18 Jun 2020, 4:27 am
Pepe wrote:
sly279 wrote:
SharonB wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ladies, this really has nothing to do at all with your asperger or body language or the like...etc
It is simply something that happens all the time between men and women. For instance there's another thread right now started by a female who has a feeling for a male friend, it's just extremely common.
It is simply something that happens all the time between men and women. For instance there's another thread right now started by a female who has a feeling for a male friend, it's just extremely common.
I understand you are talking in general or "simply" terms. I have never had the hots for a friend (aside from momentary ovulation), so you are not talking about me and perhaps not about the OP either. All my physical attractions were to non-friends. I always wondered how much of that was psychological vs physiological.
Question for you: I work with all men. I consider two to be close friends. Do they have the hots for me? What about the guys friend from old that I reconnected with (or kept in touch with). Do they have the hots for me? Ha, ha, ha - probably - but they are old enough to know not to say anything? Or their testosterone has dropped?
Are you single?
Careful.
She may be a cougar and have you for breakfast.
Cougars seldom wait for offers.
And how would a cougar type? They lack fingers.
18 Jun 2020, 4:29 am
Pepe wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
SharonB wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ladies, this really has nothing to do at all with your asperger or body language or the like...etc
It is simply something that happens all the time between men and women. For instance there's another thread right now started by a female who has a feeling for a male friend, it's just extremely common.
It is simply something that happens all the time between men and women. For instance there's another thread right now started by a female who has a feeling for a male friend, it's just extremely common.
Question for you: I work with all men. I consider two to be close friends. Do they have the hots for me? What about the guys friend from old that I reconnected with (or kept in touch with). Do they have the hots for me? Ha, ha, ha - probably - but they are old enough to know not to say anything? Or their testosterone has dropped?
I don't know if they do or not, you know them better.
I have a question for you tho: If you seduce them and offer sex to them, how many you think will say "no we are just friends"?
If they are NT men,
Not that many, I imagine.
I was in a situation when I was much younger.
A very attractive woman I worked with showed an interest in me.
Being an aspie:
I considered the situation.
Realised I was nowhere near her league and dismissed the advance.
Do I regret not accepting the invitation?
No.
I understood that the relationship would never have worked because I had nothing to offer.
I realised it wasn't in her best interest in wasting her time with me,
And in my mind, wished her all the best for, undoubtedly, a very satisfying life with someone who would look after her.
She seemed to be frustrated with my refusal.
I am a *true* aspie.
True aspies think like this.
Neurotypicals would have a great deal of trouble understanding how a "True" aspie, like me and Sheldon, thinks about romance.
In my particular situation, it was a case of once bitten, twice shy.
I learned from the first time,
Hence my decline.
Most likely it was a trick and she’d make fun if you. Thsts was my experience in middle and high school.
18 Jun 2020, 4:33 am
sly279 wrote:
And how would a cougar type? They lack fingers.
18 Jun 2020, 4:56 am
Teach51 wrote:
Pepe wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
SharonB wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ladies, this really has nothing to do at all with your asperger or body language or the like...etc
It is simply something that happens all the time between men and women. For instance there's another thread right now started by a female who has a feeling for a male friend, it's just extremely common.
It is simply something that happens all the time between men and women. For instance there's another thread right now started by a female who has a feeling for a male friend, it's just extremely common.
Question for you: I work with all men. I consider two to be close friends. Do they have the hots for me? What about the guys friend from old that I reconnected with (or kept in touch with). Do they have the hots for me? Ha, ha, ha - probably - but they are old enough to know not to say anything? Or their testosterone has dropped?
I don't know if they do or not, you know them better.
I have a question for you tho: If you seduce them and offer sex to them, how many you think will say "no we are just friends"?
If they are NT men,
Not that many, I imagine.
I was in a situation when I was much younger.
A very attractive woman I worked with showed an interest in me.
Being an aspie:
I considered the situation.
Realised I was nowhere near her league and dismissed the advance.
Do I regret not accepting the invitation?
No.
I understood that the relationship would never have worked because I had nothing to offer.
I realised it wasn't in her best interest in wasting her time with me,
And in my mind, wished her all the best for, undoubtedly, a very satisfying life with someone who would look after her.
She seemed to be frustrated with my refusal.
I am a *true* aspie.
True aspies think like this.
Neurotypicals would have a great deal of trouble understanding how a "True" aspie, like me and Sheldon, thinks about romance.
In my particular situation, it was a case of once bitten, twice shy.
I learned from the first time,
Hence my decline.
You have absolutely no way of knowing that you have/had nothing to offer, according to what scale of merit? NT's are not all mindless clones of superficiality. You may be happier unattached but that does not mean you have nothing to offer. You preferred not to try and ultimately feel that you had failed perhaps? Or that you know that you are incapable of a deep , emotional attachment? Why do you think you have nothing to offer?
My aspie always says that if he hadn't been so relentlessly persistent when I initially said he was too young, we would have missed out on so much joy. You never know until you try.
He has more to offer then me. I’ve got nothing of worth to offer som I’m alone.
I’d love to habe female friends who want to date me.
18 Jun 2020, 4:57 am
cyberdad wrote:
sly279 wrote:
And how would a cougar type? They lack fingers.
That cats message probably looks like this
Skdjskshdkskdjjdksndo dosjdjshskskhfjksihnakdoidhhrd
18 Jun 2020, 5:43 am
sly279 wrote:
Skdjskshdkskdjjdksndo dosjdjshskskhfjksihnakdoidhhrd
I put this in google translate for cats and it came back with "Dude! get me out of this outfit now!!"
18 Jun 2020, 5:48 am
sly279 wrote:
Pepe wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
SharonB wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ladies, this really has nothing to do at all with your asperger or body language or the like...etc
It is simply something that happens all the time between men and women. For instance there's another thread right now started by a female who has a feeling for a male friend, it's just extremely common.
It is simply something that happens all the time between men and women. For instance there's another thread right now started by a female who has a feeling for a male friend, it's just extremely common.
Question for you: I work with all men. I consider two to be close friends. Do they have the hots for me? What about the guys friend from old that I reconnected with (or kept in touch with). Do they have the hots for me? Ha, ha, ha - probably - but they are old enough to know not to say anything? Or their testosterone has dropped?
I don't know if they do or not, you know them better.
I have a question for you tho: If you seduce them and offer sex to them, how many you think will say "no we are just friends"?
If they are NT men,
Not that many, I imagine.
I was in a situation when I was much younger.
A very attractive woman I worked with showed an interest in me.
Being an aspie:
I considered the situation.
Realised I was nowhere near her league and dismissed the advance.
Do I regret not accepting the invitation?
No.
I understood that the relationship would never have worked because I had nothing to offer.
I realised it wasn't in her best interest in wasting her time with me,
And in my mind, wished her all the best for, undoubtedly, a very satisfying life with someone who would look after her.
She seemed to be frustrated with my refusal.
I am a *true* aspie.
True aspies think like this.
Neurotypicals would have a great deal of trouble understanding how a "True" aspie, like me and Sheldon, thinks about romance.
In my particular situation, it was a case of once bitten, twice shy.
I learned from the first time,
Hence my decline.
Most likely it was a trick and she’d make fun if you. Thsts was my experience in middle and high school.
Nope.
This was at work and I would have been in my late 20s or early 30s.
18 Jun 2020, 5:56 am
18 Jun 2020, 6:03 am
Teach51 wrote:
Not sure of this term "true aspie." All the aspies I know in real life yearn to have a partner and children. It is a very diverse and broad spectrum after all. If Pepe wants to position himself as a " true, elitist, aspie icon" I will allow him his indulgence
I agree that Sheldon especially in the final episode completely went out of character in order to provide a schmaltzy ending. I of course was delighted being a schmaltzy person.
You do know I am being a little facetious when I say "True Aspie", right?
And I was playfully niggling other aspies.
You would call it "Messing with Someone".
I call it being playful.
In some ways, I am an "Extreme" aspie.
But I am happy to embrace many of the positive characteristics of being autistic, which have been observed by experts such as Tony Attwood.
18 Jun 2020, 6:16 am
Teach51 wrote:
Pepe wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
SharonB wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ladies, this really has nothing to do at all with your asperger or body language or the like...etc
It is simply something that happens all the time between men and women. For instance there's another thread right now started by a female who has a feeling for a male friend, it's just extremely common.
It is simply something that happens all the time between men and women. For instance there's another thread right now started by a female who has a feeling for a male friend, it's just extremely common.
Question for you: I work with all men. I consider two to be close friends. Do they have the hots for me? What about the guys friend from old that I reconnected with (or kept in touch with). Do they have the hots for me? Ha, ha, ha - probably - but they are old enough to know not to say anything? Or their testosterone has dropped?
I don't know if they do or not, you know them better.
I have a question for you tho: If you seduce them and offer sex to them, how many you think will say "no we are just friends"?
If they are NT men,
Not that many, I imagine.
I was in a situation when I was much younger.
A very attractive woman I worked with showed an interest in me.
Being an aspie:
I considered the situation.
Realised I was nowhere near her league and dismissed the advance.
Do I regret not accepting the invitation?
No.
I understood that the relationship would never have worked because I had nothing to offer.
I realised it wasn't in her best interest in wasting her time with me,
And in my mind, wished her all the best for, undoubtedly, a very satisfying life with someone who would look after her.
She seemed to be frustrated with my refusal.
I am a *true* aspie.
True aspies think like this.
Neurotypicals would have a great deal of trouble understanding how a "True" aspie, like me and Sheldon, thinks about romance.
In my particular situation, it was a case of once bitten, twice shy.
I learned from the first time,
Hence my decline.
You have absolutely no way of knowing that you have/had nothing to offer, according to what scale of merit? NT's are not all mindless clones of superficiality. You may be happier unattached but that does not mean you have nothing to offer. You preferred not to try and ultimately feel that you had failed perhaps? Or that you know that you are incapable of a deep , emotional attachment? Why do you think you have nothing to offer?
My aspie always says that if he hadn't been so relentlessly persistent when I initially said he was too young, we would have missed out on so much joy. You never know until you try.
I was still suffering as a result of a profound dissociated disorder.
I was still out of touch with reality.
I was still being gang stalked.
I was suicidal.
She felt sorry for me.
I already had one such relationship.
I wasn't going to have another.
Trust me,
She was out of my league.
It was never going to end well.
Also,
I have never committed, nor shall I ever commit, to this life system.
I see it as an abomination.
Where is the sense in getting into a relationship, when I was a reluctant recruit in this life nonsense, from the very beginning?
I have my independence,
I have my "Ontological Security",
I have enormous self esteem and self-confidence,
And I have my animal kids.
What more do I want or need.
Trust me,
When I'm gone,
I'm never coming back.
I think that says it "all".
18 Jun 2020, 6:21 am
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
My "Spidey Senses" told me you did mean that double Entendre.
18 Jun 2020, 6:23 am
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,669
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
18 Jun 2020, 6:34 am
Ok back to topic..... 
I wondering how the male-female friendships in the OP's case (and the other respondents here) have flourished to start with, did they flourish from a group setting? Like within a social group you frequently hang out with? Friend of friends (usually these end up as male buddies rather than friends, like a small step above acquaintance only) Or was a 1-to-1 case? If the latter then most likely with an ulterior motif.
Teach51
Veteran
Joined: 28 Jan 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,808
Location: Where angels do not fear to tread.
18 Jun 2020, 6:36 am
Pepe wrote:
Teach51 wrote:
Pepe wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
SharonB wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ladies, this really has nothing to do at all with your asperger or body language or the like...etc
It is simply something that happens all the time between men and women. For instance there's another thread right now started by a female who has a feeling for a male friend, it's just extremely common.
It is simply something that happens all the time between men and women. For instance there's another thread right now started by a female who has a feeling for a male friend, it's just extremely common.
Question for you: I work with all men. I consider two to be close friends. Do they have the hots for me? What about the guys friend from old that I reconnected with (or kept in touch with). Do they have the hots for me? Ha, ha, ha - probably - but they are old enough to know not to say anything? Or their testosterone has dropped?
I don't know if they do or not, you know them better.
I have a question for you tho: If you seduce them and offer sex to them, how many you think will say "no we are just friends"?
If they are NT men,
Not that many, I imagine.
I was in a situation when I was much younger.
A very attractive woman I worked with showed an interest in me.
Being an aspie:
I considered the situation.
Realised I was nowhere near her league and dismissed the advance.
Do I regret not accepting the invitation?
No.
I understood that the relationship would never have worked because I had nothing to offer.
I realised it wasn't in her best interest in wasting her time with me,
And in my mind, wished her all the best for, undoubtedly, a very satisfying life with someone who would look after her.
She seemed to be frustrated with my refusal.
I am a *true* aspie.
True aspies think like this.
Neurotypicals would have a great deal of trouble understanding how a "True" aspie, like me and Sheldon, thinks about romance.
In my particular situation, it was a case of once bitten, twice shy.
I learned from the first time,
Hence my decline.
You have absolutely no way of knowing that you have/had nothing to offer, according to what scale of merit? NT's are not all mindless clones of superficiality. You may be happier unattached but that does not mean you have nothing to offer. You preferred not to try and ultimately feel that you had failed perhaps? Or that you know that you are incapable of a deep , emotional attachment? Why do you think you have nothing to offer?
My aspie always says that if he hadn't been so relentlessly persistent when I initially said he was too young, we would have missed out on so much joy. You never know until you try.
I was still suffering as a result of a profound dissociated disorder.
I was still out of touch with reality.
I was still being gang stalked.
I was suicidal.
She felt sorry for me.
I already had one such relationship.
I wasn't going to have another.
Trust me,
She was out of my league.
It was never going to end well.
Also,
I have never committed, nor shall I ever commit, to this life system.
I see it as an abomination.
Where is the sense in getting into a relationship, when I was a reluctant recruit in this life nonsense, from the very beginning?
I have my independence,
I have my "Ontological Security",
I have enormous self esteem and self-confidence,
And I have my animal kids.
What more do I want or need.
Trust me,
When I'm gone,
I'm never coming back.
I think that says it "all".
Sorry you had it so tough.
18 Jun 2020, 8:38 am
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ok back to topic.....
I wondering how the male-female friendships in the OP's case (and the other respondents here) have flourished to start with, did they flourish from a group setting? Like within a social group you frequently hang out with? Friend of friends (usually these end up as male buddies rather than friends, like a small step above acquaintance only) Or was a 1-to-1 case? If the latter then most likely with an ulterior motif.
I wondering how the male-female friendships in the OP's case (and the other respondents here) have flourished to start with, did they flourish from a group setting? Like within a social group you frequently hang out with? Friend of friends (usually these end up as male buddies rather than friends, like a small step above acquaintance only) Or was a 1-to-1 case? If the latter then most likely with an ulterior motif.
These were school friends, so working with them in class. Occasionally friends of friends. I am sure I had heard that "girls and boys can't be friends" and I still claim that is a social construct. Clearly it's biased towards two genders and heterosexuality. This same issues can be at work in any relationship regardless of where the two people are on the gender or sexuality spectrums. In any relationship with physical attraction on one side (or both), expectations can be set, it may be more difficult but it is possible.
The OP's concern is that it's more an issue for some people that others. I agree. My BFF who is the "cold" ASD type and had nobody crushing on her. In her 30s she made a conscious choice to "open" up and then had a couple relationships. I am the "warm" ASD type (complete with lack of stranger danger) and I had people crushing on me all the time. If she had to open up, I suppose I need to "close" down a bit.
My BFF had the same 3 close friends all through school. I had 100s of acquaintances and cycled through a few sets of friends in school. There is clearly personality at work here.
I see that some people are more "attractive". There is a vibe (and I am not talking sexually, just intensity or intimacy). My vibe is "on!" and I need to turn it down sometimes. My BFF's vibe is "off!" and she needs to turn it up sometimes. BTW - I am quite the good actress and can emulate my BFF when I want. Then I am "unattractive" suddenly. But that's not natural for me.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,669
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
18 Jun 2020, 10:50 am
SharonB wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ok back to topic.....
I wondering how the male-female friendships in the OP's case (and the other respondents here) have flourished to start with, did they flourish from a group setting? Like within a social group you frequently hang out with? Friend of friends (usually these end up as male buddies rather than friends, like a small step above acquaintance only) Or was a 1-to-1 case? If the latter then most likely with an ulterior motif.
I wondering how the male-female friendships in the OP's case (and the other respondents here) have flourished to start with, did they flourish from a group setting? Like within a social group you frequently hang out with? Friend of friends (usually these end up as male buddies rather than friends, like a small step above acquaintance only) Or was a 1-to-1 case? If the latter then most likely with an ulterior motif.
These were school friends, so working with them in class. Occasionally friends of friends. I am sure I had heard that "girls and boys can't be friends" and I still claim that is a social construct. Clearly it's biased towards two genders and heterosexuality. This same issues can be at work in any relationship regardless of where the two people are on the gender or sexuality spectrums. In any relationship with physical attraction on one side (or both), expectations can be set, it may be more difficult but it is possible.
The OP's concern is that it's more an issue for some people that others. I agree. My BFF who is the "cold" ASD type and had nobody crushing on her. In her 30s she made a conscious choice to "open" up and then had a couple relationships. I am the "warm" ASD type (complete with lack of stranger danger) and I had people crushing on me all the time. If she had to open up, I suppose I need to "close" down a bit.
My BFF had the same 3 close friends all through school. I had 100s of acquaintances and cycled through a few sets of friends in school. There is clearly personality at work here.
I see that some people are more "attractive". There is a vibe (and I am not talking sexually, just intensity or intimacy). My vibe is "on!" and I need to turn it down sometimes. My BFF's vibe is "off!" and she needs to turn it up sometimes. BTW - I am quite the good actress and can emulate my BFF when I want. Then I am "unattractive" suddenly. But that's not natural for me.
It's simple, you're simply more attractive than your BFF; that includes personality and attitude too.
Attractive people = attract a LOT of people.
I still don't believe this is a AS problem (after all, your BFF is an aspie too), at least in my opinion.
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