The UCSB shooter--an Aspie with a rant against women

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The problem isn't competition, the problems are (1) the notion that you shop for a woman-flavor rather than a person; (2) ugly and wholesale stereotyping not just of women but of entire continents.



That's not at all why I ask about school/work.

For better or worse, university cultures shape people. If you put five guys from Brown, Dartmouth, University of Nebraska-Lincoln, UMN (main campus) and...oh...Caltech in a room, I could tell you in minutes which was which. (I might struggle a little with UNL and UMN, but probably not much.) Discipline and degree level also tell cultural things, including how seriously this person's likely to take himself. These are places where people start turning into themselves, and they absorb a lot about what the world is like, there. Their schools also tell me something about their levels of ambition and what they find important. I have no interest in going anywhere near someone who's racked up Ivys and knocked 'em down: that's almost certainly a frightened person. Where they got into, but didn't go, also says something.

As for work, I want to know what this person does. Not how much he makes. What he does. What he cares about, what he's inclined toward. Some things mesh well with me, some don't. I also want to know whether he's actually doing anything he cares about. I don't want to be with a guy who goes to work because it's a job and because, well, there just isn't really anything he's all that interested in. I had a great conversation today with a guy who grew up thinking he was going to take over the family business, went to college, was a biz major, and halfway through realized no, he wanted something totally different. And he talked about how his dad reacted to that, and how, unexpectedly, this other thing's turned into a business after all. This is a guy who shows up for work because he's busy making something he wants to make.

As for intelligence, the conversation itself will tell you something about that. Money...fwiw, my last two boyfriends were Ivy guys, and both stony damn broke.




oh god, that's everywhere in MRA stuff. Geography rather than demographics tends to tell the "buyer's market" story, if you're into that kind of thing.



Okay, so you don't know what fiction's for; fine. And yes, many women date "tinkering engineers".



Because many a serious man wants to marry a grownup who'll also be a responsible mother. And who not coincidentally knows how to have sex. (Also, you have a weird idea of young/cute. Have you met 30-year-old women? Gosh, those lost and adorable days.)



I'm not sure what you mean by this, but am beginning to think you have some highly theoretical notions of sex/romance.

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Bizarrely enough, neither do women. Honestly, I don't know women who have time for s**t like that anyway. The young women I know have no patience for that nonsense, and the old ones like me know the payoff's not that great.

NK, seriously, the misogyny in your posts comes shining through. What's it all about? It's quite hostile. Everything from a grudge against your mom to presumptions of golddigging to this guarded business where you seem to assume women are out to rob you. Either through taxes or by wresting relationship concessions that leave a guy without a babelicious life or some such and dragging his ass through the Emmentaler fondue of marriage. You're a bright guy; what the hell is up?

Hi Tarantella,

It's funny that you chastise NK for "ugly and wholesale stereotyping" and then go on to talk about how important university culture is in shaping people. If you can make snap judgments on people like that regarding their schools, then people like NK can make judgments like regarding their place of origin, insofar as people from a certain part of the world may be more likely to have traits that NK seeks in a significant other.

I've also noticed in some of the posts that you conflate certain biases against women with misogyny. I think there is a big difference from biased thinking and hatred of a group, as most people are biased in general and one of the ways their biases are reflected is in how they perceive other people. For instance if a man treats a women like a "sex object", he might not be misogynistic, rather he may just have a utilitarian approach to people in general and women - as well as men - get caught up in that practice.

Culture may (and does) help shape behavior and outlook, but it isn't definitive of a person. Talk to me long enough, and you'll hear my education and my time come through as surely as my accent will tell you where I grew up. But they won't tell you who I am; those things won't tell you who anyone is. Which is why you'd never hear me say, "Marry a Caltech guy," the way you hear MRA advice to "marry an Asian woman". Like I said above: you marry a person, not a flavor-of-gender or a cultural stereotype.

Bias against women is misogyny. The guy in your example may be a misanthrope as well. I understand the distinction you're trying to make, but imagine the response of the dude above if the sex objects insisted on being regarded and treated as people, and refused to get out of his face about it -- and how specific that reaction would be to their being women.

I've been puzzling over this one, too, because it didn't make sense to me. You know women who expect the men to buy houses for them? (Do none of the women you know make their own money?)

For one thing, if you're that anxious, have a prenup and make sure you understand your state's rules about community property.

If you and a woman buy a house together, and pay the down payment and mortgage together, and both own the house, then if you split, the equity gets rolled into your entire asset picture and divided. Either you sell the house and deal with proceeds or one person buys out the other. If you do the currently-unusual-in-the-US thing where you buy a house and the money's coming all from the guy, but you own it together and the woman's a housewife, then of course the two of you should negotiate something ahead of time so that nobody's hurt in a divorce. People get hurt in property deals when they treat them as romantic events.

It's also reasonable to keep in mind that if you have children, you're likely to take some hits, because the first goal is protecting the children's welfare. So if the guy's been the breadwinner and the mom's the primary caregiver, and she's going to have custody, then unless you're pretty vindictive or it's impossible for the split-up couple to pay for it, you want the kids to stay in their old house, old neighborhoods, old schools. And in that case the woman will "get" the house, but really what she gets is an interest-bearing loan on his share of the equity and the opportunity to go on paying the mortgage/utils/upkeep on her own. Usually she's required to pay the guy his share of the equity, plus interest, by the time the youngest kid turns eighteen. If she's got the money, she may have to fork it over when the decree's final.

Depending on what else they've got as a couple -- and a lot of couples just have debt and a little equity -- the guy may trade his equity for, say, her willingness to carry some of his share of a joint debt. States differ in how they do these things, but that's why you have to do some homework before you do a legal thing like getting married.

Yeah, I guess I don't understand what you're talking about with "wanting money as part of the relationship" -- I don't know any people who expect money for being in a relationship. What people often do is fail to talk about money when they get involved, and set things down on paper so they know what they're doing and there aren't arguments or recriminations later. And that's a mistake. Obviously things change along the way and have to be renegotiated, but some kind of an agreement on money is important.

lol my 6 year old brother stopped having problems with this 6 months ago ish. I always would be annoyed with him for saying "mine" when he really meant "I want".

I don't kill insects, I take em outside off my property

while I don't condone what he did, I feel for the pain and frustration he went through, however I don't have the mindset he had in which he felt entitled, owed sex, owed a date and a relationship from a girl, the anger and frustration I have with his mindset is that I really hate, despise, loathe on how overwhelming, like 90 percent of the time or more the guy is still expected to make the first move, approach the girl first and initiate conversation, do the asking out, overall, initiating, etc.

The first 30 seconds or so I empathized until he started on the sexist, racist rant. I'm not sure if he felt pain or entitlement. He seemed like he felt anger because he thought he was entitled and it turned out not to be so. To get "revenge", he killed people. It's kind of like those significant others that say "If I can't have you, no one can". He might have thought that and also "If I can't be you, you can't live" about the guys he killed, too.

I would never do what he did but at the same time, that doesn't mean violent thoughts have never crossed my head being very sexually frustrated, and lonely, and hate how it is the guys role to make the first move and ask the girl out first, initiate things, but I go to the gym instead to relieve that anger and stress

It's good you have a coping skill. I had the same issue. As a female, people find me weird because I try and talk to males and ask for their number, even if I'm just trying to only be friends. They assume I'm hitting on them, and because I'm female, that's also viewed as backwards in my culture, so....

I hate that stigma, double-standard with a huge passion!

I love the grim view of the world feminists have: "men dont deserve sex they can just w*k"

but then if you actually do manage to "deserve sex" with them and be their partner, they will tell you how you are the bad man for touching your dick.

I feel I deserve sex, not with a specific person, but within my lifetime. The feminists would like to see men die with dry never used dicks but the fact is I can already afford a large amount of sex. I will hold out for now but it reassures me to know I don't have to take any crap from feminists about all the things I don't deserve when I can take my money to someone who will suck my dick clean off, if I ever decide I want that.

But what I really want is LOVE and that's what the feminists are really against. They 'love' destroying families and taking kids from fathers and so forth, but they have nothing to say on Love.

I doubt he had Asperger's.

i don't know why you would have trouble finding love--you sound SO loveable!

then again i am a feminist, so what do i know about love?

that's why almost all hookers are female