What is the difference between love and limerence?

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I always thought that men and women (when I was a child, other genders weren't known to me) should be able to be friends and not have it develop into a sexual relationship. A sort of platonic love. I have had some male friends which did not spark any romantic or sexual feelings. But I would say I loved them deeply and still do, although time and distance have moved them away. On the other hand, there were friends in which the developing friendship moved into sexual connection, sometimes or not acted upon.

I had a wonderful close friend who was gay. I would definitely say I loved him.

This limerence stuff...my spell check doesn't even recognize limerence as a word...It seems to be the heady, crazy, can't live without him, must be near him 24/7, type usually described as falling in love. I must say that the vast majority of times I have fallen in love, or limerated? it did not turn out well and in retrospect, I would have to say I am kind of embarrassed at my behavior. And there definitely was a strong sexual component. I would think this was what developed so that people would procreate.

Sorry if I made it sound like I don't like you kraftikortie. I was trying to have a conversation to understand your point of view and to state mine. I cant find anywhere else on Wrong Planet to have an ongoing dialogue except for Politics or Haven, and those seem a bit intimidating. Everything else seems like one sentence answer types of questions. When I mentioned asexual love it was because I was responding to your previous quote that said "Any form of “beyond friends” sorts of situations has an element of sexual attraction. Sometimes, it is subtle; other times, it’s intense." That quote specifically said "any form is sexual" and didn't acknowledge platonic or asexual love at all. That's why it didn't make sense to me. Of course lots of romance has a chemistry or a sexual feeling involved but not all. Mostly I've been trying to understand this term limerence. I've had lots of crushes and I've been in love. From the start of this topic I've been trying to figure out if limerence was something I've actually done. The first post made it sound like it is only for illicit affairs. Then you later said it was "literary", which confused me. I'm a writer too and of course I know art often represents love, usually of an exaggerated or unrealistic kind. Art is meant to be an artificial construct which is more dramatic and lofty than real life. I guess everyone experiences their crushes or loves differently and maybe I'm missing out on something. I was only trying to have a conversation so I'm sorry if I gave the wrong impression.

rdos, I agree with you as well. I'm not asexual but of course those types of relationships exist, and they hadn't been mentioned yet in this conversation. I have no sexual feelings at all for one of the men I love most in the world, and I would even say it's a borderline romantic love. But of course I've also had love with strong natural, sexual feelings as well. I just don't relate to one-sided love or feelings that are unrequited.

Kitten, there isn't much place on WP for an actual discussion during which people ask questions and exchange views. When I first came here, that's what I was hoping for in PPR, but alas (as Pepe would say) it was not to be.

I think there are a bunch of us who would like to have more in depth actual conversations, but we haven't figured out how to set that up so it doesn't get hijacked.

I welcome your participation and like that you are writing things to think about!

Kortie just misunderstood. We are autists, and therefore poor at communication by definition.

Will you forgive me, Kitten?

I got you wrong. I always say the written medium is inadequate.

I just thought you thought I was one of those sorts of guys who have “only one thing on my mind.” And that I don’t have a broad understanding of things.

There is a sort of “idealization” in limerence. But when I was in that state, reality always tempered the idealization. To me, infatuation is stronger than limerence and can lead to unintended actions. In limerence, to me, one feels the infatuation—but one sort of glories in it, rather than have an all-pervasive obsession with that person. It’s more like one sort of passively thinks about that person and sighs.

So shall we be friends?

I like discussion. I’m not perfect. I have some irritating “guy” aspects lol. But I believe in amiable discussion like what occurred in St. Thomas More’s Utopia. A genuine dialogue, give and take.