20 and still no boyfriend. What is the problem?

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BrandonSP
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24 Sep 2012, 10:15 am

Palindrome5 wrote:
University’s a goldmine for meeting new people.

It's true that universities tend to have large populations of students, but in my experience it's really hard to meet the same student regularly if you don't get their contact information early on. Even if you do somehow obtain contact info, there's no guarantee that they will have time to respond.


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Fnord
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24 Sep 2012, 10:22 am

No pics == No proof


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GiantHockeyFan
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24 Sep 2012, 11:25 am

Cafeaulait wrote:
OK, such as? :)
And how do I behave? I don't want to be overly flirtatious (like: I want sex with you right now) but I don't want to come of as stand offish or bored either. Like, how do I draw a guys interest/attention in a conversation? Idon't wanna be boring.


If you see a guy in the halls, classroom, etc just make up any excuse to talk to him. It doesn't matter what: if he's interested he will always respond. Make it brief and if you see him again, make a joke about something and mention him by name if you know it. Just gradually build up and eventually he will feel comfortable (if he's an Aspie like me it might take a LONG time!)

You might think men are big and tough because they put on that persona at that age but most are complete and utter wimps underneath. That, and given how many young women have either nasty, entitled attitudes or are ultra-feminist (to whom saying hi=sexual harassment), many guys don't think it's worth the effort to talk to the ladies. Just be yourself and step out of your comfort zone like I didn't at your age!



Stalk
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24 Sep 2012, 11:27 am

If I entertain the idea that you are attractive, and that you seem to brush off all male suggestions. Perhaps you come off as high maintenance, because you want it your way and all males feel like they need to get on the highway.

Perhaps you should ask a Moderator to move this to the woman's section. You only seem to be interested in women's suggestions anyway.



Stargazer43
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24 Sep 2012, 1:41 pm

Are you involved in many activities? You can try doing some volunteer work or joining a local club/organization that interests you, these are usually good ways to meet people. And if guys aren't approaching you, you can always approach them! Even if you don't want to ask them out, or make a move so to speak, you can just start a friendly conversation and see where it goes.

Also I don't know how in shape you are, but exercising and getting in good shape never hurts in the dating world. Not to mention, it just makes you feel better in general, so it's a win/win situation!



thewhitrbbit
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24 Sep 2012, 1:46 pm

I've often been told happy hours are good places to meet guys. Take a risk and go by yourself. It's still light outside so it's safe. Sit at the bar and have a drink.

Plus your more likely to meet good quality professional guys since it's happy hour.



IrishTusk
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24 Sep 2012, 1:49 pm

Do Kareoke. . . It works for me to spark up conversations with women.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Sep 2012, 1:51 pm

Probably it's your looks.

Honestly.



The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Sep 2012, 1:53 pm

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There is no way to determine if any woman is (un)attractive to men without seeing what she really looks like. Men are visually (un)attracted to women, and any man who has wasted any time on a dating website will be cynical about any description that a woman will post about herself.


Women are equally visual.

The common "women are less visual than men" saying is totally BS.



hyperlexian
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24 Sep 2012, 2:44 pm

i don't like being approached, and i don't tend to respond well to people who approach me in real life. i feel panicky and want to escape. plus i send the wrong signals because of messed up body language. i seem to give a green light to people i am not particularly interested in, and a red light to people i am attracted to.

so... i approach men (or in rare cases it's mutual). life is just too short to get caught up in waiting for anything in particular to happen to me. if i want something to happen, i work at making it happen. rejection often follows, but that's to be expected. this gives me some control over events in my life, and i would not trade this position.


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thewhitrbbit
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24 Sep 2012, 3:26 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
There is no way to determine if any woman is (un)attractive to men without seeing what she really looks like. Men are visually (un)attracted to women, and any man who has wasted any time on a dating website will be cynical about any description that a woman will post about herself.


Women are equally visual.

The common "women are less visual than men" saying is totally BS.


Yep. And they HATE being called on it.



The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Sep 2012, 3:43 pm

thewhitrbbit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
There is no way to determine if any woman is (un)attractive to men without seeing what she really looks like. Men are visually (un)attracted to women, and any man who has wasted any time on a dating website will be cynical about any description that a woman will post about herself.


Women are equally visual.

The common "women are less visual than men" saying is totally BS.


Yep. And they HATE being called on it.


Because they believe they're the "less shallow" gender - telling them the truth would shock them.



Darwin1123
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24 Sep 2012, 5:41 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
thewhitrbbit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
There is no way to determine if any woman is (un)attractive to men without seeing what she really looks like. Men are visually (un)attracted to women, and any man who has wasted any time on a dating website will be cynical about any description that a woman will post about herself.


Women are equally visual.

The common "women are less visual than men" saying is totally BS.


Yep. And they HATE being called on it.


Because they believe they're the "less shallow" gender - telling them the truth would shock them.


I'm not entirely sure this is true. Generally of course women are attracted to men they find attractive but with my girl friends I seem to talk about personality a lot more than I do with men....for example, even if a man is objectively attractive, I'm honestly not attracted to them unless they can hold their own with me intellectually. This is of course equally shallow (and most women know that we're really not that much better than men when we are looking to initiate something) but I think you could make a case that men's objectification of women mostly stops at looks, whereas women objectify men based on looks as well as certain personality traits....then again these are all generalizations, just my point of view.

Anyway to the OP, I very much get what you're saying about being reasonably attractive and not getting much attention from guys, and ya, I echo what other people have said in that's it's about approachability, and not as much about looks. They do obviously play a factor but like you said, everyone who puts in some kind of effort is attractive in their own way so its just a matter of things like eye contact, smiling and creating favorable conditions for meeting people which is important. I think some people just have that winning combination of looks and charm, whereas others have to work a bit harder to create opportunity, but it's definitely possible to get better at it.



Tequila
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24 Sep 2012, 6:04 pm

IrishTusk wrote:
Do Kareoke. . . It works for me to spark up conversations with women.


What can we sing?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWBAINpDuvk[/youtube]



IrishTusk
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24 Sep 2012, 6:09 pm

Tequila wrote:
IrishTusk wrote:
Do Kareoke. . . It works for me to spark up conversations with women.


What can we sing?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWBAINpDuvk[/youtube]


[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTeSkg-YIWI[/youtube]

^ This


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Cafeaulait
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25 Sep 2012, 3:08 am

Stalk wrote:
If I entertain the idea that you are attractive, and that you seem to brush off all male suggestions. Perhaps you come off as high maintenance, because you want it your way and all males feel like they need to get on the highway.

Perhaps you should ask a Moderator to move this to the woman's section. You only seem to be interested in women's suggestions anyway.


Can you quote where I said that?