Coming across as "creepy"

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Aye, but there's the rub; I don't think I'm very quick in active conversation.

Sometimes not talking about attraction and sex can be creepier than being open about it. If it seems like you have an attraction to her or a desire for her but you try to hide it, she may wonder why: Are you ashamed of something? Do you have devious intentions? At least when you're more open about, they'll recognize the natural desires that pretty much everyone has and that they might be feeling at the moment too.

How could I do this in a way that isn't itself unsettling?

I don't think I'm creepy, I'm pretty quiet which tends to piss people off or make them suspicious more than anything else.

The creepiest thing I've seen involving a guy and girl is a bit on the extreme side as it involved a man of 60+ leering at and commenting on the appearance of a girl who probably wasn't even 20. It was on my college campus, out of the blue and pretty disgusting. He commented on her tan and boots (in fairly 'I like you *drool*' way) whilst they passed each other.

Good thread, will have to come back to it.

You're talking as if girls are mind-readers and vibes-detectors --> there's no such thing.

Creepiness's evaluation is only based on personal judgments and cultural/media influences (Ie. Japanese geek fancying a girl= automatically creepy), all this talk about vibes and negative energy from males is all feminine magazines' yada-yada.

How is this a bad thing? If the guy doesn't approach a girl, he will have to wait until a girl approaches him.

I see this as the problem. If girls are truly interested in being with a guy who acts like himself and doesn't always follow society's rules, then there shouldn't be something automatically wrong with a guy who breaks them.


What I find odd is that behaving unusually is seen by many women as always being a bad thing--while it could just as easily be that someone who intends to lie or manipulate acts more "normal" than someone who doesn't. Women who are always talking about the creepy guys they meet, but never about the unusually interesting guys, make me want to not get to know them.

When women describe a guy as "creepy" it could mean any number of things. It's the same as "nice guy" or "loser" they are extremely vague and could mean any number of things depending on the girl, the situation, what she is thinking, etc. I think you have to just be yourself, and part of that is risking coming off as "creepy". I think for me it's about a 1/3 chance. 2 girls I will say hi to react normally, one will think I am weird. Whatever.

If someone think you're "creepy" that you havent ever approached before, just IGNORE the b***h and move on. Ive had girls shout "creepy" at me from car windows and even saying it to their friends within earshot but that behaviour is very rude, AND lets not forget that rudeness is a weak persons way of imitating strength. Young women apply the term "creepy" to guys they happen to find unattractive; as well as guys who's behaviours make them uncomfortable. If you're going to initate conversation with a female stranger, its wisest do to so ONLY if she makes it clear to you that she's open to talking with you.

go to an anime convention in costume

I have a lot of ways I could answer this, but it's really a confusing question. For one thing, 'creepy' is totally subjective; what one woman might find creepy, another may find mysterious and intriguing.

So what kind of 'creepy' is being discussed here?

I have variations on the theme, all of them are mostly pretty specific to me. For instance, a lot of the guys my friend finds hot, I find to be 'creepy douchebags,' 'womanizers' or downright 'a**holes'. So, let me see if I can break this down.

Douchebag -- Self-centered, slightly pompous, insecure and slightly aggressive. He's an 'innocent a**hole,' in a way, acting like a narcissist without really realizing his actions. Thing is, it's clear he could try harder not to be the douchebag he is, and that's why I give him that moniker.

Sane Creep -- Sleezy, womanzing 'creeper,' narcissistic or even psychopathic. He may dress nice, but I can feel in my gut he's a nasty one. Very bad news, hate hate hate.

Insane Creep -- The guys that come up to me while I'm working and ask me out with a toothless grin and an earring they found on the floor. They may try to cop a feel. I don't want to waste my time and I have no idea what they're up to.

Rapist -- Rapist. Go figure. The kind of guys that leer very obviously, if I need to specify.

a**hole -- All out narcissist. All of the above except crazy, usually. A lot like the sane creep but really obvious and not nearly as sleazy. He uses his various means of power to push people around, including women.

So, with that in mind, I don't think very many of you guys would fall into these categories. I will say that lots of people with AS definitely come off as creepy in their own way, but it's generally pretty obvious that they have some sort of social problem. It's not insanity, it's nerdism and social awkwardness. I've met guys that said very faux pas things that shook me up at first, but my intuition would tell me something else.

I think the caveat I'll introduce here is to add that one should infer that someone is "creepy" for reasons that many see as clear and justified. I mean, whatever you do someone is bound to hate you for some dumb reason. I'm not so concerned about that because this happens to everyone.

That reads a lot like I see myself sometimes, actually.

Hahahah. Yeah, I had my boyfriend in mind almost the whole time I wrote that specific one. It's not unusual, and it's not necessarily creepy. Though because of the way he grew up, he's got 'creepy vibes' to boot. It can be overcome through practice. I don't know if you'd want my input on that, though.

Still, intuition is everything for some women, and most seem born with it innately. For instance, it's intuition that attracted me to my boyfriend both despite and because of his oddities, quirks and 'creepiness'. Long, strange story, though, as I've mentioned before, I'm sure. But I base my relationships on my gut, and, in my case, I'm all intestines and no brain, apparently.

There's little way to get around many women's 'sixth sense,' unless it's gobs of money and flare. Yeah, I hate to admit that. But any guy should be aware this isn't going to get them anything long term, so if they're looking for a life partner, money is of no value. I really have to press I feel it's best if you just polish yourself (in anyone's case on here), be confident with what you have, don't worry about playing the game, and put your best real face where everyone can see it. If she likes you, she'll respond. You're not going to win them all over -- the same goes for women, as I've learned.

I believe that for people in the spectrum, it's harder to get just anyone, but those who you can land, provided it's under healthy means (no desperation), are bound to be better fits. It's just getting past the illusion and delusion that there is some magical code you have to know in order to pass the test.

Oh, my god. I think I just used a roundabout way to express the overused, often baseless and disrespected adage, "Just be yourself". I apologize if that's something that's said all too often, but it has its truths. I've learned that from experience.

Oh, and on a side note, a long-time guy friend of mine is strongly suspecting -- or, rather, pretty much entirely convinced -- that he's Asperger's. Last night has asked me why he's always seen as the 'friend,' and why it never works that he puts himself forward with confidence. I said that he simply needs to pay attention, and learn through trial and error when to tell if a girl is flirting, because I feel that's often the first cause of loneliness in even the most confident Aspie. It's just working on the kinks, in his case. I have no doubt he'd fit well with a specific woman, but he just isn't quite trying hard enough -- not getting out, not making the moves, and not learning through experience thus.

It's really important that there be experiences through failures, and doubly important that those not be taken so personally, but as a way to improve. I mean this for everyone posting on here, not just Hector's OP.

I hope that isn't just the same ol'.

There were a few girls who made advances towards me in my secondary school years that I would have been all over now. One in particular who eventually just got upset from my lack of awareness and gave up, but I was wary of her increased interest in me coinciding with signs of depression. By the time I finally felt I learned all those signs, I had just started college and suddenly they were nowhere to be seen. I'll be finishing college after a few (busy) months and haven't caught any sign of a potential date, so I'm wondering if I'm somehow worse off for recognising the signs and wanting to do something about them. That was the motivation behind this thread, essentially.

So, you're worried that if a girl is interested in you, you will make advances and come off as creepy?

I think what I said still holds, in that case. If she's already liking you, all you can do is be yourself and hope it works out. You're going to have to let your 'real self' out eventually, after all. That doesn't mean you have to tell anyone right off the bat that you've got a blatant diagnosis, mind.

Basically, I would think it confusing if a guy came up to me and was acting one way, while I was picking up on something either contradictory or just different than what was being made more apparent. And that has happened. I like an honest guy; anything else may come off as manipulative, and as a result, potentially creepy. That's just me, of course.

Well, I'm not doing anything I'm uncomfortable with, so in that sense I'm as much myself as I understand the phrase "just be yourself" to mean. I might come across as uncomfortable, though, because I'm usually intimidated by attractive women in practice and I'm just not a great communicator in general.