Is "You'll find love one day" BS?

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So that's 80% of aspies that came to her for therapy, presumably? You know what they say about statistics...

I don't doubt that the rate is high among couples where one (or more) partner has AS. I just like more rigour where numbers are concerned.

Actually, it's 80% of people who responded to her online surveys.

Personal experience though? Unless you're one of those aspie men (or women) who mysteriously gets that you need to commit--

you're going to have a whole heap of trouble.

The aspie I know, who is in many ways an exemplary human being, and hot, too...has about a 30% success rate of a more than a year relationship over something approaching a reasonable sample size...which sort of bears those statistics out.

So.

I'm sorry, but none of that adds any more truth value to your quoted statistic.

No one's disputing that we tend to struggle with relationships.

Horus, not for nothing, but it sounds like maybe you're nitpicking a little bit here, or maybe what the OP meant about love was more general than what you mean (or that's just how I read into it).

You've clearly had a good chunk of experience with being intimate and being in a relationship, so I think you're already done better than 99% of the lonely guys here.

"True Love" vs. love -- maybe that's the key distinction. Yeah, it's pretty rare, and when I found it, I held on no matter what, because I knew I had found the perfect person for me (and she felt the same).

But love, some love, any love -- I think a lot of guys here are missing that in their lives. Even just pure sex, which can have love in it somewhere, would be fine for a lot of guys here.

Once someone loves/likes you a lot/has great affection for you, your life changes for the better. If you're lucky, you ride that wave from relationship to relationship until you find the right person.

Just my 2 cents, and I appreciate the lengthy clarification you gave above.

This is the case for everything though, is it not?

Playing a game (you might win or lose), studying or learning something new (you might fail, you might pass), trying something new -- everything has risk and odds associated with it.

Human coupling just has steeper odds, way steeper for some of us. Regardless, I know ugly, totally AS-ed out and weird guys who have now been married multiple times.

It's just simple biology and numbers. Spin the wheel enough times, you'll hit the jackpot. Plenty of folks find someone, settle down, and have kids, sometimes multiple times. We're animals, we have mating rituals, and we find the right person. If you don't try, it won't happen, just like how if you don't play the lotto (whose odds are probably millions of times worse than finding the right person), you'll never win.

Going back to your example --

300 people -- do you mean 300 women? Or only 300 people total? I have more than that in my facebook friends, and most of them are colleagues or acquaintances. You should be meeting a lot more people than that in your lifetime.

You should be meeting about 50 new women a year, depending on how social you are, and what kind of urban area you live in (high density or otherwise). By 50 new women, I mean women who are actually in the age range you are looking for, not old women or underage teens.

Out of that 50, you may like anywhere between 1-25 -- taste is so relative. Out of that 100, 1-25 might like you, but the two groups are not always that mutually inclusive, and certainly won't be totally mutually inclusive.

Out of that 1-25 (let's say 5 to be conservative), yeah, some will be taken, some won't be into you, and some might be leaving town. But that's still 1 out of 50! Not bad odds, especially if you pump up the volume and increase the sample size.

Just like sales, looking for a girl is all about setting expectations, including with yourself. Contrary to what you see on TV, you're not going to be a chick magnet or have every single woman flinging herself at you. You're not going to have women being really obvious about liking you. If you have one woman in your entire day who vibes out big signals that she likes you, you're extremely lucky. Once a week is even pretty good. Once a month is probably more the norm, unless you make efforts to GET YOURSELF OUT THERE and increase the sample size.

Remember, it's probably not you -- it's the situation and the numbers. Know the odds, and play the game profitably.

What are the odds of someone with AS getting married
I know the divorce rate for Americans in general is over 50%(think it mite be close to 60% but not sure) if I look at it logically like this; I must be delusional to believe that I will find someone & actually make it work

A rental girl is also known as an escort. You can easily get the hottest 20 year olds around for the right price...

As for women who get smacked around and stay with the men who smack them around, they CHOOSE to put themselves in those situations and are getting what they impulsively want.

You are not a horrible person. We are all folks who have been dealt a different hand in life and in some ways we are more free than the neurotypicals.

Using "rental girls" is not appropriate.

If you want to make NT girls avoid you, "rental girls" are the way to go.

Look. I'm Asperger's, schizotypical and bipolar. I'm also obese and ugly.

Yes, I have friends and I'm a college student. I attend church every Sunday.

I have no hope finding my soul mate. NO men like fat aspies.

The weight isn't written in stone. It may take a hell of a load of work, or even surgery to shift it, but you can change this factor. Having friends is also pretty good; your personality must be decent enough, and the church bit shows you have morals (not that you wouldn't otherwise).

All in all, I wouldn't say you're hopeless . Your number one stumbling block may be your self-esteem and putting yourself down.

Appropriate? Who cares?

If you take something like adderall xr, it makes it easier to control your eating habits.

Throw out anything in your kitchen with high fructose corn syrup in it as well.

Don't drink soda at all.

Ditching corn syrup and soda will help you go a long way.

One reason I have for never sleeping with a prostitute (or an escort, or what have you) is that I can imagine potential girlfriends writing me off, or even hypothetical girlfriends breaking up with me, upon finding out that I slept with a prostitute. Some of the girls I've been interested in include people who are anti-prostitution.

Who says she would have to know?

As for those anti-prostitution folks, were they interested in you back? Or did they "just like you as a friend"?

I'm NOT looking for a sexual thing. I want to be with someone who actuality wants to be with me cuz of the way I care about her but I may as well be looking for a mermaid. The day I find a winning lottery ticket on the ground is the day a woman would actually like me the way I am. Only way I could find someone is by becoming a drug dealer. The more people I talk to; the more I get told I need to buy women drinks or get some drugs. Women would only like me if they are on something

My ultimate aim is to meet someone to raise children with, so ideally I would be together with them for at least a couple of decades. I would by necessity be very close to that person, and I can't keep secrets from the people I'm closest to.

I'm not really sure. I don't see why that's relevant; I'm just saying that I don't rule 'em out.