Girls agree to go out then change their mind.

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Is that what you tell rape victims?

Nope.

In the SPECIFIC scenario presented, a guy CHOSE to put up with a girl who flaked on him 3x (as he's certainly entitled to do). If you don't like dating flaky girls, stop dating them when they behave flakily. Duh.

He's probably just naive like I was, projecting honesty onto people who are liars and finding it difficult to doubt that the woman is just 'busy' all week. It's not like these women hold up a sign saying "flake!". The hardest part of online dating was getting it into my head that so many nice, normal looking women could be such two faced liars.


Yes, just like employment related advice it was often worse than useless and usually made things much worse. For example, one woman once said she wanted a guy like me (not to my face) but picks losers over and over and over again. Why? Because her father is a loser and nothing more.

Except she also probably thought that he wasn't entitled to mock her for it either. Hence the point of his post.

Let's look at this logic and reconstruct it.

Premise 1. If anyone treats you badly then you gave consent.
Premise 2. Someone treats you badly.
Conclusion: You gave consent.

Let's modify this a bit.

Premise 1. Rape is a form of being treated badly
Premise 2. If anyone treats you badly then you gave consent.
Premise 3. If one is raped then they were treated badly.
Premise 4. One is raped.
Premise 5. One is treated badly.

Conclusion: The one who was raped consented to being raped.

They already clarified that he meant that only in regards to the specific situation being described.

Now you see why syllogistic "logic" could really be a bunch of crap.

Got it! Saw it! Lesson learned, read the whole thread before responding.

Yes, I get what you're saying. It isn't that its crap but one has to look at and understand the context of what was said. Things are more complex than just pure syllogistic "logic."

In this case, what she is saying that he doesn't have to deal with these types at all and stress himself out. Looking at it from this point of view, I will have to agree.

Last edited by cubedemon6073 on 14 Sep 2015, 9:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

It's a bunch of crap if people rely on it totally in formulating their opinions.

Otherwise, what you're saying is true.

Then perhaps she shouldn't have said "Nobody." This is exactly the kind of response I was warning Lukeda420 against in my early post.

cubedemon's point is blunt, but not without merit as a reductio ab absurdum argument. If you can blame him for "choosing" to go out with a flake, then you can blame a woman for "choosing" a date rapist. There's a tendency toward victim blaming when things go bad. There was really no way to know that he was dealing with a flake before the first event, and even then there's a possibility that it was an isolated incident.

There is also a lack of understanding of the men's perspective. Especially the Aspie man's perspective. If you're online dating, you go contact dozens of women before you have a single meaningful online conversation. You go through dozens of those before you reach the point of meeting in IRL. You're not exactly in a position to just shout "NEXT!" when she flakes out once or even twice.

You don't tell a third world kid with cholera it's his fault for drinking from the contaminated well when
A) He had no way of knowing ahead and time, or
B) His choice was risk it or die of thirst.

Hey, really...being flaked isn't that bad, and I imagine it's way better than being stood up - I mean It was only just some outing date that got cancelled, there was no significant cost there. It's rudeness, but not a legal crime.

That girl is a dear friend (not seeing her much lately) of mine within a group I used to hang out with, hence my "flaking tolerance" was high toward her.

I've seen her the other day, she is still single, she probably never wanted a relationship to begin with.

I'd agree with that, flaking is just quite annoying, being stood-up is mortifying.

No, actually, you don't HAVE to put up with flakiness when dating, or even when online dating and the person(s) drawing equivalences between CHOOSING to repeatedly give 2nd, 3rd, 4th chances to flakes and the VIOLENT HORRIFIC CRIME THAT IS RAPE, ugh, I've no patience for.

Also, you DO know you are dating a flake if she/he FLAKES one or three times and you still CHOOSE to go out with him/her. You knew they were flaky and decided to overlook it. Ergo you should stop complaining about flaky dates. Or stop picking them!

I've yet to meet a girl who agrees to a second another date with a guy who sexually assaulted her (or even a dude who got too hansy or pushed his luck). I'd certainly NEVER agree to a third or fourth date with such a dude!

How exactly is it that we don't have to put up with it. The discussion here has moved beyond this one instance and pointed out that it is very common. When I was dating I could go on a stretch of being flaked on for many times in a row

ALL WITH DIFFERENT WOMEN

So how exactly am I supposed to tell a woman is going to flake on me on the first date?

That was the point. There is no way to know.

And the point of the rape discussion was never to "prove equivalence," as you put it. It was to point out the ridiculousness of your argument. Let's stop victim blaming on both sides. If that is all you have to contribute, than you're not helping anyone here.

Let's try to stick to sympathetic and useful advice.

It sounds as though you are acting like a gentleman, and unfortunately, the NT girls (I'm assuming they are NT) nowadays do not deserve gentlemen. I am saying this as an Aspie girl. Most of my encounters with NT girls has been absolutely vile and the ones that I have met are so air-headed and ambivalent about relationships. The way I see it, if they are not willing to meet and see how it goes, then they are not serious to begin with and should be dropped. I used to pine after some NT guys and hope for the best, but they would always resort to mind games. Nowadays, I have learned my lesson and the moment they start backtracking and playing games I immediately lose interest and make sure I show them that I have lost interest in them. THIS has actually caused them to go after me even more, which I do not appreciate as I already saw their true colors and have no interest in them any longer.

Do not let it affect your self-esteem. Once you stop actively pursuing these girls, one will just fall right in to your lap (figuratively speaking). Or, perhaps, these girls are not mature enough yet to deal with relationships. I advise you to lay off of the pursuit of dating for a while and see if you can develop friendships with girls IRL first. You may be able tot urn them into a good relationship once you both have gotten comfortable with one another. At least, this is what I am planning on doing in order to find "the one."

Best of luck!