Rate or Hate my OKC Profile!

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The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Oct 2013, 8:19 am

octobertiger wrote:

OK - what is the purpose of the profile?

Is it a work of self-expression?
Is it merely a means by which to get a date, so then the person can really get to know you?
Is it the start of an exchange, so you're going into a date with something tangible to go off?
Is it a disqualifier, filtering out women who are 'not for you'?

And more - what is the purpose of communication in this scenario? Is it about relaying who you are authentically (a job very difficult to pull off anyway), or communicating in the language in which the receiver is to be understood?

Maybe your profile is saying 'I want someone who is just almost exactly like me'. Like most people. Good luck with that.

The pictures and the content of the messages are more important than the profile - as long there's nothing psycho in its content.

leafplant
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11 Oct 2013, 8:23 am

octobertiger wrote:

Wait a minute - it sounds like you guys make dating seem like this really big important thing! Like it's a mega moment. What's the big deal? And what's this about ego? Maybe for some, but not all.

Dating doesn't equal relationship. It doesn't equal anything - it's a chance to learn, about the other person, about the opposite sex. Which, clearly is an issue sometimes in this section. Isn't that a good thing?

What's wrong with learning about what you like and dislike from dating? Many people start out with having very narrow defines of what they like, and then dating broadens their minds. Glad I did it. Not for everyone, but hey.

It's like saying 'I like mash potato, therefore I'm going to eat it forever and ever' at an early age, without knowing.

If someone has only been on a couple of dates in twenty odd years, how much do they really know? They've changed.

It depends why you're dating. It doesn't end in misery for everyone - only those who get into bad relationships.

I suspect that some people just over-glorify relationships full stop. And wonder why they can't meet that perfect person. Bananas.

Dude, do you even know what Aspergers is!?

JM is clearly not a player, he is not looking for a casual hook ups by the sounds of things so you need to let him do it the way he needs to do it rather than keep pushing your own agenda (sorry, but that's how it comes across).

JanuaryMan
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11 Oct 2013, 8:25 am

I think I've been on enough dates, had enough girlfriends and all the other stuff that happens in L&D to know what I want by now.
I don't need someone to complete me, and likewise I don't want someone expecting me to complete them. It's why I seek someone that already enjoys life.

Perhaps people overglorify the whole dating thing, and that is the exact reason why they are alone for long periods of time if not permanently.
I find it very difficult to find a way to prove I'm not overglorifying it to other people without simply cutting that aspect out of my life altogether.
There's nothing to gain from trying not not to look like a poser. I just want to go on dates and maybe get a girlfriend. I don't know what's so crazy about that or what's so entirely desperate or big a deal about it either.

The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Oct 2013, 8:28 am

"I don't need someone to complete me, and likewise I don't want someone expecting me to complete them. It's why I seek someone that already enjoys life. "

That sounds sexy, add it somehow to your profile :p

Marcia
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11 Oct 2013, 8:31 am

Interestingly, it seems to be the women on this thread (with one exception) who reckon the profile is fine as it is. But men are being critical of the profile, picture etc. JM is looking for a woman, though, so surely women's opinions carry more weight here?

Marcia
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11 Oct 2013, 8:32 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Yeah, that would be good.

octobertiger
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11 Oct 2013, 8:33 am

leafplant wrote:

octobertiger wrote:

Yeah. I do. Do you know what limited thinking is?

What's this got to do with being a player, or having casual hook-ups? I'm saying - some people see it that way. Some people go through stages when they want that. General remarks.

I'm putting the other side, that's all. Because there is always another side. Someone might find it helpful - or think "That's a load of..." so they do the opposite, and get what they want.

MY agenda? Err, right. My 'agenda's' the two lines above this.

leafplant
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11 Oct 2013, 8:36 am

but this thread is about JM and his profile, not generic stuff..
...

in other news, what Marcia said.

octobertiger
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11 Oct 2013, 8:40 am

Marcia wrote:

Now, that is a darn good question.

I would say - maybe not, as perhaps a woman would think about her own profile when she posts it online. And there would be no problem - generally - of lots of responses, so 'okay' would work nicely. A picture is generally more important. Do the Ellen Fein stuff, ya know.

But - hang on. The question is, would a woman here actually message the OP based on the profile alone?

Now, all woman here might say "but I'm not in the right situation to do so". Okay, so that disqualifies their opinion. So, what are we left with?

octobertiger
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11 Oct 2013, 8:43 am

leafplant wrote:

but this thread is about JM and his profile, not generic stuff..
...

in other news, what Marcia said.

It's about both, as soon as something goes into the public domain. I can move between the two. Maybe that's wrong.

JanuaryMan
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11 Oct 2013, 8:43 am

octobertiger wrote:

Do you know what limited thinking is?
...
I'm saying - some people see it that way. Some people go through stages when they want that. General remarks.

I'm putting the other side, that's all. Because there is always another side. Someone might find it helpful - or think "That's a load of..." so they do the opposite, and get what they want.

Don't fret, octobertiger. I do appreciate the added thoughts. I applied some of your logic into my older profiles and sadly it didn't pan out that well.
Putting the profile aside for now, I think it's good to have preferences. If you don't know what you want, what are the chances like of being happy with someone?
I don't think preferences in how someone is is necessarily closing one's mind. I guess you mean it's better to have someone that has their own life and interests, slightly different or fairly different from your own. That makes sense I guess.

leafplant
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11 Oct 2013, 8:46 am

btw what does OP stand for? colour me stupid, I still haven't worked it out :oops:

JM already said he was going to be choosy and not just wait to be picked out like a supermarket fruit. He also said he wasn't interested in anyone from WP contacting him and he'd rather not date Aspies, so I guess my comment is irrelevant because I don't think like an NT woman but can we assume that Aspie men on this forum think like an NT woman instead and that therefore their advice would be more useful?

For the record, I would be against posting the thing about the complete me business because most women are hopeless romantics and I don't actually know anyone who realistically is feeling complete and looking for a relationship. If you feel complete, where is the relationship going to fit in? Anyway, just my opinion, obviously.

JanuaryMan
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11 Oct 2013, 8:48 am

octobertiger wrote:

But - hang on. The question is, would a woman here actually message the OP based on the profile alone?

Now, all woman here might say "but I'm not in the right situation to do so". Okay, so that disqualifies their opinion. So, what are we left with?

It's easier to say it from an armchair than as someone who would potentially want to date me. I get what you're saying.

Had a couple more visitors. Probably going to message one or two girls before tonight as I have a couple of things to do this evening.
In the mean time feel free to give any pointers on the profile. Wouldn't want to keep bumping this unnecessarily :lol:

octobertiger
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11 Oct 2013, 8:48 am

I'M NOT FOQW(F*(*(WQ()&R&()*)&()* FRETTTTIGGGBGGG!

:rambo:

ehem

Yeah, it's all hit and miss, really. Hey, as long as you realise that I'm not being a git.

Everything you say sounds good. One thing, though - I still don't like your profile! :twisted: But, hey. What do I know?

octobertiger
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11 Oct 2013, 8:50 am

JanuaryMan wrote:

octobertiger wrote:

After all this, you'll probably have 1,001 messages in your inbox, and you can turn round and say "nyaaaaa!"

Good on ya! :thumleft:

octobertiger
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11 Oct 2013, 8:58 am

leafplant wrote:

btw what does OP stand for? colour me stupid, I still haven't worked it out :oops:

JM already said he was going to be choosy and not just wait to be picked out like a supermarket fruit. He also said he wasn't interested in anyone from WP contacting him and he'd rather not date Aspies, so I guess my comment is irrelevant because I don't think like an NT woman but can we assume that Aspie men on this forum think like an NT woman instead and that therefore their advice would be more useful?

For the record, I would be against posting the thing about the complete me business because most women are hopeless romantics and I don't actually know anyone who realistically is feeling complete and looking for a relationship. If you feel complete, where is the relationship going to fit in? Anyway, just my opinion, obviously.

You noob!

OK, point. Why write a profile in an Aspie style if one wants to date a NT woman?

You can't assume anything about men - as I keep saying, let's have less of the sweeping statements, they're not very helpful.

Your last paragraph is a bloody good point. Sometimes, people can make themselves into an island because they think they are so complete and happy in their own company...erm...yeah. Well, some woman would say "What good am I to him?" and be done with it.

Are most woman hopeless romantics? Aha. Another sweeping statement. Another point for another day.

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