pseudo rejected

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Joined: 18 Oct 2007
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14 May 2009, 11:06 am

It would be mean to both her fat friend and my friend to have him come along. I mean, he is a really good friend and would probably take this bullet for me, but what the hell.

billsmithglendale
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14 May 2009, 11:11 am

None of your friends is a chubby chaser

I know how you feel, I despise fat women as well.

ToadOfSteel
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14 May 2009, 11:20 am

billsmithglendale wrote:

None of your friends is a chubby chaser

I know how you feel, I despise fat women as well.

I don't...

I know what it's like to be fat... and for a woman it has to be even worse...

roadGames
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14 May 2009, 11:30 am

billsmithglendale wrote:

None of your friends is a chubby chaser

I know how you feel, I despise fat women as well.

I mean, if she were chubby, sure I have a friend that would gladly do this. This chick is brutally obese, though.

I don't despise fat women, but I sure as hell realize that it would be seen as a burden to my friends. She must know this to some extent, too.

billsmithglendale
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14 May 2009, 11:45 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:

billsmithglendale wrote:

None of your friends is a chubby chaser

I know how you feel, I despise fat women as well.

I don't...

I know what it's like to be fat... and for a woman it has to be even worse...

If it makes you feel any better, my wife says she likes my body better now that I'm heavy than when she met me, when I was skinny.

I'm also being a bit droll above -- there are some voluptuous (but not morbidly obese) women I find attractive.

Last edited by billsmithglendale on 14 May 2009, 4:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

roadGames
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14 May 2009, 3:15 pm

ehhh, so she's not looking for a relationship

dammit

Oh well

sbcmetroguy
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14 May 2009, 4:07 pm

All my life I have mistaken friendliness for attraction. I remember MANY times in my life when I was rejected for mistaking such things, but there was one time in particular that I just remembered the other day. It happened in high school. This girl in my class was such a good friend, she was so cute, she seemed to love being around me despite the fact that most people didn't. Back then I had long hair and wore Metallica t-shirts to school. I was not an approachable person, so I was shocked at how well she and I got along. One day I decided I HAD to ask her out before this other guy did. He was popular, a jock, and any girl would have dated him. And worst of all, I heard he was about to ask her out. One night I wrote out a very long note to her, about 3 pages. I told her how good I felt every time she was near me and that I would like to take things further by going out sometime. I told her during class that I needed to show her something after class and that I wanted her to be alone to read it. She agreed, and after class I handed it to her. She started reading it and smiled at first. I was flattered, my heart started pounding, and I got EXCITED! Usually when my heart pounded around a girl I was having a panic attack. I was nervous, but no panic. YET. Then, when she finished reading it, she handed it back to me. I am trying to remember her words but here is what she said to the best of my memory: "Brian, I can't accept this. Listen, I really like you as well. You are sweet and can be so funny. You are super shy and I like that about you. But I really like you as a friend, and I want for us to remain friends." She was super sweet about it and I appreciated that she let me down lightly but it still f***ed me in the head. From that point on, I do not think I ever initiated a conversation with her. We would say words to one another from time to time, but it was mainly me responding to her when she would ask why I was acting like that. I took it hard, man, REALLY hard.

Fast-forward ten years and I have now been married for over six years and known my wife for eight years. I met her just two years out of high school! But in high school I never, ever thought I would find someone. So just remember, as bad as it hurts to be rejected, you NEVER know when you will find that right person. Just FYI I met my wife through Love@AOL back when it was a free service. I turned to the internet and it worked for me, because my social skills sucked so badly.

billsmithglendale
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14 May 2009, 4:28 pm

roadGames wrote:

ehhh, so she's not looking for a relationship

dammit

Oh well

What happened? She say something? Remember she could just be playing hard to get. Don't ever trust anything a girl says as the truth.

roadGames
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14 May 2009, 4:59 pm

After telling her that I kinda intended for this Saturday to be a date, and that she probably shouldn't bring her friend along, she said that she wasn't looking for a relationship at the moment. Doesn't sound like hard to get to me.

She is most likely socially ret*d and inexperienced, though, so that's why the signals were all mixed from the get go. I mean, it seemed pretty obvious that she wanted something in the beginning with all the flirting and make out session, but no.

billsmithglendale
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14 May 2009, 5:44 pm

roadGames wrote:

After telling her that I kinda intended for this Saturday to be a date, and that she probably shouldn't bring her friend along, she said that she wasn't looking for a relationship at the moment. Doesn't sound like hard to get to me.

She is most likely socially delayed and inexperienced, though, so that's why the signals were all mixed from the get go. I mean, it seemed pretty obvious that she wanted something in the beginning with all the flirting and make out session, but no.

Shoot -- I wish you had not showed your cards yet. It would have been better to let this remain unsaid.

Not sure which way you should go now -- if you don't mind being friend zoned, and still have hopes (even though you might get jerked around), you should still go. Otherwise, you can be a dick and just not do it. Personally, I vote for the latter, if you have other options. I think she will respect you more, unless you do want to keep her as a friend. My wife says women never respect the doggy once a guy takes on that role. Make your time scarce, spend it on those you would want to date, and who are interested.

My experience has been that the friendships with those who you are interested in don't work out. They use you for attention, ruin your chances to get other women, and generally waste your time. Life is too short to play second fiddle. My life got so much better when I concentrated on going for the ones I had a chance with and were interested, rather than pining away and getting used.

ToadOfSteel
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14 May 2009, 5:54 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:

My experience has been that the friendships with those who you are interested in don't work out. They use you for attention, ruin your chances to get other women, and generally waste your time. Life is too short to play second fiddle. My life got so much better when I concentrated on going for the ones I had a chance with and were interested, rather than pining away and getting used.

And what happens when you yourself only become interested after they stopped being interested a long time ago?

billsmithglendale
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14 May 2009, 6:08 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:

billsmithglendale wrote:

And what happens when you yourself only become interested after they stopped being interested a long time ago?

You move on -- that's History, and you can't get them back. Sooner or later, you gotta figure out how to synchronize the two.

ToadOfSteel
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14 May 2009, 6:21 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:

You move on -- that's History, and you can't get them back. Sooner or later, you gotta figure out how to synchronize the two.

Well unless there are women that are willing to take it slow, I guess I'm screwed... I just can't feel attracted to a woman that I don't know, no matter how hard I try...

Fudo
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14 May 2009, 6:30 pm

you are invulnerable to seduction? impressive!
i have pretty high standards (i think) but i am weak.. Fudo is not weak tho

ToadOfSteel
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14 May 2009, 8:57 pm

Fudo wrote:

you are invulnerable to seduction? impressive!

I was used so much in high school because of women using sex to manipulate me... when I finally caught on, I delibrately (though unconsciously) burned out my ability to be attracted to looks alone, basically as a defense mechanism... The end result is that while I'm immune to seduction, my chances of finding a woman that mutual attraction exists between us is also pretty much nil, because by the time the attraction to personality kicks in, she's already deemed me a "lost cause" (because I'm not displaying any reaction to any advances she might be making)... On top of that, women who can grasp the idea of such happening immediately label me "damaged goods"... it' more of a curse than a gift...

Northeastern292
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15 May 2009, 4:15 pm

roadGames wrote:

There's this girl that works at the library that I've been bumping into a lot recently and have had a few good conversations with, etc. So, after talking with her for like a half hour today, I tell her that I'm kind of hungry and am going to the U to get something to eat and ask her if she wants to come along. The expression on her face kind of changes from all smilely/goofy to deer in the headlights as I ask her, and she says she can't come b/c she's got karate (which she actually does, 'cause my brother goes to the same karate place at her and they're training right now). I don't really know if I've been rejected or not, as I rarely ever ask girls out since it's almost always been the other way around. I just know that you can totally skip those sorts of things (karate practices, that is), and I figure that she would've if she were attracted to me. A lot of the signs of attraction were there (she almost always initiated the conversations, always smilely and crap for no reason around me, finding excuses to talk to me, etc). Perhaps I'm mistaking friendliness for attraction. Whatever, I'll probably never bump into her again since I'm graduating this weekend.

It's a good thing I didn't really know this girl or have a real crush \on her, because this would've destroyed my weekend. I figure I need to build up a strong tolerance to rejection if I'm going to find some chick, so this was a good learning experience on what not to do (I'm trying to figuring exactly what exactly this was in my situation, but I'm certain it's there).

Sometimes sh*t happens, it's happened to me many times. Have patience, you will find somebody who cares about you for who you are. It took me until my freshman year of college (this year no less!)

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