"Euthanizing" my sexual self

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I wish I could share your optimism, but it's just not something I have experienced in my life. There's only been one woman that has even ever given me a chance, and she finally came to the conclusion that I'm not compatible enough for her. This was after 8 years of looking for someone to love... now I'm going to have to spend another 8 years, just to get another relationship that doesn't go anywhere...

There is no magical 8 year cycle, Toad... and believing yourself incapable of being loved will end up becoming truth if you wield it as both cloak and weapon against the potential risks of getting to know someone. What you believe will ultimately come to fruition. Perhaps not how you imagined or when, but things change. Your feelings about yourself thus far don't seem to have changed, so what do you think is different that someone else is going to see if you refuse to acknowledge those feelings, or let them go and change them?


M.

^This - absolutely. Toad, just try to remember where you were a year ago. You'd had absolutely no relationship experience, and were sure you were never going to have any. And here you are today having had a relationship. And while it didn't work out, you did get some happiness out of it, and you learned some things, and you became a better person for it. That's a step in the right direction....you just have to keep reminding yourself to continue taking those steps, okay?

before my last relationship I did not have sex for 8 years. I found when I masturbated it raised my sex drive and it was easier the less I did that and the longer I could go without masturbating. I find being in a relationship makes it much more higher or being round men so if not in a relationship I am best off avoiding men and not masturbating.

Buddhist monks are not allowed to masturbate and they seem happy enough so Im sure its workable. Thich Nhat Hanh is 80 something and a virgin and famous buddhist monk and he says its good to direct sexual energy in to creative works, he has published over 200 books so clearly would have had a high sex drive if not a monk!

Be sure to thank my mom for me, Hope. I give her an immense amount of credit for the reason I've come to be who I am.

For that matter everyone.. be sure to call your Mom, Mum, Mother, etc. on Mother's Day coming up (at least here in the States). I am calling my mom up and reminding her how grateful I am she brought me into this world and for showing me what love is about and all. For doing the things she did to make sure my brother and myself had an opportunity to have a future.

"Does anyone else have experience with total sexual abstinence (male or female)? Was it difficult to get really used to, and how long did it take? How did it change your life? I'm interested in hearing your stories. Thanks for listening. Be well!"

There was a period in my mid-twenties of about three years when I was very religious (I was raised atheist and have since returned to atheism) and single, and I did this. I can't say it changed my life particularly, and it didn't take long to get used to, but then, I'm female. I have a strong sex drive some of the time, but if there's nothing around to fan the flames, so to speak (hot men or women and the willingness to entertain sexual thoughts about them), it kind of stays dormant anyway.

I did. I had a conversation with my ex-wife, months after I became exclusive with her. Up to that point, the only contact I had with her were hugs and simple kisses on the lips (no french stuff or anything else). Then, I asked her via paraphrase about sexual intimacy. Basically, "What are your views of having sex before marriage?" She replied, "Absolutely not! I refuse to have sex with any man before I marry him. The first time I have sex with you is on the first night of our honeymoon. No ifs, ands, or buts." I couldn't even get a word in edgewise with this woman. Basically, because she was the one who chose when she was ready for sexual intimacy with me. Not me. When a woman becomes sexually intimate before she is ready with her partner, she gives up her position of strength and that becomes a weakness. So, the man must respect the woman's decision about that. If he can't respect her decision, she should end the relationship (that's what I would do if I was the woman in the relationship).

So guess what? I was sexually abstinent with her until the first night of the honeymoon. I don't regret it at that time, because I was a virgin then. So, I was like, how can you miss something you've never experienced in your life? Anyway, waiting until the first night of the honeymoon made me respect my ex-wife much more, because I saw that she was someone who stood her ground and wasn't about to give in to me. Sure, I could have ended the relationship as well at that point. But I didn't, and that was my choice at that time.