What really irritates me about what I'm reading on here...

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aspiesandra27
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25 Nov 2012, 4:09 pm

BlueMax...you're hot, and you *know* it. :wink:

hyperlexian
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25 Nov 2012, 4:24 pm

biostructure, women can't have more intrinsic value than men in the dating game because women have to be dating... men. unless all the women are dating each other, there are men out there who have equal intrinsic value to those women.

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BlueMax
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25 Nov 2012, 4:40 pm

aspiesandra27 wrote:

BlueMax...you're hot, and you *know* it. :wink:

Why is it the only people who say so live thousands of miles away?

Tim_Tex
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26 Nov 2012, 12:22 am

While MacDragard's ideas are quite relevant to many of the guys on here, there are also people who do the things he described, such as myself.

That said, there are still some things I struggle with.

For example, not knowing how to discuss sex in a way where a partner won't think that's all I care about. I am hypersexual, and open to new things in the bedroom, and need a partner who is also that way. Yet if I leave a relationship based on her unwillingness to experiment, or intent to save herself until marriage (despite me being a Christian), she *will* think it's all I care about.

Also, if I have a set of criteria for a partner, I risk narrowing my dating pool possibly to the extent that I never meet anyone. Yet if I don't, I may come across as desperate.

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Surfman
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26 Nov 2012, 1:08 am

MacDragard wrote:

Guys, if you want to be in a relationship with a great girl and/or have great sex, you're gonna have to work for it and you're gonna have to put in the time. For some guys, it takes years to get really good with women, but they do get good eventually.....

Instead, use aspergers to your advantage like Sherlock Holmes or James Bond does. There are MILLIONS upon MILLIONS of resources out there, from online books to youtube videos to meetup groups, for men who are looking to become successful with women. USE THEM......

Anyways, I hope guys on here will take my advice seriously and not post all the excuses and monkey chatter that's running through their heads to try to prove me wrong.......

....

Its also hormonal and neurological [sorry about the excuses and monkey chatter...]
Getting fit and eating real good works a treat too, as it improves hormonal and neurological functions.

Most times I began a relationship, I was very healthy.
Even healthy and happy.
So, I BECAME ready to breed
And began successful pair bonding behaviours
With ease

So for me
All the books and training
mean little
Compared to uber fit and healthy
And full of life
Ready to make another

DerStadtschutz
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26 Nov 2012, 1:29 am

DialAForAwesome wrote:

Meems is a lady lol.

Why should you feel like you have to dropkick guys across the floor because they weren't blessed with what you were blessed with? It's kinda like wanting to dropkick a blind guy because he wants to see, and then telling him "YOU CAN SEE, YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO!"

Hardly seems right or fair.

I agree that it seems like some of these guys think they're entitled to sex, but maybe it only seems that way because of your Asperger's.

It is also really stupid how most guys can just do a come-hither motion and within a couple hours, have a girlfriend. Of course, the opposite happens quite a bit too.

It's not about being "blessed." It's about getting out there, trying s**t, and figuring out what works for you. It also helps if you're after something different than most people are after. Of course, some are "blessed" with good looks that make all the women want to be with them for reasons beyond my comprehension. Some women apparently just enjoy being treated like s**t too, apparently.

DerStadtschutz
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26 Nov 2012, 1:37 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

aspiesandra27 wrote:

My bf told me once, he has had 50 girlfriends. Because I am naive enough to believe everything people tell me, and am often the last one to realise if there is sarcasm, or an underlying message, I now conclude he must have been lying as he is an aspie (and after reading all you aspie guys threads)? :roll:

I have had 500 girlfriends - 10 simultaneously at every turn.

Here we go, my nose is growing again - like my huge dongle.

That's nothing, dude. I got like 10,000 concubines stashed in my closet. I'm such a player... :lol:

DerStadtschutz
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26 Nov 2012, 1:41 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:

Fnord wrote:

aspiesandra27 wrote:

... He could have been a tramp as we call them here in the UK ... it's not going to make any difference to me whether he had 5, 50 or 500.

Would you prefer a man who had never had even one girlfriend before he met you?

Think about it ... such a man would likely have no idea how to treat a woman, other than from what he's seen on TV and in the movies (porn included). Then again, you could slap him around all day and tell him that it's called "Making Love" and he'd never know the difference.

Fnord, this is a fallacy. By implying that there are things which can only be learned through being in a relationship, and setting these as minimum criteria for being in a relationship, you make it impossible for any boy to have a girlfriend. How is he supposed to get the skills if he is required to have them before he can learn them?

Hyperbolic Time Chamber - It's the place you go to get that work experience everyone friggin' requires too.

Last edited by DerStadtschutz on 26 Nov 2012, 2:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

CrinklyCrustacean
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26 Nov 2012, 1:58 am

Aspie1 wrote:

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:

Fnord wrote:

Think about it ... such a man would likely have no idea how to treat a woman, other than from what he's seen on TV and in the movies (porn included). Then again, you could slap him around all day and tell him that it's called "Making Love" and he'd never know the difference.

Fnord, this is a fallacy. By implying that there are things which can only be learned through being in a relationship, and setting these as minimum criteria for being in a relationship, you make it impossible for any boy to have a girlfriend. How is he supposed to get the skills if he is required to have them before he can learn them?

I always wondered that too, but I managed to get around it. How? By lowering my standards and telling myself that I need to get over myself, date whoever shows interest, and be thankful for that. This worked out well enough, and soon, I had a girlfriend. While I got first-hand experience at what it's like to have a girlfriend, and was able to say that I have a girlfriend, I don't know how much I learned. For example, I used local maps to plan our dates in areas where my friends don't hang out, and wasn't sure how I'll introduce her to people. The relationship lasted about two months, then fell apart in a largely mutual manner. Now, I feel a little bit bad about having used her, in a way, but I treated her well the whole time we were together. Hopefully, she found a guy who's with her because they're mutually attracted.

But in my defense, I had to resort to doing what I did because of what Fnord pointed out: the Catch-22 of girls not wanting to date a guy who's never been in a relationship before. My first girlfriend either didn't know or didn't care. But my observations show that girls like that are few and far between. I still lie on dating sites and say that I've been in a long-term relationship before ("long-term" as in 1 year or longer).

This isn't a case of the girl rejecting someone who's never had a girlfriend, it's a case of Fnord actively encouraging a girl to do so, and trying to justify a blatantly flawed argument. Everybody has to start somewhere. He should know this.

Sagroth
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26 Nov 2012, 3:11 am

hyperlexian wrote:

Biostructure isn't exactly correct, but from both a sociological and anthropological standpoint, some of his notions are on the right track.

From a Social Exchange perspective, female sexuality is far more often used as a currency of social exchange than male sexuality.

This is also reflected anthropologically: as classically speaking, the male does have to compete for the female in some way or another(this is true for humans, birds,etc). This is one of the reasons culture often objectifies women: if sex with a female needs to be competed for, it therefore creates status. Things that create status are objectified. The more sexually restricted a society is, the more women are objectified(see extremist Islamic culture and women's rights, extreme Mormon offshoots, etc).

This is also why women with multiple partners are often considered "sluts," while men are "players" or "pimps." It's because the men are continuously competing and winning status while women are "devaluing the currency."

It's a crappy and unfair thing.

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26 Nov 2012, 3:15 am

BlueMax wrote:

aspiesandra27 wrote:

BlueMax...you're hot, and you *know* it. :wink:

Why is it the only people who say so live thousands of miles away?

I always wonder that too! :lol:

If only this were Pangaea.

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hyperlexian
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26 Nov 2012, 3:18 am

Sagroth wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

i get what you're saying, but it doesn't translate into more actual experience for women than for men. it also doesn't translate into better experiences or experiences with preferred mates (again, that would be statistically impossible). if women are the supposed gatekeepers that also means that they have 0 choice as to who pursues them. it is a 2 way street of suck in your model.

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Sagroth
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26 Nov 2012, 3:25 am

hyperlexian wrote:

Sagroth wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

Oh, absolutely. It does, however, mean that, all other things being equal, women can in fact get sex easier than men.

There are caveats, of course.

And of course, such a thing often matters more to males than females, because sex is used as status more by males.

And that is also why on boards like this you are far more likely to hear men complaining about not having sex yet and insisting that it matters.

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hyperlexian
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26 Nov 2012, 3:28 am

this isn't the sex forum; it is the "Love and Dating" forum. so men complaining on and on and on about not getting sex is not really directly related to the topic, necessarily. in some cases it can be, but not always. women generally don't like being used as a means to an end, so if men are posting in L&D about their inability to get sex... well, there you go.

for women (or for men), the ease of getting sex is not relevant. why would anyone want sex with someone they find undesirable? :scratch:

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Last edited by hyperlexian on 26 Nov 2012, 3:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sagroth
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26 Nov 2012, 3:36 am

I wrote that post before your ninja edit. To reference that:

Yes, it is largely more unfair to women, though not necessarily in ways they think. I consider myself a third wave feminist(I am male though of course), so there might be some bias on my part.

At its root, hegemonic masculinity and biology is largely to blame for the current state of affairs for women. There are solutions, though many find them culturally unpalatable.

As it is, things seem to be going in the opposite direction, and women have great deal(if not equivalent to men) of culpability to said trend.

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26 Nov 2012, 3:39 am

I don't think, for most, it's the actual physical act. More what it symbolizes. That somebody finds them desireable. They see the lack of it as proof of their own worthlessness.

hyperlexian wrote:

for women, the ease of getting sex is not relevant. why would anyone want sex with someone they find undesirable? :scratch:

So that they themselves can feel desireable. Which, for some, is far more important than actually enjoying the experience. That need to feel desired can lead to some pretty messed up self-destructive behavior. I know that firsthand.

It comes from incredibly low self-esteem. Feeling that the only worth you have is what other people give you. And, for many, the ability to find sexual partners is taken as a token of that worth.

Thing is, most who are in that position don't realize that it's the lack of self-esteem causing the focus on sex, not the other way around.

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