where have all the 18-30 ladies gone?

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I am still trying to figure out who I am, but I am very close to knowing now.

But it still wasn't good enough for one person I was interested in. She expected a guy to be able to "direct and support himself", which I was trying to do, but she was still trying to find herself. Since she wouldn't do a long-distance relationship (to her, anything more than 10 miles was too far--she lived 100 miles away, but I could have visited her every weekend until I graduated, after which I could have moved to where she was), and she had narrowed her job search down, a possible relationship hinged 100% on where she lived. She said that a relationship would be possible if she moved to City X, but not if she moved to City Y.

But until a decision was made, she wouldn't be ready for a relationship with anybody. So I waited until she was close to making a decision. Because I decided to wait a while, she accused me of letting myself be affected by my actions. How could I not be affected if she was putting conditions on a potential relationship? If I decided to date someone else, she wouldn't have dated me because she would never date someone who was already in a relationship.

Honestly, if someone I was trying to date told me that story, I would conclude he hadn't finished growing into himself yet and, thus, wasn't really ready for anything serious.

Tim, I need to be blunt. You have, actually, no idea what she expected or really wanted. You only know what you believed she expressed in an effort to define certain thoughts and feelings. You could have heard her wrong, and she could have chosen the wrong words. You need to stop reading into her actions or trying to apply lessons from them; it doesn't sound like you ever accurately understood her, so your efforts here are likely to be misplaced. What happened is simple. You hoped for a relationship that, it turns out, wasn't meant to be. Sometimes there is no reason. It just is. You'll get nowhere repeating all these lines to yourself or to us. Move on. Let go. It simply was not meant to be, and nothing else is relevant.

I agree with this. Your ego still sounds fragile, and bashing yourself is only doing serious harm all around, rather than what you're intended to do. There's a name for the kind of behaviour that you've just described and it's called 'covert narcissism,' which comes in a few outward guises. I guarantee you that if you keep going on this path of behaviour, you will self destruct psychologically, and have only a very slim chance to get what you really want. No matter what, the negativity you exude is only going to repel those you want to be around, and attract those you don't.

There are better, more constructive ways to get where you're going.