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If you want a date, cut the inferiority complex

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Hector
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30 Nov 2008, 10:21 pm

alex wrote:
Bataar wrote:
It's not about a lack of confidence for me, but rather, a hatred of small talk. I'll see a ringless women at a store, or restaurant somewhere that I'm attracted to, but I can never think of something interesting (not meaningless) to say. I don't want to ask stupid questions because I don't care about the answers.


say: "Hi. I find you cute and I'm going to talk with you for a little bit. My name's Alex." and just let things flow... if you don't find her cute, don't tell her that you do, obviously.

Isn't saying this off-putting? I can't imagine feeling comfortable saying that to a girl however cute I found her.



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30 Nov 2008, 10:24 pm

*rolls eyes* Don't ever tell 'em you like them. They were just about to have some respect for you!



sunshower
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01 Dec 2008, 8:41 am

Bataar wrote:
timeisdead wrote:
Bataar wrote:
It's not about a lack of confidence for me, but rather, a hatred of small talk. I'll see a ringless women at a store, or restaurant somewhere that I'm attracted to, but I can never think of something interesting (not meaningless) to say. I don't want to ask stupid questions because I don't care about the answers.

Where do you try go get girls? Maybe you can try looking for ones a tad bit intellectual?

I don't try to get girls at all. I don't want to say I've given up because that's not true exactly, I just don't try. I'd like to be in a strong relationship, but can't convince myself it'd be worth going through all the boring stuff in the beginning.


If you're already bored at the beginning, then don't bother with that person. Believe me.

Better alone than bored and lonely with someone else. At least you retain your independence. Interesting people are out there. They're rare, but they're out there.


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01 Dec 2008, 1:57 pm

Hector wrote:
alex wrote:
Bataar wrote:
It's not about a lack of confidence for me, but rather, a hatred of small talk. I'll see a ringless women at a store, or restaurant somewhere that I'm attracted to, but I can never think of something interesting (not meaningless) to say. I don't want to ask stupid questions because I don't care about the answers.


say: "Hi. I find you cute and I'm going to talk with you for a little bit. My name's Alex." and just let things flow... if you don't find her cute, don't tell her that you do, obviously.

Isn't saying this off-putting? I can't imagine feeling comfortable saying that to a girl however cute I found her.


Yeah, I can speak for at least myself and my friends that we'd be creeped out as hell at a statement like that. In fact I had something like that happen to me and I was jumpy the rest of the day.



Haliphron
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01 Dec 2008, 2:20 pm

Orbyss wrote:
Hector wrote:
alex wrote:
Bataar wrote:
It's not about a lack of confidence for me, but rather, a hatred of small talk. I'll see a ringless women at a store, or restaurant somewhere that I'm attracted to, but I can never think of something interesting (not meaningless) to say. I don't want to ask stupid questions because I don't care about the answers.


say: "Hi. I find you cute and I'm going to talk with you for a little bit. My name's Alex." and just let things flow... if you don't find her cute, don't tell her that you do, obviously.

Isn't saying this off-putting? I can't imagine feeling comfortable saying that to a girl however cute I found her.


Yeah, I can speak for at least myself and my friends that we'd be creeped out as hell at a statement like that. In fact I had something like that happen to me and I was jumpy the rest of the day.


I agree. If I were female and some random guy came up to me and introduced himself and then told me he's "going" to talk to me for a little bit I wold get up and leave without saying a word. If I Really didnt find him attractive in the least I would tell him: "and Im going to leave, good BYE!" .



Bataar
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01 Dec 2008, 2:25 pm

sunshower wrote:
Bataar wrote:
timeisdead wrote:
Bataar wrote:
It's not about a lack of confidence for me, but rather, a hatred of small talk. I'll see a ringless women at a store, or restaurant somewhere that I'm attracted to, but I can never think of something interesting (not meaningless) to say. I don't want to ask stupid questions because I don't care about the answers.

Where do you try go get girls? Maybe you can try looking for ones a tad bit intellectual?

I don't try to get girls at all. I don't want to say I've given up because that's not true exactly, I just don't try. I'd like to be in a strong relationship, but can't convince myself it'd be worth going through all the boring stuff in the beginning.


If you're already bored at the beginning, then don't bother with that person. Believe me.

Better alone than bored and lonely with someone else. At least you retain your independence. Interesting people are out there. They're rare, but they're out there.
I just don't like the whole process of "getting to know" the person. I like knowing them, but the whole, getting to know them and trying to impress them just feels like a job interview. If I could get beyond that point to where I could comfortably invite her over to my place where I could cook us a fabulous dinner and watch a movie together, I'd love that.



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01 Dec 2008, 5:45 pm

timeisdead wrote:
If you don't have the confidence, fake it till you make it. Be rebellious. Present an I don't give a f**k attitude. You don't have to have all the social graces in the world. I suggest entering a scene and dressing in what you think is a cool style. If you can't do that, play the role of the lone rebel. Let loose!


I tell you, sensibility is wasted on many women and that is why a lot of them have their hearts broken. Being "rebellious", being "ovely confident", it is not in our nature to be such things, those are the kinds of qualities that a lot of you girls look for in males who tend to be jerkish in nature. A person should not act contrary to their nature, becuase it is not being true to one's self, and in the end, they will have to give up the charade if they're wise.

Humorously enough, many of you girls get exactly what you ask for, you want overly confident and arrogant guys, you get them and every other things that comes with it. You'll get cheating, break-ups, broken hearts, and everything else. Well you'll get break-ups in any relationship, but you get the point. It is more than fitting that foolish girls who seek overly-confident and rebel type guys suffer the consequences of their poor choices. Terribly ironic, I think at the deepest level, girls want guys that are trustworthy, honest, likeable, kind, etc. However many of you choose guys who are the exact opposite, hence the irony.

My only regret is that nice guys like myself and others on this forum have had the annoyance and indignity of being rejected and overlooked simply because we are "nice guys". But it does please me to see people pay for their foolish choices :twisted:



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02 Dec 2008, 3:35 pm

AutisticMalcontent wrote:
timeisdead wrote:
If you don't have the confidence, fake it till you make it. Be rebellious. Present an I don't give a f**k attitude. You don't have to have all the social graces in the world. I suggest entering a scene and dressing in what you think is a cool style. If you can't do that, play the role of the lone rebel. Let loose!


I tell you, sensibility is wasted on many women and that is why a lot of them have their hearts broken. Being "rebellious", being "ovely confident", it is not in our nature to be such things, those are the kinds of qualities that a lot of you girls look for in males who tend to be jerkish in nature. A person should not act contrary to their nature, becuase it is not being true to one's self, and in the end, they will have to give up the charade if they're wise.

Humorously enough, many of you girls get exactly what you ask for, you want overly confident and arrogant guys, you get them and every other things that comes with it. You'll get cheating, break-ups, broken hearts, and everything else. Well you'll get break-ups in any relationship, but you get the point. It is more than fitting that foolish girls who seek overly-confident and rebel type guys suffer the consequences of their poor choices. Terribly ironic, I think at the deepest level, girls want guys that are trustworthy, honest, likeable, kind, etc. However many of you choose guys who are the exact opposite, hence the irony.

My only regret is that nice guys like myself and others on this forum have had the annoyance and indignity of being rejected and overlooked simply because we are "nice guys". But it does please me to see people pay for their foolish choices :twisted:


There is a learning curve, AM. Many women have preconceptions of how their mate should act; many men have preconceptions on how their mate should look and behave. As I've gotten older, I've learned to shed many of those, and find female friends going through the same experience. Admittedly, as we enter our thirties and forties there is more baggage, but with that experience comes wisdom, knowledge of self and of desires... and baggage can be checked, in time. The person is the important part. What is the quote... if you're not a rebel by the age of twenty, you've got no heart - but if you haven't gone establishment by the time you're thirty, you've got no brains. That same evolution of perception and perspective occurs in other spheres as well.


M.


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timeisdead
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02 Dec 2008, 4:50 pm

Quote:
Humorously enough, many of you girls get exactly what you ask for, you want overly confident and arrogant guys, you get them and every other things that comes with it. You'll get cheating, break-ups, broken hearts, and everything else. Well you'll get break-ups in any relationship, but you get the point. It is more than fitting that foolish girls who seek overly-confident and rebel type guys suffer the consequences of their poor choices. Terribly ironic, I think at the deepest level, girls want guys that are trustworthy, honest, likeable, kind, etc. However many of you choose guys who are the exact opposite, hence the irony.

OK let me explain.....
What I want is completely rare, a man who hates the society we live in but isn't a p**** and can protect me if need be. I like a confident man who doesn't give a f**k about what others think (with some exceptions such as his significant other), not an egotistical frat-boy. There is a difference!



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02 Dec 2008, 4:54 pm

timeisdead wrote:
Quote:
Humorously enough, many of you girls get exactly what you ask for, you want overly confident and arrogant guys, you get them and every other things that comes with it. You'll get cheating, break-ups, broken hearts, and everything else. Well you'll get break-ups in any relationship, but you get the point. It is more than fitting that foolish girls who seek overly-confident and rebel type guys suffer the consequences of their poor choices. Terribly ironic, I think at the deepest level, girls want guys that are trustworthy, honest, likeable, kind, etc. However many of you choose guys who are the exact opposite, hence the irony.

OK let me explain.....
What I want is completely rare, a man who hates the society we live in but isn't a p**** and can protect me if need be. I like a confident man who doesn't give a f**k about what others think (with some exceptions such as his significant other), not an egotistical frat-boy. There is a difference!


Ditto.



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02 Dec 2008, 5:19 pm

That's a pretty illogical expectation. If he doesn't give a f**k about what others think, why should he give a f**k about what you think?



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02 Dec 2008, 5:19 pm

timeisdead wrote:
Quote:
Humorously enough, many of you girls get exactly what you ask for, you want overly confident and arrogant guys, you get them and every other things that comes with it. You'll get cheating, break-ups, broken hearts, and everything else. Well you'll get break-ups in any relationship, but you get the point. It is more than fitting that foolish girls who seek overly-confident and rebel type guys suffer the consequences of their poor choices. Terribly ironic, I think at the deepest level, girls want guys that are trustworthy, honest, likeable, kind, etc. However many of you choose guys who are the exact opposite, hence the irony.

OK let me explain.....
What I want is completely rare, a man who hates the society we live in but isn't a p**** and can protect me if need be. I like a confident man who doesn't give a f**k about what others think (with some exceptions such as his significant other), not an egotistical frat-boy. There is a difference!
Really? You want someone that "hates" our society? I can understand having strong dislikings or hatred of certain, small areas or aspects, but all society in general? That would require a pretty negative viewpoint and I don't know how someone like that could be happy.



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02 Dec 2008, 5:25 pm

Cyberman wrote:
That's a pretty illogical expectation. If he doesn't give a f**k about what others think, why should he give a f**k about what you think?

Because he sees you as different from the rest......



timeisdead
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02 Dec 2008, 5:27 pm

Bataar wrote:
timeisdead wrote:
Quote:
Humorously enough, many of you girls get exactly what you ask for, you want overly confident and arrogant guys, you get them and every other things that comes with it. You'll get cheating, break-ups, broken hearts, and everything else. Well you'll get break-ups in any relationship, but you get the point. It is more than fitting that foolish girls who seek overly-confident and rebel type guys suffer the consequences of their poor choices. Terribly ironic, I think at the deepest level, girls want guys that are trustworthy, honest, likeable, kind, etc. However many of you choose guys who are the exact opposite, hence the irony.

OK let me explain.....
What I want is completely rare, a man who hates the society we live in but isn't a p**** and can protect me if need be. I like a confident man who doesn't give a f**k about what others think (with some exceptions such as his significant other), not an egotistical frat-boy. There is a difference!
Really? You want someone that "hates" our society? I can understand having strong dislikings or hatred of certain, small areas or aspects, but all society in general? That would require a pretty negative viewpoint and I don't know how someone like that could be happy.

That person could be very passionate about certain issues in politics and may want to change the world. The inner negativity can inspire someone to seek a revolution. That person can also have many interests and loves (such as nature or music).



alex
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02 Dec 2008, 5:40 pm

Haliphron wrote:
Orbyss wrote:
Hector wrote:
alex wrote:
Bataar wrote:
It's not about a lack of confidence for me, but rather, a hatred of small talk. I'll see a ringless women at a store, or restaurant somewhere that I'm attracted to, but I can never think of something interesting (not meaningless) to say. I don't want to ask stupid questions because I don't care about the answers.


say: "Hi. I find you cute and I'm going to talk with you for a little bit. My name's Alex." and just let things flow... if you don't find her cute, don't tell her that you do, obviously.

Isn't saying this off-putting? I can't imagine feeling comfortable saying that to a girl however cute I found her.


Yeah, I can speak for at least myself and my friends that we'd be creeped out as hell at a statement like that. In fact I had something like that happen to me and I was jumpy the rest of the day.


I agree. If I were female and some random guy came up to me and introduced himself and then told me he's "going" to talk to me for a little bit I wold get up and leave without saying a word. If I Really didnt find him attractive in the least I would tell him: "and Im going to leave, good BYE!" .


yeah some girls will be up tight about someone saying that but I wouldn't want to really date someone who got freaked out from someone telling them that they're attractive. that's kinda a rude way to respond to a compliment.

most girls seem receptive to someone who's honest about their feelings. obviously there will be exceptions but you wouldn't want to date someone so high strung.



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02 Dec 2008, 5:45 pm

Kinda and maybe don't exist in my dictionary

but I kinda agree with alex on this one , maybe he's right after all , maybe blunt honesty is the best but it's kinda awkward to say something like that but still he's kinda right.