I'm also not able to handle dating more than one person at a time. The whole thing takes up so much mental energy just with one person, so I find that quite enough!

Aspie_Chav
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07 Jan 2008, 4:51 pm

I can only assume that woman on datesite receive loads of mail, and it become tyasome to reply to all.

Brian003
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07 Jan 2008, 7:08 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:

if you are ugly in your posted picture there, then some will be really hostile if you contact them.

Yup, women are in general more shallow than men. Thats why they like shopping so much

Mark198423
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07 Jan 2008, 8:08 pm

I understand people not replying if they're not interested, as people have said here - it's easier to say nothing than let you down gently. I tend to receive rather than send as even online I get anxious and I ignore anyone I'm not interested in.
It's the girls who message you first and then ignore your reply that get me. Surely they're interested or why take the time?

Topher
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07 Jan 2008, 8:23 pm

Mark198423 wrote:

Thats happened to me. One girl replied to me and she asked me what I do for hobbies. I told her and she never replied. I was quite confused.

Mark198423
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07 Jan 2008, 8:56 pm

Topher wrote:

Thats happened to me. One girl replied to me and she asked me what I do for hobbies. I told her and she never replied. I was quite confused.

Tell me about it!! I receive 1 line from them so I check out their profile, send something relevant back - with a little humour when possible and then... nothing.

I wouldn't mind but I can't even find any decent free site's so the whole waste of time actually costs me!

MikeInVa
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07 Jan 2008, 9:22 pm

http://www.delphifaq.com/outside_the_cu ... _scams.htm

Take a look at this link folks & you'll soon learn why I've since stopped trusting any & all dating websites.

juliekitty
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07 Jan 2008, 10:28 pm

Mark198423 wrote:

I receive 1 line from them so I check out their profile, send something relevant back - with a little humour when possible and then... nothing.

Well, if it makes you feel any better, that sometimes happens to me as well.

I wonder if we are letting our aspieness show right from the first e-mail, or if NTs do this to each other too?

Mark198423 wrote:

I wouldn't mind but I can't even find any decent free site's so the whole waste of time actually costs me!

Have you tried plentyoffish?

Mark198423
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07 Jan 2008, 10:36 pm

juliekitty wrote:

Have you tried plentyoffish?

I've not, it's been put down a bit on here. Have you used it yourself? Any success?

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