Is "You'll find love one day" BS?

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In my personal experience, yes, I think that particular phrase is a bunch of bull. That's all I hear my family tell me, that, or the even more ridiculous, "your day will come," hooey.

I've become a volunteer with SAAS (Staffordshire Adult Autistic Society) I needed something to stop me from going insane. So I should be getting out more and meeting more people. Not that this will make a blind bit of difference as nothing ever does. I do find helping others rewarding so I hopefully enjoy the job though.

It's the biggest bunch of BS ever. I didn't fall for it when I was 12 and i'm not
falling for it now.

I really wish this idiotic society would stop with this optimism-at-any-price
nonsense already.

It's all nothing but self-serving disingenous rubbish anyway. Don't think that
people tell you these sort of things merely out of the goodness of their hearts
either. People like to feel good about themselves and lying to someone about
their chances of "finding true love" one day is a cheap and easy way to pin a
good guy/girl badge to their lapel.

It's as bad as telling someone with mild mental retardation that they can
be an astrophysicist someday.

It's not BS, in that for most people the probability is that yes, they will find someone. Whether it lasts is another thing.

If you look at it another way, it's basically a way of reassuring you that one day you will be content in life. That may not be with another person, but might be by pursuing your interests or even getting a pet etc.

I always thought that, ignored the fact, and voila, I was in a relationship (albeit a short lived one).

I don't think people are trying to be cruel by saying this. It's more of a hope. I don't think there's anyone out there, except perhaps the very meanest persons, who wish a life of loneliness on anyone.

Good -- get yourself out there. The more contact with the public, the better, in a lot of ways -- gets you used to social situations, lowers the stress level you associate with those situations, and gets your face out there for girls to notice.

Horus, how old are you now?

40.

Why?


Did my post smack of immaturity or something?

It's all BS, at least for folks like me. Some people are just born weird -- too weird -- to be able to find anyone that would like them. Combine that with the fact that the one relationship I did have ended pretty much right after it began, and it soon emerges that I don't have any skills in maintaining a relationship either. It's the perfect storm, and I'm pretty much done for because of it. I'm just too weird for human society, and now society itself is rejecting me, at least on a subconscious level. Not rejecting me completely, as I am not completely without productive value, but denying me the chance to reproduce, lest I become the seed for a cancer of weirdness that destroys society. That's why women want to be my friend, but not anything more...

So, no, I don't believe it whenever some other person goes on about how I will somehow find someone someday...

Last edited by ToadOfSteel on 04 Jun 2010, 11:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

Ouch. No, I was hoping your experience was limited. 40 is a long time to live without being satisfied or finding love.

"You'll find love one day" = BS.
"You'll never find love" = total BS.

There are people out there who you are going to love, and if you're lucky, some of them will love you back. Think about it this way: you might know 300 people, chance is that you probably won't be genuinely attracted to maybe 4 or 5, tops (anything significantly more than that is usually a sign to avoid that sort of person). Apply the same in reverse, the chances of you being in love with someone who's genuinely in love with you is fairly slim. It's the reason for all those crappy relationships most people have at school - they go for someone less than that or for something one-sided, find it out, it all fails and they move on to the next one. You never know who you're gonna meet and what's gonna happen.

Saying that everyone will find love is a total lie - unfortunately, there's a decent chance that it's never gonna happen. But the only way you can say that you'll never find love is if you choose to live down a hole. You can do that if you like, but I say that I'd prefer to stick it out on the off-chance that I might find something. If you choose to live your life and keep your eye open for someone who comes along, then you're already a long way towards finding someone. Think of it like the lottery - why do people buy a ticket when the odds are so low? Cause you're playing for the big money, and it's never gonna hurt.

Odds are, you'll end up in a relationship one day.

And if you haven't worked on yourself in terms of being an AS person IN a relationship, odds are, it won't last. (The AS divorce rate is 80%.)

So, hope, pray, get out there, and at least read books on the impact of AS on a relationship.

You only need one.

Where's that figure from?

Marshak, I think. She's a therapist. I don't know what her reference is--probably her own research. It's in one of my books on AS--I didn't pull it out of thin air.

Yes it is. I am living proof that there is NOT "someone for everyone".

Without going into too much detail here....I only wish my problems were
limited to being unable to find and maintain a romantic/sexual relationship.

Actually i've had plenty of sex with a number of different women. I was also
in a romantic relationship for five years. That person broke up with me because
she finally realized my limitations would not permit me to do anything with my
life in terms of a career, etc....We still remain friends to this day and i'm actually
on very friendly terms with her new boyfriend. I just don't talk to her that much
anymore because i'm severely depressed.

Considering the circumstances of my life, (which have never been any different) I
have every reason to be depressed.

You see....i'm not your typical person (assuming there is such a thing) with
Asperger's or NVLD. Actually I have never been officially Dx-ed with AS and
i've taken five professionally-administered neuropsychological tests. I do fit
the general NVLD profile according to these tests though.

My full scale IQ scores (not to mention my verbal and performance ones) have
been all over the place. I've taken six IQ tests in my life. I scored 94 on one, 120
on another, 112 on two more, 116 on another and 143 on the most recent one I
had.

There is really NOTHING on my IQ/neuropsychological evals which would
suggest i'm any different than countless people with NVLD/AS.

Nonetheless...my own self-observation and experiences throughout my lifetime
have suggested otherwise. I strongly believe I have some profound learning
and memory problems which have been overlooked by all these IQ/neuropsych
tests. In terms of long-term memory at least........there is reason to believe the
conventional neuropsych memory tests (like WMS) are quite limited in terms
of what they can determine about an individual's long-term memory. Unlike
most with NVLD/AS......I have every reason to believe my long-term memory is
seriously impaired. Thus far....I have no objective confirmation of this though.
Without said confirmation, I just can't be certain that there's anything seriously
wrong with my long-term memory at all.


Anyway....i've discussed all this in much more detail countless times before
in many of my posts on WP. My point being is that I have alot of cognitive
issues (or at least I am quite convinced I do) most with NVLD/AS don't have.
In just about every aspect of my life, I function on a level you would expect
from a mildy mentally ret*d person in spite of the IQ tests which all suggest
my IQ is at least in the average range. Therefore, i'm sure you can understand
why there is not "someone out there for me". Again....that aspect of my life
would be relatively tolerable if only I could do, possess, learn, experience,
etc....alot of other things. I had just as many dreams, hopes, aspirations, goals,
as anyone else and perhaps more than alot of people in this world. My brain
has betrayed me every step of the way though. It has robbed me of every hope
and dream I ever had. To this day....I don't know why. I have no answers, only
a million theories and no conclusions. I have yet another appointment with a
neuropsychologist in two weeks. I am hoping to get some neuroimaging done
(probably an MRI/fMRI) since the neuropsychological tests have told me all they
are obviously capable of telling me about my brain and it's possible
impairments.

If my problems are as severe as I think they are and if they do indeed
have a genuine neurological basis, there's likely nothing I can do about
them. Still....i'd sure like to unravel this horrid mystery already. I like to know
whether these problems do have a genuine neurological basis or whether i've
somehow, for some god-awful reason, exaggerated them much like people with
somatic disorders exaggerate (not intentionally ofcourse) or imagine their own
physical complaints. I'm certain I haven't entirely imagined my neuropsych
problems. There is no doubt that I fit the general NVLD profile. I'm just not
sure if my cognitive problems are remotely as serious as I believe them
to be.

What I am supposed to believe after all? I have the professionals and their
psychometric tests (as well as everyone I know, both in terms of family and
friends) telling me one thing and my own self-observations and experiences
telling me another. The former would have me believe i'm the typical NLD-er
and at least reasonably intelligent. The latter would have me believe i'm
mentally ret*d in spite of what the former suggests and that I have profound
memory deficits. I just don't have any clear answers and the frustration I feel
because of all this can't be put into words.

I'd like to know what makes my brain so vastly different from that of everyone
else's. Even most other people with NVLD/AS. The possibility that i've been
living with profound neurological problems for 40 years which have somehow
managed to fly under the radar of all the formal diagnostic techniques is simply
staggering to me.

Last edited by Horus on 04 Jun 2010, 1:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.