The UCSB shooter--an Aspie with a rant against women

Post Reply New Topic

I agree with you as to what you state above.

Previously, I was speaking, strictly, about the rarity of women asking men out, despite all the (obvious) societal changes.

LOL....I wasn't sidestepping anything. I'm not an evasive person by nature.

If a woman doesn't want to ask me out because "she doesn't want to"--that's fine. Please recall that I stated that as a plausible possibility.

If she doesn't feel an impending motivation to find a mate--that's fine.

If she feels like being "coy"--fine.

If she feels stymied by societal constraints--fine.

C'est la vie. I'm not an Adonis. I'm just a pretty regular guy. I don't have women pulling my shirt hither and thither, or women offering me their underwear.

I don't care about statistics pertaining to dating, men, women, motivations, how "smart" each gender is, etc. I only care about what I know on a microcosmic, individual level.

Research, as pertains items which usually deviates from one's own experience, is utterly useless to me. Anecdote is the deciding factor in this instance--especially my own anecdote.

It is, however, useful in cataloguing TRENDS. I don't use research to assess my own impression as it evolves through my earthly existence.

If I want to date someone, I have to ask someone for a date; otherwise, there will be no date. If I don't want to date someone, I won't ask. No harm done.

If a woman doesn't want to ask me for a date, no harm done. I don't feel insulted. Maybe, in my insecure moments, I feel like a hypothetical woman is "missing out" on something. Otherwise, it doesn't matter that much to me. There are fish in the sea which I could seek when I feel like it.

The only resolutions to arguments involving gender will be realized, I believe, only through virtuous, objective discussion, rather than the use of rhetorical methodology.

Then again: will there ever be a resolution to the Gender Wars?

if there were, we would lose out on the "thrill of the chase."

I also don't believe in the maintenance of any "status quo." I believe progress must be made in everything, including gender relations.

Yes, suppose that would be a different topic. I've tried to have a conversation about that before, but I don't think it captured anyone's interest.

I find that older women who have been in a long term relationship definately have a different attitude toward dating. You're right they realise that they can cope really quite well on their own after their partner has left and realise that they can be choosy. And why not? Afterall if you are content on your own, why throw that away for someone you aren't really all that attracted to and whom you don't have much in common with?

As someone at the beginning of the journey my perspective is a bit different, although not that much because I have noticed that along with myself my female friends who are the same age are people who are content on their own. Yes they would like a bit of affection, but ultimately they know that they can live pretty good lives whilst being single and so aren't willing to jump into a relationship with just anyone.

However, we would like to meet someone and feel like we've missed out on an important part of life which is slipping away the older we get. It's a bit different to someone who has had a relationship that didn't last. At least they had something. At least someone loved them, if only for a short time.

Some of us realise that we are not going to have families though. That doesn't bother me personally, but I feel sad for my friends who did want children. They tell me that men aren't really interested in asking them out. So it would seem from our perspective that men don't ask women out. So I think that proves the hypothesis that it is all a matter of perspective. Just because no one asks me out doesn't mean that men don't ask women out.

^ She's right, some of us aren't blessed with the irresistibility you have, Tarantella.
We are mere mortals.

well, let's hope the mechanic finds me irresistible, Boo, or it's going to be a very expensive afternoon.

@hurtloam - do your friends ask men out? I asked out the man who I married, eventually; sure, it wasn't a great idea, but I'm the exhausted single mom I am today because of that date. (Plus it meant I got to choose where we went. Went to hear a Firebird that turned out to be pretty good, also got all dolled up, which was fun.)

I do hear what you're saying, though, about feeling life's passing you by and that you're missing your chance. The thing is, though...there isn't a standard life, however the advertising might go. What you're doing is what you're doing, that's your life. It may look as though there's some vast homogenous world of families but so many of these people are sleepwalking through their children's growing-up, or don't actually want to be there, or simply leave; others find themselves distracted in other ways; it's only on the outside that their experiences look alike. My daughter doesn't know what it is to grow up with a mummy and a daddy in the same house; I thought this would be a liability, and as it happens it isn't. It's only a different kind of childhood than her friends have. Also I don't make crafts with her, but I do talk at her about chemistry and biology and international relations and finance and history, all sorts of things, so that she's surprised when her classmates don't know these things. And she has no use for my worry that she's missing something vital in not growing up near major museums and good symphonies. She has a different life than what I knew, that's all.

I didn't actually expect to have a child, didn't think I'd be able to physically, btw. I'd expected to adopt. At the time, I assumed I'd need to be married, first; it isn't true, though. I wouldn't recommend being a single mother by choice unless you've got a very strong and friendly family behind you, and some money, and the ability to make more. But there are all kinds of lives to be had and I hope your friends aren't being seduced into feeling miserable because they're having one kind instead of another.

I just wish I could stop being filled with regret

Those friggin' mechanics! Always putting a monkey wrench into your plans!

you're right, I'm sorry. I've had long periods without a man in my life, but you're right, that's not the same thing.