What is "creepy"?

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Long story, but there are many websites dedicated to the subject. After a fairly long correspondence I travelled to Volgograd (Russia) to meet a girl. It didn't go well. It was obvious that she viewed the situation as a business transaction. So I arranged to meet some other women from the same city while I was there, including my future wife. I made a few trips after that to see her, including a week in Moscow, where I proposed to her. Everything was very "normal" from a romantic perspective, just like any other couple really. We got married in Volgograd and flew back to the States together. Things were fine until the Green Card (US permanent resident status) arrived in the mail. Then everything changed completely overnight. By this time she was already pregnant with my son, so I hung in there. My daughter was born in 2005. Shortly thereafter she had an affair, I discovered it eventually and when I did she handed me divorce papers and I moved out. Her boyfriend disappeared and she came to live with me in an attempt to "stay together for the children". This dragged out for another four years until I finally concluded that living in the middle of a loveless, abusive, sometimes violent marriage was not the best thing for the children so I moved out last January and now I live by myself. I see my children every other weekend, but they live with their mother most of the time.

Well maybe that wasn't so short

Bottom line: Mail-order bride = bad idea

Changed after the green card... I need not read any more after that. That's what they're after. Sorry that happened to you. People should not marry for anything but love.

I honestly thought she was different, she was VERY clever, or I was really dumb...

I was in a Dungeons and Dragons group where one of the players married a Russian "mail order bride" she was cheating on him and when she felt guilty about and left her "boyfriend" the guy went stalker on her. He beat her so bad he broke her nose and both orbital sockets. She was working in a nursing home and did it infront of her co-workers who did nothing to stop him. She is still with the guy who married her but has lost hearing in one of her ears and the guy who tried to kill her only got a few years in prison. It was like the lawyer, the jury, and judge had it in for her for being a "mail order bride" and cheating on her husband.

My form of "creepy", is when I want to talk to a woman but my brain goes blank when I try and start small talk, it is not a confidence issue but more of a competence issue because my brain is not wired for random, light fluffy chit-chat that lacks structure.

So what do I do? I end up just starring at the woman with a blank expression on my face, all the while I am racking my mind on the inside thinking up something relevant or interesting to say, while she gets annoyed with my blank-faced stare and gives me an angry glare. I was trying to expand my social circle but I only ended up sending weird vibes and chills up her spine.

This happened a bit in college before I understood the challenges I faced socially.

Moog,

I almost fell out of my computer chair when I read this because I was laughing so hard!

Thanks for the early morning pickmeup!

Leslie

There is also the "creepy" label that a lot of women pin on guys who are simply just unattractive.

I'm sorry, but being ugly doesn't make you creepy. I wish people were kinder.

No-one is creepy if they don't do anything creepy or act creepy. I think some girls must use the word out of context, but sadly, if an unattractive guy hits on a girl she would feel uncomfortable, and thats what creepy is.

In my opinion though creepiness isn't to do with what the person looks like or whether I fancy them.

That isn't creepy, though. It just means you're not attracted to them.

Creepy is making someone feel uncomfortable. That's what it is.

Grisha: Do you always have such sanpaku eyes?

(def = http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sanpaku)

Men are "creepy" whenever we feel like it. Women have psychic powers. If we're wrong it's okay because all men beat us and rape us every day so we just need to avoid that evolutionarily. /sarcasm.

Seriously though, Grisha. I've seen you posting here for a while. You seem like a good guy, but naive. You will do yourself a favor by not expecting all women to be honest, reasonable, or say what we mean.

You're not going to find some deep sophisticated meaning to the creepy label. It's just that many women just think anything that makes them feel uncomfortable is wrong or dangerous. Its awkward to be approached by a guy that does not seem remotely attractive, especially for women who do not have the confidence to say "no".

I'm gonna say I agree with the "anything that makes me feel uncomfortable" is creepy definition. I think it is the vibe that some people give off, but it doesn't necessarily make the person creepy. Just the specific situation. Someone I don't know soliciting personal information will sometimes earn a "creepy" comment from me. Same with someone seeming too eager to get to know me or someone asking a lot of questions.

To me, a very alpha type male coming up to me and asking me out would be extremely uncomfortable. I would probably call that guy a creep. Contrary to what others have said, I'd probably see a shy fellow as less threatening and therefore less creepy. But I still wouldn't want to be the target of anyone's advances. I like relationships to be at my pace. In other words, I need to get to know someone as a friend for a long time before I start becoming interested in anything more than friendship. Anyone who doesn't respect that isn't worth my time.

Also, I'm lucky that I'm female. My social awkwardness is seen as shyness usually, and more easily excused. My big problem is that I'm very curious about people and I tend to become obsessed with them 'for the day'. I don't personally think I'm a creepy stalker, but I realize that sometimes it might be construed as such. Hence, I've tried to tone it down over the years and I think the result is that I'm even more aloof than I used to be and now I don't seem interested in anybody at all. I dunno, maybe that's something I need to work on. xD

Anyhow, my advice would be to try to meet women who you share a common interest with and try not to have any expectations that she will be your next date. In other words, start with low expectations. In my own experience, those people who don't actively seek out relationships often find that others seek them out. The reason being that you appear more confident and sure of yourself. Desperation is a big turn-off for a lot of people, myself included.

i am so unable to join conversations. everyone talks miles above my head. i am unsure whether to try and talk in this thread because everyone is so much smarter than me, but..

i think "creep" means to walk in a way where no one will hear the footsteps.
people "creep" when they want to enter an area unnoticed.

people who do not want to be seen or heard entering an area usually have ulterior and sinister motives for entering that area.

creeps are people who tread silently around and look for things they can steal.
creeps wear figurative "masks" and they hide their identity in every way.

creeps are deceptive and devious, and their agenda is completely hidden.

creeps are people who are the sole witnesses to to their own intent.

naive and innocent people do not notice that someone has crept into their intimate domain until it is too late to stop them.

creeps have vile and pernicious motives, and they usually have a goal of getting their sexual frustration relieved by fraudulent expressions and dishonest situational facades.

creeps lick their lips like hyenas of soul, and then they step into the arena of their predation with the persona of the lambs they wish to devour.

that is what i think creeps are and i am far inside my primitive mind, and i am probably wrong. everyone else talking in this thread says things that i can not understand in a subjective way, so i am sorry if my words are laughably out of the field of this discussion

I think you're exactly right. I think much commentary can be made about how creepiness can manifest, but this is basically it. Why else call a creep a creep? The usage was coined for a reason.

I disagree completely. He doesnt look creepy at all in the photo to me, he looks kind of shy and vulnerable if anything.

Looking at that picture and avatar picture you Grisha seem very tightly wound and unrelaxed, he looks like he's thinking very hard.