Slys dating site advice help thread.

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Sometimes you just have to get s**t done.

Sly's "style," has been to do nothing to change or improve his dating situation over the last ~5+ years. With that approach he'll still have the same complaints in another 5 years, or 50 for that matter.

So, ask for advice & he'll get it. It's up to him whether or not he acts on it and attempts to improve anything or not.

I'm not of the mentality that we're here to just be a shoulder for sly to cry on. He's asked for advice, not a shoulder to cry on. So, it's advice he'll get. If he wants to cry about things forever, that's on him. At least I know I've done my part by putting realistic advice out there into sly's world & then it's up to him if he acts on it or not.

Sly, I know you know I'm gay, but this advice is universal. The happier, healthier, wealthier, more physically fit I have become - the more girls hit on me, too. I'm perceived to be straight by almost everyone. I've had girls hit on me at parties and then I either just shrug it off and ignore their flirts, or in some cases inform them that I'm flattered, and they're very sweet, but not my type - at all lol. There was one recently divorced young 30 something blonde last Summer at an outdoor dance party by a river who was sooooo disappointed to find out I was gay. She seemed very nice, I assured her she wouldn't have difficulty finding another guy - she was good looking, smart, nice etc. Still, she seemed disappointed I wasn't a potential partner for her. All of these things are simple facts. Get in shape, be happy & healthy, have a few dollars in your pocket etc and women will be more attracted to you. It's not rocket surgery stuff. It doesn't happen overnight, but over the next 1-3 years you could be well on your way instead of making the same complaints about things that are never ever in a million years going to change - women being attracted to suicidally depressed, out of shape, financially poor men. Truth!

Lol he himself has admired he had no success before his new job and tons since then. Also his attitude changed cause he got gfs, which means what? He’s not doomed to be alone forever cause if he got one then two he’ll get more. So bam wam depression based around not being loved or getting relationships is cured by being loved and getting relationships which is due to his better job, so him improving his job status made him dateble, not his improving depression which came from getting gfs.

If I got s gf I’d prob be less depressed too and not feel I’m alone forever either, and feel more hopeful about getting future gfs. But I haven’t. I’m 30 and never had a single gf, never been loved, never had s girl say I’m handsome legitimately, never even had a second date, so never had anything remotely good to be happy about love and relationship wise, IE nothing to make me hopeful about the future proespects. And unlike retro I can’t work more then part time, so no future well paid job for me thst makes me dateable. Meaning no future gfs to make me feel,loved and happy.

And you see that’s why you fail with me and other men here. Maybe we can’t Improve? Some things can’t be improved. It’s why some houses are torn down cause they can’t be fixed. My job status can never ever in a billion years improve. Ok, so based on that what’s your advice? Bet you got none besides just be happy alone.

I’m lost 30 pounds, I’m dieting and going to the gym. I’m improving in the ways I can, it’s not and won’t be enough. I can’t improve my job status, House status, car status, those are things that for me can’t be improved, so stop suggesting things I can’t do. Your like a guy who keeps telling a paralyzed person to just get up and walk already, walking would improve your situation he says, but they can’t freaking walk they paralyzed, walking is impossible for them. Finding better job is impossible for me I can’t work over 20ish hours a week, there’s no freaking job that pays good that’s part time, they don’t exist. No employer is gong pay $50 an hour or even $20 an hour for part tim work. Such jobs usual are salary which means you work 60+ hours a week. Like my manager does. I can’t do thst. I can’t handle full time work. So I’m tired of hearing it. Yeah I know it’s make me dateable. I know it’d improve my situation I’m not stupid or blind, but I can’t do it, so it’s invalid advice, the things I can do is lose wieght which I’m doing.

I’m really not. I don’t have a good job, I don’t have a car, I don’t have my own place. I’m not good looking, I’m not thin and athletic, etc.

My only good atrinutes of honesty, kindness, loyalty, compassion, humor, etc. are all things expected of all men. It’s seen as base human traits. Though given how much people lie, cheat on their spouse, etc I fail to see how people deem such traits as base humans traits. Someone who cheats isn’t loyal, someone who lies isn’t honest. Most people,lie and cheat. I’ve been told it’s what you have to do to succeed. I always told them I’d rather be a failure then lie cheat and steal.

People don’t call me a fox though, definitely not women, since fox means sexy and highly attractive. I just really like foxes. To bad I’m not a little fox kit, women would love me atleast until I grow up. Women love small cute things, kittens, kits, puppies, babies, etc.

It still means good looking, usually guys will say certain actresses are a fox.

No amount of changes to a dating profile or ad can change your attitude, mental health, or self perception.

I haven't even looked at your dating profile. I could probably write a better one for you that would get more messages, but, what's the point in that if you don't know how to respond to them, or if your respond to them in a depressed state of mind? That'd be putting the cart before the horse. You truly need to focus on treating your depression and overcoming your defeatist negative self perceptions before you can even begin dating. While my area of expertise in writing profiles/personal ads is much more geared towards hookups than dates, I could still write a better dating profile that would likely garner more responses.. but again, it'd be futile & premature because you're in no condition to respond to messages appropriately. Focus on yourself first. It's the only way you'll be able to move forward with ever having a relationship.

No one is telling you to never seek a girlfriend. They're telling you that in order to attract one you're going to need to be happy, or at least content/ok, with yourself before you're ready to enter into a relationship. That's the way it works for everyone, not just you. They're telling you to stop complaining because complaining gets you nowhere. They'd rather see you post that you're trying something to improve your situation instead of just complaining about it to no end.

YOU are the one who keeps posting that you're not good enough. No one else is being so negative towards you as yourself. And therein lies the problem. People are advising you to improve that BEFORE you're ready to begin communicating with a potential date/SO. If you want to date, accept that you're currently not as attractive a mate as you could be if you started working on building yourself up in all senses of the word. Take action to do those things & bit by bit you'll become a datable sly instead of staying exactly the way you are and complaining that for some strange unknown reason, that despite the fact you haven't changed one bit, women STILL don't seem to be flocking to you. Weird, right? I wonder why.. no, not really. We all know damned well why and so do you. Start making some attempts at progress & improvement, and bit by bit you'll become ever less undatable, and eventually cross the invisible line into datable territory, and then maybe even to attractive.

Nope. Wrong again. Your complaining doesn't affect me. I see that it affects you BIGLY, though. So do others. That's why we suggest you focus your time & energy on improving yourself vs. perpetually complaining about yourself and your situation. Only taking action to change yourself will have any effect on your outcomes whatsoever.

Well that may be so, but what good does being relationship material do if one's not the kind of material that manages to keep the relationship? None if you ask me, but maybe that's just me. If he's fine with just having fun and short relationships then he doesn't really have anything to complain about, but if he's looking for a serious, lifelong relationship then I can understand if he's down from time to time. Just because his situation seems better than yours in your eyes doesn't mean that he doesn't have it hard, too. (Not that I know if he does or not; I don't really know much about RetroGamer.)



But you've never been loved, right? Or so you said, so how could you know for sure which one is better?

I'm not upset, I went to eat my dinner. If it worries you thinking you might have upset someone (it does me sometimes) I promise to tell you if you do ever upset me. In words

Sly

Losing 30 lb is amazing, well done.

Has anyone else noticed that the supermarkets all have really good deals on all the stuff like chocolates and biscuits. They know this is when people try to turn over new leaves and they are intentionally trying to scupper everyone. I know this sounds paranoid but all the boxes of chocolates are half the price they were at Christmas.

Finally, we're getting somewhere w/ some back and forth about your challenges & issues, things you have improved & are working on etc.

Think he got a better job & that's the only improvement he made? I bet if he was depressed/anxious etc he dealt with that, too. Improving his job status likely gave him more confidence, too, so in turn may have helped deal with any depression. Regardless, my point is that he made positive changes. He improved himself. He built himself up until he could obtain a better job. All of these things made him more attractive and then he ended up in a relationship. Build yourself up in various ways and you, too, will become more attractive.

You're extremely unlikely to attract a gf in your current depressed state. It's not impossible, but highly improbable. Deal with your depression first and you'll increase your chances of getting a date, and a second date, immensely. You're trying to skip a few steps and get into a relationship before you're, as you say, "relationship material." Recognize this and change your approach. Start in on doing the things you need to do to become "relationship material," and eventually you will be. Treat your depression/anxiety, get fitter, then more job/financial opportunities come. I know because I've done these things myself, it's not just random ass guessing as to how all of this works.

Maybe you can't work more than part time Now, but change yourself and you can in the future. Again, I have personally done these things. I couldn't work AT ALL 6 years ago - I felt like I was super f****d for the rest of my life. Instead of accepting that as my reality, I did everything in my power to change myself in order to change everything else I wanted in my life. It's worked WONDERS. I work, have money, savings/investments, I bought another brand new car, I'm into a new construction trade career path that will increase my wage over time & I'll keep doing it as long as it takes to build up all the money I need to take an extended break from full time work and return to university as a full time student & work part time/summers. etc. All of these things I do now and will do USED TO BE without a doubt IMPOSSIBLE for me to "EVER" do. But here I am doing them. Maybe you'll never ever allow yourself to make the changes in your life that I have for myself, but I refuse to accept that someone who's college educated (you are, sly) does not have the ability to make improvements & build themselves up, as well as their employability and finances, even if it takes years. The time is going to pass anyways so you may as well be Trying along the way.

My own job status "couldn't be improved in a billion years," when I was horribly depressed, too. I'm not depressed, and guess what, my entire outlook is different. My job status has improved. My income has improved. First from zero up to $150/month. According to my tax paperwork I grossed $39,xxx in 2016. I'll have made less in 2017 due to a career change where I have to start at a lower wage. I put $30K into the stock market, pulled somewhere between $13-18k+ out (bought a couple cars, gave my dad $5000 for his birthday towards his motorcycle fund since the one thing he wants to do is ride a motorcycle before he dies of cancer), I can't remember how much never bothered to look. In December I was down from the $40K that was there to $18K. A couple weeks ago one stock took off and my account shot up over $77K In. One. Day. It went up a bit more to reach $130k before dropping considerably. It'll spike back up in a matter of months and should be worth somewhere between $150-200K before I start selling off chunks of it and diversifying into other investments. I'm not posting this to brag. It's simply my reality now. 6 years ago none of this would have been possible in my WILDEST financial dreams. I "KNEW" that I would "NEVER" earn even an average income, never mind build any wealth. I was $110K in debt & bankrupt 6 years ago and unable to work. Now? Who knows, maybe I'll become a millionaire in my lifetime? Maybe I'll have some extremely good fortunate and get my wealth up to what I need in order to dip out of life and go to school for 8 years vs. have to work and save up for it slowly - but I am not counting on making fast money and am working and saving up so that no matter what, eventually I will get there, maybe fast with good luck, but definitely slow with hard work. Everything I do today USED TO BE "impossible," for me & I do not want to Ever stop doing things that were once impossible, so now I'm pursuing ever bigger goals & having fun along the way, enjoying the journey.

Anyways, my advice is to start at square one and work on yourself & your depression FIRST, then everything that's impossible starts to become possible, and eventually you're doing things that were definitely never in a million years possible with ease & setting your sights on ever larger goals that now become possible to achieve. But it all starts with how you think and feel, which is why I keep suggesting you read some books about it, try various treatments, and get yourself in order first. Then you'll be able to focus on things like work & finances etc.

Losing weight, dieting and exercising - these are good things! Keep them up! Even if you slip and have setbacks forgetting to exercise or eating cake, get back on track and keep moving forward!

Really? No employer anywhere is going to pay $20-50/hr for part time work? That's BS, sly. I know it is because I've done it. I've bartended part time at gigs where during peak hours my take for the busiest hours worked out to be approximately $100/hr. (usually more like $25-40/hr though) I've applied skills to part time construction work where I've made $35-40/hr - either by charging a flat rate for the job and doing it quickly enough to earn that money, or by billing hourly at $35/hr until the job was completed. The trade that I'm apprenticing now only pays $17/hr + benefits to start, but after ~4 years it pays ~$35-36/hr + benefits, which works out to $42.50/hr. Most people work full time, but even if someone works for one of these union companies part time they still get paid their same rate. Side jobs tend to earn a qualified journeyman at LEAST $50-60/hr, often cash. Sometimes more. I've heard of guys who are good & fast at this trade making $80-110/hr cash on their side jobs. And this is just ONE example of a job that can pay that much. There are many.

The reason you believe you "can't," work or improve is because you're depressed and believe your own depressed thoughts. I know because I once thought like you. Now I think differently, better, and the things I Can do are far greater than they ever were and the list of things I "can't," do is ever shorter. I am not some special unique snowflake 1 in Billions on the planet who can change/improve and others can never do it. Anyone can change themselves and make improvements. Maybe you'll never make $100 in an hour in your lifetime or see a stock spike up so wildly that your net worth leaps up $77K in a single day, but maybe you'll exceed those figures by a long shot - you never know. What I do know is that treating your depression, learning to overcome it, changing your thoughts from negative to positive.. That is the first step towards doing any of the other things you "can't," do right now & that's where you need to start and why I've consistently advised you as such. Change your thoughts & literally E V E R Y T H I N G else changes for the better, too, and all of the sudden you're ever more capable of doing things than you used to think you were. Bit by bit you make small improvements daily and eventually everything just sort of falls into place. I didn't get physically strong over night - I've been doing pushups every single day for like 4 years. I didn't build up an investment account overnight. Rome wasn't built in a day. You can't expect instantaneous results. You must expect things to take a long time, and to require hard work and discipline, but bit by bit you'll think better, feel better, be healthier, be able to work more, earn more money etc. But none if this becomes possible without deciding to take action and start working towards solutions to all of your problems vs. complaining about them.

Mmmmmmaaybe you'll never achieve the level of change I have, but I guarantee that if you Try and do change things, you will reach a higher level in all aspects than you currently think possible.

So then work towards all of those things. Some, if not all, are eventually achievable.

Uh, that's not why they're on sale. Basic supply & demand. They're in high demand before Christmas so they sell as many at full price as possible, then after the holidays they go on sale to clear out excess inventory asap before it spoils and to free up shelf space for other seasonal, profitable, items.

Most people have few relationships before they find the one that lasts. He might end up with lady for life, we don’t know.

You don’t have to be loved to know thst being loved is better then being unloved. Even animals know. Animals that are unloved are sad even though that’s their whole life knowledge. Jut like I don’t have to be rich to know having money would make my life better and easier.

I’m stil fat though. So it doesn’t matter. I gained some 4 pounds over holidays too. My family keeps bringing food , I need to just throw it away. I hate to be wasteful but. It being wasteful breaks my diet.

Chocolate is cause it’s freaking Vday soon
Half price is to get rid of Christmas stock before it goes bad. But sweet companies do benifit from us ststying fat and over eating. I miss cake, doughnuts, brownies, etc

30 lbs IS amazing! Gaining 4 is a tiny step back compared to such a huge step forward!

Also, everyone starts out by losing just 1 pound, then 2, and so on. Take heart!

Fluffy: Please do tell me if I upset you.

I've been known to upset people unintentionally because of my sense of humor.

I promise to tell you I worry about this all the time because when I upset people I can't tell from their faces so when they blow up at me it's a complete shock and I feel really stupid.

Ha ha how unromantic is my life, I had to google VDay to realise you meant St Valentine's Day. It's just another day upon which stress is dumped on single and non-single people in order to sell them useless crap. Considering how badly things have gone for you lately 4lb over Christmas isn't bad. Your family are not being very helpful, I was lucky in this as my parents are both health conscious. My work colleagues were terrible though, they kept buying cakes inc one for me and saying it was to cheer me up because they knew how hard it was. Weirdly that motivated me . I knew they hated me.