An OKCupid message that about reduced me to tears.

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Well, Boo may be getting interest but so far they're all messed-up weirdoes (and no nookie yet either!)

Call me when either of you are in a stable relationship and I'll seek your advice. I'll offer mine if I beat you guys to it.

Sensible.

That is the message as I laid out, and I don't appreciate people trying to make out that I was hiding something. In hindsight I should've known better, because she had listed out all her specific criteria for the kind of man she wants...specific age and all that nonsense. I thought it was worth a try because she really looked like an interesting person. This wasn't a date where, yes, I'd appreciate honesty rather than never hearing from her again. She could've just ignored me. Instead she writes a really curt message that WAS hurtful. Like I was wasting my time.

I thought what I wrote was pleasant, polite and just a general attempt to make a connection. Yet the rules keep changing on me. I try one thing, and I'm told I come on too strong. So I try the opposite, and I'm told I come across as vague. Which is it? What do I do?

And please, to those saying I need to be happy as I am, believe me I've tried. I've been trying for years. I thought that was the solution. I've tried to fill my life with enriching activities, but in the end, I WANT SOMEONE TO ENJOY THEM WITH.

I'm not looking for someone to fill a void or to cure my unhappiness. I'm not looking for someone who'll magically fix my problems. My problem is I'm lonely. I'm terribly, terribly lonely, and I want some companionship. That is all. Is that so wrong?

No I don't think it's wrong and frankly I think people are being mean.

The problem is, Brian, there is no perfect single approach. What comes across as "too strong" for one person will be interpreted as "hot" by another, "creepy" to another and "WTF???" to another.

Due to individual human nature, you simply have no idea. Just keep doing exactly what you were doing - being honest about who you are, casual and friendly in your approach. I think the odds will be better that way.

Also bear in mind that with so many prospects available to them, and the gals having the privilege of being the ones to decide yes/no, many of them will settle for nothing less than "perfect". Breathe a sigh of relief when one of these people pass you by - you don't want her!! !

Brian, I can empathize with you man trust me. The problem is we are fighting a losing battle. I'm 23, and I already know that I will be die a kissless virgin. I seem to be getting worse by the day. My social skills are decreasing, my common sense is going, and I'm becoming more anxious and shy. I wouldn't be surprised if my brain is deteriorating.

Anyway, regardless of that, something about turns girls off. It sucks man but it seems the best thing we can do is accept it. Think about it this way, even if you were a perfect catch and had everything in the world to offer a girl, it would still be tough to get a girlfriend due to gender norms. For instance, if you were a perfect catch and saw a gorgeous girl you liked at the store but were too shy to ask her out, you would end up alone masturbating.
If the perfect guys struggle you better believe we will too. It's hopeless bro.

I don't understand what she meant with "putting down my walls"?

Ahhhh OK, thank you wtfid2

She sounded full of herself to me - you were only at the 'getting to know you stage' which is hardly a 'letting down the walls' stage anyway. You have to have at least an MSN conversation to check how well you get on with a person/whether you have things in common in my opinion. It's more about having a similar attitude to life that is the main thing in my opinion although obviously interests in similar things is also relevant. She sounded like an 'I've been hurt before by so many men I'm not about to give anyone an inch without very good reason' type of person which is not a good strategy and means the person can be very defensive, uptight and basically not good company.

I would try and focus initially on just finding people on the dating site/elsewhere that you can have a friendly online chat with, to take the pressure off trying to find a relationship as people can sense if a person is too eager, so by acting as if you are only looking for friendship at the initial stage it will mean you come across as more relaxed as you won't feel under as much pressure.

I generally look mainly for friendship myself, it's just that I only tend to make friends with men anyway and it can thus lead into a relationship but it's the having someone to talk to and confide in regularly that I value the most.