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I am not assuming anything. I just know what it is like to have been in this situation, in fact I have been in the boyfriend's position, the girl's position, and your position. So I am not judging as such, I am just saying that the girl will be hurt.

In a way though if you did date him you would be doing her a favour. I wouldnt want to date someone who had a conversation with someone else about dating them or not, especially not a month into the relationship. Im sorry if it sounds harsh, relationships can be complicated I know, and often timing of meeting people can be pretty bad.

Because I am an INTJ.

Anyways, you said that he's not going to leave her 2 pages ago, then why we're still talking about this?

and I clearly see you need a boyfriend, not a FWB.

You don't think people ever have these conversations? Practically nobody is innocent of that.

I am completely innocent of that.

I think the main difference between me and other aspies - is that they trust too much, and I don't trust enough. I don't know how aware any of you are, but I've known a lot of people with AS who just get walked all over because they believe that everyone is innocent.

If he is really into his new girlfriend then no, he would not be discussing with another woman as to whether to date her or not. He would also not tell the woman he liked her, but was in a relationship.

That is not normal especially at the beginning of a relationship where it is supposed to be the honeymoon period where you couldnt think about anyone else. So that indicates that he isnt really that much into her.

At any rate, it is bad news for her and she would be better off without him. It is their issue anyway, it is far better to look for a guy without strings and baggage like that.

I think what Grisha said is true.

Besides, to trust someone 100% like that isn't healthy, because you can't trust anyone. All relationships end at some point.

I thought the whole point of looking for a relationship is to look for someone you can trust, and failing that, to keep looking. Surely there is someone to trust.

I don't trust anyone to stay, friendships included. I think that's why I have a real chip on my shoulder.

I understand that it is hard to trust. I trust my friends to keep my secrets and to be my friend in a sense.

However I dont trust them to stick around when things are rosy for them and bad for me, I fully expect not to see much of them. I also dont trust that they will understand a lot of the things that I go through.

So I partially trust them- I trust them to be my friends but I dont imagine they are going to be friends in the way that I really want. If that makes any sense.

I guess what I am looking for in a partner is someone who has similar challenges, who will stick around with me because they need me as much as I need them. I dont know, it is all very imperfect.

But I would hate to think that I had let another human being damage my ability to trust. I want to keep trusting, as foolish and risky as it may be.

I feel like the idea of a true friend is false - it must only apply to people who don't have much drama going on in their lives.

I don't trust, but I'm trying really hard to. As for what I said before, about not trusting people to stay - it's partially true. I mean, the people who I click with always go. The others who aren't interested in a word I say - stay. During the past year I've been giving these people more of a chance, because even though they aren't interested, they're still people to hang out with, and I mean, you can do all sorts of interesting things with a set of friends you hang out with.

I'd like a partner who would stick around, and I've found them before, but they weren't that interested in what I said. So, my conclusion is that interesting people/good listeners don't hang around for long - friends or not. I think I must bombard them with TMI, but I'm one of those people who is either totally closed off, or open - and it's making an effort to be inbetween.

I think one of the problems with being an aspie as it is hard to meet people to truly connect with. I have that problem myself, I feel really different to 99% of people, even aspies I have met havent really had exactly the same experience as me, well not enough to really form such a bond with.

I think on average once every 5 years I meet someone I have a significant connection with.

It is also hard to make BFF style friends. I have friends but they are pretty transient and drift in and out of my life, I havent seen the last one since March : / . I need to make new friends... : /

Although now all I see are blank posts from Smudge, I have a few things to say on the matter.

I must emphasize that it is the personality that affects the disorder. Even if all of you didn't have AS, you would still more or less have the same personality. Not the social hindrances that come part and parcel.

I tried meeting up with Smudge today, but the bus broke down and was therefore late, which did not please her or me.

Friendship seems to be the best and less complicated way. Yes, there are issues with trust, but I must declare, I am as trustworthy as they come. Now, I'm not saying that because I'm stuck behind a keyboard, if any of you meet me, I'm exactly the same as I am IRL as I am here. I never lie, and if any dramas occur in my private life, I tend to keep them out of ALL friendships.

All friendships I've had in the past, have had the OTHER person end it. Because, well, either we've had to part ways or we've fallen out with each other because I've offended them with my candid nature, or a misunderstanding has occurred.

I've only tried to meet up with Smudge, because she is local, and not on the other side of the world, and 2, I would like to get to know more females with AS, as I know and have gotten to know plenty of Males with AS, and would like to see it from a different perspective, and a couple of females with AS I do know, are on the other side of the world.

Sex is the last thing on my mind, I'm grateful to have friendships, let alone anything further. If anything, I could deal with just friendships all my life.

Yes, a rather arrogant, egotistical rant, but not everyone out there, AS or NT, is an sexually fueled idiot, and the people out there who are, I say this to you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you can't see that, I wish you all the best trying to jump straight into a relationship without getting to know the person deeply enough, or even better, just, settle for a friendship. What's wrong with that? Be grateful that you would know someone at all!

/Rant Over.

For me it's never taken time for me to fancy someone - it's always within the first or second time I meet them. I assume it's their appearance/sound/smell that I'm attracted to. Everyone is - if you see someone who looks intelligent/geeky then you might go up to them and see if they're actually as they look. Yes, you can't tell someones personality by appearance, but when you like the look of someone, you don't question what your feelings say like that.

Yes this is true.