People letting themselves go once in a relationship.

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Stargazer43
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27 Aug 2014, 9:34 pm

You describe how I feel in many ways, Boo. I seem to get a lot of interest online, but offline I can count on both of my hands the number of times a woman has expressed visible interest in me. Usually when I meet people from online, they'll seem really interested for like the first 2-3 dates, and then their interest just fizzles out.

I think that part of it is that, with the online thing, it's very easy to project the missing aspects of a person. So, if you see a profile that you like, you may make assumptions about their personality, humor,appearance, or general demeanor that are appealing to you, but are completely false in reality. Then when you realize that they aren't the same as that "perfect image" you imagined, you call it quits. Also with online, it is very easy to see all of the hundreds of people in an area, and say "Well, I really like this person, but there are 10 more people near me that look even more interesting, so I think I'll keep looking". I've even been guilty of this once or twice myself.



The_Face_of_Boo
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28 Aug 2014, 2:30 am

tarantella64 wrote:
boo, you've got this whole "what women want" theory built up in your head, and it's ... you know, it's like what I used to see my ex-bf do, the AS one. There was a great deal he didn't notice, but to generate a sort of worldmap, a view of the world and how things went, he'd collect a bunch of data points -- points that'd seem very odd and random, if you didn't know him, because they were all usually, one way or another, point-missing -- and come up with a weirdly thin explanatory story. And the view of the world that emerged was seriously truncated and off, which resulted in his bumping into metaphorical walls all the time in real life, all invisible to him till he walked straight into them, and becoming angry and paranoid because of his inability to manage.

We've been over and over this here. Short guys get dates. Fat guys get dates. Even unemployed guys get dates. Men without cars get dates. *Mentally ill* guys get dates. Lots of these people even marry and reproduce. These things are not the deciding factor.

One guy I almost married, and was with for 7 years, -- he was obsessed with the idea that short guys get the shaft. And they do. *From other guys* whose first question on meeting another guy is "can I take him". Most women don't give a sh** about height unless you're a circus dwarf. But this guy is 5'6" and thinks he's got a handicap. Same guy who's been with one girlfriend or another for...er...the last two decades? Usually longterm relationships? Oh, and he's an artist, doesn't make money, either.

Anyway. Eureka's correct, women surely do share the juicy details with each other, and we tend not to get embarrassed with our good friends and worry about issues of status. Boy toy? Do tell. Phone sex? Rilly, how'd you do it? Some of the descriptions are quite delicious. Tbh, as I've gotten older, I've found that *men* are pretty well unafraid to do tell-alls, too. At least to women they trust.

The only thing I can think of that's given me any pause about another woman -- apart from "she steals and lies and backstabs" -- is when an Orthodox woman nearly killed her infant through religious neglect, child had a heart defect but was swaddled all the time and the woman was so uneducated and ignorant that she didn't see the child was dying. The visiting nurse spotted it and whisked the baby off to the ICU. That made me extremely angry. But other women in the community have been able to overlook that much more easily.

By and large women are pretty nice to each other. The things we tend to judge have to do with breaking the nice/supportive/sisterhood code, not whom you're f*****g and how.




And you are also stubborn and make conclusions based on your entourage of like-minded females.

From many posts of yours, you have a such pattern of reasoning:

- "I personally know no woman who likes muscles ==> so I am 100% sure women don't like muscles"
- "I personally know no woman who like cybersex ==> so I am 100% sure women don't like cybersex "
- "I personally know no woman who refused to date guys because they're shorter than themselves==> so I am 100% sure women don't care about height at all."

and the funniest one, is your ultimate divine-level certainty that your girlfriends tell you every every everything they do in private - and they never keep anything at all to themselves, not even a single act they did in their lifetime.

...etc.

Like seriously, you think I live in a bubble, but you obviously do too.



sly279
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28 Aug 2014, 2:35 am

tarantella64 wrote:

We've been over and over this here. Short guys get dates. Fat guys get dates. Even unemployed guys get dates. Men without cars get dates. *Mentally ill* guys get dates. Lots of these people even marry and reproduce. These things are not the deciding factor.


how do they do it when women specially list on their profiles that men who meet those are NOT!! to message them.
or only guys with car, home, job are to apply. do they just bash their way in and the woman just gives in? to quite a lot of women those are deciding factors. they won't date a fat guy, they won't date a unemployed or carless guy, you yourself have said to why they have legit reasons for this. you confuse me. o.O

things like he doesn't shut the tollite lide, or he leaves his socks out aren't deciding factors. but lots of people will pass on guys/girls cause of physical preferences. you can filter out people on okc on those alone. you can set it to not sure anyone who is fat. they added the feature cause people wanted it and will pay for it. you can filter out people below or higher then a height. or based on their income. these are all deciding factors.

every so often a cat can open a door doesn't mean all cats can. every so often a guy can fly to space, but not all people can. so knowing some fat guy got married doesn't mean that 99% of fat people will get married.



The_Face_of_Boo
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28 Aug 2014, 2:36 am

^ everyone time you see a profile like this, post a link to it so tarantella can see it. Start that from today.



sly279
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28 Aug 2014, 2:41 am

meh maybe but I'm not unhiding the ones. I consider doing what you did boo, but I am to persistent . others see a never give up personality as good and noble. but it feels aweful. like a guy hitting you but you keep getting up and he hits you again and again. at some point it best to stay down, but I just can't. something in me refuses to give up and just keeps trying despite failure. in essence repeating the same thing hoping for a different result. so I guess I am insane.



Cafeaulait
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28 Aug 2014, 4:41 am

Stargazer43 wrote:
I think that part of it is that, with the online thing, it's very easy to project the missing aspects of a person. So, if you see a profile that you like, you may make assumptions about their personality, humor,appearance, or general demeanor that are appealing to you, but are completely false in reality.


Yep. And it also works the other way around of course: you make negative assumptions based on looks that are unappealing to you, but they are false when you meet someone irl.



AlexanderDantes
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28 Aug 2014, 5:20 am

sly279 wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:

We've been over and over this here. Short guys get dates. Fat guys get dates. Even unemployed guys get dates. Men without cars get dates. *Mentally ill* guys get dates. Lots of these people even marry and reproduce. These things are not the deciding factor.


how do they do it when women specially list on their profiles that men who meet those are NOT!! to message them.
or only guys with car, home, job are to apply. do they just bash their way in and the woman just gives in? to quite a lot of women those are deciding factors. they won't date a fat guy, they won't date a unemployed or carless guy, you yourself have said to why they have legit reasons for this. you confuse me. o.O

things like he doesn't shut the tollite lide, or he leaves his socks out aren't deciding factors. but lots of people will pass on guys/girls cause of physical preferences. you can filter out people on okc on those alone. you can set it to not sure anyone who is fat. they added the feature cause people wanted it and will pay for it. you can filter out people below or higher then a height. or based on their income. these are all deciding factors.

every so often a cat can open a door doesn't mean all cats can. every so often a guy can fly to space, but not all people can. so knowing some fat guy got married doesn't mean that 99% of fat people will get married.


You can get sex without money but you need to compensate by having looks, charisma or social prowess..

The ability to provide for a woman and a family is an important one and I don't see anything wrong with a woman wanting that? Desirable physical traits like being tall, athletic or muscular also show that a man can protect her so I don't see what's wrong with a woman desiring those traits. If you lack those traits, I would say focus on providing, being a good provider or having an appealing personality and a woman might see that trait.



AlexanderDantes
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28 Aug 2014, 5:33 am

I don't consider myself to be a leader or even someone who integrates well but the women I have dated have had strong personalities, either worked in management positions or ran their own businesses, women who are doing well in their career..

It's usually the women who aren't strong that want a man to have a job that provides them with everything, strong independent women won't be like that and tend to be more level headed.

Face of Boo, Didn't you mention one of the women wants to date a millionaire yet she's far from being a millionaire herself? My point exactly, most of the women who demand men to be millionaires are actually in a dire financial situation living in some fantasy where prince charming the millionaire sweeps them away,



The_Face_of_Boo
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28 Aug 2014, 5:57 am

AlexanderDantes wrote:
I don't consider myself to be a leader or even someone who integrates well but the women I have dated have had strong personalities, either worked in management positions or ran their own businesses, women who are doing well in their career..

It's usually the women who aren't strong that want a man to have a job that provides them with everything, strong independent women won't be like that and tend to be more level headed.

Face of Boo, Didn't you mention one of the women wants to date a millionaire yet she's far from being a millionaire herself? My point exactly, most of the women who demand men to be millionaires are actually in a dire financial situation living in some fantasy where prince charming the millionaire sweeps them away,


She's not in dire financial situation at all; she's the most senior employee at work and the CEO's right hand in business; she changes her Mercedes I dunno what luxury class model, like every year.



AngelRho
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28 Aug 2014, 6:09 am

People will date others who run in their social circles. For me, college was the great equalizer. I didn't come from a lot of money, didn't have any more to spend than many other college kids. Didn't have a job?again, lots of kids didn't have jobs. So?either I dated other college kids or upperclass high school kids that I'd already known for a long time.

That's like movie and radio stars. They have similar needs for privacy that the rest of us don't have, and they socialize. It's just impossible to do that with "regular people" without some kind of crap getting started with tabloids and other media. Everyone "down here" wants a piece of them, so it's actually dangerous for them to hang with us. Naturally they tend to pair up.

If you're a millionaire, you're working so hard that the only time you spend with other people you're with other millionaires. It makes sense.



The_Face_of_Boo
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28 Aug 2014, 6:17 am

^ She certainly has a high income but certainly not a millionaire.



Eureka13
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28 Aug 2014, 10:35 am

Boo, all I'm ever trying to do is counter your (and others') statements along the lines of "I know a woman who does X, so that implies that all women do X."

Chances are, whatever the blanket claim is, I, or someone else on here, knows someone who doesn't fit into your preconceived notion. So, absolutely, I feel it's my duty to step up and say "uh, no, that's a generalization." If you said "all men do X" and I knew men who didn't do X, I would speak up the same way.

Basically, I'm still hoping you young'uns will someday see that there's a whole world outside of your own personal experience, and maybe give it a chance to bring some variety into your life. The one most valuable thing I ever learned was that not only do I not know everything about everything, I don't even know what I don't know. When that particular piece of life's little lessons sinks in, it's eye-opening (and liberating). I highly recommend it as a standard operating procedure. :)



sly279
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28 Aug 2014, 3:12 pm

AlexanderDantes wrote:
sly279 wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:

We've been over and over this here. Short guys get dates. Fat guys get dates. Even unemployed guys get dates. Men without cars get dates. *Mentally ill* guys get dates. Lots of these people even marry and reproduce. These things are not the deciding factor.


how do they do it when women specially list on their profiles that men who meet those are NOT!! to message them.
or only guys with car, home, job are to apply. do they just bash their way in and the woman just gives in? to quite a lot of women those are deciding factors. they won't date a fat guy, they won't date a unemployed or carless guy, you yourself have said to why they have legit reasons for this. you confuse me. o.O

things like he doesn't shut the tollite lide, or he leaves his socks out aren't deciding factors. but lots of people will pass on guys/girls cause of physical preferences. you can filter out people on okc on those alone. you can set it to not sure anyone who is fat. they added the feature cause people wanted it and will pay for it. you can filter out people below or higher then a height. or based on their income. these are all deciding factors.

every so often a cat can open a door doesn't mean all cats can. every so often a guy can fly to space, but not all people can. so knowing some fat guy got married doesn't mean that 99% of fat people will get married.


You can get sex without money but you need to compensate by having looks, charisma or social prowess..

The ability to provide for a woman and a family is an important one and I don't see anything wrong with a woman wanting that? Desirable physical traits like being tall, athletic or muscular also show that a man can protect her so I don't see what's wrong with a woman desiring those traits. If you lack those traits, I would say focus on providing, being a good provider or having an appealing personality and a woman might see that trait.


I don't want just sex though. If I get a gf I likely won't have sex with her anyways. I want companionship, love, and hugs/cuddles. all things I can give in return. and for the guy who doesn't have those traits and can't get them? they should die right? seems my only future. :(

some people will never make $22 or more an hour. thats just reality. people don't magically jump to middle classe. some can work hard and do it with the skills they were born with. like the sog guy hes good at making tatatical stuff and made a job out of it. but many others don't have such skills. work jobs as security, retail, banks etc. in 20 years or more there might not even be a middle class. might just be poor and the rich. so not everyone can be that provider. and with limited jobs, more women making that money and being in those jobs mean less men then there were in the past. which is good, but also means that for those women there are less men that meet that requirements. automation is taking away the jobs of the past where you could earn that wage working in a factory. the jobs that would require no skills or education that I could do are gone.

women are the guards of the ever moving gate. $10 is far above federal min wage, but it isn't even good enough. I have a funny, caring, fun to be around personality. I make people laugh and happy. I am responsible and work hard. but non of that matters. I wish we lived in a world where there was no money. then maybe people could treat others like humans instead of worshiping the mighty dollar as the only thing that decides a person's worthy.

also why does a independent woman need a provider? if they do then they aren't independent

gah people wonder why I am suicidal. all i have to look forward to is a sh***y life of trying to please women, by doing things I hate and then not even pleasing them. mean while I could care less how much a woman makes, how big she is, if she went to college, if she has her own place, drives, etc. I only care about who she is, personality, and political views. I'd date a homeless lady if she was a good person.
my mom had 3 kids, my grandma had 4 kids, her parents had kids, all were poor people , poor people raise kids all the time. you don't need to be middle class to have kids . does it help yeah but its not needed. I hear russians and eastern europe are so materialistic. I wish i could afford to move there.



sly279
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28 Aug 2014, 3:44 pm

Eureka13 wrote:
Boo, all I'm ever trying to do is counter your (and others') statements along the lines of "I know a woman who does X, so that implies that all women do X."

Chances are, whatever the blanket claim is, I, or someone else on here, knows someone who doesn't fit into your preconceived notion. So, absolutely, I feel it's my duty to step up and say "uh, no, that's a generalization." If you said "all men do X" and I knew men who didn't do X, I would speak up the same way.

Basically, I'm still hoping you young'uns will someday see that there's a whole world outside of your own personal experience, and maybe give it a chance to bring some variety into your life. The one most valuable thing I ever learned was that not only do I not know everything about everything, I don't even know what I don't know. When that particular piece of life's little lessons sinks in, it's eye-opening (and liberating). I highly recommend it as a standard operating procedure. :)


there is a outside world. but I don't live ther I live in springfield, where most of the women are how I talk about. so I can try to play like the outside world does and get no where with my town or play how my town is and hope I can get a gf even if they are superficial and materialistic

seems like a simple solution to me. much like how people in other nations eat different foods, but only can get foods we have here, so knowing others eat food a doesn't help much when all i can get is food B

like I could probably join the canadian military but i don't live there so that doesn't help me.



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28 Aug 2014, 6:19 pm

I did some research.

You're in the Eugene area, right?

I think if you go to Eugene, or even Portland, that you'll find girls who aren't solely into material things.

Do you play guitar? You could certainly be one of those who "keeps Portland weird." Maybe go into a park and play--and watch the girls who play, too. A certain element of woman just LOVES people who play guitar.

If I were 6 foot 3, and I played guitar, and I had long hair, I would have had great success with the girls during the 70's and 80's.



sly279
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29 Aug 2014, 12:42 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I did some research.

You're in the Eugene area, right?

I think if you go to Eugene, or even Portland, that you'll find girls who aren't solely into material things.

Do you play guitar? You could certainly be one of those who "keeps Portland weird." Maybe go into a park and play--and watch the girls who play, too. A certain element of woman just LOVES people who play guitar.

If I were 6 foot 3, and I played guitar, and I had long hair, I would have had great success with the girls during the 70's and 80's.


the eugene craigslist and okc is what I have to look at as springfield doesn't get its own anything and shares with eugene.
portland is too far and too big. I don't have any musical talent. I tried a few times but its just not there. people seem to love anyone who can play instruments.

i don't like long hair anymore. but i don't so bald anymore either. my size doesn't seem all that big of a thing with all the other tall guys around here. though it seems more short guys have gf's then tall guys here despite a lot of the ads demanding tall guys. If i ever win the lottery I think i'll move to montana and live alone.

the only talent I possible have is wood working, but there sadly isn't a thing of community woodshop.