Being the man is too stressful

Post Reply New Topic

I have went into semi-retirement with the whole dating thing. I know that it's often commonly believed on these forums by the more relationship successful Aspie guys that we should adapt to our environment and stop being ourselves in order to attract women. But after seeing 7 different escorts across 12 sessions within a span of 8 1/2 months and buying more into the MGTOW (Men Who Go Their Own Way) philosophy in the past few months, I am unsure if dating and hooking up is even for me.

I took a break from the escort "hobby" for over 4 1/2 months but in the time that I was doing it, I figured out that sex with professionals with above average looks is way better than mediocre, unsatisfying sex with girls I wasn't into. I was not into the girls I've had sexual relations with and the girls who were interested in hooking up with me that I ultimately turned down. A couple of the pros, including my first one, were well above average. We're talking like the type of girls that I dreamed of having sex with in college and high school that were banging the alpha male type guys that I could never be (tall, muscular, athletic, handsome, sociable guys. I can gain muscle and I've been told that I'm cute and have a handsome face. But I'm 5'6" and likely an Aspie so what's the point even toiling away to compete with those guys? I can't compete with those guys. The only way I can compete with those guys is by paying a "convenience fee").

Yes there is more to relating to women than just sex. But humans are self-centered and highly competitive by nature so what's the point of even seeking out romantic companionship? Both men and women have rather shallow relationships. It's been said by a lot of MGTOW types, MRAs, PUAs, etc. that women don't actually like you for you. They like what you can do for them, how you make them feel and how good you make them look in front of their peers. It's really all about them. Not you. Men are also shallow. Men are just different in exactly how they are shallow.

I grew up being sold a reality by society (Hollywood, music and tv are big offenders of perpetuating this reality), my mom, etc. that love is this exalted higher calling that brings meaning to life and eternal happiness. And I believed this at the very least to some extent up until recently. When in reality, when people view you, they see you as a utility. Just like your employer would. I don't love my boss or my company. I look at social relationships as I would any business relationship. We're all in competition with each other to gain the approval of people who we don't even like. It's f****d up. The only thing coming close to a higher, pure love in human society is the love a parent has for their child. My mom is dying of cancer and it sucks knowing that the person who loved me the most in life is going to be gone soon.

Before I used to be opposed to the idea of paying for sex because I didn't want to appear like a loser. Appear like a loser to whom? Who am I trying to impress? Why care about what those people think? What have they done for me lately? I decided it's important to start living for myself and free myself from the shackles of societal obligation. You don't owe anyone anything. They don't owe you anything. It's best to just go after what you want in life and live for yourself and not devote your life to meeting the expectations of other people. I feel happier when I can eat what I want (within reason. I don't want Type II diabetes, high cholesterol or heart disease but I want to be able to indulge here and there and not kill myself trying to get a six-pack and muscles in the gym), dress how I want, absorb myself into my hobbies as much as I want, etc. Than making all of these sacrifices and devoting a large chunk of my life to being someone I'm not in order to get a girlfriend or get laid. I like how if I have an itch to scratch, I can just call up a call girl, drive over to her hotel/apartment for some lovin' and then go back home and do my thing. I like having that independence. Being able to do things on my terms.

Especially in an atomized society such as ours, what does being a "loser" even mean really? Is that word even relevant in an atomized society? The fact that we live in an atomized society is probably why Asperger's Syndrome is so much more glaringly noticeable these days. In previous generations, we would fly under the radar and assimilate into society and reproduce. Ideally I'd like to take my philosophy a step further and quit working a day job, turn one of my passions into a full-time career and be my own employer. Working in a cubicle all day is soul-sucking and unliberating.