The UCSB shooter--an Aspie with a rant against women
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
29 May 2014, 11:27 am
tarantella64 wrote:
marshall wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:
I think it's much harder for men to be happy with their lives, to accept them as okay. It seems to me there's an intense "you must be like this" pressure, and few ways of accepting "failure" in that regard. I think it's a serious problem.
I think that is true.
We had this whole revolution that allowed so many people to reimagine their goals and lives, but men as a whole don't seem to have been able to reap the benefits of it or enjoy the freedom it was supposed to bring them, too. I don't know how much is societal or programmed in by evolution; it seems to be more difficult to solve than simple societal factors would suggest.
It's because men generally aren't warm and social with other men the way women are with other women. Men don't have emotional closeness with anyone but their SO, if even that. Women do. Men are much more alone. Also, men are more criticized by other men for being "weak" or "sensitive". You're not allowed to express any negative emotion other than anger.
well - I'd take exception to that. A lot of men, lovers and friends, have talked quite openly and articulately to me -- I understand that the social risk is lower, because I'm a woman, and actually there've been times when I've gotten quite annoyed with it; it's as though these guys think I'm a free therapy service, where they can just make an emotional deposit and then take off, no reciprocity of any kind. And I do see men expressing...well, more emotion than they likely think they're expressing, particularly with their children. And I just went running with an ex-boyfriend and his childhood friend, very much a guy. But yes, I do see men clam up with other men, rein in the conversation. What I actually see more often is a bunch of guys who're friends, one's rather open in conversation, a couple others join in, and then one guy can't take it and shuts everything down cold, and they all go along with it, move on to something else, instead of telling that one guy to go get an ice cream, or something.
I've seen this conversation behavior in mixed groups, not just guys-only, NTs rarely go on in a particular topic and they just jump from one to another. I've learned to keep my mouth shut about the previous topic and just go with the flow.
I also notice that in mixed groups it's usually guys who dominate the conversations most of the time (not me of course, the social ones).
29 May 2014, 12:42 pm
Dantac wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I've been repeating this point for n times but only few noticed (ie. Janissy) - his problem was not his virginity, not his lack of sex and relationships. I don't agree with Softwareengineer's argument that it's the lack of help for him getting a relationship was a factor.
He was frustrated because of his lack of 'good life' and relationships. Sex is part of a healthy relationship (and by this I mean romantic, long term, the works).
Even with his megalomania the deciding trigger in my opinion was his loneliness due to lack of relationships.
Had he had a GF I doubt his lack of money or 'the good life' would have triggered the violence.
Had he had all the money and the good life he wanted he still would gone on a rampage if he had no GF.
Had he had a GF his jealousy/anger at others for what they have would still be present but not to such an explosive degree.
His lack of socializing skills/GF is almost certainly due to AS.
His megalomania could be something he was born with or it could have been a bad side effect of whatever medication he had been on for quite some time.
I'm not excusing or justifying what he did, merely pointing out that the lack of relationship/GF was 'it'.
WIth that being said, can you 'blame' AS for this ? Yes, quite rightly. It was the primary factor that led to it. AS cannot be blamed for a psychotic violent attack though, thats up to the individual. If it was the medication then that's another matter.
have you read his manifesto at all? the entire 141 pages are filled with hate towards women. I know it's impossible to prove a hypothetical but I think his manifesto proves as well as possible that Boo is right - this dude would have hurt or killed a woman eventually, probably the first one that he'd get it on with.
_________________
not a bug - a feature.
29 May 2014, 7:24 pm
marshall wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:
I think it's much harder for men to be happy with their lives, to accept them as okay. It seems to me there's an intense "you must be like this" pressure, and few ways of accepting "failure" in that regard. I think it's a serious problem.
I think that is true.
We had this whole revolution that allowed so many people to reimagine their goals and lives, but men as a whole don't seem to have been able to reap the benefits of it or enjoy the freedom it was supposed to bring them, too. I don't know how much is societal or programmed in by evolution; it seems to be more difficult to solve than simple societal factors would suggest.
It's because men generally aren't warm and social with other men the way women are with other women. Men don't have emotional closeness with anyone but their SO, if even that. Women do. Men are much more alone. Also, men are more criticized by other men for being "weak" or "sensitive". You're not allowed to express any negative emotion other than anger.
This is why I honestly recommend males finding female friendships if possible. I have told my husband this, too. Or at least try to find other men like himself. Ones that aren't afraid to express feelings and who you can talk to about anything.
I've noticed a lot of males enjoy talking to me because I'm a female, YET with their male friends they will put on a farce. Like they will suddenly not want to talk or listen to feelings anymore. They have called it "just being one of the guys". I don't get this.
29 May 2014, 7:28 pm
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:
marshall wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:
I think it's much harder for men to be happy with their lives, to accept them as okay. It seems to me there's an intense "you must be like this" pressure, and few ways of accepting "failure" in that regard. I think it's a serious problem.
I think that is true.
We had this whole revolution that allowed so many people to reimagine their goals and lives, but men as a whole don't seem to have been able to reap the benefits of it or enjoy the freedom it was supposed to bring them, too. I don't know how much is societal or programmed in by evolution; it seems to be more difficult to solve than simple societal factors would suggest.
It's because men generally aren't warm and social with other men the way women are with other women. Men don't have emotional closeness with anyone but their SO, if even that. Women do. Men are much more alone. Also, men are more criticized by other men for being "weak" or "sensitive". You're not allowed to express any negative emotion other than anger.
well - I'd take exception to that. A lot of men, lovers and friends, have talked quite openly and articulately to me -- I understand that the social risk is lower, because I'm a woman, and actually there've been times when I've gotten quite annoyed with it; it's as though these guys think I'm a free therapy service, where they can just make an emotional deposit and then take off, no reciprocity of any kind. And I do see men expressing...well, more emotion than they likely think they're expressing, particularly with their children. And I just went running with an ex-boyfriend and his childhood friend, very much a guy. But yes, I do see men clam up with other men, rein in the conversation. What I actually see more often is a bunch of guys who're friends, one's rather open in conversation, a couple others join in, and then one guy can't take it and shuts everything down cold, and they all go along with it, move on to something else, instead of telling that one guy to go get an ice cream, or something.
I've seen this conversation behavior in mixed groups, not just guys-only, NTs rarely go on in a particular topic and they just jump from one to another. I've learned to keep my mouth shut about the previous topic and just go with the flow.
I also notice that in mixed groups it's usually guys who dominate the conversations most of the time (not me of course, the social ones).
In a group of males, there seems to be a rule I'm not allowed to dominate a conversation. I'm supposed to sit there and be quiet, even if I'm simply agreeing with them or very slightly adding to the discussion. I've started a conversation before, and people ignored me. The next minute, someone would say the EXACT same thing as me, and people would listen to them.
Both males and females should stay away from those types of people if you have trouble communicating. It seems impossible to develop a friendship with them.
29 May 2014, 7:36 pm
bleh12345 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:
marshall wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:
I think it's much harder for men to be happy with their lives, to accept them as okay. It seems to me there's an intense "you must be like this" pressure, and few ways of accepting "failure" in that regard. I think it's a serious problem.
I think that is true.
We had this whole revolution that allowed so many people to reimagine their goals and lives, but men as a whole don't seem to have been able to reap the benefits of it or enjoy the freedom it was supposed to bring them, too. I don't know how much is societal or programmed in by evolution; it seems to be more difficult to solve than simple societal factors would suggest.
It's because men generally aren't warm and social with other men the way women are with other women. Men don't have emotional closeness with anyone but their SO, if even that. Women do. Men are much more alone. Also, men are more criticized by other men for being "weak" or "sensitive". You're not allowed to express any negative emotion other than anger.
well - I'd take exception to that. A lot of men, lovers and friends, have talked quite openly and articulately to me -- I understand that the social risk is lower, because I'm a woman, and actually there've been times when I've gotten quite annoyed with it; it's as though these guys think I'm a free therapy service, where they can just make an emotional deposit and then take off, no reciprocity of any kind. And I do see men expressing...well, more emotion than they likely think they're expressing, particularly with their children. And I just went running with an ex-boyfriend and his childhood friend, very much a guy. But yes, I do see men clam up with other men, rein in the conversation. What I actually see more often is a bunch of guys who're friends, one's rather open in conversation, a couple others join in, and then one guy can't take it and shuts everything down cold, and they all go along with it, move on to something else, instead of telling that one guy to go get an ice cream, or something.
I've seen this conversation behavior in mixed groups, not just guys-only, NTs rarely go on in a particular topic and they just jump from one to another. I've learned to keep my mouth shut about the previous topic and just go with the flow.
I also notice that in mixed groups it's usually guys who dominate the conversations most of the time (not me of course, the social ones).
In a group of males, there seems to be a rule I'm not allowed to dominate a conversation. I'm supposed to sit there and be quiet, even if I'm simply agreeing with them or very slightly adding to the discussion. I've started a conversation before, and people ignored me. The next minute, someone would say the EXACT same thing as me, and people would listen to them.
Both males and females should stay away from those types of people if you have trouble communicating. It seems impossible to develop a friendship with them.
Oh, it's a chronic problem in business, the men-talking-over-women in meetings, and the man-presenting-ignored-woman's-idea as his own. It's part of how women get a rep as b*****s and ballbusters -- getting loud and talking over men in meetings, and refusing to be shut down. (Why's she being so aggressive and unpleasant? etc.) It's actually why I didn't much care for Obama from the start -- used to watch him do exactly that on CSPAN, and to senior women.
If you've got a bunch of women in an organization who team-tag, they'll sometimes, at a meeting, have each other's backs, tell the loud guy that so-and-so was talking and be quiet till she's done, or they'll drag the convo back to the woman's point, make sure she gets credit for her own ideas, etc. Lot of work, though.
29 May 2014, 7:57 pm
tarantella64 wrote:
bleh12345 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:
marshall wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:
I think it's much harder for men to be happy with their lives, to accept them as okay. It seems to me there's an intense "you must be like this" pressure, and few ways of accepting "failure" in that regard. I think it's a serious problem.
I think that is true.
We had this whole revolution that allowed so many people to reimagine their goals and lives, but men as a whole don't seem to have been able to reap the benefits of it or enjoy the freedom it was supposed to bring them, too. I don't know how much is societal or programmed in by evolution; it seems to be more difficult to solve than simple societal factors would suggest.
It's because men generally aren't warm and social with other men the way women are with other women. Men don't have emotional closeness with anyone but their SO, if even that. Women do. Men are much more alone. Also, men are more criticized by other men for being "weak" or "sensitive". You're not allowed to express any negative emotion other than anger.
well - I'd take exception to that. A lot of men, lovers and friends, have talked quite openly and articulately to me -- I understand that the social risk is lower, because I'm a woman, and actually there've been times when I've gotten quite annoyed with it; it's as though these guys think I'm a free therapy service, where they can just make an emotional deposit and then take off, no reciprocity of any kind. And I do see men expressing...well, more emotion than they likely think they're expressing, particularly with their children. And I just went running with an ex-boyfriend and his childhood friend, very much a guy. But yes, I do see men clam up with other men, rein in the conversation. What I actually see more often is a bunch of guys who're friends, one's rather open in conversation, a couple others join in, and then one guy can't take it and shuts everything down cold, and they all go along with it, move on to something else, instead of telling that one guy to go get an ice cream, or something.
I've seen this conversation behavior in mixed groups, not just guys-only, NTs rarely go on in a particular topic and they just jump from one to another. I've learned to keep my mouth shut about the previous topic and just go with the flow.
I also notice that in mixed groups it's usually guys who dominate the conversations most of the time (not me of course, the social ones).
In a group of males, there seems to be a rule I'm not allowed to dominate a conversation. I'm supposed to sit there and be quiet, even if I'm simply agreeing with them or very slightly adding to the discussion. I've started a conversation before, and people ignored me. The next minute, someone would say the EXACT same thing as me, and people would listen to them.
Both males and females should stay away from those types of people if you have trouble communicating. It seems impossible to develop a friendship with them.
Oh, it's a chronic problem in business, the men-talking-over-women in meetings, and the man-presenting-ignored-woman's-idea as his own. It's part of how women get a rep as b*****s and ballbusters -- getting loud and talking over men in meetings, and refusing to be shut down. (Why's she being so aggressive and unpleasant? etc.) It's actually why I didn't much care for Obama from the start -- used to watch him do exactly that on CSPAN, and to senior women.
If you've got a bunch of women in an organization who team-tag, they'll sometimes, at a meeting, have each other's backs, tell the loud guy that so-and-so was talking and be quiet till she's done, or they'll drag the convo back to the woman's point, make sure she gets credit for her own ideas, etc. Lot of work, though.
Yes, this happened to me in numerous social situations. I got sick of it one time. After listening to men talk about gay people and objectify lesbians, I explained how it was wrong. I was then called a "buzz kill". I insulted the man's intelligence, and he called me a "b***h". Everyone had his back, including my husband. Every single time I speak up, even if it's not an argument and I'm being pleasant, I'm told in many different ways to stop being aggressive. I support other women for standing up for themselves. Silence only confirms the entitlement certain people think they have.
By the way, I've been around a few males like the shooter. I stuck up for myself, and was threatened. Their attitudes and actions are allowed to remain as long as people are silent about it. I speak up for not only myself, but for others who cannot speak up for whatever reason. It's a great feeling shaming these people. They assume you WILL remain silent. Haha, entitled person, I don't play that game.
I imagine it's much harder for females in business. Make one "wrong" move (you know, being a person and sharing ideas) and you will be fired for your "bitchy" behavior. The horrible part is it's so ingrained in our culture that even males and other females who claim not to be sexist participate in this behavior because it's just so "normal" in society. It often takes someone calling them out on it to even consider the possibility that they, too, were contributing to the problem.
29 May 2014, 8:47 pm
bleh12345 wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:
bleh12345 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:
marshall wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:
I think it's much harder for men to be happy with their lives, to accept them as okay. It seems to me there's an intense "you must be like this" pressure, and few ways of accepting "failure" in that regard. I think it's a serious problem.
I think that is true.
We had this whole revolution that allowed so many people to reimagine their goals and lives, but men as a whole don't seem to have been able to reap the benefits of it or enjoy the freedom it was supposed to bring them, too. I don't know how much is societal or programmed in by evolution; it seems to be more difficult to solve than simple societal factors would suggest.
It's because men generally aren't warm and social with other men the way women are with other women. Men don't have emotional closeness with anyone but their SO, if even that. Women do. Men are much more alone. Also, men are more criticized by other men for being "weak" or "sensitive". You're not allowed to express any negative emotion other than anger.
well - I'd take exception to that. A lot of men, lovers and friends, have talked quite openly and articulately to me -- I understand that the social risk is lower, because I'm a woman, and actually there've been times when I've gotten quite annoyed with it; it's as though these guys think I'm a free therapy service, where they can just make an emotional deposit and then take off, no reciprocity of any kind. And I do see men expressing...well, more emotion than they likely think they're expressing, particularly with their children. And I just went running with an ex-boyfriend and his childhood friend, very much a guy. But yes, I do see men clam up with other men, rein in the conversation. What I actually see more often is a bunch of guys who're friends, one's rather open in conversation, a couple others join in, and then one guy can't take it and shuts everything down cold, and they all go along with it, move on to something else, instead of telling that one guy to go get an ice cream, or something.
I've seen this conversation behavior in mixed groups, not just guys-only, NTs rarely go on in a particular topic and they just jump from one to another. I've learned to keep my mouth shut about the previous topic and just go with the flow.
I also notice that in mixed groups it's usually guys who dominate the conversations most of the time (not me of course, the social ones).
In a group of males, there seems to be a rule I'm not allowed to dominate a conversation. I'm supposed to sit there and be quiet, even if I'm simply agreeing with them or very slightly adding to the discussion. I've started a conversation before, and people ignored me. The next minute, someone would say the EXACT same thing as me, and people would listen to them.
Both males and females should stay away from those types of people if you have trouble communicating. It seems impossible to develop a friendship with them.
Oh, it's a chronic problem in business, the men-talking-over-women in meetings, and the man-presenting-ignored-woman's-idea as his own. It's part of how women get a rep as b*****s and ballbusters -- getting loud and talking over men in meetings, and refusing to be shut down. (Why's she being so aggressive and unpleasant? etc.) It's actually why I didn't much care for Obama from the start -- used to watch him do exactly that on CSPAN, and to senior women.
If you've got a bunch of women in an organization who team-tag, they'll sometimes, at a meeting, have each other's backs, tell the loud guy that so-and-so was talking and be quiet till she's done, or they'll drag the convo back to the woman's point, make sure she gets credit for her own ideas, etc. Lot of work, though.
Yes, this happened to me in numerous social situations. I got sick of it one time. After listening to men talk about gay people and objectify lesbians, I explained how it was wrong. I was then called a "buzz kill". I insulted the man's intelligence, and he called me a "b***h". Everyone had his back, including my husband. Every single time I speak up, even if it's not an argument and I'm being pleasant, I'm told in many different ways to stop being aggressive. I support other women for standing up for themselves. Silence only confirms the entitlement certain people think they have.
By the way, I've been around a few males like the shooter. I stuck up for myself, and was threatened. Their attitudes and actions are allowed to remain as long as people are silent about it. I speak up for not only myself, but for others who cannot speak up for whatever reason. It's a great feeling shaming these people. They assume you WILL remain silent. Haha, entitled person, I don't play that game.
I imagine it's much harder for females in business. Make one "wrong" move (you know, being a person and sharing ideas) and you will be fired for your "bitchy" behavior. The horrible part is it's so ingrained in our culture that even males and other females who claim not to be sexist participate in this behavior because it's just so "normal" in society. It often takes someone calling them out on it to even consider the possibility that they, too, were contributing to the problem.
I can tell you why your husband did it. It's because he wants acceptance from his male friends that's why. If he said anything or stuck up for you he would be called a punk, p**** or b***h. Honestly, I can tell by the things you say and how you were so pissed at how he was treated at his job that you care more about him than his so called crap friends.
It's the same reason a guy will not vent his feelings and emotions to another guy. He will be called a punk, p****, or a b***h. When I was younger, I vented my feelings and I was called vile names like that and these guys I used to hang with were all users. I was socially unaware. Guess what, I have no guy friends and I really do not want any. I don't need that BS and quite honestly your husband does not need it either. This is one of the main reasons I like to just keep to myself.
I refuse to hang with douchebags that disrespects women and use people for their stuff. Heck with that. I'm done.
I hate this BS misogynic, hustling based society. He needs to just ditch these guys in my opinion because they're scum.
29 May 2014, 8:59 pm
cubedemon6073 wrote:
bleh12345 wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:
bleh12345 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:
marshall wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:
I think it's much harder for men to be happy with their lives, to accept them as okay. It seems to me there's an intense "you must be like this" pressure, and few ways of accepting "failure" in that regard. I think it's a serious problem.
I think that is true.
We had this whole revolution that allowed so many people to reimagine their goals and lives, but men as a whole don't seem to have been able to reap the benefits of it or enjoy the freedom it was supposed to bring them, too. I don't know how much is societal or programmed in by evolution; it seems to be more difficult to solve than simple societal factors would suggest.
It's because men generally aren't warm and social with other men the way women are with other women. Men don't have emotional closeness with anyone but their SO, if even that. Women do. Men are much more alone. Also, men are more criticized by other men for being "weak" or "sensitive". You're not allowed to express any negative emotion other than anger.
well - I'd take exception to that. A lot of men, lovers and friends, have talked quite openly and articulately to me -- I understand that the social risk is lower, because I'm a woman, and actually there've been times when I've gotten quite annoyed with it; it's as though these guys think I'm a free therapy service, where they can just make an emotional deposit and then take off, no reciprocity of any kind. And I do see men expressing...well, more emotion than they likely think they're expressing, particularly with their children. And I just went running with an ex-boyfriend and his childhood friend, very much a guy. But yes, I do see men clam up with other men, rein in the conversation. What I actually see more often is a bunch of guys who're friends, one's rather open in conversation, a couple others join in, and then one guy can't take it and shuts everything down cold, and they all go along with it, move on to something else, instead of telling that one guy to go get an ice cream, or something.
I've seen this conversation behavior in mixed groups, not just guys-only, NTs rarely go on in a particular topic and they just jump from one to another. I've learned to keep my mouth shut about the previous topic and just go with the flow.
I also notice that in mixed groups it's usually guys who dominate the conversations most of the time (not me of course, the social ones).
In a group of males, there seems to be a rule I'm not allowed to dominate a conversation. I'm supposed to sit there and be quiet, even if I'm simply agreeing with them or very slightly adding to the discussion. I've started a conversation before, and people ignored me. The next minute, someone would say the EXACT same thing as me, and people would listen to them.
Both males and females should stay away from those types of people if you have trouble communicating. It seems impossible to develop a friendship with them.
Oh, it's a chronic problem in business, the men-talking-over-women in meetings, and the man-presenting-ignored-woman's-idea as his own. It's part of how women get a rep as b*****s and ballbusters -- getting loud and talking over men in meetings, and refusing to be shut down. (Why's she being so aggressive and unpleasant? etc.) It's actually why I didn't much care for Obama from the start -- used to watch him do exactly that on CSPAN, and to senior women.
If you've got a bunch of women in an organization who team-tag, they'll sometimes, at a meeting, have each other's backs, tell the loud guy that so-and-so was talking and be quiet till she's done, or they'll drag the convo back to the woman's point, make sure she gets credit for her own ideas, etc. Lot of work, though.
Yes, this happened to me in numerous social situations. I got sick of it one time. After listening to men talk about gay people and objectify lesbians, I explained how it was wrong. I was then called a "buzz kill". I insulted the man's intelligence, and he called me a "b***h". Everyone had his back, including my husband. Every single time I speak up, even if it's not an argument and I'm being pleasant, I'm told in many different ways to stop being aggressive. I support other women for standing up for themselves. Silence only confirms the entitlement certain people think they have.
By the way, I've been around a few males like the shooter. I stuck up for myself, and was threatened. Their attitudes and actions are allowed to remain as long as people are silent about it. I speak up for not only myself, but for others who cannot speak up for whatever reason. It's a great feeling shaming these people. They assume you WILL remain silent. Haha, entitled person, I don't play that game.
I imagine it's much harder for females in business. Make one "wrong" move (you know, being a person and sharing ideas) and you will be fired for your "bitchy" behavior. The horrible part is it's so ingrained in our culture that even males and other females who claim not to be sexist participate in this behavior because it's just so "normal" in society. It often takes someone calling them out on it to even consider the possibility that they, too, were contributing to the problem.
I can tell you why your husband did it. It's because he wants acceptance from his male friends that's why. If he said anything or stuck up for you he would be called a punk, p**** or b***h. Honestly, I can tell by the things you say and how you were so pissed at how he was treated at his job that you care more about him than his so called crap friends.
It's the same reason a guy will not vent his feelings and emotions to another guy. He will be called a punk, p****, or a b***h. When I was younger, I vented my feelings and I was called vile names like that and these guys I used to hang with were all users. I was socially unaware. Guess what, I have no guy friends and I really do not want any. I don't need that BS and quite honestly your husband does not need it either. This is one of the main reasons I like to just keep to myself.
I refuse to hang with douchebags that disrespects women and use people for their stuff. Heck with that. I'm done.
I hate this BS misogynic, hustling based society. He needs to just ditch these guys in my opinion.
Thank you for your input, cudedemon. I think you will be happy to hear that I have figured that part out. At first, I didn't understand. Then I realized that he doesn't consider those people his "friends", but is often lonely. He can't wait until he can get GOOD friends, but he doesn't want to isolate himself, either. Pretty much he is using them to be social in times of loneliness, but does not share their views. He is often completely silent around them. He even says "my so-called friends" to emphasize his point. He doesn't like it when I accidentally call them his friends because it's clear they don't care. But he also needs to get out of the house and around people sometimes, and he doesn't know anyone else. He is trying to meet people, though.
I'm so sorry about what happened to you. I think you have met some people similar to the ones I have. They think all males are like this, too. Well, they aren't and you're right; you don't have to deal with it. I'm hoping you find more empathetic people to be around, especially in person. The people like the shooter are TOXIC to everyone around them. It's especially bad for people like us who are not ashamed of sharing our emotions. I'm sorry that gender roles have hurt you. I feel like they hurt a lot of people out there, especially ones like yourself. All you want to do is have someone HEAR you, and it's like they play these little games. This is why I speak up against it. I'm hoping that I can encourage more people to speak up and to help change society.
29 May 2014, 9:26 pm
Quote:
Thank you for your input, cudedemon. I think you will be happy to hear that I have figured that part out. At first, I didn't understand. Then I realized that he doesn't consider those people his "friends", but is often lonely. He can't wait until he can get GOOD friends, but he doesn't want to isolate himself, either. Pretty much he is using them to be social in times of loneliness, but does not share their views. He is often completely silent around them. He even says "my so-called friends" to emphasize his point. He doesn't like it when I accidentally call them his friends because it's clear they don't care. But he also needs to get out of the house and around people sometimes, and he doesn't know anyone else. He is trying to meet people, though.
Here is the thing though. I would rather be lonely and be a hermit than to hang with those reprobates. I would rather be lonely than to sell my soul and be something I am not. I tried it and guess what? I attempted suicide at 18-19 by taking a whole bunch of Tylenol and I have to eat a whole bunch of charcoal to neutralize the Tylenol. This stuff would've slowly destroyed my liver and I would've had a painful death. That is what the hospital said to me. I wanted friends so bad that I got into drugs and I should never have done that. I sold my soul is what I did and I paid to much of a price. Having friends came to high of a price for me. Guess what? They saw women as objects as well. They are users and they would steal my stuff. Hell with that. I don't need it. I've made the conscious decision that with friends like those I don't need friends and I don't use drugs either. Never will again. My wife got me to quit smoking as well to. Never will smoke again either. I never should've hung with those a**holes and by your description your husband doesn't need to hang with his a**holes either. If they're in your house please guard your stuff.
Quote:
I'm so sorry about what happened to you. I think you have met some people similar to the ones I have. They think all males are like this, too. Well, they aren't and you're right; you don't have to deal with it. I'm hoping you find more empathetic people to be around, especially in person. The people like the shooter are TOXIC to everyone around them. It's especially bad for people like us who are not ashamed of sharing our emotions. I'm sorry that gender roles have hurt you. I feel like they hurt a lot of people out there, especially ones like yourself. All you want to do is have someone HEAR you, and it's like they play these little games. This is why I speak up against it. I'm hoping that I can encourage more people to speak up and to help change society.
I hope I do find more empathetic people IRL but honestly I am just pessimistic about it. I meant everything I said when I wrote this on my blog.
http://whyifailedinamerica1.wordpress.c ... log-title/
It's time to fight back against this BS and to be my authentic self. The thing is I'm not a confrontational person and I don't like confrontation but there comes a point in which one is backed into a corner and he has to challenge societal beliefs.
29 May 2014, 9:48 pm
cubedemon6073 wrote:
Quote:
Thank you for your input, cudedemon. I think you will be happy to hear that I have figured that part out. At first, I didn't understand. Then I realized that he doesn't consider those people his "friends", but is often lonely. He can't wait until he can get GOOD friends, but he doesn't want to isolate himself, either. Pretty much he is using them to be social in times of loneliness, but does not share their views. He is often completely silent around them. He even says "my so-called friends" to emphasize his point. He doesn't like it when I accidentally call them his friends because it's clear they don't care. But he also needs to get out of the house and around people sometimes, and he doesn't know anyone else. He is trying to meet people, though.
Here is the thing though. I would rather be lonely and be a hermit than to hang with those reprobates. I would rather be lonely than to sell my soul and be something I am not. I tried it and guess what? I attempted suicide at 18-19 by taking a whole bunch of Tylenol and I have to eat a whole bunch of charcoal to neutralize the Tylenol. This stuff would've slowly destroyed my liver and I would've had a painful death. That is what the hospital said to me. I wanted friends so bad that I got into drugs and I should never have done that. I sold my soul is what I did and I paid to much of a price. Having friends came to high of a price for me. Guess what? They saw women as objects as well. They are users and they would steal my stuff. Hell with that. I don't need it. I've made the conscious decision that with friends like those I don't need friends and I don't use drugs either. Never will again. My wife got me to quit smoking as well to. Never will smoke again either. I never should've hung with those a**holes and by your description your husband doesn't need to hang with his a**holes either. If they're in your house please guard your stuff.
Quote:
I'm so sorry about what happened to you. I think you have met some people similar to the ones I have. They think all males are like this, too. Well, they aren't and you're right; you don't have to deal with it. I'm hoping you find more empathetic people to be around, especially in person. The people like the shooter are TOXIC to everyone around them. It's especially bad for people like us who are not ashamed of sharing our emotions. I'm sorry that gender roles have hurt you. I feel like they hurt a lot of people out there, especially ones like yourself. All you want to do is have someone HEAR you, and it's like they play these little games. This is why I speak up against it. I'm hoping that I can encourage more people to speak up and to help change society.
I hope I do find more empathetic people IRL but honestly I am just pessimistic about it. I meant everything I said when I wrote this on my blog.
http://whyifailedinamerica1.wordpress.c ... log-title/
It's time to fight back against this BS and to be my authentic self. The thing is I'm not a confrontational person and I don't like confrontation but there comes a point in which one is backed into a corner and he has to challenge societal beliefs.
You are a gentle soul and I'm so glad you got away. I'm also attempting to get my husband to know he doesn't need to be around those people. I think he has a lack of confidence when making new friends, but he is attempting it. He seems to make good internet friends, but he needs people to be around in person, too. I will show him what you said.
Do you have any hope that people like the shooter can change their ways? I have found that standing up to it, but still getting far away is the best thing I can do. Even though the shooter said vile things, I see this way of thinking all of the time. The only difference is they don't exactly say they would kill women and men because of their hatred.
Do you think it's best to try and change these attitudes when one is a child?
29 May 2014, 10:12 pm
bleh12345 wrote:
cubedemon6073 wrote:
Quote:
Thank you for your input, cudedemon. I think you will be happy to hear that I have figured that part out. At first, I didn't understand. Then I realized that he doesn't consider those people his "friends", but is often lonely. He can't wait until he can get GOOD friends, but he doesn't want to isolate himself, either. Pretty much he is using them to be social in times of loneliness, but does not share their views. He is often completely silent around them. He even says "my so-called friends" to emphasize his point. He doesn't like it when I accidentally call them his friends because it's clear they don't care. But he also needs to get out of the house and around people sometimes, and he doesn't know anyone else. He is trying to meet people, though.
Here is the thing though. I would rather be lonely and be a hermit than to hang with those reprobates. I would rather be lonely than to sell my soul and be something I am not. I tried it and guess what? I attempted suicide at 18-19 by taking a whole bunch of Tylenol and I have to eat a whole bunch of charcoal to neutralize the Tylenol. This stuff would've slowly destroyed my liver and I would've had a painful death. That is what the hospital said to me. I wanted friends so bad that I got into drugs and I should never have done that. I sold my soul is what I did and I paid to much of a price. Having friends came to high of a price for me. Guess what? They saw women as objects as well. They are users and they would steal my stuff. Hell with that. I don't need it. I've made the conscious decision that with friends like those I don't need friends and I don't use drugs either. Never will again. My wife got me to quit smoking as well to. Never will smoke again either. I never should've hung with those a**holes and by your description your husband doesn't need to hang with his a**holes either. If they're in your house please guard your stuff.
Quote:
I'm so sorry about what happened to you. I think you have met some people similar to the ones I have. They think all males are like this, too. Well, they aren't and you're right; you don't have to deal with it. I'm hoping you find more empathetic people to be around, especially in person. The people like the shooter are TOXIC to everyone around them. It's especially bad for people like us who are not ashamed of sharing our emotions. I'm sorry that gender roles have hurt you. I feel like they hurt a lot of people out there, especially ones like yourself. All you want to do is have someone HEAR you, and it's like they play these little games. This is why I speak up against it. I'm hoping that I can encourage more people to speak up and to help change society.
I hope I do find more empathetic people IRL but honestly I am just pessimistic about it. I meant everything I said when I wrote this on my blog.
http://whyifailedinamerica1.wordpress.c ... log-title/
It's time to fight back against this BS and to be my authentic self. The thing is I'm not a confrontational person and I don't like confrontation but there comes a point in which one is backed into a corner and he has to challenge societal beliefs.
You are a gentle soul and I'm so glad you got away. I'm also attempting to get my husband to know he doesn't need to be around those people. I think he has a lack of confidence when making new friends, but he is attempting it. He seems to make good internet friends, but he needs people to be around in person, too. I will show him what you said.
Do you have any hope that people like the shooter can change their ways? I have found that standing up to it, but still getting far away is the best thing I can do. Even though the shooter said vile things, I see this way of thinking all of the time. The only difference is they don't exactly say they would kill women and men because of their hatred.
Do you think it's best to try and change these attitudes when one is a child?
They would have to want to change their ways and realize that their ways are wrong.
Yes, I believe a child is more malleable so one can change these attitudes much easier of a child than when one is an adult. If you and your hubby have a child I believe you have to teach them from the beginning.
29 May 2014, 10:46 pm
anna-banana wrote:
have you read his manifesto at all? the entire 141 pages are filled with hate towards women. I know it's impossible to prove a hypothetical but I think his manifesto proves as well as possible that Boo is right - this dude would have hurt or killed a woman eventually, probably the first one that he'd get it on with.
Frankly I see a lot of people just stopping their analysis of the situation at the 'he hates/blames women' part. Do you not notice he also constantly makes references to his own inability to 'get' girls? That manifesto is the end result of links in the chain that led to this tragedy so of course it's going to be a 'rant' to not only vent his anger but also a means to keep hurting after the event.
Early in his life he has AS diagnosis.
He sees guys all around him get girls no matter how good or big a douchebag they are. From middle/high school to college.
He can't get into a relationship with one. Ever.
He knows its the AS. Its impossible for someone not to make the connection between AS and his social inability.
He can't do anything about AS but keeps trying and failing.
It starts with frustration that turns to resentment that turns to envy then anger (at himself/the universe).
That anger is bottled up and builds up pressure.
The above is very likely his life story. The part of his megalomania could be from mental instability he was born with... or like I said earlier, the result of bad side effects of psych. medications he had been taking. Whatever the reason that anger was redirected towards women and turned into hatred and violence via the megalomania. Megalomania commonly includes the 'god' complex, the 'im perfect everyone else is flawed, particularly THESE and THOSE people I hate so much' , etc, etc.
Would he have hurt his GF if he had one? Don't know. Unknowable.
Would he have gone on a shooting spree if he did? I doubt it.
The available data indicates AS is responsible for his 'kiss-less virginity' and his megalomania, wherever it came from, did the rest.
There are only two 'suspects' here.. the guy who was born with AS plus mental instability and the guy born with AS plus took medications that flipped the switch.
The one constant there is the AS and I would find it hard to argue 'it had nothing to do with this'.
29 May 2014, 10:56 pm
I am starting to realize this hatred constantly manifesting in peoples minds autisic or not drives them to be monsters and making them go on a massive killing spree! I dont want to know another possible WP member is doing this or has done this it is ruining the rep as not only as men but as male autistics who bad experiences with women in the past! Please dont be hateful fellas dont let the hate consume you if you do all is lost I beg of you!
_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList
29 May 2014, 11:52 pm
tarantella64 wrote:
marshall wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:
I think it's much harder for men to be happy with their lives, to accept them as okay. It seems to me there's an intense "you must be like this" pressure, and few ways of accepting "failure" in that regard. I think it's a serious problem.
I think that is true.
We had this whole revolution that allowed so many people to reimagine their goals and lives, but men as a whole don't seem to have been able to reap the benefits of it or enjoy the freedom it was supposed to bring them, too. I don't know how much is societal or programmed in by evolution; it seems to be more difficult to solve than simple societal factors would suggest.
It's because men generally aren't warm and social with other men the way women are with other women. Men don't have emotional closeness with anyone but their SO, if even that. Women do. Men are much more alone. Also, men are more criticized by other men for being "weak" or "sensitive". You're not allowed to express any negative emotion other than anger.
well - I'd take exception to that. A lot of men, lovers and friends, have talked quite openly and articulately to me -- I understand that the social risk is lower, because I'm a woman, and actually there've been times when I've gotten quite annoyed with it; it's as though these guys think I'm a free therapy service, where they can just make an emotional deposit and then take off, no reciprocity of any kind.
They go to women because they can't easily go to other men. It seems like you get annoyed by anything. If they did show reciprocity you'd probably be offended. Oh well. I think I'd be able to sense that you're not a person to go to ever. Meh. I'm not like most men and you're not like most women. Thank god for that.
Quote:
And I do see men expressing...well, more emotion than they likely think they're expressing, particularly with their children. And I just went running with an ex-boyfriend and his childhood friend, very much a guy. But yes, I do see men clam up with other men, rein in the conversation. What I actually see more often is a bunch of guys who're friends, one's rather open in conversation, a couple others join in, and then one guy can't take it and shuts everything down cold, and they all go along with it, move on to something else, instead of telling that one guy to go get an ice cream, or something.
Proves my point.
30 May 2014, 12:25 am
tarantella64 wrote:
Oh, it's a chronic problem in business, the men-talking-over-women in meetings, and the man-presenting-ignored-woman's-idea as his own. It's part of how women get a rep as b*****s and ballbusters -- getting loud and talking over men in meetings, and refusing to be shut down. (Why's she being so aggressive and unpleasant? etc.) It's actually why I didn't much care for Obama from the start -- used to watch him do exactly that on CSPAN, and to senior women.
If you've got a bunch of women in an organization who team-tag, they'll sometimes, at a meeting, have each other's backs, tell the loud guy that so-and-so was talking and be quiet till she's done, or they'll drag the convo back to the woman's point, make sure she gets credit for her own ideas, etc. Lot of work, though.
If you've got a bunch of women in an organization who team-tag, they'll sometimes, at a meeting, have each other's backs, tell the loud guy that so-and-so was talking and be quiet till she's done, or they'll drag the convo back to the woman's point, make sure she gets credit for her own ideas, etc. Lot of work, though.
It's not all men vs. women. Extraverts dominate and talk over introverts. Fast speakers dominate over deep thinkers. The person with the loudest mouth gets heard over the person with the best insight. Not being good at spontaneously talking and gesturing is equated with being a timid doormat. You get patronized and talked down at for not being good at fast and forceful communication despite being more intelligent than others. If you stutter, or pause too long, you're judged and given a subconscious different treatment. I've dealt with that kind of BS all my life. I can feel it. What I can't stand about feminists is how they present male privilege at the top of the privilege hierarchy. Things like NT privilege and extravert privilege are dismissed as inconsequential in comparison. I have an easier time identifying with an introverted woman than a loud extroverted man.
30 May 2014, 12:31 am
bleh12345 wrote:
In a group of males, there seems to be a rule I'm not allowed to dominate a conversation. I'm supposed to sit there and be quiet, even if I'm simply agreeing with them or very slightly adding to the discussion. I've started a conversation before, and people ignored me. The next minute, someone would say the EXACT same thing as me, and people would listen to them.
Both males and females should stay away from those types of people if you have trouble communicating. It seems impossible to develop a friendship with them.
Both males and females should stay away from those types of people if you have trouble communicating. It seems impossible to develop a friendship with them.
They're called douche-bags.
