Dating is harder for Aspie guys because...

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ProfessorJohn
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25 Jun 2015, 10:37 am

androbot01 wrote:
I'm a late diagnosed autistic female and I'm only getting rejection too. And it sucks. I just don't know how to give subtle clues, so then I end up being to forward.


I would have never rejected a girl for being too forward. Given my Asperger's, that is pretty much how they had to be with me to let me know they were interested. Subtle just didn't work for me. I still can't pick up flirtatious cues, but my wife is probably glad for that.



kraftiekortie
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25 Jun 2015, 10:48 am

I very much enjoy "Woodstock" by Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young.



mpe
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25 Jun 2015, 2:26 pm

aspiemike wrote:
All the early twenty something males seem to think they know all the answers for some reason.

darkphantom- a lot of your reasons are just generalizations on Aspie behaviour. While I can't walk a mile in your shoes, I can in mine. Most of that doesn't apply here. A couple applied when I was younger and less mature.

Missing from the list: "Poor non verbal communication skills". (Which includes being unable to recognise 'hints'...)



Gauldoth
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25 Jun 2015, 2:34 pm

0xalis wrote:
i will bet you right now there are just as many aspie/autistic women as there are men. they are just more likely to be misdiagnosed or not diagnosed at all.

also: because our social skills, and oftentimes our hygiene skills, suck.

I had a 2 year relationship with this girl, only to find out near the end that we are both on the spectrum. (Don't worry, that's not why we broke up.)

I dont think I could date a NT, they're kindof annoying haha. :lol:


All forms of autism disproportionately affect males. Still, I do think there's a bottom of truth to this. I think there are a lot more female Aspis out there than most people think, it's just that their autistic tendencies never really cause them any trouble in their day-to-day life and so they're never diagnosed.



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25 Jun 2015, 2:41 pm

SilverStar wrote:
I wasn't counting the "assexual" Aspies. I would imagine this is pretty equal between the sexes. The biggest question would be, why do they consider themselves assexual? Is it because they can't find a date, or because they just aren't interested?

I suspect there are multiple factors involved here.
One is that disabled people tend to be viewed as asexual. (Due to 'infantilization' being a fairly common practice.)
Another is that 'aspies' tend to be more diverse in their sexual orientations than NTs.



mpe
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25 Jun 2015, 2:48 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Take a look at the pictures on this Site.

Many people here are physically attractive--men and women.

I suspect that a big part of sexual attractivness involves non verbal communication. Which photographs just won't show.
If anything tending to look younger might actually be a positive when pictures are involved.



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25 Jun 2015, 3:30 pm

androbot01 wrote:
But regarding the topic, I think as an autistic female I fail to properly fulfill the role of "girlfriend." I am too self-involved and independent.

From my POV that could be a positive attribute. (But not if you are monogamous.)



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25 Jun 2015, 4:44 pm

Commander wrote:
I'm somewhat shocked that no one has yet to start a sort of "Sargent Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band" for all the hopeless romantics and other romantically/dating challenged individuals out there. Always fun to talk to like minded people or anyone for that matter since I'm usually devoid of most social interaction :?

I don't think it's a good idea, other people would come there too anyway.



LyraLuthTinu
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25 Jun 2015, 7:30 pm

Gauldoth wrote:
All forms of autism disproportionately affect males. Still, I do think there's a bottom of truth to this. I think there are a lot more female Aspis out there than most people think, it's just that their autistic tendencies never really cause them any trouble in their day-to-day life and so they're never diagnosed.


I'm not at all sure I would agree with this. Do you mean that autistic traits are exaggerated in males and less pronounced in females? Wouldn't it rather be a spectrum within the spectrum, with profoundly autistic individuals of both sexes, and mildly autistic ones on the other end?

Also, my autistic tendencies definitely cause me trouble in my day-to-day life. I am profoundly aware that I am different from my NT-female co-workers, with their chatter and gossip and hanging out as a group and natural ability to fit into a team framework and communicate with one another via micro-expressions and subtle vocal inflections and suchlike. My inability to connect with NT hubby when he picks me up from work also has a huge impact. My perceived need to hide from the crazy NT world for at least two hours after work affects my ability to get anything non-work-related done--things like shopping and cleaning house and fixing or even eating dinner with my spouse. NT hubby laments the necessity of "shifting gears" when he gets back with me, because he's been relating to everyone else on an allistic level all day long and then he feels like he has to be a different person around me to avoid freaking me out (his words and his perception of our relationship. I have a different perspective) with his outgoing personality.

Believe me, I've also missed cues and signals from guys who may have found me attractive or interesting back when I was available. I also probably missed a whole bunch of red flags with my first (failed) marriage relationship. Dating is hard for Aspie females, too--because we're so desperate to be liked, loved, and / or found attractive that we'll fall deep for any guy who expresses overt interest, and stay in the relationship no matter how abusive it gets because we don't feel we have any other options. We don't feel worthy of love, so when a guy shows it -- even if it's really only shallow lust and a desire to use somebody until something better comes along -- we suck it up like water to a dehydrated houseplant.


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Official diagnosis: Austism Spectrum Disorder Level One, without learning disability, without speech/language delay; Requiring Support


314pe
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26 Jun 2015, 12:56 am

Funny how many posts on this and similar topics start with 'I have a hard time dating' and end with 'now I'm happily married'.



autismthinker21
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26 Jun 2015, 1:25 am

Dating ain't hard regardless of How the brain works. Some of the girls out in this world just act stupid. Some annoying. Some just get lesbian due to their little libido malfunction. Gets tiring.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Jun 2015, 1:33 am

Image

Why American guys? Why? :lol:



rdos
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26 Jun 2015, 3:50 am

LyraLuthTinu wrote:
Believe me, I've also missed cues and signals from guys who may have found me attractive or interesting back when I was available. I also probably missed a whole bunch of red flags with my first (failed) marriage relationship. Dating is hard for Aspie females, too--because we're so desperate to be liked, loved, and / or found attractive that we'll fall deep for any guy who expresses overt interest, and stay in the relationship no matter how abusive it gets because we don't feel we have any other options.


Yes, I suspect that to be true, although I think the attachment part plays a big role here, just as it does for aspie guys that cannot get over a girl.



Gauldoth
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26 Jun 2015, 8:58 am

314pe wrote:
Funny how many posts on this and similar topics start with 'I have a hard time dating' and end with 'now I'm happily married'.


And funnier still is how they're always written by women. :roll:



LyraLuthTinu
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26 Jun 2015, 12:08 pm

314pe wrote:
Funny how many posts on this and similar topics start with 'I have a hard time dating' and end with 'now I'm happily married'.


Was this directed at me as an example?

What part of my description of trouble relating to my NT hubby sounded like "happily married" to you? Did you miss the part about my first failed marriage, and the parts about how my NT hubby struggles to relate to me?

It was hard dating. I wasn't sought out as a date by anyone, ever, except the two guys who became my first and second husband, both of whom would by today's standards be guilty of "date rape" by the time we'd been dating for a few months. Once they'd asked me out the first time, I was so scared to lose them that I was willing to accept any kind of behavior from them without complaint. Please keep in mind that these two stories are separated by three decades. I didn't learn anything, really, from my teen experience with MyEx--2nd hubby was able to play me the exact same way.

Funny how the only thing guys seem to see in posts like this is that as long as someone is getting laid on a regular basis there is no problem with dating. As long as your balls aren't blue, you're happy. Whereas others want a meaningful relationship to form out of dating, not just a regular occurance of wham bam thank you ma'am.

:roll:


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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 141 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 71 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)
Official diagnosis: Austism Spectrum Disorder Level One, without learning disability, without speech/language delay; Requiring Support


autismthinker21
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26 Jun 2015, 12:40 pm

OK That's totally f*****g disrespectful. Why should American men fix dinner for the ladies. I mean we both can't fix our own? That girl better move there. It's No different there.


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