Anyone else not looking because you are sick of rejection?

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The problem with that approach is that you'll just meet girls that are into bars and pubs in the first place. If, like me, pubs bore you and bars even more so, that's not good. Plus, most people at pubs and, especially, bars, aren't looking for anything vaguely serious. If what you really want is something a bit more meaningful, it's like looking for a death metal fan in a classical music concert - you're significantly less likely to find one than in a random cross-section of the population.



I find it practically impossible to establish rapport with strangers, even when there are obvious topics of conversation. It is this, coupled with the extreme unlikelihood of coming across someone compatible (and single) that makes me feel my chances of winning the jackpot are better - and hence, I cut my losses. Life's too short to keep doing something that doesn't work for you.

[quote="Kenjuudo]

The game-rules for getting women are simple.

Preparations:
1) Wash yourself.
2) Use deodorant. You need to like the smell of it yourself. DO NOT USE TOO MUCH.
3) Put on clothes that aren't too boring. Too colorful "clown" is also bad mind you.

[/quote]

You think I DON'T do the basic hygeyne stuff? I'm very hurt and insulted you would think that. I'm going to be 41 at the end of the month I never liked the bar scene. But every girl I have meet either through an online personal site or other places have done the same thing to me. With the online ones we exchange a few emails, maybe talk on the phone a couple of times, then I never hear from them again. Nothing, no explination, nothing. All of a sudden I'm a peice of crap that is not worth talking to anymore. Then with the ones I meet we go out a couple of times, I'm interested in them but they alwasy say they just want to be friends, not intersted in a relationship with anyone. Then a week later they introduce me to the new boyfriend. But I thought they were not interested in a reltionship?

Don't judge me unless you walked a mile in my shoes.

Maybe you should try changing the scent you use? Some woman base men on the smell they carry...
And if they're 'dumping' you like that obviously they're too immature for what you want in a relationship

I'm not looking, but not because of fear of rejection.

KenM: Of course I don't think that, but my response is not only for you, but anybody who wants to read it, and not everybody understands the things about personal hygiene and how important that is to meet a girl, and that's all I'm saying.

If a girl says she wants to only be friends, then say that's not what you want. Even though we lack social skills doesn't mean NTs can read your mind. Or go find someone who may be interested.


pbcoll: You aren't going to find the love of your life in that bar that night. What you ARE going to find though, is a way to train yourself to approach women. Generally speaking, women finds it more appealing to be hit on at a library or at a mall as opposed to the obvious places like bars and pubs, but unexpected environments are also MUCH more difficult to navigate for a person with low self esteem... Consider the bar/pub thing a sort of school...

I just can't be bothered with the baggage of trying to keep someone else happy. I've been too scared with people i've liked out of fear of rejection, and I got hurt pretty badly last time I was interested in a guy so I just keep my distance. It's bound to happen again.

EVERY person dumping me like that? Not getting back to me? I find it hard to belive they are all immature. Its something else, they hate me and were just screwing with me if they don't give me the respect of an honest rejection.

Don't give me any advice on how to get someone. I'm done. I'm not going to be screwed with anymore. I hope all women go back to hell where they came from.

it never seems to work out for me. every five years or so, i'll hook up with somebody and be with them for a few years, only for it to fall apart. i'm too much in my own world sometimes to see what is around me anyway. i'm not the kind who goes to bars to pick up women. i just show up to drink, then leave after a while because i was only there to do that. it seems these days i can't find anybody who will accept me for the way i am. if i do get the nerve to ask a girl, i usually get the "i want to stay friends" reply.

KenM: I'm absolutely positive there have been girls who found you attractive and/or interesting during your life. You simply didn't notice because you were too preoccupied with other things/girls.

Neurotypicals read something in others that we simply don't read. It's a mystery and can drive you literally mad. I've for example found that they instinctively know your intentions and expectations before you've even said anything. This is not done on an intellectual level though; It isn't done consciously and they don't know they're doing it, they just "feel" it. If their predictions are wrong, you've basically won. It's that simple. It's up to you to not be too predictable.

Since you told me to not give you more advices, I'm going to stop now.

^
^
""but they always say they just want to be friends, not intersted in a
relationship with anyone. Then a week later they introduce me to the
new boyfriend.""

That kinda sucks they could at least just say
it like it is. Or...maybe they weren`t interested
in a relationship that week but met a terrific guy
the week after and things changed, that can happen
i guess..but it still sucks a little to experince

The Talk, as people seem to call it, is something that winds me up every time I hear it. It's almost like the fact you're a 'nice guy' has absolutely sod-all to do with the situation, yet they seem to think so.

It's not just the rejection that smacks me, it's when they feel the need to tell you about their 'new friend Steve' or whoever. It's like they're saying this is more like the man I wanted, why not compare yourself to him. Then I get stomach-churningly jealous.

So yes, as negative as it sounds I really do agree. I'm 37 and have been rejected many times in many ways, although The Talk has always been part of it. If you can throw yourself into stuff that matters - hobbies, learning web coding, watching every Russ Meyer film ever - it'll make things so much easier. And they don't patronise you.

Hey don't group us all together! I'm a woman and have NEVER lead anyone on, maybe something in your actions makes you seem less approachable?

Yeah, sugarcoating is neither kind nor honest. It's probably a mixture of them not havin the guts to say it like it is, and not respeting you enough to tell you the truth.



Thanks for the advice, but I just feel life's too short to be going to bars when I've got so many other things to worry about, in the distant, unlikely hope that someday it will help me find someone. It's like going to school when you don't think you are ever going to graduate - better cut your losses. Part of the problem is that to be truly interested in someone, I kind of have to know them at least a little first*, but by then it's always too late.
Just out of sheer curiosity, who's the girl in your avatar?

*there was an exception a couple of years ago, but then her good qualities (mainly a wholesome, authentic niceness that shines forth) were very obvious, and my first impression wasn't wrong. Taken for the long haul, of course.

I'm not looking because I find relationships to be a complete waste of my time. A significant other has never been and never will be a necessity for my survival in this world.
Plus, I find the vast majority of people to be shallow, stupid, self-centered & egotistical mindless drones whom I never put up with unless I absolutely have no choice but to do so.
I actually prefer to live in solitude, because I can do whatever the hell I want and I don't have to answer to anyone.

Relationships are rife with BS - you have to just put up with it if you want to have any chance at success.
And I DO NOT feel like putting up with BS, which is why I've been single my whole life.
...Not that it really matters to me, I've got better things to do with my time than chase after some random girl.

Last edited by EnigmaticPhilosophy on 12 Mar 2009, 12:06 am, edited 1 time in total.

Let's see here. I have not dated in, oh about 2+ years now.

Do I miss it? No, not really. I felt more like I had to play a game, perform an act, be someone other than myself. A few years ago, I came to realize that dating has never (and I do mean never) been any fun for me. More like high anxiety, social awkwardness, and depression from it all. No thanks. I would rather watch a show on mathematics than go through that again.

Did I ever have any good dates? Yes, a few, but those were rare. Most were just BS. Rejection? Yeah sure. But also boredom.

Anyway, to be honest, I really don't miss it. I have come to appreciate my time alone. I see my solitude in many ways as a gift. I feel so much better when I am alone.

I don't what the big deal is.

Rejection comes with the game. And its their loss anyway.