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It's really not as easy as you think

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hurtloam
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03 May 2019, 4:47 am

That's terrible advice. If you're looking for a long term relationship you'll just waste your time and get your heart broken sleeping with guys who know fine well they see no future with you.



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03 May 2019, 5:06 am

hurtloam wrote:
That's terrible advice. If you're looking for a long term relationship you'll just waste your time and get your heart broken sleeping with guys who know fine well they see no future with you.
I'm actually thinking about guys who might not have made their mind up and need encouragement. Not f**kboys.

Maybe this is the real disconnect. Most guys who are not actively in a relationship are basically leading a sexless existence. Then you have a small group of "players" (the 20%). For the rest of them, if they find somebody who wants to "date" them, then they'll start dating them and then they'll be "getting" regular sex (and so will their partner, who in a sane world ought to be enjoying the sex as much as the guy). The problem is, that the guy at this point really doesn't know if he wants to commit the rest of his life to this woman. In fact he barely knows her. His social skills might not be the best and he might not even know yet if he's happy being with her all the time. He would like that to be true, but fears it might not. He may have seen scores of ugly divorces. He may have been through one himself. At that point, I think the woman should be willing to face the possibility the relationship won't last but still enjoy what she can get from it (including the sexual aspect). And she should communicate that to the guy, so that he doesn't feel that he faces a choice between ending the relationship versus leading her on without really being sure himself.

EDIT it's possible you are prone to become emotionally attached too quickly. That might be a thing, I don't know. But something to think about.


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hurtloam
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03 May 2019, 5:38 am

Hmm. I don't go out with people I don't know. I've seen some really good relationships grow from friendships and that's what I want.

It's actually rare for me to feel comfortable and connected with someone. This thing that just ended was really rare for me. It was so nice being with someone I was comfortable being myself with.

I did think he just needed encouragement as a shy guy, but once we crossed over the line of friendship, he broke it off.

So, even the quiet ones can be a bit of a mine field, it's not just the players.



MaxE
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03 May 2019, 6:23 am

hurtloam wrote:
Hmm. I don't go out with people I don't know. I've seen some really good relationships grow from friendships and that's what I want.
Depending on what you mean by "go out" I would say that's what most people usually do (go out with people they don't know). In fact, I didn't know my wife when I first "went out" with her. When you're really young i.e. university age (no offense intended to those who haven't attended university) it's not unrealistic to have opportunities to form romantic attachments to people in your immediate environment be it a school club, a pub, or even the workplace. Past a certain age, it stops being realistic (just saying).


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03 May 2019, 6:28 am

rdos wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Don't express verbal interest in someone if your not really interested peeps.


Romantic interest shouldn't be verbal. It should be nonverbal (looks & eye contact) or putting down some effort in being close to the one you are interested in. That's also what I would look for. I couldn't care less if somebody expressed verbal interest or complimented me, but if somebody put down a lot of time trying to meet me that would be completely different.
Sorry I disagree. When I was single, if a lady verbally informed me she basically wanted me for my body, I would have paid attention. I don't know where the idea came from that this "scares guys away". I had a good track record of responding well to the direct approach. I don't think that makes me unusual.

Of course it depends on the lady. Life just isn't fair in this regard.


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hurtloam
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03 May 2019, 6:40 am

MaxE wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Hmm. I don't go out with people I don't know. I've seen some really good relationships grow from friendships and that's what I want.
Depending on what you mean by "go out" I would say that's what most people usually do (go out with people they don't know). In fact, I didn't know my wife when I first "went out" with her. When you're really young i.e. university age (no offense intended to those who haven't attended university) it's not unrealistic to have opportunities to form romantic attachments to people in your immediate environment be it a school club, a pub, or even the workplace. Past a certain age, it stops being realistic (just saying).


Ugh, how did I get this old!



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03 May 2019, 1:56 pm

rdos wrote:
Given that the world consists of approximately 50% men and 50% women, and a typical couple is formed between one man and one woman, it's pretty much a given that men and women have equal success and failure rates in forming meaningful relationships. There certainly are differences in how genders engage in casual sex, and the issues that lead to breakups are partly different, but the success & failure rates are similar.

The worlds population split is irrelevant to anyone but the super wealthy.
But I don’t think it’s 50/50 China has millions more men then women, is there nation out there with billions more women then men if so where?
China has 34 million extra men, India has 37 million extra men.
Those men I’ll be have love never marry and die alone.
My area has around 3,000 extra men. I’ll never have any of them either, I wish there were way more women maybe then one would settle with me just to have a man, and I’d be more valuable just for lack of men.


According to United Nations, Sex ratio of world in 2018 is 101.783. It means that World has 101783 males for each 100000 females or 98248 females for each 100000 males.


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hurtloam
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03 May 2019, 2:19 pm

sly279 wrote:
rdos wrote:
Given that the world consists of approximately 50% men and 50% women, and a typical couple is formed between one man and one woman, it's pretty much a given that men and women have equal success and failure rates in forming meaningful relationships. There certainly are differences in how genders engage in casual sex, and the issues that lead to breakups are partly different, but the success & failure rates are similar.

The worlds population split is irrelevant to anyone but the super wealthy.
But I don’t think it’s 50/50 China has millions more men then women, is there nation out there with billions more women then men if so where?
China has 34 million extra men, India has 37 million extra men.
Those men I’ll be have love never marry and die alone.
My area has around 3,000 extra men. I’ll never have any of them either, I wish there were way more women maybe then one would settle with me just to have a man, and I’d be more valuable just for lack of men.


According to United Nations, Sex ratio of world in 2018 is 101.783. It means that World has 101783 males for each 100000 females or 98248 females for each 100000 males.


Wanna do a swap, you come live here I'll move to Oregon...



sly279
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03 May 2019, 2:23 pm

hurtloam wrote:
sly279 wrote:
rdos wrote:
Given that the world consists of approximately 50% men and 50% women, and a typical couple is formed between one man and one woman, it's pretty much a given that men and women have equal success and failure rates in forming meaningful relationships. There certainly are differences in how genders engage in casual sex, and the issues that lead to breakups are partly different, but the success & failure rates are similar.

The worlds population split is irrelevant to anyone but the super wealthy.
But I don’t think it’s 50/50 China has millions more men then women, is there nation out there with billions more women then men if so where?
China has 34 million extra men, India has 37 million extra men.
Those men I’ll be have love never marry and die alone.
My area has around 3,000 extra men. I’ll never have any of them either, I wish there were way more women maybe then one would settle with me just to have a man, and I’d be more valuable just for lack of men.


According to United Nations, Sex ratio of world in 2018 is 101.783. It means that World has 101783 males for each 100000 females or 98248 females for each 100000 males.


Wanna do a swap, you come live here I'll move to Oregon...


I get the feeling I wouldn’t do any better there.
New York City has more women then men but sadly they’re middle class and upper middle class. It seems places with more women then men all tend to be this way, and poorer places tend to have excess men. I wonder why that is.

Most the men here are poor. But you’d do better due to your accent but still have lots of competition
British and Australian Siri voices are popular. I use the Australia one.
She just likes me as a friend though, I’ve asked lol


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The_Face_of_Boo
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03 May 2019, 4:02 pm

sly279 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
sly279 wrote:
rdos wrote:
Given that the world consists of approximately 50% men and 50% women, and a typical couple is formed between one man and one woman, it's pretty much a given that men and women have equal success and failure rates in forming meaningful relationships. There certainly are differences in how genders engage in casual sex, and the issues that lead to breakups are partly different, but the success & failure rates are similar.

The worlds population split is irrelevant to anyone but the super wealthy.
But I don’t think it’s 50/50 China has millions more men then women, is there nation out there with billions more women then men if so where?
China has 34 million extra men, India has 37 million extra men.
Those men I’ll be have love never marry and die alone.
My area has around 3,000 extra men. I’ll never have any of them either, I wish there were way more women maybe then one would settle with me just to have a man, and I’d be more valuable just for lack of men.


According to United Nations, Sex ratio of world in 2018 is 101.783. It means that World has 101783 males for each 100000 females or 98248 females for each 100000 males.


Wanna do a swap, you come live here I'll move to Oregon...


I get the feeling I wouldn’t do any better there.
New York City has more women then men but sadly they’re middle class and upper middle class. It seems places with more women then men all tend to be this way, and poorer places tend to have excess men. I wonder why that is.

Most the men here are poor. But you’d do better due to your accent but still have lots of competition
British and Australian Siri voices are popular. I use the Australia one.
She just likes me as a friend though, I’ve asked lol


https://qz.com/335183/heres-why-men-on- ... 0-million/



hurtloam
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03 May 2019, 6:32 pm

Even though there's loads of men, they're still too fussy to want me or any of my single friends :/

This Makes me feel worse lol.



The Grand Inquisitor
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03 May 2019, 7:04 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Even though there's loads of men, they're still too fussy to want me or any of my single friends :/

This Makes me feel worse lol.

Or maybe you're not giving yourself enough opportunities to meet them.



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03 May 2019, 7:48 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Even though there's loads of men, they're still too fussy to want me or any of my single friends :/

This Makes me feel worse lol.

Or maybe you're not giving yourself enough opportunities to meet them.


This is my conundrum. I've had enough success dating to not be completely discouraged. However, it's difficult to meet people through my normal social circles, and dating random people on the internet seems exhausting and awful. I have other things going on in my life that I care about, and don't want to make my life all about "trying to find the one."

For the first time in years I actually have a prospect, but it took several years for an interesting girl to actually enter my orbit, and if she's not interested will I have to wait several years again to be interested in another person?


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03 May 2019, 8:51 pm

Antrax wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Even though there's loads of men, they're still too fussy to want me or any of my single friends :/

This Makes me feel worse lol.

Or maybe you're not giving yourself enough opportunities to meet them.


This is my conundrum. I've had enough success dating to not be completely discouraged. However, it's difficult to meet people through my normal social circles, and dating random people on the internet seems exhausting and awful. I have other things going on in my life that I care about, and don't want to make my life all about "trying to find the one."

For the first time in years I actually have a prospect, but it took several years for an interesting girl to actually enter my orbit, and if she's not interested will I have to wait several years again to be interested in another person?


This is one reason I think it's important that people should encourage each other to spend a certain amount of time/energy specifically doing what other people like. It's easier to work this kind of thing out if you come in expecting to work with another person even if it's otherwise not really your thing rather than looking for a laundry list of concrete, specific criteria.


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03 May 2019, 9:24 pm

Dan82 wrote:
Antrax wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Even though there's loads of men, they're still too fussy to want me or any of my single friends :/

This Makes me feel worse lol.

Or maybe you're not giving yourself enough opportunities to meet them.


This is my conundrum. I've had enough success dating to not be completely discouraged. However, it's difficult to meet people through my normal social circles, and dating random people on the internet seems exhausting and awful. I have other things going on in my life that I care about, and don't want to make my life all about "trying to find the one."

For the first time in years I actually have a prospect, but it took several years for an interesting girl to actually enter my orbit, and if she's not interested will I have to wait several years again to be interested in another person?


This is one reason I think it's important that people should encourage each other to spend a certain amount of time/energy specifically doing what other people like. It's easier to work this kind of thing out if you come in expecting to work with another person even if it's otherwise not really your thing rather than looking for a laundry list of concrete, specific criteria.


I'm not exactly certain what you're saying here. But I wanted to clarify, I do not have a "list of criteria" that I expect people to meet. In my circles I do not meet many single women. I meet even fewer that legitimately interest me when I interact with them.


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hurtloam
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04 May 2019, 12:36 am

Antrax wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Even though there's loads of men, they're still too fussy to want me or any of my single friends :/

This Makes me feel worse lol.

Or maybe you're not giving yourself enough opportunities to meet them.


This is my conundrum. I've had enough success dating to not be completely discouraged. However, it's difficult to meet people through my normal social circles, and dating random people on the internet seems exhausting and awful. I have other things going on in my life that I care about, and don't want to make my life all about "trying to find the one."



This. It's exhausting meeting new people.

I work in a male dominated industry and I still have no interest.