Enough of the 'Damn women rejected me' threads please

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That is very important so keep that in mind.[/quote]
I have the confidence part down - or so says an acquaintence who is a somewhat close friend of one of my childhood friends.

I just wish there was an easier way to practice this than at a bar. Somewhere where the social tension is relatively low, then I'll work my way up.[/quote]

and then you believe it yourself which is the confidence!

Definitely a bar is not a good place to start although people watching there is good. Have you heard about meetups? You can find them in your area hopefully by typing the word in a search bar. They offer groups of people who do things like ... hiking, cooking and stuff (said this in an earlier response for someone too but I wanted to get it to you too) ... so that is a good way to get out meet people in a more sedate atmosphere. Churches are great (even if you are not religious ... hang through the sermon to get to the socializing parts) for groups that are low key and low intensity and much more forgiving. What else..... libraires may have some groups ... oh! your local community college is great for extended learning classes that may develop friendships if not a hobby ...

And you know what? Dancing is a great way to learn body language ... not so much line dance but rhombas and tangos and the such ...

just some ideas .... oh! the bookstore is perfect for a book club! And you can meet someone there ... met my last 5 friends at the local B&N.

Nice quiet place ... bookstore.


Okay, I'll mum up now. Sorry for taking up so many posts ...

But that's all been destroyed. Nowadays they've been brainwashed into valuing looks just as much as we traditionally have (so-called gender equality and all that), whilst demanding to keep the right to judge us by our ability to be the breadwinner (do they think we can just walk into a job paying a living wage?).

Its funny, but I never understand all this emphasis people put on "deciphering whether someone is attracted to you" by looking at body language, or reading stuff into what they are saying. I do sometimes get some vibes from potential partners, but I never am sure what they mean. What I do do is ask the person out, or wait to be asked out, and if they say no, they are not interested, or if they dont ask me out, they are not interested either.

I have the confidence part down - or so says an acquaintence who is a somewhat close friend of one of my childhood friends.

I just wish there was an easier way to practice this than at a bar. Somewhere where the social tension is relatively low, then I'll work my way up.[/quote]

and then you believe it yourself which is the confidence!

Definitely a bar is not a good place to start although people watching there is good. Have you heard about meetups? You can find them in your area hopefully by typing the word in a search bar. They offer groups of people who do things like ... hiking, cooking and stuff (said this in an earlier response for someone too but I wanted to get it to you too) ... so that is a good way to get out meet people in a more sedate atmosphere. Churches are great (even if you are not religious ... hang through the sermon to get to the socializing parts) for groups that are low key and low intensity and much more forgiving. What else..... libraires may have some groups ... oh! your local community college is great for extended learning classes that may develop friendships if not a hobby ...

And you know what? Dancing is a great way to learn body language ... not so much line dance but rhombas and tangos and the such ...

just some ideas .... oh! the bookstore is perfect for a book club! And you can meet someone there ... met my last 5 friends at the local B&N.

Nice quiet place ... bookstore.


Okay, I'll mum up now. Sorry for taking up so many posts ...[/quote]
I'm involved in 4 meetups, I'm still trying find that ideal one for me socially. I've managed to get out of my running and biking funks thanks to meetup, and I'm in 2 AS support groups on it as well.

Thank you for the kind wishes, your nice.

That stinx that you got messed up by things and
I think I can relate on how the societal abuse knocks
you down and you just cannot recover, I know
I won't, I don't have enough power to be hurt
again, it has been drained from me forever.

Until I am proven wrong I am happy to play in
my yard with my toys or go places
with my brother, I found a happy place to
be, I am safe here, but at the same time
I cannot say I would turn her down if she
came by and proved me wrong, that would
be nice.

My late wife did that and it was a very happy
two years until she passed away, then I almost
gave up until 2 more came by me and proved to
me that they were just old poopyfaces, and
I got knocked down from someplace that I
cannot recover from, so from here, who can tell?

If another Tammy came by, and proved me wrong,
I would not turn her down, I'd give her a chance.

Until then, I play happily in my yard, not worruying
about the sad world outside of my safe area.

Even if I thought you were the hottest, sexiest man on Earth, and you didn't have a wedding ring on, and you were just sitting there doing nothing, I wouldn't approach you.

I might try to smile at you...maybe try to get your attention so you'll come over and approach me. But I wouldn't approach you.

So you're going to be waiting a long time.

I honestly don't think looks count for THAT MUCH with women....if you're shy and awkward, it doesn't matter what you look like....you won't get female attention. By contrast, if you're an extroverted partying type, you can be ugly as sin and still get women.

I know some will disagree with me on this, but it's just my experience

true. but at the same time also realize that sometimes it does apply, nothing is black and white

I think they're just venting, which is more than fair on WP.

Is this a macho forum?
A special one for macho men?

It's very difficult to learn these things as an adult, but it's possible although I suspect I'll never really master them. My biggest problem - and I don't think someone who didn't went through this can understand - is that in the most important situations I'm so stressed and sometimes overwhelmed enough not to be able to process this kind of information. In a "normal", relaxed social situation with a few people I know I still have to make a significant effort - paying deliberate attention to all the little signs and than analyse them fast enough to respond accordingly when necessary. If the place is crowded, too many people I don't know present or some kind of additional pressure or expectations involved, I can't collect and process the information fast enough - I usually see it clearly only after I get home and feel relaxed again. If I push myself too hard in such situations I'll get completely overwhelmed and shut down completely - I hope some of you understand what I'm talking about.

Bravo! The last time I heard there is no guarantee that because you like someone that they will like you in return.

It's been my personal experience that one can't force, coerce or fabricate the essential physical and mental attraction (intellectual, spiritual meeting of the minds and hearts, etc.) that need to exist between two viable romantic matches.

And for that matter, who would want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't value you as much as you value them?

HR

Nthach,

I hear what you say about being afraid of rejection. To a certain extent, I think we all are. Most importantly, I think it is noteworthy that you do not blame the entire female gender for your fear of rejection. The easy way out for some people is to scapegoat others.

And So it goes said Vonnegut!

HR

Sometimes I feel alone here. I realize the overtly sexist are in fact probably rejected for a very good reason though it may go farther than that of hating a group of people. For a long time I could sometimes either get along with guys or be their object of scorn. It was either you liked me because I seem to come across like you or hate me becaue I couldn't be as pretty or "girly" acting as some of the gals. That's the way I looked atit. As an adult,I think it gets more complicated especially if you haven't been able to HANDLE those diverse roles while the same people rejected and favored you. It's as if you have to be strong within yourself even though it's an unwritten social rule. There are so many things I could not handle that I've seen so many relationships go through. My only "aspie"-so called relationships..where there were wasn't so many unpredictabilities was my 2 of my uncles and aunts. Every time I came over they acted eccentric but at the same time relaxed and comfortable. Sure they had squabbles but nothing that resorted in naming calling. In the end, one would appologize. I don't see so much of that in both couples and people.


As for children, I was raised that a child may or may not be punished with physical hits as much as the wife so go and figure. I still see it and I find it funny that people talk as though it were in the past. I think it is one of the things that scare me and want to be rather alone and miserable than in a relationship.

Excellent point - neither men or women should bash the entirety of their opposite genders and scapegoat them for their lack of success in the arena of love. And the whining and complaining does get old real fast!

HR

Narocos300,

I really like your winning attitude! The biggest failure in life is not trying - knowing full well it can result in failure. Haven't we all failed in endeavors of all kinds in life? I certainly have and I still try again.

If I may, please allow me to build upon your metaphor of the precipice. When I need to muster up the courage to enact upon upon a new challenge or endeavor in life, I imagine myself standing upon the overhanging, craggy precipice of a vast mountain that juts out over the expanse of a valley or the ocean. In order to build up the courage to take the plunge and jump, I reassure myself that I have a parachute. Then I envision the freedom that I will feel as I glide and free fall through the air. The anticipation of feeling liberated and the resultant exhilaration prompts me to take the leap. The safeguard of knowing I have a parachute to mitigate my seriously injuring myself provides a sense of security.

Hope does spring eternal.

HR