Why do a lot of women do this...?

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+1. Those relationships always remind me of some old cheesy film w/ French Stewart and the chick screaming "Why won't you marry me?!?"

QFT.

Oh yes, don't get me started on women that want to be the Second Mother to their husband. That's REALLY messed up.

Let's flip the coin here...do you know how many men there are that put women in a position and expect them to act like their mother? One thing I said from the get go with my ex is "I am not your mother. I am your wife. If you need someone to act like a mother, you know how to call her"

I gotta be honest here, I nagged my husband plenty about housework. This is because he worked part time while I worked full time and I still had to do all of the cleaning as well as picking up after him while he leaves dishes in the sink and trash on the floor. I didn't understand why he couldn't do some things around the house when I was at work and he was at home.


Well, I think I was pretty suportive of his hobbies. One of his big ones is collecting Transformers toys. I bought him a nice display case to keep them in and even a couple of ones that I knew he wanted. However I would get upset when he was spending all the 'fun' money on things for himself and I didn't get any. The Transformers would sometimes be used as leverage in fights like "You spend all your money on TOYS..." etc. To answer your question of why - I was irritated at his irresponsibility and they were a manifestation of it.


So I suppose that makes me guilty of being the type of female described in the OP.

It's exactly what CelticGoddess said. I was his mother. I worked, paid the bills, cooked and cleaned and he acted like a teenager and bought toys, hung out with his friends, and sat at his computer.
Not to say that he never did anything.. he did work part time and would very occasionally do things around the house. He was just incredibly irresponsible and selfish. And that is why I nagged him. Because it was unfair.

This may sound like I get annoyed too easily but threads where females "Try to be one of the boys" like this one really bother me.

There are many different kinds of males, as there are many different kinds of women.

Young males who lack drive, maturity and need to be told what to do. They are simply boys in adult bodies. They look for entertainment and diversions. Someday, they hopefully grow up, and it usually requires a major incident (e.g. signing up for the military, having a child, suffering a catastrophic loss) or a lot of time (e.g. failure to launch). Men these boys are not.

Then there are men who understand that a relationship is give and take from both parties but can stand on their own. They know a woman can make life better, but do not require a woman to fulfill their life. Reminds me of Marshall Dillon and Miss Kitty.



Why?

You gals definitely make good points, and i agree. Equality should be there, and should be expected. I would want the same. But, I think what the OP was addressing, was the unnecessary overdoing of those things.(sorry if that was the wrong word. I haven't read the OP in a couple days ) Anyway, you know what I'm saying, right? Basically, why do some women have to be irritating, when there's no need for it? I see it alot, and i suppose the women have thier reasons, but maybe it's incompatibilty that's the actual issue? Obviously, neither are happy, nor are they going to be unless things are discussed and straightened out. They should either solve the problem/s, or go their seperate ways.


Then again, maybe some couples like functioning that way? Who knows.

I agree. If you have two people who are willing to face the problems they have, then you can have a successful relationship. If one, or both, of those people avoid talking about problems like it's the plague, then you get resentment and bitterness and it festers until a small problem becomes a huge problem and it blows up in their face. It has never made sense to me to avoid what needs to be dealt with. It seems like a waste of energy.



Ahh...there's always a couple who thrives on the fighting. I have no earthly idea why because I would be hitting the road but I've seen it. The ones who scream at each other like it's not a big deal. Screaming makes me run for the hills. I'll take good communication and problem solving please.

The girls are right about taking on the majority of the chores and housework...these things should be equal, and they shouldn't have to do it all, BUT they need to realize that most guys aren't wired like women, and that housekeeping, cooking, organization, cleanliness, raising kids, etc, isn't their strong suits.

This is kinda like when a guy b*****s at a woman for taking his expensive screwdriver, and uses it to pry open a pickle jar or something...working with tools isn't her thing, and she doesn't take pride in it, so she doesn't care if they are used properly or not.

To simplify things, men and women are different, they both have their strengths and weaknesses, and they need to realize this, if they ever want to get along. It also makes things alot easier, if couples are more compatible with each other. Like I have said many times before, if you find the right person for you, you wouldn't have to worry about a lot of these things.

Seriously? Could you be anymore cavemanish? Did we fall back into 1950 since the last time I posted? The strong suits vary from person to person. There is no hard line drawn in genders. There's lots of Mr. Mom's running around, and I know and ton of guys who are incredible cooks, childcare givers, and anal about how clean their house is. I know plumbers, electricians, and carpenters who are women and don't need a screwdriver to open a pickle jar.



I agree with this.

These men are Mr. Mom's and cooks because they don't have a wife doing this.

No. These Mr. Mom's are staying home to be with the kids while their wives go out and earn the paycheck. And they cook because they love to do it. Just beacause someone has breasts it doesn't automatically mean that they're the one who excels at cooking/cleaning/child rearing. And just just because someone has a penis doesn't mean he's good with a screwdriver, sucks in the kitchen and would rather be a hands off father.

To believe wholeheartedly in that comes across as rather narrowminded. People have talents regardless of gender. Relationships that are healthy rely on balance and communication. How each couple reaches that goal is entirely dependent on them.

I don't think one needs to be female to just have a basic 'common courtesy' type of cleanliness. E.g. not throwing trash on the floor and leaving it there. Such an individual is clearly a person who just doesn't give a damn about anyone but themself.

That's all I'm talking about. I never asked my husband to clean the bathroom or shampoo the carpets or etc.

jawbrodt: I agree and there are plenty of women who are over-the-top with high expectations and lots of nagging. There was a time where I would have completely agreed with the OP. But that was before Mr. ItsAllAboutMe. I didn't really expect such above common-courtesy type things to even be an issue so I didn't anticipate that I'd do any nagging. But voila! Whaddya know... it irritates me when someone is completely slobbish and ridiculously selfish.

Bah. Your standards were too high Mithara.

Little harsh doncha think? I didn't say every woman uses their man's screwdriver like that...it was a stereotypical example with a little humor thrown in. It's kind of hard to convey this and have people understand it being typed out. It was also a comparison as to why people complain to each other...mostly because of a lack of respect for each other.

I also said MOST guys...I highlighted this intentially to prevent people from flipping out about it.

A little tip for you: stop taking things so seriously...lighten up.

I think we need an emotican or quote marks to express....I'm just messn' with ya...