What Happens With Your Romantic Obsessions?

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same .. i've harbored secret obsessions about guys i barely knew for years (or didn't know at all), knowing if given the chance i'd never have done anything about it. terrible .. i felt like i was mentally stalking, and (hello mindblindness) they must know i was thinking about them all the time, but i couldn't stop.

i think this was sort of a sanity measure .. like an emergency reserve of fantasy that one day anyone on earth would make any sense to me, or i could feel anything like what i was fantasizing / hoping i could feel. it never was, and could not have been, anyone i knew well. now i know why i feel so different than others (and that they don't share my thoughts), i doubt it would happen again. hope not anyway.

this was more agonizing than enjoyable. just had a very hard time sometimes feeling so disconnected, and resorted to magical thinking and other such things to assuage the pain.

incidentally i have had a few people harbor long term obsessions about me and was baffled, and very uncomfortable about it despite knowing what it felt like to be on the other side.

The one thing I keep hearing, is that y'all don't really have a whole lot of control over the obsessions. (Who does.) But, I mean, really, maybe a lot more than NTs.

It just makes me mad that I got left for someone who is now abusing him.

It's not like he is stupid though. He'll eventually figure it out.

O.k...one other question?

Any idea why the obsessions happen? It seems like it's another way of using fantasy to self-comfort or stim for some of you. Did you ever get obsessed in response to a lot of stress?

I have had about 5 of thesee obsessions and they all generally go like this.
I get a crush on someone,, most of the time someone I know, after a few months or so I realize the interest is one-sided, and try to convince myself and others that this obsession is over, since there is no point in going any further and the obsessee doesn't deserve me having thesee feelings about her.
I rarley listen to myself - and the obseession contiunes until I find someone else I can obsess about. This process can take anything from 6 months to 2 years.

good thing my romantic obsession (at least I THINK it's a romantic obsession) is a fictitious giant robot.

Sounds familiar

wow. i never thought of this as a stim, but certainly withdrawing into fantasy has always been my main method of coping. without it i would be dead in a ditch.

now that you mention it, yes, my worst obsessions have always popped up at times of great stress & change, when i was in dire need of a "constant."

another purpose they have served is as a channel for my emotions, which i'm all but disconnected from in real life / real time interactions with other people.

advice to the lovelorn aspies who are troubled by these obsessions as i have been: if you are thinking about your obsession all the time, creating scenarios of the two of you getting together & etc, what you are really doing (in addition to escaping your immediate environment) is writing fiction. so: give in. write.

I love you.

who - me??

*looks around to see who else poppyx might be addressing*

wow .. thanks.

No, it's the idea that you're creating fiction and maybe you should write.

The aspie I know that does this is one that uses fantasy to deal with reality a huge amount--and it's nice to see someone else put into print the idea that there is another option, and that what you are doing is really creating fiction.

Every romantic obsession I have ever had has always been painful.. I hope that I am less vulnerable now that I am a bit older. I was obsessed with one guy for 5 years. It was like a virus on the brain that blocked out my ability to think rationally. I do not wish that feeling upon anyone. We are now friends on facebook..I was able to snap out of it once he moved away to France. Occasionally he will post on my wall or try to chat with me (I have since figured out how to block off my chat option)...I hate romantic obsessions and I hate crushes....I don't find random people at large to be very attractive, so when I do find someone attractive, it hits me really hard most of the time..unless there are certain barriers in place..I have an aversion to guys who are significantly younger than me..but I have been able to passively think that one or two of them were "cute"..Progress for me...

I've had them on and off pretty much my entire life. My worst one started when I was 17 when I became absolutely obsessively love-struck with a girl I'd gone to school with when we were much younger. I bumped into her again when I was 17. She was amazingly attractive, charming, funny and cool. I never ended up managing to make things progress into a relationship though. I was almost entirely preoccupied with her for 2 years, give or take a few months before I finally entered my first real relationship with another girl. That relationship lasted around 6-8 months (I don't remember anymore). Once this other relationship ended, I went back to obsessing about the first girl. It wasn't until fairly recently that I've more or less taken control. I still have feelings for this girl, but I'm now aware that I don't actually love her, merely the idea of the "perfect girl" for me.



Nope, never.



Longest one was around 4 years or so.



Kinda. Basically, everyone I've ever been involved with I've been entirely preoccupied with.



Not really, no. Basically, if I find someone really attractive and I really come to like them I have an extremely difficult time not becoming entirely preoccupied with them. This is something I'm trying to combat by avoiding the entire "she's the one girl for me" mentality and doing my level best to know several attractive girls at once. I read once that having a lot of options stops you from obsessing over any one individual. I haven't quite gotten to the point where much of anyone would consider me an option yet, but I'm working on it.



It depends on the individual, really.