23 Aug 2019, 3:30 am
23 Aug 2019, 8:06 am
Alterity wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Alterity wrote:
Give up? I dunno, maybe. I just think of when I was a bit more like you and was constantly looking for that possible boyfriend and feeling I needed to attain ASAP because if I didn't by a certain time I'd be doomed or something. It made me absolutely miserable. The jealousy and loneliness sucked and I was making it harder on myself. I felt kind of desperate and that led to me making compromises and accepting things where I shouldn't. It ended up not being fair (sometimes painful too) to me or others and I regret that. If giving up seeking, for mean you means you are able to focus yourself on something else, sparing yourself some of that misery, then that might be a better option.
I have actually tried to not think about the girlfriend issue but seeing couples wherever I go, media focusing on relationships, and family members’ relationships keep making it stay on my mind. It’s like an injury that I can’t get treatment for.
It's certainly harder when you are out and about and you see it around you. It's not something that is just going to 'poof' go away by not thinking about it. It takes some time to refocus your energy and mind to other things. Or at the very least to learn to block it out.
Marknis wrote:
Quote:
Short answer: You're not them and they aren't you. You must know this though, don't you? Perhaps it's more of "Why can't I be like everyone else?" that is slightly different. Why am I 'less than', why am I 'not enough" even though you can plainly see that you have things about that very well would be considered 'better" than some of those around you who seem to be having more success with just living. I can't say I have an answer as I ask myself that a lot. We are Aspie; we are too different to make others feel comfortable perhaps. But I understand the frustrating despair.
It’s made me wish I could will myself out of life. I don’t want to live past my 30’s at this rate.
I am sorry O_O I could have given you a more Psychologically positive response but man I don't want to spout something to you that I myself am on the fence about. Truly I do believe that although I, we, you, may often feel 'less than and 'not enough' that does not mean that we are that. It's a message that we get from others but that doesn't make it truth.
Marknis wrote:
Quote:
Has no love ever entered your life? Or is it just romantic love? When we shift focus of love to being more than just the romantic, it's easier to appreciate what love is already there and in turn makes the loneliness not so bad.
Pretty much anywhere you go you are going to find that a major catalyst of socializing and partying is Alcohol. How it's done may vary but it's certainly not something that just occurs in your area. Most times, as long as you have some form of drink in your hand, it is good enough. Other times, but more immature individuals are going to give you a hard time about you not drinking. But you're not the one that is likely to act like a moron and not be able to form a coherent thought in your later years now are you?
Pretty much anywhere you go you are going to find that a major catalyst of socializing and partying is Alcohol. How it's done may vary but it's certainly not something that just occurs in your area. Most times, as long as you have some form of drink in your hand, it is good enough. Other times, but more immature individuals are going to give you a hard time about you not drinking. But you're not the one that is likely to act like a moron and not be able to form a coherent thought in your later years now are you?
I have had romantic love in my life but it was brief so it often feels like it didn’t happen. Family love is not enough for me because they always get irritated with me.
I may not suffer from alcohol related problems but being an individual hasn’t paid off for me.
Yeah when it's brief or a long time goes in between encounters it can feel sort of unreal to a degree. I also have tended to find that familial love isn't enough when you're not real close to them. There's a lack of connection and understanding even though there is a blood tie. Then I've not really had friends either so what has save me are my animals, my horse in particular. Would an animal be an option for you? For me, I don't know if it'd be the same for you but because they love unconditionally and needs you to be there for them. To take care of them it gives a feeling of purpose so that, I don't feel so alone.
I'm not saying that you should get a pet in loo of a girlfriend, just that the time spent with one may help you feel better as a person that would then help you be more successful in getting and maintaining a relationship. Animals have been far more reliable and accepting of my love than any human has to date too >_>
Donald Morton wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Donald Morton wrote:
Marknis,
I am curious as to why you repeatedly post questions with the same theme? It appears that your circumstances remain unchanged yet you so strongly desire a romantic relationship. The prognosis for a romantic relationship is not very good if the circumstances do not change. You have a good idea of what your situation is and I would suggest that you take something that can be easily achieved on the list and tackle it first. Once you are victorious over that one, then go on to another. One issue at a time. You are young and have time. I understand that it is easier said than done, but be determined, be persistent in you efforts to affect change in your life and the results may surprise you.
I am curious as to why you repeatedly post questions with the same theme? It appears that your circumstances remain unchanged yet you so strongly desire a romantic relationship. The prognosis for a romantic relationship is not very good if the circumstances do not change. You have a good idea of what your situation is and I would suggest that you take something that can be easily achieved on the list and tackle it first. Once you are victorious over that one, then go on to another. One issue at a time. You are young and have time. I understand that it is easier said than done, but be determined, be persistent in you efforts to affect change in your life and the results may surprise you.
And I wonder why you thought it was ok to side with someone (serpentari) who attacked me?
I am not siding with anyone Marknis. I am curious and was seeking clarity. I also offered what is sound advice yet you refuse to acknowledge that part and jump to the conclusion that I am siding with someone who you feel attacked you. Your response is insightful, but not at all surprising. I wish you well and will not bother you further.
I 'suspect' that him mentioning that you were siding with that other person, was about something that had happened in the past. Which has colored his perspective of you and thus took your comment as aggression and a continuation of you showing yourself to be kind of an 'enemy'. If I'm wrong he can correct me.
^this isn't really fair Marknis. I don't know what words were said in the past but even people that may have been negative or mean, one time or another still may have something to say that you can use to help yourself. This particular comment he made might not be something you want to hear or deal with but there isn't any malice in it. When you hold onto these preconceptions, and keep bringing them back up like when you feel/believe serpentari attacked you, you're re-victimizing yourself. It makes it so that you are projecting that onto other people who actually are trying to mean well but also so that you are continuing to beat yourself down. Why are you doing that to yourself?
Well said Alterity. You are a calm voice of reason.
The_Face_of_Boo
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Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,671
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
23 Aug 2019, 8:39 am
23 Aug 2019, 8:40 am
The_Face_of_Boo
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Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,671
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
23 Aug 2019, 10:32 am
23 Aug 2019, 10:36 am
23 Aug 2019, 10:08 pm
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I myself, gave up.
I just doing a FWB relationship, I meet her like once a week, often we do sex that we both enjoy.
I am too stressed in life due to my work life and I think a real relationship would just make it harder, so not only I am not able to get a real relationship but now I fear it too.
I just doing a FWB relationship, I meet her like once a week, often we do sex that we both enjoy.
I am too stressed in life due to my work life and I think a real relationship would just make it harder, so not only I am not able to get a real relationship but now I fear it too.
I’m not even good for thwt, not even good enough to be friends
I’d like to have sex.
nick007
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Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,552
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA
24 Aug 2019, 12:17 pm
sly279 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I myself, gave up.
I just doing a FWB relationship, I meet her like once a week, often we do sex that we both enjoy.
I am too stressed in life due to my work life and I think a real relationship would just make it harder, so not only I am not able to get a real relationship but now I fear it too.
I just doing a FWB relationship, I meet her like once a week, often we do sex that we both enjoy.
I am too stressed in life due to my work life and I think a real relationship would just make it harder, so not only I am not able to get a real relationship but now I fear it too.
I’m not even good for thwt, not even good enough to be friends
I’d like to have sex.
24 Aug 2019, 3:32 pm
25 Aug 2019, 6:22 pm
25 Aug 2019, 6:28 pm
25 Aug 2019, 7:10 pm
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Marknis wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I myself, gave up.
I just doing a FWB relationship, I meet her like once a week, often we do sex that we both enjoy.
I am too stressed in life due to my work life and I think a real relationship would just make it harder, so not only I am not able to get a real relationship but now I fear it too.
I just doing a FWB relationship, I meet her like once a week, often we do sex that we both enjoy.
I am too stressed in life due to my work life and I think a real relationship would just make it harder, so not only I am not able to get a real relationship but now I fear it too.
Impossible for me to even do that. I am too socially isolated and I am not a “bad boy” so I am considered “unqualified”.
You don't have to be a "bad boy" to have a friends with benefits or hookup relationship. You just have to be physically attractive enough and good in the sack.
The odd thing in the culture I live in is that there are Christians who are open to pre-marital sex but only if both people are Christians.
This is partly why I dislike the religious environment I live in. It’s just a fan club for Jesus instead of actually trying to live a belief system.
25 Aug 2019, 8:17 pm
25 Aug 2019, 8:52 pm
25 Aug 2019, 9:14 pm
Marknis wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Marknis wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I myself, gave up.
I just doing a FWB relationship, I meet her like once a week, often we do sex that we both enjoy.
I am too stressed in life due to my work life and I think a real relationship would just make it harder, so not only I am not able to get a real relationship but now I fear it too.
I just doing a FWB relationship, I meet her like once a week, often we do sex that we both enjoy.
I am too stressed in life due to my work life and I think a real relationship would just make it harder, so not only I am not able to get a real relationship but now I fear it too.
Impossible for me to even do that. I am too socially isolated and I am not a “bad boy” so I am considered “unqualified”.
You don't have to be a "bad boy" to have a friends with benefits or hookup relationship. You just have to be physically attractive enough and good in the sack.
The odd thing in the culture I live in is that there are Christians who are open to pre-marital sex but only if both people are Christians.
This is partly why I dislike the religious environment I live in. It’s just a fan club for Jesus instead of actually trying to live a belief system.It's hypocritical, but it makes sense when you break it down.
People who are doing the wrong thing by their own standards feel more comfortable when in the company of others also doing the wrong thing by their own standards.
In the context of Christians who believe sex becore marriage is a sin, if a Christian is to shack up with an atheist, the atheist isn't doing anything wrong by their own standards, but the Christian Is "sinning" by their own standards, so the Christian Is the only party betraying their standards.
If a Christian is to shack up with another Christian, both parties are betraying their own standards, and thus feel less alone in their "sinning", making it more palatable for them.
25 Aug 2019, 10:53 pm
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Marknis wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Marknis wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I myself, gave up.
I just doing a FWB relationship, I meet her like once a week, often we do sex that we both enjoy.
I am too stressed in life due to my work life and I think a real relationship would just make it harder, so not only I am not able to get a real relationship but now I fear it too.
I just doing a FWB relationship, I meet her like once a week, often we do sex that we both enjoy.
I am too stressed in life due to my work life and I think a real relationship would just make it harder, so not only I am not able to get a real relationship but now I fear it too.
Impossible for me to even do that. I am too socially isolated and I am not a “bad boy” so I am considered “unqualified”.
You don't have to be a "bad boy" to have a friends with benefits or hookup relationship. You just have to be physically attractive enough and good in the sack.
The odd thing in the culture I live in is that there are Christians who are open to pre-marital sex but only if both people are Christians.
This is partly why I dislike the religious environment I live in. It’s just a fan club for Jesus instead of actually trying to live a belief system.It's hypocritical, but it makes sense when you break it down.
People who are doing the wrong thing by their own standards feel more comfortable when in the company of others also doing the wrong thing by their own standards.
In the context of Christians who believe sex becore marriage is a sin, if a Christian is to shack up with an atheist, the atheist isn't doing anything wrong by their own standards, but the Christian Is "sinning" by their own standards, so the Christian Is the only party betraying their standards.
If a Christian is to shack up with another Christian, both parties are betraying their own standards, and thus feel less alone in their "sinning", making it more palatable for them.
People in the Bible Belt also claim you can repent and God will always forgive you unless it’s something that makes you uncomfortable. It wasn’t against my older brother’s faith to have constant pre-marital sex, drink and smoke excessively, and harm others physically but when he got his ex-wife pregnant, he married her because it was “against his religion” to have a child born outside of marriage.
Why don’t I join the Jesus fanclub? Well, being a Christian in the first place didn’t get me a girlfriend and I just don’t look nor can I behave like the men Christian women in my area generally want.
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