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i find out a girl im attracted to has a BF, what now?

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emlion
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24 Feb 2011, 10:07 am

Haha. I better go steal me some children then. :chin:



flamemasterelan
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24 Feb 2011, 10:21 am

mv wrote:
flamemasterelan wrote:
While I'm not a female, I have roleplayed as one on a MUD for about six months, and I can tell you that, from my experience, that theory is a bit flawed. The biggest reason for the "dreaded friend zone" is that she likes you, but she isn't sexually attracted to you. She wants you to remain safe, and any advances towards her are likely to break that trust..

From a male perspective, the friend zone seems unfair. But from a female perspective, it's just really, really nice to have at least that ONE guy that you can talk to who isn't going to try to shove his hand down your pants.

Might be just my experience/perspective, though.


This, for the win. And I'm mightily impressed that you've gleaned an insight into the female psyche by roleplaying.

Woohoo. First post was a success!

Really, though, if you've ever heard of a MUD, it's basically D&D meets MMORPGs, except all text based. I spent about four hours a day as a female just to see if I could pull it off. I learned a LOT through my time playing that character.

I actually complained during the first month or so, especially when I realized I understood the Friend Zone. Because it meant that I can't complain about it anymore myself. *sigh*



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24 Feb 2011, 10:40 am

emlion wrote:
Haha. I better go steal me some children then. :chin:
Don't go to a foster thingy, that's just cruel. D:



emlion
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24 Feb 2011, 10:42 am

Jonsi wrote:
emlion wrote:
Haha. I better go steal me some children then. :chin:
Don't go to a foster thingy, that's just cruel. D:


I meant just steal them off people in the street say to them 'look over there!' and then when they look smuggle one of their kids. :wink:



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24 Feb 2011, 10:44 am

Oho, quite the plan. How're you gonna keep the kids occupied? I wouldn't suggest candy, because then they'll be bouncin' off the walls and pretending to be dinosaurs.









(That was me as a kid. :D)



emlion
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24 Feb 2011, 10:46 am

We'd ALL eat candy and pretend to be dinosaurs. I'm not going to let them have all the fun without me!



Jonsi
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24 Feb 2011, 10:47 am

You can make a stegasaurus cake and pretend it's your prey that has been killed. D:

With chocolate blood. :D



emlion
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24 Feb 2011, 10:48 am

oh don't give me ideas.
stefan would disown me. :lol:



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24 Feb 2011, 10:51 am

If only I had the skills and buckets of icing, chocolate and cake mix to make one. I would totally do it.



Jamie8675309
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24 Feb 2011, 3:49 pm

flamemasterelan wrote:
mv wrote:
flamemasterelan wrote:
While I'm not a female, I have roleplayed as one on a MUD for about six months, and I can tell you that, from my experience, that theory is a bit flawed. The biggest reason for the "dreaded friend zone" is that she likes you, but she isn't sexually attracted to you. She wants you to remain safe, and any advances towards her are likely to break that trust..

From a male perspective, the friend zone seems unfair. But from a female perspective, it's just really, really nice to have at least that ONE guy that you can talk to who isn't going to try to shove his hand down your pants.

Might be just my experience/perspective, though.


This, for the win. And I'm mightily impressed that you've gleaned an insight into the female psyche by roleplaying.

Woohoo. First post was a success!

Really, though, if you've ever heard of a MUD, it's basically D&D meets MMORPGs, except all text based. I spent about four hours a day as a female just to see if I could pull it off. I learned a LOT through my time playing that character.

I actually complained during the first month or so, especially when I realized I understood the Friend Zone. Because it meant that I can't complain about it anymore myself. *sigh*


I actually didn't know what u meant by MUD originally, didn't think it was text based. suppose i should have asked. But yea, that's quite a revelation, considering you must have talked fairly in depth to females, originally i thought it might have been more of an assumption. Mabye that means that gaining a woman's trust as a friend means knowing exactly where the line is between being friendly and being "flirty", and not lingering on flirting behaviour the minute you get a sense shes not interested in you in that way.

wefunction wrote:
emlion wrote:
Quote:
i find it hard to imagine that women get tired of talking to guys who want to hit on her,


Having guys hit on you, isn't fun most of the time.


Seriously.

It can be really annoying.


emlion wrote:
Yep. Especially when they don't get the message.
You'd think 'I'm waiting for my boyfriend' would do it, but I guess not!


Hmm, defiantly wasn't aware of how much guys are focused on portraying themselves as "risk takers", as in ignoring "go away" signals. although when i said that quote i didn't really mean guys who just don't get the message. Then again i do know of people who would say that guys hit on women way too much, with that in mind i can understand why you might get tired of being hit on.


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flamemasterelan
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24 Feb 2011, 4:29 pm

Jamie8675309 wrote:
flamemasterelan wrote:
mv wrote:
flamemasterelan wrote:
While I'm not a female, I have roleplayed as one on a MUD for about six months, and I can tell you that, from my experience, that theory is a bit flawed. The biggest reason for the "dreaded friend zone" is that she likes you, but she isn't sexually attracted to you. She wants you to remain safe, and any advances towards her are likely to break that trust..

From a male perspective, the friend zone seems unfair. But from a female perspective, it's just really, really nice to have at least that ONE guy that you can talk to who isn't going to try to shove his hand down your pants.

Might be just my experience/perspective, though.


This, for the win. And I'm mightily impressed that you've gleaned an insight into the female psyche by roleplaying.

Woohoo. First post was a success!

Really, though, if you've ever heard of a MUD, it's basically D&D meets MMORPGs, except all text based. I spent about four hours a day as a female just to see if I could pull it off. I learned a LOT through my time playing that character.

I actually complained during the first month or so, especially when I realized I understood the Friend Zone. Because it meant that I can't complain about it anymore myself. *sigh*


I actually didn't know what u meant by MUD originally, didn't think it was text based. suppose i should have asked. But yea, that's quite a revelation, considering you must have talked fairly in depth to females, originally i thought it might have been more of an assumption. Mabye that means that gaining a woman's trust as a friend means knowing exactly where the line is between being friendly and being "flirty", and not lingering on flirting behaviour the minute you get a sense shes not interested in you in that way.

Not really. For me, Roleplaying is just taking one facet of your personality and expanding on it. For my character, it was mostly just my silly side. I didn't really talk to females about it, I just played her as I would any other character. The big revelations came in with the multitude of male characters who basically stalked me. I was hit on by pretty much the entire player base, got handed money just because my character had boobs, and was frequently called a tease because the only attractive garments the game had for females were usually corsets and skirts.

I realized the importance of the friend zone to females when she started making friends and almost every time we "had to talk," I had the same feeling of dread that they would start telling me about their feelings, and then I'd lose another person to hang out with because they couldn't get over my character genitals.



Jamie8675309
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06 Mar 2011, 7:59 pm

flamemasterelan wrote:
Jamie8675309 wrote:
flamemasterelan wrote:
mv wrote:
flamemasterelan wrote:
While I'm not a female, I have roleplayed as one on a MUD for about six months, and I can tell you that, from my experience, that theory is a bit flawed. The biggest reason for the "dreaded friend zone" is that she likes you, but she isn't sexually attracted to you. She wants you to remain safe, and any advances towards her are likely to break that trust..

From a male perspective, the friend zone seems unfair. But from a female perspective, it's just really, really nice to have at least that ONE guy that you can talk to who isn't going to try to shove his hand down your pants.

Might be just my experience/perspective, though.


This, for the win. And I'm mightily impressed that you've gleaned an insight into the female psyche by roleplaying.

Woohoo. First post was a success!

Really, though, if you've ever heard of a MUD, it's basically D&D meets MMORPGs, except all text based. I spent about four hours a day as a female just to see if I could pull it off. I learned a LOT through my time playing that character.

I actually complained during the first month or so, especially when I realized I understood the Friend Zone. Because it meant that I can't complain about it anymore myself. *sigh*


I actually didn't know what u meant by MUD originally, didn't think it was text based. suppose i should have asked. But yea, that's quite a revelation, considering you must have talked fairly in depth to females, originally i thought it might have been more of an assumption. Mabye that means that gaining a woman's trust as a friend means knowing exactly where the line is between being friendly and being "flirty", and not lingering on flirting behaviour the minute you get a sense shes not interested in you in that way.

Not really. For me, Roleplaying is just taking one facet of your personality and expanding on it. For my character, it was mostly just my silly side. I didn't really talk to females about it, I just played her as I would any other character. The big revelations came in with the multitude of male characters who basically stalked me. I was hit on by pretty much the entire player base, got handed money just because my character had boobs, and was frequently called a tease because the only attractive garments the game had for females were usually corsets and skirts.

I realized the importance of the friend zone to females when she started making friends and almost every time we "had to talk," I had the same feeling of dread that they would start telling me about their feelings, and then I'd lose another person to hang out with because they couldn't get over my character genitals.


Sry i hanv't been around for a while, if u noticed anyway lol

I do feel for women who play online where the male-female ratio is incredibly imbalanced I guess its easier for guys to come across as annoying sex maniacs in online gaming lol, of course girls just want to relax and simply play the game.

Id be intersted to hear of any opinions from women on flamemasterelan's quote? I've never really known how much women like having platonic male friends.


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06 Mar 2011, 8:35 pm

Jamie8675309 wrote:
That might be the case, although i find it hard to imagine that women get tired of talking to guys who want to hit on her, the whole flirting thing is supposed to be enjoyable for both sexes is it not?


oh my GOD, most of the time when guys hit on women, they are not attracted to them, would you find it fun if a 50 year old fat woman with bad bo and facial hair kept hitting on you?

There is nothing FUN about being hit on by a guy you're not attracted to, NOTHING.



zen_mistress
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06 Mar 2011, 8:42 pm

I personally dont know how to flirt, so if someone is trying to flirt with me I just feel confused. I dont know what to say next.


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Jamie8675309
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06 Mar 2011, 9:16 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Jamie8675309 wrote:
That might be the case, although i find it hard to imagine that women get tired of talking to guys who want to hit on her, the whole flirting thing is supposed to be enjoyable for both sexes is it not?


oh my GOD, most of the time when guys hit on women, they are not attracted to them, would you find it fun if a 50 year old fat woman with bad bo and facial hair kept hitting on you?

There is nothing FUN about being hit on by a guy you're not attracted to, NOTHING.


Its hard to imagine how a guy could appeal to a woman in the same way as a "50 year old fat woman with bad bo and facial hair" would to a guy, seeing as men and women judge each other's attractiveness based on different criteria.

fair point though, i remember reading about an experiment that suggested men find the majority of women attractive and women usually find only a minority of guys attractive.


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06 Mar 2011, 9:24 pm

Jamie8675309 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Jamie8675309 wrote:
That might be the case, although i find it hard to imagine that women get tired of talking to guys who want to hit on her, the whole flirting thing is supposed to be enjoyable for both sexes is it not?


oh my GOD, most of the time when guys hit on women, they are not attracted to them, would you find it fun if a 50 year old fat woman with bad bo and facial hair kept hitting on you?

There is nothing FUN about being hit on by a guy you're not attracted to, NOTHING.


Its hard to imagine how a guy could appeal to a woman in the same way as a "50 year old fat woman with bad bo and facial hair" would to a guy, seeing as men and women judge each other's attractiveness based on different criteria.

fair point though, i remember reading about an experiment that suggested men find the majority of women attractive and women usually find only a minority of guys attractive.


I know. I'm not comparing the two, but I was just trying to think of someone a guy wouldn't be attracted to to compare the feeling.
I believe a guy would find it annoying and uncomfortable. That's how a lot of women feel when some random man (even if not old and ugly) hits on them when she isn't interested.